CW: *mention of torture* *mention of spider* *sexism in sports* *mention of non consent* *mention of assisted suicide request*
An extra large Golden Knights field hockey jersey and leggings purchased at a thrift store a few hours earlier served as her pajamas. Leaning against the railing in front of her door, she checked her watch for the umpteenth time and looked up at the sky for his tardiness. The door finally opened on him, dressed in an extra large jogging suit and tank top found in the same thrift store, putting on a sockless shoe and his sunglasses at the same time with difficulty, trying to keep his balance despite the fatigue. She quickly silenced her hot loins at the sight of the man's muscular shoulders and torso. He noticed she was barefoot, removed his shoe - with much greater ease - and carefully closed the door once outside. She straightened up and invited him to follow her to a third room rented just before her short nap.
Jack with a touch of sarcasm, once he entered: Nice code.
Sam gritted her teeth and closed the curtains: Symbolic.
Jack winced and put a hand on the back of his neck: Look, I beg your forgiveness. It's my fault that this humanoid crab tortured you and created this double-monster of ya.
Surprised to hear an apology from him again, and especially on this subject, she wonders if he wasn't spending his time apologizing to her right now?
Sam frowned at a detail that came to mind: Is that why you invited me fishing?
Jack froze: What?
Sam: You were blaming yourself about Fifth, right? It wasn't just because I asked you to host this Tok'ra and you saw an opportunity. (she insisted) I was carrying this guilt and you couldn't stand it?
Jack looked away, uncomfortable: Carter. It wasn't just about that.
Sam shook her head: Why?
Jack sharply: Because I couldn't take it anymore! (he gasped for several breaths, she questioned him with her eyes, surprised by his sharp reaction. He swallowed and tried to regain his composure by looking away) After... After that snake in my head, all those tortures I...
He felt unable to finish and swallowed. She closed her eyes as new flashes of memory flooded her and she felt guilty for reminding him of this.
Jack: I wasn't ready for this mission. (she opened her eyes and looked at him. He gritted his teeth and muttered) You blame yourself for Ba'al torturing me? (he grumbled hatefully, if he couldn't scream) I blame myself for what Fifth did to ya!
He stared at her, then shook his head and took a few steps into the room. Sam was in shock. They tried to regain their composure on their own, avoiding each other's gaze.
Sam, nervous, softly: Fifth made me relive your tortures.
Jack turned to her: What?
Sam looked at him, afraid to tell him this: My fear of spiders comes from the replicators and also from Ba'al.
Jack, lost: "From Ba'al"?
Sam: First passed your torture to Fifth via the link.
Jack, totally lost: "Spiders"?! Carter, I'm not following. What are you talking about?
Sam moved her hands: You were on a spider's web, right? (he froze, never having mentioned this to anyone) I saw everything. I... (she looked away and added in a breath) I felt everything.
Jack after a few seconds: What?! (he corrected himself) It wasn't in your report.
Sam, uncomfortable: You put everything in yours?
He bowed his head and accepted her argument. He seemed to realize what she had just admitted to him: She was carrying her own trauma but also his. In addiction to those of Jolianr? Had she seen when he had asked Daniel to end it? He swallowed at the thought and looked away for a long moment. He did not know how long it took him to return to reality and raise his head towards her. He was amazed to see her waiting patiently for him to take in what she had just confessed to him, without any particular expression on her face. God, how could she be so calm?
Jack hesitated and added cautiously: What else did you see?
Sam frowned: Would you tell everyone your biggest fears?
Jack: Not everyone.
Sam moistened her lips and rephrased: To a person who betrayed you? (he half-opened his mouth and she felt bad for being so rude) I shouldn't have told you that you weren't responsible for me. (he questioned her with his eyes, she looked away and muttered) Of course you are… (she frowned and looked at him) Were? (they grinned at the same time) Both professionally and personally. (he nodded slowly and she took a few seconds to herself) I also want to know when you're not well, so I don't have the right to impose the opposite on you. (softly) Forgive me.
Jack, feeling as if he were experiencing an echo, winced: Nothing to forgive, Carter.
Sam swallowed: For Fifth... (she took a deep breath) I know. Thank you for taking responsibility for this story.
They smiled at each other shyly with nervousness to close this conversation, he more sadly than her, and she more anxious than him.
Silence.
Jack looked down at his feet: You're better at apologizing than I am.
She frowned, not understanding why he was saying this, having felt as if he had spouted off his thoughts without constructing any pre-thought out sentences.
Jack noticed her confusion and moved his hand: Anang must have been teaching me.
Sam smirked: Don't you feel like a student with her again?
Jack raised his eyebrows: Don't tell her again, she could open a school.
Sam chuckled slightly: Wouldn't that be great?
Jack tilted his head, not quite sure of this analysis: She sure has a gift for getting people to listen to her.
They looked at each other and smiled. Without realizing it, his gaze slipped to his field hockey jersey and he tried to decipher the logo to satisfy his curiosity of the team represented. Consisting of a golden knight's helmet positioned at her chest, she assumed he was rinsing his eye. A mischievous smile split her face and she raised an eyebrow. He raised his gaze to her face and understood the misunderstanding.
Jack: You bought that thing for me?
Sam frowned slightly: Hmm?
Jack smiled and leaned back against the dresser: You didn't have to try so hard.
Sam stared at him for a few seconds: You know you're not the only one who likes field hockey? (he questioned her with his eyes and she raised her eyebrows at his reaction) Have you ever done any? (she moved a hand and spoke faster) I mean, on a team.
Jack, a little confused: At the Academy, yah?
Sam: When?
Jack: Early 70's?
Sam: It's 2005 and the Air Force Academy still hasn't released the funds for women to play. (he grinned and looked away) I had to join the cheerleaders. (he turned his head sharply towards her and she muttered) But who cares?
Jack incredulous: Air Spirits? (she glared at him to silence his perverse imagination. He put a hand behind his neck again and looked away) What did you wanna talk to me about?
Sam frowned: What are you playing at? You're a humanitarian now?
Jack, slightly offended and disturbed by an echo: What do you mean?
Sam became impatient and shook her head: Have you seen what you have done to me? (he swallowed) P5X-777?
Jack questioned her with his eyes: Well? Well what?
Sam gritted her teeth: You disappeared. (she insisted) I worked for over a month to bring you back. (he gritted his teeth and looked away, she added more harshly so that he would understand the connection with Cassandra) It's also "symbolic"?
Jack moistened his lips and invited her to regain her composure, gently: Carter.
She again seemed troubled by her own behavior and looked down for a moment. She had again the impression to be null in relation to him but quickly chased this idea from her head. It was not only the situation, she knew it, felt it. She tried to regain control of her emotions by taking a few steps in the room.
Sam, more quietly: Is this another control thing?
Jack frowned: Hmm?
Sam stared at him: Who is controlling who? (he remained silent) Instead of being afraid to control me, control how you treat me.
Jack grimaced with nervousness: I didn't want that, believe me.
Sam frowned with incomprehension: What did you want? (he remained silent) Why don't you just answer the question?
He remained silent again. His behavior reminded him too much of Sara's at Charlie's death when she tried to get him to talk but nothing came. Far from being fooled, she knew when he was lying or hiding something from her. She didn't know why yet, but her intuition never deceived her. The first years, yes, he could, but now it was too late: his smallest signs of nonverbal communication had no secret for her.
An extra large Golden Knights field hockey jersey and leggings purchased at a thrift store a few hours earlier served as her pajamas. Leaning against the railing in front of her door, she checked her watch for the umpteenth time and looked up at the sky for his tardiness. The door finally opened on him, dressed in an extra large jogging suit and tank top found in the same thrift store, putting on a sockless shoe and his sunglasses at the same time with difficulty, trying to keep his balance despite the fatigue. She quickly silenced her hot loins at the sight of the man's muscular shoulders and torso. He noticed she was barefoot, removed his shoe - with much greater ease - and carefully closed the door once outside. She straightened up and invited him to follow her to a third room rented just before her short nap.
Jack with a touch of sarcasm, once he entered: Nice code.
Sam gritted her teeth and closed the curtains: Symbolic.
Jack winced and put a hand on the back of his neck: Look, I beg your forgiveness. It's my fault that this humanoid crab tortured you and created this double-monster of ya.
Surprised to hear an apology from him again, and especially on this subject, she wonders if he wasn't spending his time apologizing to her right now?
Sam frowned at a detail that came to mind: Is that why you invited me fishing?
Jack froze: What?
Sam: You were blaming yourself about Fifth, right? It wasn't just because I asked you to host this Tok'ra and you saw an opportunity. (she insisted) I was carrying this guilt and you couldn't stand it?
Jack looked away, uncomfortable: Carter. It wasn't just about that.
Sam shook her head: Why?
Jack sharply: Because I couldn't take it anymore! (he gasped for several breaths, she questioned him with her eyes, surprised by his sharp reaction. He swallowed and tried to regain his composure by looking away) After... After that snake in my head, all those tortures I...
He felt unable to finish and swallowed. She closed her eyes as new flashes of memory flooded her and she felt guilty for reminding him of this.
Jack: I wasn't ready for this mission. (she opened her eyes and looked at him. He gritted his teeth and muttered) You blame yourself for Ba'al torturing me? (he grumbled hatefully, if he couldn't scream) I blame myself for what Fifth did to ya!
He stared at her, then shook his head and took a few steps into the room. Sam was in shock. They tried to regain their composure on their own, avoiding each other's gaze.
Sam, nervous, softly: Fifth made me relive your tortures.
Jack turned to her: What?
Sam looked at him, afraid to tell him this: My fear of spiders comes from the replicators and also from Ba'al.
Jack, lost: "From Ba'al"?
Sam: First passed your torture to Fifth via the link.
Jack, totally lost: "Spiders"?! Carter, I'm not following. What are you talking about?
Sam moved her hands: You were on a spider's web, right? (he froze, never having mentioned this to anyone) I saw everything. I... (she looked away and added in a breath) I felt everything.
Jack after a few seconds: What?! (he corrected himself) It wasn't in your report.
Sam, uncomfortable: You put everything in yours?
He bowed his head and accepted her argument. He seemed to realize what she had just admitted to him: She was carrying her own trauma but also his. In addiction to those of Jolianr? Had she seen when he had asked Daniel to end it? He swallowed at the thought and looked away for a long moment. He did not know how long it took him to return to reality and raise his head towards her. He was amazed to see her waiting patiently for him to take in what she had just confessed to him, without any particular expression on her face. God, how could she be so calm?
Jack hesitated and added cautiously: What else did you see?
Sam frowned: Would you tell everyone your biggest fears?
Jack: Not everyone.
Sam moistened her lips and rephrased: To a person who betrayed you? (he half-opened his mouth and she felt bad for being so rude) I shouldn't have told you that you weren't responsible for me. (he questioned her with his eyes, she looked away and muttered) Of course you are… (she frowned and looked at him) Were? (they grinned at the same time) Both professionally and personally. (he nodded slowly and she took a few seconds to herself) I also want to know when you're not well, so I don't have the right to impose the opposite on you. (softly) Forgive me.
Jack, feeling as if he were experiencing an echo, winced: Nothing to forgive, Carter.
Sam swallowed: For Fifth... (she took a deep breath) I know. Thank you for taking responsibility for this story.
They smiled at each other shyly with nervousness to close this conversation, he more sadly than her, and she more anxious than him.
Silence.
Jack looked down at his feet: You're better at apologizing than I am.
She frowned, not understanding why he was saying this, having felt as if he had spouted off his thoughts without constructing any pre-thought out sentences.
Jack noticed her confusion and moved his hand: Anang must have been teaching me.
Sam smirked: Don't you feel like a student with her again?
Jack raised his eyebrows: Don't tell her again, she could open a school.
Sam chuckled slightly: Wouldn't that be great?
Jack tilted his head, not quite sure of this analysis: She sure has a gift for getting people to listen to her.
They looked at each other and smiled. Without realizing it, his gaze slipped to his field hockey jersey and he tried to decipher the logo to satisfy his curiosity of the team represented. Consisting of a golden knight's helmet positioned at her chest, she assumed he was rinsing his eye. A mischievous smile split her face and she raised an eyebrow. He raised his gaze to her face and understood the misunderstanding.
Jack: You bought that thing for me?
Sam frowned slightly: Hmm?
Jack smiled and leaned back against the dresser: You didn't have to try so hard.
Sam stared at him for a few seconds: You know you're not the only one who likes field hockey? (he questioned her with his eyes and she raised her eyebrows at his reaction) Have you ever done any? (she moved a hand and spoke faster) I mean, on a team.
Jack, a little confused: At the Academy, yah?
Sam: When?
Jack: Early 70's?
Sam: It's 2005 and the Air Force Academy still hasn't released the funds for women to play. (he grinned and looked away) I had to join the cheerleaders. (he turned his head sharply towards her and she muttered) But who cares?
Jack incredulous: Air Spirits? (she glared at him to silence his perverse imagination. He put a hand behind his neck again and looked away) What did you wanna talk to me about?
Sam frowned: What are you playing at? You're a humanitarian now?
Jack, slightly offended and disturbed by an echo: What do you mean?
Sam became impatient and shook her head: Have you seen what you have done to me? (he swallowed) P5X-777?
Jack questioned her with his eyes: Well? Well what?
Sam gritted her teeth: You disappeared. (she insisted) I worked for over a month to bring you back. (he gritted his teeth and looked away, she added more harshly so that he would understand the connection with Cassandra) It's also "symbolic"?
Jack moistened his lips and invited her to regain her composure, gently: Carter.
She again seemed troubled by her own behavior and looked down for a moment. She had again the impression to be null in relation to him but quickly chased this idea from her head. It was not only the situation, she knew it, felt it. She tried to regain control of her emotions by taking a few steps in the room.
Sam, more quietly: Is this another control thing?
Jack frowned: Hmm?
Sam stared at him: Who is controlling who? (he remained silent) Instead of being afraid to control me, control how you treat me.
Jack grimaced with nervousness: I didn't want that, believe me.
Sam frowned with incomprehension: What did you want? (he remained silent) Why don't you just answer the question?
He remained silent again. His behavior reminded him too much of Sara's at Charlie's death when she tried to get him to talk but nothing came. Far from being fooled, she knew when he was lying or hiding something from her. She didn't know why yet, but her intuition never deceived her. The first years, yes, he could, but now it was too late: his smallest signs of nonverbal communication had no secret for her.
But why?
Too often found facing this wall, she also knew that he wouldn't talk unless he really wanted to - which seemed far from being the case - and gave up trying to force him to.
Sam shook her head and felt the tears welling up inside her: One last thing.
She approached him, put her hands around his face and stopped inches from his lips. She juggled her gaze between his mouth and eyes, begging to accept her request. Their breaths quickened. He remained motionless, so slowly, she resigned herself and moved away from him.
Sam murmured: Forget it. (She looked away, uncomfortable, and added with a broken voice despite herself) Nevermind.
She tried to hold back her tears and took a deep breath to calm herself. He stared at her and, without realizing it, took a step towards her. She turned her head towards him and saw his gaze juggling between her mouth and her eyes. This time it wasn't a misinterpretation looking for a sports team logo identification. She tilted her head and begged him with her eyes once more. He winced imperceptibly at the memory of an opposite situation. That look she had when he was separated by a goa'uld shield and she begged him to leave. The look she gave him was a "stay", and he had seen it many times before. Her body took another step, again without realizing it, and it didn't take much longer: She rushed at him - with a little too much desperation compared to what she would have liked - and threw herself on his lips.
He had the impression to liquefy himself of happiness the first seconds. She deposited her hands on his size and pushed him against the wall with avidity. He managed to break the contact with her lips, kept his eyes closed and spread his two hands as far as possible from her body to leave them suspended in the air.
Jack grunted softly: Carter!
He emphasized the spreading of his hands to let her know that he needed her help not to continue what they were about to do.
Sam ventured, hands still on his waist: I am ready to continue this relationship even if it means only having a few minutes once a year.
Jack opened his eyes again, uncomfortable: I can't do this to ya.
Sam brought her lips to his, leaving only a few millimeters: It feels so good though...
The de-dramatizing effect failed miserably: He put his two hands on her forearms and moved away from her to take several steps in the room, one hand massaging his neck. She closed her eyes wishing she could disappear again.
Sam pulled herself together: Why are you here?
Jack turned to her: Cassandra.
Sam: Anything else?
Jack moistened his lips with nervousness and repeated to himself, slightly desperate: Carter.
She felt guilty for not respecting his decision not to explain and remembered that he himself had suggested that she wait to say the hard stuff.
Sam bowed her head: Sorry.
Jack shook his head and looked at her: No don't... I... (He winced again and looked away for a split second) I shouldn't have come here. (he added lower) Let's sleep.
She raised her head towards him, he went towards the door and stopped once he arrived in front of her. She stared at his dark circles, his faded eyes and his pallor for a few seconds, then turned and opened the latch.
Echo:
*I didn't want that, believe me. - What did you want?*
*Why are you here? / I shouldn't have come here. *
*Is this another control thing? / Who is controlling who? Instead of being afraid to control me, control how you treat me*
*for women to play. / What are you playing at? *
*Symbolic. / It's also "symbolic"?*
*I mean, on a team. / What do you mean?*
*I saw everything / What else did you see?*
*Would you tell everyone your biggest fears? - Not everyone.*
*Look, I beg your forgiveness. / Forgive me. - Nothing to forgive, Carter.*
*What are you talking about? / What did you wanna talk to me about?*
*you weren't responsible for me. / Thank you for taking responsibility for this story.*
*You were blaming yourself about Fifth, right? / You blame yourself for Ba'al torturing me? I blame myself for what Fifth did to ya!*
*Fifth made me relive your tortures. / I felt everything. *
*My fear of spiders / "Spiders"?! / You were on a spider's web, right?*
*from Ba'al. - "From Ba'al"?*
Notes:
*Chronological recap of the events of the canon saga:
521 Meridian: Daniel dies.
603 Frozen: Sam begs Jack to accept the deal with the Tok'ra so he can live. The music that is attributed to "Sam/Jack" is present in this scene, so it's not trivial. He accepts.
605 Abyss: Jack is at the end of his rope, wonders why he agreed to continue living and asks Daniel to end his life.
612 Unnatural selection: First encounter with the humanoid replicators. Jack is tortured by First with a vision of Charlie. Right away, Jack agrees to tell him all the secrets of the Stargate, he has no psychological resistance as he has shown on other missions in previous seasons.
613 Sight Unseen: Jack invites Sam to go fishing*
*On July 8, 2022, the Vancouver Canucks selected Daimon Gardiner (Eagle Lake First Nation, an Ojibwe First Nation (like my Anang character) from Northwestern Ontario) (source)*
*Sam said "I shouldn't have told you that you weren't responsible for me. (he questioned her with his eyes, she looked away and muttered) Of course you are…”
Carter finally realizes that he has a responsibility for his rapes since he is his superior and can use his position as a lever to change things. This refers to my previous chapter when I talked about the example of the Dalai Lama (the 14th) not having made this choice for fear of being associated with it (individual ego confrontation versus systemic problem of patriarchal domination). Why did he do this? Because he is also a political leader. As a historical reminder, he needed Western support to put pressure on China. While he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, the sexual abuse increased (source) (another source) (yet another) (yet another) and the Dalai Lama continued to appear in public with those accused of the abuse. It wasn't until 2017 that the Dalai Lama publicly admitted to the abuse (again, the text of my fanfic is currently set in 2005) but continued to socialize with some of the people accused of his abuse. (source)
Remember that I have already spoken with Jack about the invasion of Tibet by China*
*Why don't men smile like women in sports? (source)*
*Image of Jack being tortured by Ba'al that Sam can see via the torture of Fifth (source)*
*Website: “Empowering women and girls in hockey” (source)*
Sam shook her head and felt the tears welling up inside her: One last thing.
She approached him, put her hands around his face and stopped inches from his lips. She juggled her gaze between his mouth and eyes, begging to accept her request. Their breaths quickened. He remained motionless, so slowly, she resigned herself and moved away from him.
Sam murmured: Forget it. (She looked away, uncomfortable, and added with a broken voice despite herself) Nevermind.
She tried to hold back her tears and took a deep breath to calm herself. He stared at her and, without realizing it, took a step towards her. She turned her head towards him and saw his gaze juggling between her mouth and her eyes. This time it wasn't a misinterpretation looking for a sports team logo identification. She tilted her head and begged him with her eyes once more. He winced imperceptibly at the memory of an opposite situation. That look she had when he was separated by a goa'uld shield and she begged him to leave. The look she gave him was a "stay", and he had seen it many times before. Her body took another step, again without realizing it, and it didn't take much longer: She rushed at him - with a little too much desperation compared to what she would have liked - and threw herself on his lips.
He had the impression to liquefy himself of happiness the first seconds. She deposited her hands on his size and pushed him against the wall with avidity. He managed to break the contact with her lips, kept his eyes closed and spread his two hands as far as possible from her body to leave them suspended in the air.
Jack grunted softly: Carter!
He emphasized the spreading of his hands to let her know that he needed her help not to continue what they were about to do.
Sam ventured, hands still on his waist: I am ready to continue this relationship even if it means only having a few minutes once a year.
Jack opened his eyes again, uncomfortable: I can't do this to ya.
Sam brought her lips to his, leaving only a few millimeters: It feels so good though...
The de-dramatizing effect failed miserably: He put his two hands on her forearms and moved away from her to take several steps in the room, one hand massaging his neck. She closed her eyes wishing she could disappear again.
Sam pulled herself together: Why are you here?
Jack turned to her: Cassandra.
Sam: Anything else?
Jack moistened his lips with nervousness and repeated to himself, slightly desperate: Carter.
She felt guilty for not respecting his decision not to explain and remembered that he himself had suggested that she wait to say the hard stuff.
Sam bowed her head: Sorry.
Jack shook his head and looked at her: No don't... I... (He winced again and looked away for a split second) I shouldn't have come here. (he added lower) Let's sleep.
She raised her head towards him, he went towards the door and stopped once he arrived in front of her. She stared at his dark circles, his faded eyes and his pallor for a few seconds, then turned and opened the latch.
Echo:
*I didn't want that, believe me. - What did you want?*
*Why are you here? / I shouldn't have come here. *
*Is this another control thing? / Who is controlling who? Instead of being afraid to control me, control how you treat me*
*for women to play. / What are you playing at? *
*Symbolic. / It's also "symbolic"?*
*I mean, on a team. / What do you mean?*
*I saw everything / What else did you see?*
*Would you tell everyone your biggest fears? - Not everyone.*
*Look, I beg your forgiveness. / Forgive me. - Nothing to forgive, Carter.*
*What are you talking about? / What did you wanna talk to me about?*
*you weren't responsible for me. / Thank you for taking responsibility for this story.*
*You were blaming yourself about Fifth, right? / You blame yourself for Ba'al torturing me? I blame myself for what Fifth did to ya!*
*Fifth made me relive your tortures. / I felt everything. *
*My fear of spiders / "Spiders"?! / You were on a spider's web, right?*
*from Ba'al. - "From Ba'al"?*
Notes:
*Chronological recap of the events of the canon saga:
521 Meridian: Daniel dies.
603 Frozen: Sam begs Jack to accept the deal with the Tok'ra so he can live. The music that is attributed to "Sam/Jack" is present in this scene, so it's not trivial. He accepts.
605 Abyss: Jack is at the end of his rope, wonders why he agreed to continue living and asks Daniel to end his life.
612 Unnatural selection: First encounter with the humanoid replicators. Jack is tortured by First with a vision of Charlie. Right away, Jack agrees to tell him all the secrets of the Stargate, he has no psychological resistance as he has shown on other missions in previous seasons.
613 Sight Unseen: Jack invites Sam to go fishing*
*On July 8, 2022, the Vancouver Canucks selected Daimon Gardiner (Eagle Lake First Nation, an Ojibwe First Nation (like my Anang character) from Northwestern Ontario) (source)*
*Sam said "I shouldn't have told you that you weren't responsible for me. (he questioned her with his eyes, she looked away and muttered) Of course you are…”
Carter finally realizes that he has a responsibility for his rapes since he is his superior and can use his position as a lever to change things. This refers to my previous chapter when I talked about the example of the Dalai Lama (the 14th) not having made this choice for fear of being associated with it (individual ego confrontation versus systemic problem of patriarchal domination). Why did he do this? Because he is also a political leader. As a historical reminder, he needed Western support to put pressure on China. While he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, the sexual abuse increased (source) (another source) (yet another) (yet another) and the Dalai Lama continued to appear in public with those accused of the abuse. It wasn't until 2017 that the Dalai Lama publicly admitted to the abuse (again, the text of my fanfic is currently set in 2005) but continued to socialize with some of the people accused of his abuse. (source)
Remember that I have already spoken with Jack about the invasion of Tibet by China*
*Why don't men smile like women in sports? (source)*
*Image of Jack being tortured by Ba'al that Sam can see via the torture of Fifth (source)*
*Website: “Empowering women and girls in hockey” (source)*
CW: *alcohol mention*
The short break had not been as beneficial as desired. The mattresses of the motel did not envy anything the ground of some planets where they had spent some nights during their missions.
Back on the road, they were surprised to find that the boyfriend's car had continued on 80 instead of going south to Denver and then Colorado Springs. In the parking lot of a grocery store that had been closed for the night, the boyfriend appeared to be in the middle of a discussion with a trucker heading toward his truck.
The trucker, thinking he was looking for alcohol: Leave me alone, kid.
Ethan, desperate: Listen. (he shook a $5 bill) I just need to make a phone call, I have some money please-
The group approached them.
Jack pulled out his Air Force credential and addressed the trucker: We'll take it from here, thanks.
Ethan froze and began to panic as he saw them and the trucker got back into his truck.
Sam firmly: Where is she?
Ethan: I don't know!
Sam came up to him to put pressure on him: What do you mean you don't know?
Ethan held up his hands to defend himself: I swear. (he gestured quickly to the grocery store) She left without me while I went to buy food for the road!
Daniel raised his eyebrows: Did she leave alone?
Ethan nodded and exclaimed: With my car keys! She's gone crazy! (they questioned him with their eyes) I just know that she wanted to continue on 29. That's all I know. (he hesitated) I think I insisted too hard yesterday.
Sam threatened him again as he took a step towards him: "insisted"?
Ethan took a step back, terrified: To go see you! (she questioned him with her eyes) Colorado Springs? You're Sam, right? She talks about you all the time and I've seen you in pictures with her.
Sam got impatient: Why did she leave?
Ethan frowned: She-She-She thought she was going to be dissected or something.
The group raised their eyebrows in surprise.
Sam, Daniel and Jack: "Dissected"?
Ethan swallowed: She... she has powers.
They froze.
Daniel seemed to recover first: Excuse me?
Ethan: Powers... Powers… (he moved his arms briskly several times) Powers! She-she-she makes objects fly all around her and... (the rest of the group looked at each other, worried and Ethan insisted) I'm not crazy! I swear!
Echo:
*I don't know! - What do you mean you don't know? / That's all I know.*
*I swear. / I swear!*
*Leave me alone, kid / Did she leave alone? / Why did she leave?*
*She's gone crazy! / I'm not crazy!*
* I think I insisted too hard yesterday. - "insisted"?*
*She-She-She thought she was going to be dissected or something. - "Dissected"?*
*She... she has powers. / Powers... Powers… Powers!*
The short break had not been as beneficial as desired. The mattresses of the motel did not envy anything the ground of some planets where they had spent some nights during their missions.
Back on the road, they were surprised to find that the boyfriend's car had continued on 80 instead of going south to Denver and then Colorado Springs. In the parking lot of a grocery store that had been closed for the night, the boyfriend appeared to be in the middle of a discussion with a trucker heading toward his truck.
The trucker, thinking he was looking for alcohol: Leave me alone, kid.
Ethan, desperate: Listen. (he shook a $5 bill) I just need to make a phone call, I have some money please-
The group approached them.
Jack pulled out his Air Force credential and addressed the trucker: We'll take it from here, thanks.
Ethan froze and began to panic as he saw them and the trucker got back into his truck.
Sam firmly: Where is she?
Ethan: I don't know!
Sam came up to him to put pressure on him: What do you mean you don't know?
Ethan held up his hands to defend himself: I swear. (he gestured quickly to the grocery store) She left without me while I went to buy food for the road!
Daniel raised his eyebrows: Did she leave alone?
Ethan nodded and exclaimed: With my car keys! She's gone crazy! (they questioned him with their eyes) I just know that she wanted to continue on 29. That's all I know. (he hesitated) I think I insisted too hard yesterday.
Sam threatened him again as he took a step towards him: "insisted"?
Ethan took a step back, terrified: To go see you! (she questioned him with her eyes) Colorado Springs? You're Sam, right? She talks about you all the time and I've seen you in pictures with her.
Sam got impatient: Why did she leave?
Ethan frowned: She-She-She thought she was going to be dissected or something.
The group raised their eyebrows in surprise.
Sam, Daniel and Jack: "Dissected"?
Ethan swallowed: She... she has powers.
They froze.
Daniel seemed to recover first: Excuse me?
Ethan: Powers... Powers… (he moved his arms briskly several times) Powers! She-she-she makes objects fly all around her and... (the rest of the group looked at each other, worried and Ethan insisted) I'm not crazy! I swear!
Echo:
*I don't know! - What do you mean you don't know? / That's all I know.*
*I swear. / I swear!*
*Leave me alone, kid / Did she leave alone? / Why did she leave?*
*She's gone crazy! / I'm not crazy!*
* I think I insisted too hard yesterday. - "insisted"?*
*She-She-She thought she was going to be dissected or something. - "Dissected"?*
*She... she has powers. / Powers... Powers… Powers!*
Standing in front of the vending machine, the bill ready to be sucked into her gut any second, Cassandra hesitated between a pack of twinkies or chips.
Female voice: Take an apple.
Cassie gasped and turned her head toward it. A young woman about her age, with long, copper-blond, slightly curly hair, leaned against the machine.
Cassie smiled politely and slipped the bill: I'm pretty much malnourished. (Grace dodged a smile and Cassie selected the bag of chips as she readjusted her backpack over her shoulder) I've never seen you here before. New?
Grace: Yah, you could say that. (Cassie reached for her loot, Grace took a kind of gold-colored bracelet ring off her wrist and handed it to her) You'll need this.
Cassie took it curiously: What is it?
She frowned as soon as she held it in her hands: the naquadah in her blood hummed softly at her fingertips. The strange and rather bulky jewel, for an ordinary bracelet, had a dark red oval stone on top. She examined it with attention and Grace took the opportunity to put her hand on her forehead.
Grace: You'll need this too.
Cassie had no time to react, the palm lit up on her forehead and she fell inertly to the floor.
Female voice: Take an apple.
Cassie gasped and turned her head toward it. A young woman about her age, with long, copper-blond, slightly curly hair, leaned against the machine.
Cassie smiled politely and slipped the bill: I'm pretty much malnourished. (Grace dodged a smile and Cassie selected the bag of chips as she readjusted her backpack over her shoulder) I've never seen you here before. New?
Grace: Yah, you could say that. (Cassie reached for her loot, Grace took a kind of gold-colored bracelet ring off her wrist and handed it to her) You'll need this.
Cassie took it curiously: What is it?
She frowned as soon as she held it in her hands: the naquadah in her blood hummed softly at her fingertips. The strange and rather bulky jewel, for an ordinary bracelet, had a dark red oval stone on top. She examined it with attention and Grace took the opportunity to put her hand on her forehead.
Grace: You'll need this too.
Cassie had no time to react, the palm lit up on her forehead and she fell inertly to the floor.
*
A few minutes later, Cassie heard a repetitive echo in the distance.
Male voice: Cassandra? Cassandra? Hey!
She opened her eyes again with the feeling that this was the worst hangover of her life.
Cassie put a hand on her head with a powerful headache: Oy.
Male voice, trembling: Are you okay?
She reopened her eyes and discovered her boyfriend standing over her, looking worried. He helped her to sit up slowly.
Cassie: Huuu. What happened?
Ethan, still in a panic: Ugh. What is happening, you mean?
She stared at him without understanding and then froze at a terrifying detail: her backpack, the bag of chips, the jewel, but also an apple, were floating several centimeters from the ground around them. She opened her eyes and, as if they had just understood themselves that it was not their usual place, fell to the ground.
Cassie exclaimed: Crap!
Echo:
*You'll need this. / You'll need this too.*
*What happened? / What is happening, you mean?*
Male voice: Cassandra? Cassandra? Hey!
She opened her eyes again with the feeling that this was the worst hangover of her life.
Cassie put a hand on her head with a powerful headache: Oy.
Male voice, trembling: Are you okay?
She reopened her eyes and discovered her boyfriend standing over her, looking worried. He helped her to sit up slowly.
Cassie: Huuu. What happened?
Ethan, still in a panic: Ugh. What is happening, you mean?
She stared at him without understanding and then froze at a terrifying detail: her backpack, the bag of chips, the jewel, but also an apple, were floating several centimeters from the ground around them. She opened her eyes and, as if they had just understood themselves that it was not their usual place, fell to the ground.
Cassie exclaimed: Crap!
Echo:
*You'll need this. / You'll need this too.*
*What happened? / What is happening, you mean?*
CW: *PTSD*
The three men had gone to get some food - and mostly coffee - from a restaurant down the road. After connecting the right wires so the car could start without the keys, she closed the door on Ethan, who wasted no time in heading back to Nevada.
Sam turned to her teammates: He promised not to tell.
Daniel handed her a coffee: Can we trust him?
She reached for the drink and nodded to thank him.
Teal'c: He seems pretty worried about her.
Jack: Worried and terrified.
She took the lid off the cup and wondered for a split second if he was insinuating that for herself that she might have scared the kid. She sniffed the drink and froze at her gesture. Damn it, why was she doing this with Daniel? Did she no longer trust him? The three men stared at her, surprised to see her motionless, her nose in her coffee. Daniel frowned at the strange memories and an almost indescribable voice echoed in his head. A voice he seemed to know but had forgotten where it came from.
The three men had gone to get some food - and mostly coffee - from a restaurant down the road. After connecting the right wires so the car could start without the keys, she closed the door on Ethan, who wasted no time in heading back to Nevada.
Sam turned to her teammates: He promised not to tell.
Daniel handed her a coffee: Can we trust him?
She reached for the drink and nodded to thank him.
Teal'c: He seems pretty worried about her.
Jack: Worried and terrified.
She took the lid off the cup and wondered for a split second if he was insinuating that for herself that she might have scared the kid. She sniffed the drink and froze at her gesture. Damn it, why was she doing this with Daniel? Did she no longer trust him? The three men stared at her, surprised to see her motionless, her nose in her coffee. Daniel frowned at the strange memories and an almost indescribable voice echoed in his head. A voice he seemed to know but had forgotten where it came from.
Daniel. We have no choice.
Sam put on a brave face: Sorry.
She took a sip and smiled awkwardly.
Daniel pulls himself together: So she hitchhiked?
Sam: Apparently. (she raises her eyebrows) She has just won a place at boarding school.
Daniel grabbed the GPS from their car: But why not go to Colorado Springs? (he turned his head towards her) What's on 29?
Sam shrugged: No idea. She never told me about any friends in this area but eurh... (uncomfortable to admit it) She didn't tell me about her boyfriend either so...
Teal'c raised his eyebrows, Daniel quickly turned his attention back to the map, Jack thought it was a great idea and copied him.
Jack: I see one thing.
Sam: What?
He pointed to Minnesota and she gritted her teeth at the fact that Cassie sought help from him before her.
Daniel raised his eyebrows at the echo of the situation: The forest.
Sam: She's got your address?
Jack grimaced slightly with guilt: We sent postcards.
Sam blew out her breath to relieve her stress: Okay. (she tilted her head and resumed more calmly) Good hiding place to escape from the IOA.
Teal'c: We have to find a way to get there before she does.
Daniel pointed to a spot on the map: Maybe fly to Fargo?
Jack smiles wryly: I love the back and forth. There's a little bit of deja vu. (she glanced at him and he recovered) The Air Force has a base in Lincoln. We'll take a plane to Duluth and it'll be faster.
Sam: No. (She nodded toward Daniel and Teal'c) We'll take a plane to Duluth. (She insisted) You're going back to Colorado Springs.
Jack became impatient: Carter-
Daniel quickly intervened before things got out of hand again: Sam is right. (He questioned him with his eyes) You have responsibilities, Jack. (He swallowed and Daniel insisted) We found her.
She rested her gaze on the map and finished her coffee. Teal'c tilted his head toward him to confirm.
Jack finally nodded and took out his keys: Keep me in the loop. (he removed a key that Daniel guessed was his cabin key, then took out his phone and spoke to Sam) I'll let the IOA know that you have a lead. (He hesitated for a moment) Carter. I don't know if she told ya about it but... (he looked away for a split second, uncomfortable) For some time she has not been able to stand her monthly check-ups with the IOA.
At first surprised, she put on a brave face so as not to show that she was again offended by not knowing before him.
Sam, as calmly as possible: Why?
Teal'c: Maybe she can't stand being considered different anymore.
They looked at each other, understanding that Teal'c had been under this kind of pressure for years, even more so since the creation of the IOA, despite his many proofs of loyalty. And Cassandra's people had been subjected to Nirrti's experiments for years, so it was understandable that she was reluctant about it.
Jack winced and looked at Sam: Like you said. Who knows what the Joint Chiefs of Staff or the IOA might do.
Sam nodded uncomfortably: Sir. If she has her powers back-
Jack dialed: I'm just saying... Let's keep a low profile.
She finally nodded and he put his phone to his ear.
Echo:
*In an earlier paragraph Sam says to Teal'c" It would be too risky. (they questioned her with their eyes and she moistened her lips) Teal'c. Who knows what the Joint Chiefs of Staff or the IOA might do to you.” / Who knows what the Joint Chiefs of Staff or the IOA might do*
*We'll take a plane to Duluth (x2)*
*She never told me about any friends in this area but eurh... (uncomfortable to admit it) She didn't tell me about her boyfriend either so… / I don't know if she told ya about it but... *
*For some time she has not been able to stand / Maybe she can't stand*
*He seems pretty worried about her. - Worried and terrified*
*But why not go to Colorado Springs? / You're going back to Colorado Springs.*
*In my previous chapter, Jack already says "Let's keep a low profile." in relation to the police, but also insists on creating a project "between them".*
*”Daniel handed her a coffee: Can we trust him?” / Sam wonders right after if she doesn't trust Daniel anymore when she notices that she sniffs the coffee he gave her*
Notes:
*Remember, Jack was connecting to Fargo to meet up with Anang a few days before*
*Remember episode 807 "Affinity", Teal'c finally gets his clearance to live off-base but the IOA doesn't let him go for a second at the slightest incident, and in the end, he decided to give up this path permanently*
*In my chapter 1, ascended Daniel talks with Oma and Morpheus:
Daniel moved his hand towards her: I don't understand how you can let such a thing happen.
Morpheus: Daniel. We have no choice. You-
Daniel gritted his teeth and glared at him: Nothing! You lied to me. Both of you. I refuse to be a part of this, and you can't make me. (Oma and Morpheus looked at each other. He stared at them one by one) What?
Oma swallowed: Sorry. We have no choice.”*
She took a sip and smiled awkwardly.
Daniel pulls himself together: So she hitchhiked?
Sam: Apparently. (she raises her eyebrows) She has just won a place at boarding school.
Daniel grabbed the GPS from their car: But why not go to Colorado Springs? (he turned his head towards her) What's on 29?
Sam shrugged: No idea. She never told me about any friends in this area but eurh... (uncomfortable to admit it) She didn't tell me about her boyfriend either so...
Teal'c raised his eyebrows, Daniel quickly turned his attention back to the map, Jack thought it was a great idea and copied him.
Jack: I see one thing.
Sam: What?
He pointed to Minnesota and she gritted her teeth at the fact that Cassie sought help from him before her.
Daniel raised his eyebrows at the echo of the situation: The forest.
Sam: She's got your address?
Jack grimaced slightly with guilt: We sent postcards.
Sam blew out her breath to relieve her stress: Okay. (she tilted her head and resumed more calmly) Good hiding place to escape from the IOA.
Teal'c: We have to find a way to get there before she does.
Daniel pointed to a spot on the map: Maybe fly to Fargo?
Jack smiles wryly: I love the back and forth. There's a little bit of deja vu. (she glanced at him and he recovered) The Air Force has a base in Lincoln. We'll take a plane to Duluth and it'll be faster.
Sam: No. (She nodded toward Daniel and Teal'c) We'll take a plane to Duluth. (She insisted) You're going back to Colorado Springs.
Jack became impatient: Carter-
Daniel quickly intervened before things got out of hand again: Sam is right. (He questioned him with his eyes) You have responsibilities, Jack. (He swallowed and Daniel insisted) We found her.
She rested her gaze on the map and finished her coffee. Teal'c tilted his head toward him to confirm.
Jack finally nodded and took out his keys: Keep me in the loop. (he removed a key that Daniel guessed was his cabin key, then took out his phone and spoke to Sam) I'll let the IOA know that you have a lead. (He hesitated for a moment) Carter. I don't know if she told ya about it but... (he looked away for a split second, uncomfortable) For some time she has not been able to stand her monthly check-ups with the IOA.
At first surprised, she put on a brave face so as not to show that she was again offended by not knowing before him.
Sam, as calmly as possible: Why?
Teal'c: Maybe she can't stand being considered different anymore.
They looked at each other, understanding that Teal'c had been under this kind of pressure for years, even more so since the creation of the IOA, despite his many proofs of loyalty. And Cassandra's people had been subjected to Nirrti's experiments for years, so it was understandable that she was reluctant about it.
Jack winced and looked at Sam: Like you said. Who knows what the Joint Chiefs of Staff or the IOA might do.
Sam nodded uncomfortably: Sir. If she has her powers back-
Jack dialed: I'm just saying... Let's keep a low profile.
She finally nodded and he put his phone to his ear.
Echo:
*In an earlier paragraph Sam says to Teal'c" It would be too risky. (they questioned her with their eyes and she moistened her lips) Teal'c. Who knows what the Joint Chiefs of Staff or the IOA might do to you.” / Who knows what the Joint Chiefs of Staff or the IOA might do*
*We'll take a plane to Duluth (x2)*
*She never told me about any friends in this area but eurh... (uncomfortable to admit it) She didn't tell me about her boyfriend either so… / I don't know if she told ya about it but... *
*For some time she has not been able to stand / Maybe she can't stand*
*He seems pretty worried about her. - Worried and terrified*
*But why not go to Colorado Springs? / You're going back to Colorado Springs.*
*In my previous chapter, Jack already says "Let's keep a low profile." in relation to the police, but also insists on creating a project "between them".*
*”Daniel handed her a coffee: Can we trust him?” / Sam wonders right after if she doesn't trust Daniel anymore when she notices that she sniffs the coffee he gave her*
Notes:
*Remember, Jack was connecting to Fargo to meet up with Anang a few days before*
*Remember episode 807 "Affinity", Teal'c finally gets his clearance to live off-base but the IOA doesn't let him go for a second at the slightest incident, and in the end, he decided to give up this path permanently*
*In my chapter 1, ascended Daniel talks with Oma and Morpheus:
Daniel moved his hand towards her: I don't understand how you can let such a thing happen.
Morpheus: Daniel. We have no choice. You-
Daniel gritted his teeth and glared at him: Nothing! You lied to me. Both of you. I refuse to be a part of this, and you can't make me. (Oma and Morpheus looked at each other. He stared at them one by one) What?
Oma swallowed: Sorry. We have no choice.”*
CW: *state of drug withdrawal* *psychophobia* *ableism*
He was tired. No. Exhausted. It wasn't just this trip, Jack knew: he couldn't take it anymore. A desk job, the pressure of being less close to the Underworld Gate, maybe that wasn't so bad after all. Of course, it didn't mean less responsibility, he was aware of that, and he couldn't help but have the strange feeling that he was failing by accepting this new job, that he was definitely giving up a part of himself.
He had taken the wheel and the rest of the group seemed to be starting "their night". In the passenger seat, her head facing the window, she muttered in her sleep. He glanced at her, saw her sweaty forehead and winced at the thought of her having a nightmare. He checked in his rearview mirror to see if the boys were still asleep, then flicked the switch on the passenger window. The air rushed in, she frowned in her sleep and finally emerged. She looked at him when she noticed he closed the window.
Jack whispered, looking at the road: Nightmares.
Sam rubbed her face to wake up: Hmm. (she breathed) Symptom of discontinuation. (he questioned her with his eyes) State of withdrawal. (she tilted her head and looked away) Like in Memphis. Three days without my treatment. I forgot to take my medication when I left. (she confessed, more quietly) The anxiety has already returned.
Jack hesitated: Why did you hide it from me?
Sam limply hid a yawn: About?
Jack: Your medication. (he tilted his head, keeping his eyes on the road) Confidential, I know, but...
Sam moistened her lips with nervousness and hesitated in turn: Taking a treatment every day is considered negative. I... I don't want to be looked at differently. (she murmured and looked away from the window) I need it.
Jack winced, then thought for a few seconds before answering: I'm rather reassured that you're treating yourself.
She turned her head toward him and scanned his face for a clue to a lie, but the man seemed sincere. She straightened up in her seat and turned her head toward the back deck.
Jack looked in the mirror: Asleep?
Sam turned again and looked out her window: Hmm. I think.
Jack: You all right? (tilting his head) Other than withdrawal, I mean.
Sam with sarcasm: Still talking about my treatment?
Jack moistened his lips with nervousness: We found her.
He emphasized his words with a look. She turned her head toward him and smiled shyly to signal that it was okay and that he shouldn't worry about her anymore. She then turned in her seat to face him. After all, she said to herself, in a few days they will not see each other anymore, even if it means to have a broken heart, as much as to have it until the end. A few seconds later, he held out his hand, palm towards the sky. Sam's face broke down and she questioned him with her eyes. She hesitated, juggling her gaze once more between his open hand in front of her and his face still facing the road. She frowned as she discovered he was still wearing his bracelet. He swallowed and put his hand back on the wheel. She stared at him and tried to read his mind, but to no avail. The look on Jack's face seemed to be a mix between desperation, insecurity, and exhaustion. A lot of exhaustion.
Sam straightened up slightly: I don't understand. Why are you doing this?
He glanced at her, then back at the rear deck so that she would understand the implication, forgetting that she had the same stubbornness gene as her father, as well as being tough.
Jack, quietly: Listen. I...
He grimaced and nothing else came out. She thought about her betrayal of Fifth and her many lies.
Sam moistened her lips with nervousness: You don't trust me.
Jack raised his eyebrows: What?! (amazed that she doubted it, he insisted) I trust you.
Sam stared at him and added after a moment: I have this sort of intuition that you are hiding something. I sense it. I feel it. (He remained silent and she straightened up slightly to change tactics) Listen, I know that it's never a good time for the other person to be separated and I… I'm rather reassured that you did it when I confided in you but I… (her voice broke without her wanting it to) I confided in you.
Jack gritted his teeth and whispered: I'm... I'm terrified.
Sam frowned: You already told me that.
Jack: Hmm. I still think so.
Sam: What are you protecting us from? Is there anything I can do? (he frowned and focused on the road with difficulty, adding nothing more. She unbuckled her seat belt) Stop the car. I'm driving again.
Jack: You kidding? You're as tired as I am. (he insisted) And in need.
Teal'c, firmly: Then I'm driving again.
Sam and Jack froze. He looked in the mirror, Daniel was sleeping with his mouth open but the Jaffa was waiting for him to stop the car, staring at him intensely as he clenched his jaw several times.
Jack flipped on the blinker and whispered: T, buddy. Please don't kill me.
Echo:
*In the previous paragraph, echo "He seems pretty worried about her. - Worried and terrified" / I'm... I'm terrified.*
*In the previous paragraph, Teal'c said “Maybe she can't stand being considered different anymore.” / is considered negative. I... I don't want to be looked at differently. *
*In the previous paragraph, Daniel says to Jack “We found her.”, here Jack says this to Sam*
*Three days without my treatment. / Taking a treatment every day / Still talking about my treatment? / you're treating*
*I forgot to take my medicine when I left. / Your medication. *
*State of withdrawal. / I need it. / Other than withdrawal, I mean / and in need.*
*You don't trust me. / I trust you.*
*Why did you hide it from me? / that you are hiding something*
*when I confided in you / I confided in you.*
*I'm driving again. / Then I'm driving again.*
*Listen. I… / Listen, I*
*I'm rather reassured that(x2)*
*Why are you doing this? / Is there anything I can do?*
*Hmm. I think. / Hmm. I still think so.*
Notes:
*Teal'c was present at the zatarc test and saw Jack and Sam's locker room behaviors in "Paradise Lost" or "Grace". He knows very well how they feel about each other*
*In a previous paragraph it says "She had again the impression to be null in relation to him but quickly chased this idea from her head. It was not only the situation, she knew it, felt it", here you have the answer to Sam's behavior: she again has more than the right amount of molecule in her body because of the medication*
*If you haven't noticed, this chapter revolves around the bracelet*
He was tired. No. Exhausted. It wasn't just this trip, Jack knew: he couldn't take it anymore. A desk job, the pressure of being less close to the Underworld Gate, maybe that wasn't so bad after all. Of course, it didn't mean less responsibility, he was aware of that, and he couldn't help but have the strange feeling that he was failing by accepting this new job, that he was definitely giving up a part of himself.
He had taken the wheel and the rest of the group seemed to be starting "their night". In the passenger seat, her head facing the window, she muttered in her sleep. He glanced at her, saw her sweaty forehead and winced at the thought of her having a nightmare. He checked in his rearview mirror to see if the boys were still asleep, then flicked the switch on the passenger window. The air rushed in, she frowned in her sleep and finally emerged. She looked at him when she noticed he closed the window.
Jack whispered, looking at the road: Nightmares.
Sam rubbed her face to wake up: Hmm. (she breathed) Symptom of discontinuation. (he questioned her with his eyes) State of withdrawal. (she tilted her head and looked away) Like in Memphis. Three days without my treatment. I forgot to take my medication when I left. (she confessed, more quietly) The anxiety has already returned.
Jack hesitated: Why did you hide it from me?
Sam limply hid a yawn: About?
Jack: Your medication. (he tilted his head, keeping his eyes on the road) Confidential, I know, but...
Sam moistened her lips with nervousness and hesitated in turn: Taking a treatment every day is considered negative. I... I don't want to be looked at differently. (she murmured and looked away from the window) I need it.
Jack winced, then thought for a few seconds before answering: I'm rather reassured that you're treating yourself.
She turned her head toward him and scanned his face for a clue to a lie, but the man seemed sincere. She straightened up in her seat and turned her head toward the back deck.
Jack looked in the mirror: Asleep?
Sam turned again and looked out her window: Hmm. I think.
Jack: You all right? (tilting his head) Other than withdrawal, I mean.
Sam with sarcasm: Still talking about my treatment?
Jack moistened his lips with nervousness: We found her.
He emphasized his words with a look. She turned her head toward him and smiled shyly to signal that it was okay and that he shouldn't worry about her anymore. She then turned in her seat to face him. After all, she said to herself, in a few days they will not see each other anymore, even if it means to have a broken heart, as much as to have it until the end. A few seconds later, he held out his hand, palm towards the sky. Sam's face broke down and she questioned him with her eyes. She hesitated, juggling her gaze once more between his open hand in front of her and his face still facing the road. She frowned as she discovered he was still wearing his bracelet. He swallowed and put his hand back on the wheel. She stared at him and tried to read his mind, but to no avail. The look on Jack's face seemed to be a mix between desperation, insecurity, and exhaustion. A lot of exhaustion.
Sam straightened up slightly: I don't understand. Why are you doing this?
He glanced at her, then back at the rear deck so that she would understand the implication, forgetting that she had the same stubbornness gene as her father, as well as being tough.
Jack, quietly: Listen. I...
He grimaced and nothing else came out. She thought about her betrayal of Fifth and her many lies.
Sam moistened her lips with nervousness: You don't trust me.
Jack raised his eyebrows: What?! (amazed that she doubted it, he insisted) I trust you.
Sam stared at him and added after a moment: I have this sort of intuition that you are hiding something. I sense it. I feel it. (He remained silent and she straightened up slightly to change tactics) Listen, I know that it's never a good time for the other person to be separated and I… I'm rather reassured that you did it when I confided in you but I… (her voice broke without her wanting it to) I confided in you.
Jack gritted his teeth and whispered: I'm... I'm terrified.
Sam frowned: You already told me that.
Jack: Hmm. I still think so.
Sam: What are you protecting us from? Is there anything I can do? (he frowned and focused on the road with difficulty, adding nothing more. She unbuckled her seat belt) Stop the car. I'm driving again.
Jack: You kidding? You're as tired as I am. (he insisted) And in need.
Teal'c, firmly: Then I'm driving again.
Sam and Jack froze. He looked in the mirror, Daniel was sleeping with his mouth open but the Jaffa was waiting for him to stop the car, staring at him intensely as he clenched his jaw several times.
Jack flipped on the blinker and whispered: T, buddy. Please don't kill me.
Echo:
*In the previous paragraph, echo "He seems pretty worried about her. - Worried and terrified" / I'm... I'm terrified.*
*In the previous paragraph, Teal'c said “Maybe she can't stand being considered different anymore.” / is considered negative. I... I don't want to be looked at differently. *
*In the previous paragraph, Daniel says to Jack “We found her.”, here Jack says this to Sam*
*Three days without my treatment. / Taking a treatment every day / Still talking about my treatment? / you're treating*
*I forgot to take my medicine when I left. / Your medication. *
*State of withdrawal. / I need it. / Other than withdrawal, I mean / and in need.*
*You don't trust me. / I trust you.*
*Why did you hide it from me? / that you are hiding something*
*when I confided in you / I confided in you.*
*I'm driving again. / Then I'm driving again.*
*Listen. I… / Listen, I*
*I'm rather reassured that(x2)*
*Why are you doing this? / Is there anything I can do?*
*Hmm. I think. / Hmm. I still think so.*
Notes:
*Teal'c was present at the zatarc test and saw Jack and Sam's locker room behaviors in "Paradise Lost" or "Grace". He knows very well how they feel about each other*
*In a previous paragraph it says "She had again the impression to be null in relation to him but quickly chased this idea from her head. It was not only the situation, she knew it, felt it", here you have the answer to Sam's behavior: she again has more than the right amount of molecule in her body because of the medication*
*If you haven't noticed, this chapter revolves around the bracelet*
CW: *death mention* *genocide mention* *adoption mention*
The headlights of a van pierced the early morning mist. Cassandra slammed the door and waved to the driver. He nodded and turned back. She walked to the porch, looked into a decorative wicker basket on the wall, then under a log, and finally under a clay pot.
Cassie discovered a key and smiled: Huuuu Jack, Jack, Jack.
Hiding behind the outer wall of the cabin, Sam rolled her eyes that she was so gullible and promised herself that she would teach her a lesson - or rather, several lessons - during her next vacation from boarding school. The young woman turned on the hall light and frowned at the smell of coffee.
Sam slipped in before she closed the door: Cassie.
Cassie screamed in fear: AAAAAaaaaah!
The light bulb in the entrance exploded.
Sam jumped slightly in surprise and raised her hands: It's me! It's all right. It's me!
Cassie huffed and put her hand over her heart drumming: Are you crazy?! You scared me!
Daniel hesitated and cleared his throat to announce their presence in the living room: Eurh. Hello.
Cassie turned her head toward them and squinted into the gloom: What the hell are you doing here?! (she pointed quickly with her index finger) No sermons, please.
Sam exclaimed: We've been looking for you for over 3 days! (Cassie looked away guiltily, and Sam resumed more gently) How are you feeling?
Cassie, ironically: Great!
Sam: We're here to take you home. Everything's going to be okay.
Cassie shook her head: You don't know that.
Daniel hesitated and flicked the kitchen switch. The lights in the room came on, they turned their heads toward him and he raised his eyebrows that he was suddenly the center of attention.
Daniel shrugged, cleared his throat and put a thumb over his shoulder: Teal'c and I will... Euuuurh...
Teal'c solemnly: Looking for light bulbs.
Daniel looked at him, a little dubious of this excuse: Looking for light bulbs. (he followed him outside and nodded several times) Outside. Yeah, outside. That's where they are. Of course.
Teal'c: Of course.
Sam, once alone with her: God! Cassie, you scared me!
Cassie opened the fridge and took a casual tone: Sorry. (she closed it again as it was empty) I'm a big girl, it's okay Sam.
Sam winced and walked over to the coffee pot: Why don't you tell me what happened?
Cassie: I was on campus, there was that girl.
Sam poured her a cup: That girl?
Cassie: About my age. She gave me this bracelet. (she searched her bag, took out a packet of chips too, exchanged the bracelet with the cup and whispered) And I have my powers back.
Sam tilted her head and gave her an obvious look: Really?
Cassie opened the bag of chips and sat down on a work surface: But it's not like the last time.
Sam examined the bracelet for a few seconds, definitely alien, and made of naquadah. It reminded her of something but she couldn't put her finger on it. She turned her attention back to her goddaughter, who was devouring the chips. She touched her burning forehead then caressed her hair. Immediately the young woman closed her eyes and seemed to relax.
Sam, concerned: You have a fever.
Cassie moved her hand away from her forehead, again jaded: This is different.
Sam took the bracelet back to examine it: You can't know that.
Cassie: I have a fever because I can't control them, not because I'm mutating.
Sam insisted: You can't know that.
Cassie insisted: This is different. I know it. (lower) I sense it. I feel it.
Sam: To be sure, we need to take you home.
Cassie abruptly put the bag of chips on the counter: I don't want any more tests!
Sam: Cass-
Cassie clenched her fists, closed her eyes and yelled: NO MORE TESTS!
The lights in the kitchen exploded in turn. The coffee pot and fridge emitted faint flashes. More and more trinkets began to fly around the cabin and several smashed against the walls with a deafening noise.
Sam exclaimed: No more tests! Okay!
Cassie gritted her teeth and jumped off the counter: You're lying, you're lying to me again!
The coffee pot exploded near Sam and she had a little reflex of defense position.
Sam: I promise you I won't!
Alerted by the noises, Daniel and Teal'c returned to the cabin. Sam raised a hand slightly toward them to signal that she would take care of them. The two men looked around the room at the floating objects, concerned.
Cassie growled: You left me alone. You have abandoned me.
Sam: What? (shaking her head) No!
Cassie shouted: You're lying!
Sam: I came to take you home! (she insisted with emotion) I am here!
Cassie shook her head a few times: Mom is dead. You're the only one I have left! (she screamed in despair and her cup broke against a wall) You have abandoned me.
Sam gritted her teeth and held back from crying: It won't happen again.
Cassie: You didn't even invite me to your wedding! (Daniel winced and glanced at Teal'c. Teal'c clenched his jaw several times) You never wanted me!
Sam, voice breaking: That's not true.
Cassie: You would have adopted me if you had.
Sam exhaled heavily from the shock: I-I couldn't.
Cassie growled again: Because your work is more important than me!
Sam exclaimed with fury: Because my mother is dead! (the other three froze) People are dying around me, Cassie! (she gritted her teeth and added sharply) My mom, my dad, Janet! (Cassie bowed her head and wept silently at the memory of her mother. Sam glanced at Daniel and he opened his mouth, realizing that she was holding back from saying his name. She looked away) Martouf, Narim, and I... (she closed her eyes and regained her composure) You know the risks of my job. I risk my life every day. I... I can't do that to you.
Cassie shook her head and growled through her teeth: You're not the only one losing everyone around you.
Sam froze, realizing she was talking about everyone on her planet. She closed her eyes to regain control. Cassie knew best what she was feeling.
Sam opened her eyes again and softly added: Cassie, listen to me. I'm going to come live with you.
Cassie looked up at her: What?
Sam: I'm leaving the SGC. That's what I want, I've already told the others. (Cassie questioned Teal'c and Daniel with her eyes and they nodded. Cassie rested her gaze on Sam and stared at her. Sam approached her again cautiously) We'll find a solution for your powers, together. Everything's going to be okay. I promise. (Cassie shook her head again, desperate) It won't happen again.
She managed to touch her goddaughter's arm and immediately the connection soothed her. The flying objects fell to the ground with a huge bang and they clung to each other.
Echo:
*In my previous paragraph, Sam tells Jack "I sense it. I feel it.", Cassie repeats it here. These were words spoken by Ba'al when he was torturing Jack. Remember that these three people have one thing in common: Naquadah in their blood.*
*In chapter 2, Mark repeats to his sister the words of their father's hallucination, saying, "Your work has always been more important than any of us." / here Cassie says to Sam “Because your work is more important than me!”*
*In my chapter 3, Sam says to Jack "I'm a big girl but okay.", then in my chapter 4 " I'm a big girl, thanks.". Here Cassie says "I'm a big girl, it's okay Sam."*
*In an earlier entry in this chapter, Ethan says "She's gone crazy! / I'm not crazy!” / here, Cassie says "Are you crazy?!"*
*Remember in the previous paragraphs, Jack says several times that he "can't do that" in relation to Sam. Here Sam says the same thing to Cassie " I-I couldn't. / I... I can't do that to you."*
*It's me!(x2)*
*It's all right. / Everything's going to be okay.(x2)*
*You scared me! / Cassie, you scared me!*
*We've been looking for you for over 3 days / Looking for light bulbs. - Looking for light bulbs.*
*Outside. Yeah, outside.*
*Of course. (x2)*
*there was that girl. - That girl?*
*This is different.(x2)*
*You don't know that. / You can't know that.(x2) / I know it.*
*We're here to take you home. / we need to take you home. / I came to take you home!*
*I don't want any more tests! / NO MORE TESTS! / No more tests! Okay!*
*You're lying, you're lying to me again! / You're lying!*
*I promise you I won't! / I promise. *
*Mom is dead. / Because my mother is dead!*
*You have abandoned me. (x2) / You would have adopted me if you had. *
*Why don't you tell me what happened? / It won't happen again.(x2)*
*You have a fever. / I have a fever*
*People are dying around me, Cassie! / You're not the only one losing everyone around you.*
*You know the risks of my job. I risk my life every day.*
Notes:
*Note also that Cassie has probably never been to the cabin, so she doesn't know that you have to turn on the generator to get electricity. She could have guessed they were there if she had been there before. Recall from my chapter 6 when SG-1 arrives at the chalet, Jack asks Teal'c, "T, you know where the generator is, can you...?
Teal'c nodded his head in response.*
*The first thing Cassandra says to Sam in 114 Singularity, is "Please don't go."*
The headlights of a van pierced the early morning mist. Cassandra slammed the door and waved to the driver. He nodded and turned back. She walked to the porch, looked into a decorative wicker basket on the wall, then under a log, and finally under a clay pot.
Cassie discovered a key and smiled: Huuuu Jack, Jack, Jack.
Hiding behind the outer wall of the cabin, Sam rolled her eyes that she was so gullible and promised herself that she would teach her a lesson - or rather, several lessons - during her next vacation from boarding school. The young woman turned on the hall light and frowned at the smell of coffee.
Sam slipped in before she closed the door: Cassie.
Cassie screamed in fear: AAAAAaaaaah!
The light bulb in the entrance exploded.
Sam jumped slightly in surprise and raised her hands: It's me! It's all right. It's me!
Cassie huffed and put her hand over her heart drumming: Are you crazy?! You scared me!
Daniel hesitated and cleared his throat to announce their presence in the living room: Eurh. Hello.
Cassie turned her head toward them and squinted into the gloom: What the hell are you doing here?! (she pointed quickly with her index finger) No sermons, please.
Sam exclaimed: We've been looking for you for over 3 days! (Cassie looked away guiltily, and Sam resumed more gently) How are you feeling?
Cassie, ironically: Great!
Sam: We're here to take you home. Everything's going to be okay.
Cassie shook her head: You don't know that.
Daniel hesitated and flicked the kitchen switch. The lights in the room came on, they turned their heads toward him and he raised his eyebrows that he was suddenly the center of attention.
Daniel shrugged, cleared his throat and put a thumb over his shoulder: Teal'c and I will... Euuuurh...
Teal'c solemnly: Looking for light bulbs.
Daniel looked at him, a little dubious of this excuse: Looking for light bulbs. (he followed him outside and nodded several times) Outside. Yeah, outside. That's where they are. Of course.
Teal'c: Of course.
Sam, once alone with her: God! Cassie, you scared me!
Cassie opened the fridge and took a casual tone: Sorry. (she closed it again as it was empty) I'm a big girl, it's okay Sam.
Sam winced and walked over to the coffee pot: Why don't you tell me what happened?
Cassie: I was on campus, there was that girl.
Sam poured her a cup: That girl?
Cassie: About my age. She gave me this bracelet. (she searched her bag, took out a packet of chips too, exchanged the bracelet with the cup and whispered) And I have my powers back.
Sam tilted her head and gave her an obvious look: Really?
Cassie opened the bag of chips and sat down on a work surface: But it's not like the last time.
Sam examined the bracelet for a few seconds, definitely alien, and made of naquadah. It reminded her of something but she couldn't put her finger on it. She turned her attention back to her goddaughter, who was devouring the chips. She touched her burning forehead then caressed her hair. Immediately the young woman closed her eyes and seemed to relax.
Sam, concerned: You have a fever.
Cassie moved her hand away from her forehead, again jaded: This is different.
Sam took the bracelet back to examine it: You can't know that.
Cassie: I have a fever because I can't control them, not because I'm mutating.
Sam insisted: You can't know that.
Cassie insisted: This is different. I know it. (lower) I sense it. I feel it.
Sam: To be sure, we need to take you home.
Cassie abruptly put the bag of chips on the counter: I don't want any more tests!
Sam: Cass-
Cassie clenched her fists, closed her eyes and yelled: NO MORE TESTS!
The lights in the kitchen exploded in turn. The coffee pot and fridge emitted faint flashes. More and more trinkets began to fly around the cabin and several smashed against the walls with a deafening noise.
Sam exclaimed: No more tests! Okay!
Cassie gritted her teeth and jumped off the counter: You're lying, you're lying to me again!
The coffee pot exploded near Sam and she had a little reflex of defense position.
Sam: I promise you I won't!
Alerted by the noises, Daniel and Teal'c returned to the cabin. Sam raised a hand slightly toward them to signal that she would take care of them. The two men looked around the room at the floating objects, concerned.
Cassie growled: You left me alone. You have abandoned me.
Sam: What? (shaking her head) No!
Cassie shouted: You're lying!
Sam: I came to take you home! (she insisted with emotion) I am here!
Cassie shook her head a few times: Mom is dead. You're the only one I have left! (she screamed in despair and her cup broke against a wall) You have abandoned me.
Sam gritted her teeth and held back from crying: It won't happen again.
Cassie: You didn't even invite me to your wedding! (Daniel winced and glanced at Teal'c. Teal'c clenched his jaw several times) You never wanted me!
Sam, voice breaking: That's not true.
Cassie: You would have adopted me if you had.
Sam exhaled heavily from the shock: I-I couldn't.
Cassie growled again: Because your work is more important than me!
Sam exclaimed with fury: Because my mother is dead! (the other three froze) People are dying around me, Cassie! (she gritted her teeth and added sharply) My mom, my dad, Janet! (Cassie bowed her head and wept silently at the memory of her mother. Sam glanced at Daniel and he opened his mouth, realizing that she was holding back from saying his name. She looked away) Martouf, Narim, and I... (she closed her eyes and regained her composure) You know the risks of my job. I risk my life every day. I... I can't do that to you.
Cassie shook her head and growled through her teeth: You're not the only one losing everyone around you.
Sam froze, realizing she was talking about everyone on her planet. She closed her eyes to regain control. Cassie knew best what she was feeling.
Sam opened her eyes again and softly added: Cassie, listen to me. I'm going to come live with you.
Cassie looked up at her: What?
Sam: I'm leaving the SGC. That's what I want, I've already told the others. (Cassie questioned Teal'c and Daniel with her eyes and they nodded. Cassie rested her gaze on Sam and stared at her. Sam approached her again cautiously) We'll find a solution for your powers, together. Everything's going to be okay. I promise. (Cassie shook her head again, desperate) It won't happen again.
She managed to touch her goddaughter's arm and immediately the connection soothed her. The flying objects fell to the ground with a huge bang and they clung to each other.
Echo:
*In my previous paragraph, Sam tells Jack "I sense it. I feel it.", Cassie repeats it here. These were words spoken by Ba'al when he was torturing Jack. Remember that these three people have one thing in common: Naquadah in their blood.*
*In chapter 2, Mark repeats to his sister the words of their father's hallucination, saying, "Your work has always been more important than any of us." / here Cassie says to Sam “Because your work is more important than me!”*
*In my chapter 3, Sam says to Jack "I'm a big girl but okay.", then in my chapter 4 " I'm a big girl, thanks.". Here Cassie says "I'm a big girl, it's okay Sam."*
*In an earlier entry in this chapter, Ethan says "She's gone crazy! / I'm not crazy!” / here, Cassie says "Are you crazy?!"*
*Remember in the previous paragraphs, Jack says several times that he "can't do that" in relation to Sam. Here Sam says the same thing to Cassie " I-I couldn't. / I... I can't do that to you."*
*It's me!(x2)*
*It's all right. / Everything's going to be okay.(x2)*
*You scared me! / Cassie, you scared me!*
*We've been looking for you for over 3 days / Looking for light bulbs. - Looking for light bulbs.*
*Outside. Yeah, outside.*
*Of course. (x2)*
*there was that girl. - That girl?*
*This is different.(x2)*
*You don't know that. / You can't know that.(x2) / I know it.*
*We're here to take you home. / we need to take you home. / I came to take you home!*
*I don't want any more tests! / NO MORE TESTS! / No more tests! Okay!*
*You're lying, you're lying to me again! / You're lying!*
*I promise you I won't! / I promise. *
*Mom is dead. / Because my mother is dead!*
*You have abandoned me. (x2) / You would have adopted me if you had. *
*Why don't you tell me what happened? / It won't happen again.(x2)*
*You have a fever. / I have a fever*
*People are dying around me, Cassie! / You're not the only one losing everyone around you.*
*You know the risks of my job. I risk my life every day.*
Notes:
*Note also that Cassie has probably never been to the cabin, so she doesn't know that you have to turn on the generator to get electricity. She could have guessed they were there if she had been there before. Recall from my chapter 6 when SG-1 arrives at the chalet, Jack asks Teal'c, "T, you know where the generator is, can you...?
Teal'c nodded his head in response.*
*The first thing Cassandra says to Sam in 114 Singularity, is "Please don't go."*
CW: *mention of rape*
Sitting at a table, the newspaper of the day in hand, Sam was waiting for Daniel for breakfast, late as usual. The archaeologist had proposed to her and she had understood the reason: they had to try to re-establish a relationship between them before his transfer. In the end, she was rather reassured of this new departure. Cassie was now safely back at her university and they had agreed that they would see each other every weekend from then on once Sam had moved out. The IOA would of course pose an additional concern, but Jack felt it was best to say nothing about these powers and wait for the consequences later. Sam had only agreed because Cassie had promised to take additional tests with her and only her.
The waiter brought a sugar-free mochaccino and a berry muffin. She paid her bill, then resumed her reading. A shadow stood in front of her and Sam looked up.
Daniel pushes aside a chair in front of her: I haven't, uh, told you my latest theory yet, it’s rather interesting.
Sam looked at him: Hu? Hi.
Daniel sat down, still in thought: 'morning. When I made my ascensi-
Sam pointed to her unstarted breakfast: Much too early for this kind of conversation.
Daniel continued: I don't know how he knew, but I think since you never told me and he...he knew... He... couldn't... For fear that you would guess that he knew.
Sam frowned: What are you talking about?
Waiter to Daniel: Good morning sir, what can I get you?
Daniel looked at the young man and came to his senses: Ho. Hi. A large sumatra mandheling with cream please (he looked at the muffin on the table and then asked with a slight hint of hope) A chocolate walnut cookie perhaps?
With a shake of his head, the waiter smiled and left to prepare the order. Daniel looked again at Sam who was still questioning him with his eyes. He frowned and returned to the original subject, surprised himself to have gotten so lost.
Daniel adjusted his glasses on his nose: Why I didn't come to see you during my Ascension.
Sam's face broke down. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. Then she opened her eyes again so he wouldn't think she was weak. But yes, his not coming to her had hurt her. She had imagined him, yes, on the Prometheus, but it wasn't really him. He had abandoned her. Like the others.
Sam regained her composure: Daniel. It's okay.
Daniel: No. No, it's not “okay”. See our relationship for weeks? I just... I feel like I've lost a friend.
Sam felt her heart explode into pieces: Daniel.
Daniel: I'm trying to tell you something important here.
Sam winced at this last sentence: I can see that. But-
Daniel sighed deeply: Look, ummm... I've been trying to talk to you since… (he repeated himself) For weeks. (she looked away, definitely distressed) Our team is disbanded, Jack is going to Washington, you're going to Nevada, T... (he tilted his head to the side, she nodded and he lowered his)... Well, if I don't tell you now, I don't know when I can tell you. And... I… (He thought back to Jacob's funeral, and then to Catherine. Even though they hadn't seen each other there, Catherine had given them the extra excuse to be together at Jack's cottage) I don't want to see you just at the funeral.
He frowned again. Everything mixed up, intertwined, in different situations. He lost himself in his thoughts, forgetting the reason why he had come to talk to her, too stunned by his memories. He raised his head and saw her still questioning him with her eyes.
Daniel winced and became nervous: Or at least, be at your wedding. (She lowered her head and he thought for a few seconds, not knowing how to emphasize the fact that she had become more and more isolated over the past few years) You know Sam. (she looked up apprehensively) When I was able to get my hands on the buried memories of your doppelganger, I was able to feel exactly what you might have felt at that time. (she froze and he insisted) Like I was you.
Sam tensed and looked away, overwhelmed with emotion: I'm... I'm sorry.
Daniel, still calm: You don't have to be. I worked on it with Dr. Williams and Dr. Dang. (She looked at him, he moved his hand) We had to reprogram my brain so that it would understand that it wasn't me. A kind of inverted dissociation. (he smiles nervously) Fascinating, isn't it? (he saw her upset and continued quickly) What I mean is that it brought up other things. Other things about me.
Sam, curious but slightly apprehensive: What?
Daniel hesitated and fiddled with two sugar packets between his fingers: Well... My own rape.
Echo:
*In an earlier paragraph, Sam confesses to Jack: “Fifth made me relive your tortures. I saw everything. I... (she looked away and added in a breath)I felt everything.” / Here Daniel says to Sam “I was able to feel exactly what you might have felt at that time.”*
*I don't know how he knew, but I think(...) he...he knew... (...) that he knew.*
*It's okay. - No, it's not “okay”*
*See our relationship for weeks? / For weeks*
* I'm trying to tell you something important here. / I've been trying to talk to you since… / Well, if I don't tell you now, I don't know when I can tell you.*
*it brought up other things. Other things about me.*
Notes:
*It is explained in the canonical saga that the Ascended have access to "all the channels" of the universe but that they can only look in one direction at a time, and cannot look into the past or the future. This is why Daniel says here "I don't know how he knew"*
*In my video montage, you get a glimpse of Daniel's behavior towards Sam during his Ascension. That's what I worked on. He turns his back to her all the time, and avoids her gaze*
Sitting at a table, the newspaper of the day in hand, Sam was waiting for Daniel for breakfast, late as usual. The archaeologist had proposed to her and she had understood the reason: they had to try to re-establish a relationship between them before his transfer. In the end, she was rather reassured of this new departure. Cassie was now safely back at her university and they had agreed that they would see each other every weekend from then on once Sam had moved out. The IOA would of course pose an additional concern, but Jack felt it was best to say nothing about these powers and wait for the consequences later. Sam had only agreed because Cassie had promised to take additional tests with her and only her.
The waiter brought a sugar-free mochaccino and a berry muffin. She paid her bill, then resumed her reading. A shadow stood in front of her and Sam looked up.
Daniel pushes aside a chair in front of her: I haven't, uh, told you my latest theory yet, it’s rather interesting.
Sam looked at him: Hu? Hi.
Daniel sat down, still in thought: 'morning. When I made my ascensi-
Sam pointed to her unstarted breakfast: Much too early for this kind of conversation.
Daniel continued: I don't know how he knew, but I think since you never told me and he...he knew... He... couldn't... For fear that you would guess that he knew.
Sam frowned: What are you talking about?
Waiter to Daniel: Good morning sir, what can I get you?
Daniel looked at the young man and came to his senses: Ho. Hi. A large sumatra mandheling with cream please (he looked at the muffin on the table and then asked with a slight hint of hope) A chocolate walnut cookie perhaps?
With a shake of his head, the waiter smiled and left to prepare the order. Daniel looked again at Sam who was still questioning him with his eyes. He frowned and returned to the original subject, surprised himself to have gotten so lost.
Daniel adjusted his glasses on his nose: Why I didn't come to see you during my Ascension.
Sam's face broke down. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. Then she opened her eyes again so he wouldn't think she was weak. But yes, his not coming to her had hurt her. She had imagined him, yes, on the Prometheus, but it wasn't really him. He had abandoned her. Like the others.
Sam regained her composure: Daniel. It's okay.
Daniel: No. No, it's not “okay”. See our relationship for weeks? I just... I feel like I've lost a friend.
Sam felt her heart explode into pieces: Daniel.
Daniel: I'm trying to tell you something important here.
Sam winced at this last sentence: I can see that. But-
Daniel sighed deeply: Look, ummm... I've been trying to talk to you since… (he repeated himself) For weeks. (she looked away, definitely distressed) Our team is disbanded, Jack is going to Washington, you're going to Nevada, T... (he tilted his head to the side, she nodded and he lowered his)... Well, if I don't tell you now, I don't know when I can tell you. And... I… (He thought back to Jacob's funeral, and then to Catherine. Even though they hadn't seen each other there, Catherine had given them the extra excuse to be together at Jack's cottage) I don't want to see you just at the funeral.
He frowned again. Everything mixed up, intertwined, in different situations. He lost himself in his thoughts, forgetting the reason why he had come to talk to her, too stunned by his memories. He raised his head and saw her still questioning him with her eyes.
Daniel winced and became nervous: Or at least, be at your wedding. (She lowered her head and he thought for a few seconds, not knowing how to emphasize the fact that she had become more and more isolated over the past few years) You know Sam. (she looked up apprehensively) When I was able to get my hands on the buried memories of your doppelganger, I was able to feel exactly what you might have felt at that time. (she froze and he insisted) Like I was you.
Sam tensed and looked away, overwhelmed with emotion: I'm... I'm sorry.
Daniel, still calm: You don't have to be. I worked on it with Dr. Williams and Dr. Dang. (She looked at him, he moved his hand) We had to reprogram my brain so that it would understand that it wasn't me. A kind of inverted dissociation. (he smiles nervously) Fascinating, isn't it? (he saw her upset and continued quickly) What I mean is that it brought up other things. Other things about me.
Sam, curious but slightly apprehensive: What?
Daniel hesitated and fiddled with two sugar packets between his fingers: Well... My own rape.
Echo:
*In an earlier paragraph, Sam confesses to Jack: “Fifth made me relive your tortures. I saw everything. I... (she looked away and added in a breath)I felt everything.” / Here Daniel says to Sam “I was able to feel exactly what you might have felt at that time.”*
*I don't know how he knew, but I think(...) he...he knew... (...) that he knew.*
*It's okay. - No, it's not “okay”*
*See our relationship for weeks? / For weeks*
* I'm trying to tell you something important here. / I've been trying to talk to you since… / Well, if I don't tell you now, I don't know when I can tell you.*
*it brought up other things. Other things about me.*
Notes:
*It is explained in the canonical saga that the Ascended have access to "all the channels" of the universe but that they can only look in one direction at a time, and cannot look into the past or the future. This is why Daniel says here "I don't know how he knew"*
*In my video montage, you get a glimpse of Daniel's behavior towards Sam during his Ascension. That's what I worked on. He turns his back to her all the time, and avoids her gaze*
CW: *Mention of Stockholm syndrome* *Mention of PTSD* *Mention of addiction* *mention of a state of shock*
A heavy silence fell around them. The waiter placed the order, seemed to say something for a moment, but the two customers did not hear him. The waiter left.
Sam, shocked, said quietly: What?
Daniel came to his senses and opened the two sugars: Hathor.
Sam's face broke down and she closed her eyes, shattered by the name. Yes, she had seen his shock. Daniel sitting on that bed, the sheets unraveled, the lamp knocked over. The lifeless look, the same stupor she had felt the first time. Petrified. Damn, how could she forget so quickly?
Daniel stirred his drink and then brought it to his lips: And apparently, Stockholm syndrome with Shyla.
She remembers the withdrawal he suffered with the sarcophagus. Jack, too, had gone through withdrawal after Ba'al, and she had always wondered if all his time in the sarcophagus had changed him for life. She couldn't help but think of her own emotional dependence on him since her father's death. She pushed that thought away and returned to the present.
Sam, eyes clouded: Daniel. I'm sorry. (He questioned her with his eyes and she felt guilty for thinking only of her medal) For Hathor. I should have told you about it later.
Daniel put down his cup: Hmm. I didn't show any signs that I was feeling bad.
Sam winced: Post-traumatic amnesia?
He nodded slowly and looked at his cup.
A heavy silence fell around them. The waiter placed the order, seemed to say something for a moment, but the two customers did not hear him. The waiter left.
Sam, shocked, said quietly: What?
Daniel came to his senses and opened the two sugars: Hathor.
Sam's face broke down and she closed her eyes, shattered by the name. Yes, she had seen his shock. Daniel sitting on that bed, the sheets unraveled, the lamp knocked over. The lifeless look, the same stupor she had felt the first time. Petrified. Damn, how could she forget so quickly?
Daniel stirred his drink and then brought it to his lips: And apparently, Stockholm syndrome with Shyla.
She remembers the withdrawal he suffered with the sarcophagus. Jack, too, had gone through withdrawal after Ba'al, and she had always wondered if all his time in the sarcophagus had changed him for life. She couldn't help but think of her own emotional dependence on him since her father's death. She pushed that thought away and returned to the present.
Sam, eyes clouded: Daniel. I'm sorry. (He questioned her with his eyes and she felt guilty for thinking only of her medal) For Hathor. I should have told you about it later.
Daniel put down his cup: Hmm. I didn't show any signs that I was feeling bad.
Sam winced: Post-traumatic amnesia?
He nodded slowly and looked at his cup.
Daniel: And then you had nothing to do with it.
Sam: Uh, I could have-
Daniel played with his spoon: Nothing. (he insisted) There is nothing you could have done. (he looked up at her) I would have told you that everything was okay. (he looked away and thought) And if you had insisted, maybe... (he looked at her) Maybe the foundation of our relationship would never have been as strong as it is today because .... Because I would have resented you for insisting. (she swallowed, nodded and looked into her mochaccino. He cut his cookie in half) I just wanted you to know my theory.
Sam winced and looked up at him: Why are you telling me?
Daniel took a bite: I think he… (he frowned at an echo and in turn corrected the pronoun error) That I was wrong. (she questioned him with her eyes) I want to be there for you. The... Running away or giving up was not the right solution.
They looked at each other, she nodded and looked at her cup. Daniel bit his tongue and frowned. This was far from a win-win, he thought.
Daniel took a piece of cookie: If not today, it doesn't matter. (he raised a hand to her and insisted) Anytime.
Sam nodded again and lowered her head, mixing her mochaccino for a moment: Why do you insist?
Daniel grinned: You insisted that I get my memory back and (he looked away) and-and I have you to thank for that. (he tilted his head and looked at her) Sort of.
She swallowed and nodded again, looking down at her coffee. Why was it so hard for her to talk to him? Usually with him, it was much easier. She gritted her teeth and finally understood why: She had not had control or choice over when and if she wanted to talk to him about her trauma. RepliCarter had stolen that from her. Jolinar had never wanted to tell Martouf about Bynarr either, and she had felt guilty about having to tell him herself.
Daniel saw her lost in thought: And I guess telling me about what happened in Nevada between you and Jaaaa… (he quickly caught himself) Jim isn't an option either? (she looked up at him and questioned him with her eyes, he took another sip of his drink) I first blamed it on Cassandra's disappearance but I felt... (he frowned) Teal'c too by the way... That there was something else.
Sam straightened up and answered in a serious tone: Listen. I-
Daniel looked up at the sky for a split second: Oh please, Sam. Don't give me that warrior regulation crap. What s- (he saw her face break down at this new echo) Eurgh? Did I say something wrong?
Sam shook her head and frowned: Can I ask you something?
Daniel: Sure.
Sam: I have sort of memories, things that come back to me. Moments in my life that I've experienced once that I relive again.
Daniel frowned and looked at her, puzzled: Like Jolinar?
Sam shook her head: No no. (she frowned, unsettled that he was talking about her when she had just thought of it) Well, yes but... (she winced and looked at him) I had that feeling even before Jolinar. But it was different with her.
Daniel invited her to continue: Umm?
Sam: I relive moments of my life, all the time. Uh, I know, it sounds crazy. But for example you or Teal'c are going to tell me something, in this situation. Years later, other people will tell me the same thing, and the situation may have changed or... (she grimaced) Be extremely similar.
Daniel: Déjà vu?
Sam winced, remembering Jack's identical reaction when they told him: Hmm. No. Not totally. (she frowned) Dr. Dang examined me. It could be a hippocampal bug but... Nothing. He advised me to look for other (she emphasized her implication with a shake of the head) leads.
Daniel thought for a few moments: Freud had exposed the idea of Condensation in psychoanalysis.
Sam gave him a blasé look with a small smile: Freud.
Daniel blew out his nose, remembering what Bell had told them about him, and nodded: Sigmund had studied "dreamwork”. To make it simple: you sleep, you dream of a person, for example a parent, and during the dream, this person becomes another person, your colleague for example. This is condensation.
Sam tried not to notice that her brain had made a shortcut again Jack-Jacob: Okay, but... We are talking about dreams.
Daniel grimaced: Yes... But we've been in many situations that made us realize that what we thought we knew about reality...
Sam nodded: Right.
Daniel took out his phone and did an internet search: Hummm.. Morpheus... Okay.
Sam: "Morpheus"?
Daniel quickly read the results of his research: Yeah yeah. A Greek deity, son of Hypnos, the Sleep, and Nyx, the night. This God put mortals to sleep and plunged them into the world of dreams. (he shook his head and read a few words from a page energetically) Morpheus, Morphine, Metamorphosis... (he stopped and spoke to himself) Why does that sound familiar?
Sam frowned and gestured uncertainly in front of him: Wait Daniel, you lost me. "Metamorphosis”?
Daniel looked at her and put his hand on the back of her neck: Yes, like in dreams. (he insisted) The "condensation".
Sam tried to follow him: So I'm supposed to be looking for something or someone who could... change their appearance? Like water in a liquid or gaseous state or... turn into someone?
Daniel smiled broadly at her: Good luck.
Sam smiled wryly, then frowned: Okay, and ... could it appear to me as a little girl?
Daniel frowned, moistened his lips and stared at her: Sam, do you see a little girl?
Sam chuckled at her reaction and remembered Joe: No. (she got serious again) No Daniel. But... I did see one.
Daniel: Hmm?
Sam winced as he thought back to his time just before: On the Prometheus, during my concussion? There was this... this nebula, this gas cloud. You appeared to me and you... (she corrected herself) I said to myself that this little girl could be that cloud.
Daniel reflects: Ok... And if not me, because at that time I was alive - which changes my habits, by the way - (she smiles ironically) wouldn't an Ascended have come to visit you?
Sam surprised: Like Orlin?
Daniel shrugged a shoulder and grinned: Well, that's another lead (he noticed she still looked puzzled) How would that be strange?
Sam to herself: I do attract strange people. (he almost choked on his coffee. She gave him a wry smile and resumed seriously) Okay. Suppose. (she gestured to him) Why me?
Daniel thought for a moment: Perhaps they are trying to help you on the path to enlightenment?
Sam grinned: Uuuurg god no, thanks. (he looked at her strangely) I'm fine like this.
Daniel, a little offended: Oooo...kay.
Sam rolled her eyes and got lost in thought: I can understand this search for... higher ground, for... spirituality... but...(she frowned) I just don't see the point.
Daniel frowned: Because they just watch while the others act?
Sam tilted her head and finally began to eat: Hmm. No. In fact, they give up the pleasures of life so I understand why they don't do anything, in a way there is a logic in this continuity. (she moved her hand) But it's this point that I don't understand (more sharply) Why don't you want to live and feel experiences anymore? Isn't discovering new things the very meaning of life? If we know everything... (she shook her head) There would be no point!
Daniel tilted his head and winced: That's a matter of perspective.
He wrinkled his head at the memory. Strange, he thought, the situation was reversed while remaining the same.
Sam continued energetically: No knowledge is worth attaining if you can never share it! (he froze at the memory of Ernest) That is the very purpose of Science and... (she stopped at his reaction and grimaced) Sorry, I forgot that you-
Daniel raised his eyebrows: No, I don't take it the wrong way. (There was a silence.) Well, a little. (She blew out her nose, he smiled at her, then continued) So, this little girl?
Sam swallowed a piece of muffin: Hmm. She, or whoever, was changing her appearance. (she looked away) What these other people were telling me, many of these things happened afterwards. More or less with the same people. (he frowned and thought) And it's not just with this child. It's... all the time. (she tilted her head) A lot more lately.
Daniel, after a moment: Um, okay. I'll do my research. (he drinks from his cup) Oh. There's also the idea of oracles.
Sam: Hmm?
Daniel: Premonitory dreams? (she questioned him with her eyes) Years ago I met a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago, Gerd Gigerenzer. He defined intuition as a form of intelligence that uses "the brain's advanced capabilities and relies on empirical methods that allow us to act quickly and with amazing accuracy. He used the same word for the same definition. Intuition and instinct. He said that instinct comes from our ancestors, the paths we have already tested and retained to evolve in our future lives.
Sam: I don't see the connection between oracles and intuition.
Daniel shrugged: Well, that makes sense, doesn't it?
Sam: Why?
Daniel: Um, it's kind of the same definition of your... thing.
Sam, confused: My "thing"?
Daniel: You've always had great intuition.
Sam smiled wryly and shook his head, looking away: That makes sense.
He returned her smile and placed his drink to her lips. She remembered Jack saying the same thing to her when she told him about it, and her face slowly sank.
Sam: Uh, I could have-
Daniel played with his spoon: Nothing. (he insisted) There is nothing you could have done. (he looked up at her) I would have told you that everything was okay. (he looked away and thought) And if you had insisted, maybe... (he looked at her) Maybe the foundation of our relationship would never have been as strong as it is today because .... Because I would have resented you for insisting. (she swallowed, nodded and looked into her mochaccino. He cut his cookie in half) I just wanted you to know my theory.
Sam winced and looked up at him: Why are you telling me?
Daniel took a bite: I think he… (he frowned at an echo and in turn corrected the pronoun error) That I was wrong. (she questioned him with her eyes) I want to be there for you. The... Running away or giving up was not the right solution.
They looked at each other, she nodded and looked at her cup. Daniel bit his tongue and frowned. This was far from a win-win, he thought.
Daniel took a piece of cookie: If not today, it doesn't matter. (he raised a hand to her and insisted) Anytime.
Sam nodded again and lowered her head, mixing her mochaccino for a moment: Why do you insist?
Daniel grinned: You insisted that I get my memory back and (he looked away) and-and I have you to thank for that. (he tilted his head and looked at her) Sort of.
She swallowed and nodded again, looking down at her coffee. Why was it so hard for her to talk to him? Usually with him, it was much easier. She gritted her teeth and finally understood why: She had not had control or choice over when and if she wanted to talk to him about her trauma. RepliCarter had stolen that from her. Jolinar had never wanted to tell Martouf about Bynarr either, and she had felt guilty about having to tell him herself.
Daniel saw her lost in thought: And I guess telling me about what happened in Nevada between you and Jaaaa… (he quickly caught himself) Jim isn't an option either? (she looked up at him and questioned him with her eyes, he took another sip of his drink) I first blamed it on Cassandra's disappearance but I felt... (he frowned) Teal'c too by the way... That there was something else.
Sam straightened up and answered in a serious tone: Listen. I-
Daniel looked up at the sky for a split second: Oh please, Sam. Don't give me that warrior regulation crap. What s- (he saw her face break down at this new echo) Eurgh? Did I say something wrong?
Sam shook her head and frowned: Can I ask you something?
Daniel: Sure.
Sam: I have sort of memories, things that come back to me. Moments in my life that I've experienced once that I relive again.
Daniel frowned and looked at her, puzzled: Like Jolinar?
Sam shook her head: No no. (she frowned, unsettled that he was talking about her when she had just thought of it) Well, yes but... (she winced and looked at him) I had that feeling even before Jolinar. But it was different with her.
Daniel invited her to continue: Umm?
Sam: I relive moments of my life, all the time. Uh, I know, it sounds crazy. But for example you or Teal'c are going to tell me something, in this situation. Years later, other people will tell me the same thing, and the situation may have changed or... (she grimaced) Be extremely similar.
Daniel: Déjà vu?
Sam winced, remembering Jack's identical reaction when they told him: Hmm. No. Not totally. (she frowned) Dr. Dang examined me. It could be a hippocampal bug but... Nothing. He advised me to look for other (she emphasized her implication with a shake of the head) leads.
Daniel thought for a few moments: Freud had exposed the idea of Condensation in psychoanalysis.
Sam gave him a blasé look with a small smile: Freud.
Daniel blew out his nose, remembering what Bell had told them about him, and nodded: Sigmund had studied "dreamwork”. To make it simple: you sleep, you dream of a person, for example a parent, and during the dream, this person becomes another person, your colleague for example. This is condensation.
Sam tried not to notice that her brain had made a shortcut again Jack-Jacob: Okay, but... We are talking about dreams.
Daniel grimaced: Yes... But we've been in many situations that made us realize that what we thought we knew about reality...
Sam nodded: Right.
Daniel took out his phone and did an internet search: Hummm.. Morpheus... Okay.
Sam: "Morpheus"?
Daniel quickly read the results of his research: Yeah yeah. A Greek deity, son of Hypnos, the Sleep, and Nyx, the night. This God put mortals to sleep and plunged them into the world of dreams. (he shook his head and read a few words from a page energetically) Morpheus, Morphine, Metamorphosis... (he stopped and spoke to himself) Why does that sound familiar?
Sam frowned and gestured uncertainly in front of him: Wait Daniel, you lost me. "Metamorphosis”?
Daniel looked at her and put his hand on the back of her neck: Yes, like in dreams. (he insisted) The "condensation".
Sam tried to follow him: So I'm supposed to be looking for something or someone who could... change their appearance? Like water in a liquid or gaseous state or... turn into someone?
Daniel smiled broadly at her: Good luck.
Sam smiled wryly, then frowned: Okay, and ... could it appear to me as a little girl?
Daniel frowned, moistened his lips and stared at her: Sam, do you see a little girl?
Sam chuckled at her reaction and remembered Joe: No. (she got serious again) No Daniel. But... I did see one.
Daniel: Hmm?
Sam winced as he thought back to his time just before: On the Prometheus, during my concussion? There was this... this nebula, this gas cloud. You appeared to me and you... (she corrected herself) I said to myself that this little girl could be that cloud.
Daniel reflects: Ok... And if not me, because at that time I was alive - which changes my habits, by the way - (she smiles ironically) wouldn't an Ascended have come to visit you?
Sam surprised: Like Orlin?
Daniel shrugged a shoulder and grinned: Well, that's another lead (he noticed she still looked puzzled) How would that be strange?
Sam to herself: I do attract strange people. (he almost choked on his coffee. She gave him a wry smile and resumed seriously) Okay. Suppose. (she gestured to him) Why me?
Daniel thought for a moment: Perhaps they are trying to help you on the path to enlightenment?
Sam grinned: Uuuurg god no, thanks. (he looked at her strangely) I'm fine like this.
Daniel, a little offended: Oooo...kay.
Sam rolled her eyes and got lost in thought: I can understand this search for... higher ground, for... spirituality... but...(she frowned) I just don't see the point.
Daniel frowned: Because they just watch while the others act?
Sam tilted her head and finally began to eat: Hmm. No. In fact, they give up the pleasures of life so I understand why they don't do anything, in a way there is a logic in this continuity. (she moved her hand) But it's this point that I don't understand (more sharply) Why don't you want to live and feel experiences anymore? Isn't discovering new things the very meaning of life? If we know everything... (she shook her head) There would be no point!
Daniel tilted his head and winced: That's a matter of perspective.
He wrinkled his head at the memory. Strange, he thought, the situation was reversed while remaining the same.
Sam continued energetically: No knowledge is worth attaining if you can never share it! (he froze at the memory of Ernest) That is the very purpose of Science and... (she stopped at his reaction and grimaced) Sorry, I forgot that you-
Daniel raised his eyebrows: No, I don't take it the wrong way. (There was a silence.) Well, a little. (She blew out her nose, he smiled at her, then continued) So, this little girl?
Sam swallowed a piece of muffin: Hmm. She, or whoever, was changing her appearance. (she looked away) What these other people were telling me, many of these things happened afterwards. More or less with the same people. (he frowned and thought) And it's not just with this child. It's... all the time. (she tilted her head) A lot more lately.
Daniel, after a moment: Um, okay. I'll do my research. (he drinks from his cup) Oh. There's also the idea of oracles.
Sam: Hmm?
Daniel: Premonitory dreams? (she questioned him with her eyes) Years ago I met a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago, Gerd Gigerenzer. He defined intuition as a form of intelligence that uses "the brain's advanced capabilities and relies on empirical methods that allow us to act quickly and with amazing accuracy. He used the same word for the same definition. Intuition and instinct. He said that instinct comes from our ancestors, the paths we have already tested and retained to evolve in our future lives.
Sam: I don't see the connection between oracles and intuition.
Daniel shrugged: Well, that makes sense, doesn't it?
Sam: Why?
Daniel: Um, it's kind of the same definition of your... thing.
Sam, confused: My "thing"?
Daniel: You've always had great intuition.
Sam smiled wryly and shook his head, looking away: That makes sense.
He returned her smile and placed his drink to her lips. She remembered Jack saying the same thing to her when she told him about it, and her face slowly sank.
Daniel finished his coffee and gestured to the waiter: Well, that was interesting, but now that we've finished diverting the conversation, maybe you could answer my question?
Sam frowned, confused again: What question?
Daniel: Jim and you?
The waiter brought the bill and the payment terminal, Daniel handed her his CB and she looked for a convincing lie.
Daniel smiled at her as he glared at her and dialed his code: Come on, don't look for an escape technique, Sam.
The waiter gave him his credit card and his receipt. Daniel thanked him, put away his things and looked at Sam who remained silent.
Echo:
*In my previous paragraph, Daniel said “ A kind of inverted dissociation.” / the idea of Condensation / This is condensation. / The "condensation"*
*In my previous paragraph, Daniel said ‘I haven't, uh, told you my latest theory yet” / I just wanted you to know my theory.*
*In my chapter 1, Daniel says: “ It sounds like a combination of two Greek words. "Hypnos" meaning “sleep” and "Nyx" meaning “night” “ Morpheus was a Greek God who was meant to put mortals to sleep.” “ such as morphine” / A Greek deity, son of Hypnos, the Sleep, and Nyx, the night. / Morphine,*
*In my previous paragraph, Sam thinks “but it wasn't really him. He had abandoned her. Like the others.”/Running away or giving up was not the right solution. / don't look for an escape technique, Sam*
*Well, that makes sense, doesn't it? / That makes sense.*
*Moments in my life that I've experienced once that I relive again. / I relive moments of my life, all the time.*
*Freud had / Freud. / Sigmund*
*I can understand(...) I just don't see the point. /But it's this point that I don't understand / There would be no point!*
*you sleep, / Morpheus... Okay. - "Morpheus"? / Morpheus*
*Like water in a liquid or gaseous state / this nebula, this gas cloud. / could be that cloud.*
*other leads. / Well, that's another lead*
*How would that be strange? / I do attract strange people.*
*you dream / We are talking about dreams. / the world of dreams. / like in dreams / There's also the idea of oracles. / Premonitory dreams? / between oracles and intuition.*
* I get my memory back / I have sort of memories, things that come back to me.*
*this person becomes another person / Metamorphosis / "Metamorphosis”? / for something or someone who could... change their appearance? / changing her appearance.*
*could it appear to me as a little girl? / Sam, do you see a little girl? / that this little girl / So, this little girl?*
*He defined intuition / He used the same word for the same definition. / it's kind of the same definition of your*
*He defined intuition / and intuition. / You've always had great intuition.*
*your... thing. - My "thing"?*
*Did I say something wrong? / I don't take it the wrong way.*
*And then you had nothing to do with it. / Nothing .(he insisted) There is nothing you could have done. / but... Nothing. *
*Can I ask you something? / maybe you could answer my question? - What question?*
*The fact that Daniel drinks from his cup and then thinks of the oracles is a reminder of my chapter 1 on Chalcis. Sam drinks from the hypnyx and a villager explains right away that she will receive the oracle / (he drinks from his cup) Oh. There's also the idea of oracles.*
Notes:
*I don't know about you, but from the end of season 8 on, I find that Sam and Daniel's relationship is not the same. I found them very complimentary in the previous seasons, working together at the core, sharing ideas (common scientist side) and having more physical interaction between them. (e.g. Daniel putting his arm on her shoulder and she taking his hand, them hugging, etc.) So I imagined reasons. Daniel being traumatized by RepliCarter, Sam being angry at him for not coming to see her during her Ascension and being uncomfortable with him knowing things about her through RepliCarter. You can see that they are still friends, but I find them less complicit than before, as if there had been a break*
*The Ascension can be compared with Buddhism, we come back to my example with the Dalai Lama (the 14th) and Daniel who explains that he was wrong not to come and see her if he knew about her sexual violence, that running away is not a good option.*
*As you can see, I work a lot on the isolation of Carter's character: Take into account that apart from her professional relationships, she doesn't seem to have much of a social life (remember that her brother lives in San Diego. Also note the fact that her job prevents her from talking about her life to people outside the Program, that Daniel did not visit her during her Ascension, and read this: "Social isolation leads to a loss of identity and equality in society. The one who remains alone feels banished. He has to fight against (...) the feeling that he deserves to be set apart. A person who suffers from a solitude that he or she has not chosen and from which he or she does not know how to get out, gradually loses his or her inner strength. We observe phenomena of withdrawal, self-deprecation, and even the loss of hope of ever counting for someone. This loss of self-esteem leads to depression and despair. If the situation lasts, it can become dramatic. The ability to re-establish relationships diminishes, and fear and shame can lead the person to withdraw, making it increasingly difficult to return to a dynamic of social inclusion (source)"
Note also that the loss of loved ones is one of the primary factors of isolation, as well as people with PTSD (and I recall that Carter's character is military, and has been on the field of a war for 8 years)*
*It is not insignificant that I put the references where Weir or Mckay or Jonas talk about (good) intuitions too. If you pay attention to the scenery and to what I have already written about a detail in the scenery, you will have a clue. If you ever reread my fanfic after finishing it, I think you'll appreciate it haha! And no it's not because of Jolinar, Sam had intuition before, as I show in my video montage with episode 114 "Singularity" for example*
*In my chapter 8, Daniel and Bell talk about Freud:
Daniel smiled: Freud said, "After thirty years of studying female psychology, I still haven't found an answer to the big question: What do they really want?"
(...)
Bell answered Daniel very quickly: Freud was obsessed with masturbation, which he considered a disease, criticized the homosexual as someone who was unaccomplished, considered the woman to be a subhuman since... (she put her hand in the air and took on a serious and solemn voice) "The little girl is a little man, and then begins her misfortune that will last all her life: she discovers that she has no penis.
Daniel and Jack looked away, Teal'c widened his eyes. Sam dodged a huge smile, then quickly bit the inside of her mouth and lowered her head to regain control, praying for no comment on her reaction. *
Sam frowned, confused again: What question?
Daniel: Jim and you?
The waiter brought the bill and the payment terminal, Daniel handed her his CB and she looked for a convincing lie.
Daniel smiled at her as he glared at her and dialed his code: Come on, don't look for an escape technique, Sam.
The waiter gave him his credit card and his receipt. Daniel thanked him, put away his things and looked at Sam who remained silent.
Echo:
*In my previous paragraph, Daniel said “ A kind of inverted dissociation.” / the idea of Condensation / This is condensation. / The "condensation"*
*In my previous paragraph, Daniel said ‘I haven't, uh, told you my latest theory yet” / I just wanted you to know my theory.*
*In my chapter 1, Daniel says: “ It sounds like a combination of two Greek words. "Hypnos" meaning “sleep” and "Nyx" meaning “night” “ Morpheus was a Greek God who was meant to put mortals to sleep.” “ such as morphine” / A Greek deity, son of Hypnos, the Sleep, and Nyx, the night. / Morphine,*
*In my previous paragraph, Sam thinks “but it wasn't really him. He had abandoned her. Like the others.”/Running away or giving up was not the right solution. / don't look for an escape technique, Sam*
*Well, that makes sense, doesn't it? / That makes sense.*
*Moments in my life that I've experienced once that I relive again. / I relive moments of my life, all the time.*
*Freud had / Freud. / Sigmund*
*I can understand(...) I just don't see the point. /But it's this point that I don't understand / There would be no point!*
*you sleep, / Morpheus... Okay. - "Morpheus"? / Morpheus*
*Like water in a liquid or gaseous state / this nebula, this gas cloud. / could be that cloud.*
*other leads. / Well, that's another lead*
*How would that be strange? / I do attract strange people.*
*you dream / We are talking about dreams. / the world of dreams. / like in dreams / There's also the idea of oracles. / Premonitory dreams? / between oracles and intuition.*
* I get my memory back / I have sort of memories, things that come back to me.*
*this person becomes another person / Metamorphosis / "Metamorphosis”? / for something or someone who could... change their appearance? / changing her appearance.*
*could it appear to me as a little girl? / Sam, do you see a little girl? / that this little girl / So, this little girl?*
*He defined intuition / He used the same word for the same definition. / it's kind of the same definition of your*
*He defined intuition / and intuition. / You've always had great intuition.*
*your... thing. - My "thing"?*
*Did I say something wrong? / I don't take it the wrong way.*
*And then you had nothing to do with it. / Nothing .(he insisted) There is nothing you could have done. / but... Nothing. *
*Can I ask you something? / maybe you could answer my question? - What question?*
*The fact that Daniel drinks from his cup and then thinks of the oracles is a reminder of my chapter 1 on Chalcis. Sam drinks from the hypnyx and a villager explains right away that she will receive the oracle / (he drinks from his cup) Oh. There's also the idea of oracles.*
Notes:
*I don't know about you, but from the end of season 8 on, I find that Sam and Daniel's relationship is not the same. I found them very complimentary in the previous seasons, working together at the core, sharing ideas (common scientist side) and having more physical interaction between them. (e.g. Daniel putting his arm on her shoulder and she taking his hand, them hugging, etc.) So I imagined reasons. Daniel being traumatized by RepliCarter, Sam being angry at him for not coming to see her during her Ascension and being uncomfortable with him knowing things about her through RepliCarter. You can see that they are still friends, but I find them less complicit than before, as if there had been a break*
*The Ascension can be compared with Buddhism, we come back to my example with the Dalai Lama (the 14th) and Daniel who explains that he was wrong not to come and see her if he knew about her sexual violence, that running away is not a good option.*
*As you can see, I work a lot on the isolation of Carter's character: Take into account that apart from her professional relationships, she doesn't seem to have much of a social life (remember that her brother lives in San Diego. Also note the fact that her job prevents her from talking about her life to people outside the Program, that Daniel did not visit her during her Ascension, and read this: "Social isolation leads to a loss of identity and equality in society. The one who remains alone feels banished. He has to fight against (...) the feeling that he deserves to be set apart. A person who suffers from a solitude that he or she has not chosen and from which he or she does not know how to get out, gradually loses his or her inner strength. We observe phenomena of withdrawal, self-deprecation, and even the loss of hope of ever counting for someone. This loss of self-esteem leads to depression and despair. If the situation lasts, it can become dramatic. The ability to re-establish relationships diminishes, and fear and shame can lead the person to withdraw, making it increasingly difficult to return to a dynamic of social inclusion (source)"
Note also that the loss of loved ones is one of the primary factors of isolation, as well as people with PTSD (and I recall that Carter's character is military, and has been on the field of a war for 8 years)*
*It is not insignificant that I put the references where Weir or Mckay or Jonas talk about (good) intuitions too. If you pay attention to the scenery and to what I have already written about a detail in the scenery, you will have a clue. If you ever reread my fanfic after finishing it, I think you'll appreciate it haha! And no it's not because of Jolinar, Sam had intuition before, as I show in my video montage with episode 114 "Singularity" for example*
*In my chapter 8, Daniel and Bell talk about Freud:
Daniel smiled: Freud said, "After thirty years of studying female psychology, I still haven't found an answer to the big question: What do they really want?"
(...)
Bell answered Daniel very quickly: Freud was obsessed with masturbation, which he considered a disease, criticized the homosexual as someone who was unaccomplished, considered the woman to be a subhuman since... (she put her hand in the air and took on a serious and solemn voice) "The little girl is a little man, and then begins her misfortune that will last all her life: she discovers that she has no penis.
Daniel and Jack looked away, Teal'c widened his eyes. Sam dodged a huge smile, then quickly bit the inside of her mouth and lowered her head to regain control, praying for no comment on her reaction. *
CW: *psychophobia*
Daniel looked away: Okay. (He rested his gaze on her) Do you want to know the reason why I call him "Jim"?
Sam: Is there a reason?
Daniel tilted his head: When I came back from Ascension, um, I thought not. And then on the second... well I didn't ascend but um... (he moved a hand towards her, she nodded) There was this man... this... Jim.
Sam, curious about the rest: So what?
Daniel: So he had the same expressions and behaviors as Jack. (He hesitated) And this man was... Hmm.
Sam did not see him continue: Was...?
Daniel: Anubis.
Daniel looked away: Okay. (He rested his gaze on her) Do you want to know the reason why I call him "Jim"?
Sam: Is there a reason?
Daniel tilted his head: When I came back from Ascension, um, I thought not. And then on the second... well I didn't ascend but um... (he moved a hand towards her, she nodded) There was this man... this... Jim.
Sam, curious about the rest: So what?
Daniel: So he had the same expressions and behaviors as Jack. (He hesitated) And this man was... Hmm.
Sam did not see him continue: Was...?
Daniel: Anubis.
Sam raised her eyebrows and fell on the back of his chair: Wow.
Daniel grimaced: I remember the first few times I saw Jack again, that's the name that came to mind.
Sam, quietly, fearfully: You told him?
Daniel put his glasses back on properly: Huuu. No. (He moistened his lips in nervousness) Let's just say I'm not sure if knowing that my subconscious has mistaken him for one of the worst bad guys we've ever met would make him feel better. (she nodded vigorously and he grinned) The point is... um. (he insisted) I know Jim. (he looked around nervously) And this story worries me. (He frowned and looked at her, tilting his head) Well, I worry about you. (she closed her eyes and lowered her head. He caught himself quickly) For both of you. I'm worried about you both.
Echo:
*And this story worries me. / Well, I worry about you. / For both of you. I'm worried about you both.*
*Do you want to know the reason / Is there a reason?*
*So what? - So he*
Notes:
*In my chapter 3, Jack chooses “ the vanilla apple pie with a slice of cheese.” This is the first reason I made him choose a pie, but there are two other reasons for this dessert that we will see later!*
*I didn't put all the references that support my theory that Daniel would have confused Jack with Jim/Anubis in this video, I already put some in the previous videos. (for example Jim says “There's a waste of a million odd years of evolution, huh?” and I had put the references of Jack's language tic on "waste of time". There are other examples, but they will be shown later in my fanfic. I'll make a complete video later for Youtube :)*
*This montage remains in the theme of condensation/metamorphosis, etc: Daniel mistakes Jack for Jim/Anubis (and he was "Arrom" just before), he says "I was Anubis", he doesn't recognize Sam, in another reality it is Sam who doesn't recognize him, Daniel is in Jack's body and vice versa because of Ma'chello's transfer, etc. In the previous montage we had Grace who was perhaps a cloud. Throughout this chapter I touched on the theme of transference/change of person, especially with Sam who had Jack's torture via Fifth, and Daniel who explains that he had Sam's memories via RepliCarter and had to work on a "sort of reverse dissociation". Anyway, we're getting a little more into my main plot with this story of echoes, and I hope you'll like it!*
Daniel grimaced: I remember the first few times I saw Jack again, that's the name that came to mind.
Sam, quietly, fearfully: You told him?
Daniel put his glasses back on properly: Huuu. No. (He moistened his lips in nervousness) Let's just say I'm not sure if knowing that my subconscious has mistaken him for one of the worst bad guys we've ever met would make him feel better. (she nodded vigorously and he grinned) The point is... um. (he insisted) I know Jim. (he looked around nervously) And this story worries me. (He frowned and looked at her, tilting his head) Well, I worry about you. (she closed her eyes and lowered her head. He caught himself quickly) For both of you. I'm worried about you both.
Echo:
*And this story worries me. / Well, I worry about you. / For both of you. I'm worried about you both.*
*Do you want to know the reason / Is there a reason?*
*So what? - So he*
Notes:
*In my chapter 3, Jack chooses “ the vanilla apple pie with a slice of cheese.” This is the first reason I made him choose a pie, but there are two other reasons for this dessert that we will see later!*
*I didn't put all the references that support my theory that Daniel would have confused Jack with Jim/Anubis in this video, I already put some in the previous videos. (for example Jim says “There's a waste of a million odd years of evolution, huh?” and I had put the references of Jack's language tic on "waste of time". There are other examples, but they will be shown later in my fanfic. I'll make a complete video later for Youtube :)*
*This montage remains in the theme of condensation/metamorphosis, etc: Daniel mistakes Jack for Jim/Anubis (and he was "Arrom" just before), he says "I was Anubis", he doesn't recognize Sam, in another reality it is Sam who doesn't recognize him, Daniel is in Jack's body and vice versa because of Ma'chello's transfer, etc. In the previous montage we had Grace who was perhaps a cloud. Throughout this chapter I touched on the theme of transference/change of person, especially with Sam who had Jack's torture via Fifth, and Daniel who explains that he had Sam's memories via RepliCarter and had to work on a "sort of reverse dissociation". Anyway, we're getting a little more into my main plot with this story of echoes, and I hope you'll like it!*
Daniel: I'm reminding you that I've been inside your mind... Sort of. (a little uncomfortable) I know how you feel about him. (she still didn't answer and he winced) Okay. Forget it. (He moved his hand nervously) I have to learn not to insist. (lowered) Sorry.
Sam bit her lips and capitulated: Hmm. Early last month, we started seeing each other.
Daniel clapped his hands and a victorious smile appeared on his face: I knew it!
Sam: It didn't work.
Daniel's smile faltered: What...? Why?
Sam shrugged and looked away: He broke up a few days ago.
Daniel widened his eyes: Wha... What? (he realized that she had just gone through two breakups in a short time and was worried about her) What an ass. (she gave him a weak little smile at his awkward compassion) I mean... a reason?
Sam swallowed: Me, I guess.
Daniel frowned, not convinced by this answer: What can I do?
Sam: There's nothing more to do, he doesn't want to talk about it.
Daniel nodded: Talk. (He considered this option) Okay. I can try to get him to talk.
Sam shook her head: Forget it, Daniel.
Daniel: Come on, he's not very smart. I'm sure he's just intimidated because you're so much smarter than he is.
They both winced at the same time: he for having said that before and she for finding it rude. He frowned, understanding what she was saying about the echoes. She hadn't experienced these situations, it had all been in her head via a message from Sha'are before her death or through Shifu. So she was telling the truth... What if... What if she wasn't the only one affected by this... madness? he worried.
Daniel pulled himself together: I mean... (clears his throat) I'm glad to know you're finally seizing the moment.
Sam, in disbelief: "seizing the moment"?
Daniel: Yes, I mean it's-it's-it's new. You stop ignoring your feelings for him. You've changed. (She shook her head and he frowned, concerned) Did I say something wrong?
Sam: No, no. It's... Eurrrh... Those damn echoes.
Daniel grimaced and repeated to himself: I... I'll do my research.
She nodded, smiled shyly at him, and looked back into the rest of her now cold coffee.
Sam hesitated: Would talking really fix anything? We've already tried. (she looked at him, intimidated) What do you think?
Daniel nodded: Try again?
Sam, falsely jaded: Very helpful.
Daniel raised his eyebrows and looked at her with an amused expression: Ah. Impressive. (she blew her nose and nodded. He looked at the clock and froze) Huuu! (he stood up) Sorry. I'm late for an appointment.
Echo:
*Rehearsal with Daniel arriving late to the appointment with Sam and making himself late for the next one*
*Two paragraphs earlier, Daniel already tells Sam "Did I say something wrong?" and repeats it here*
*Two paragraphs earlier, Daniel is already telling Sam "I'll do my research." and here he says “I... I'll do my research.”*
*Two paragraphs above, Daniel says “And if you had insisted, maybe... / Because I would have resented you for insisting.” / Why do you insist? / “You insisted that“ / here, Daniel says “I have to learn not to insist.”*
*In my previous paragraph, echo on “reason” / I mean... a reason?*
*What can I do? - There's nothing more to do*
*What...? / Wha... What?*
*he doesn't want to talk about it. / Talk. (He considered this option) Okay. I can try to get him to talk. / Would talking really fix anything?*
*I mean… / Yes, I mean*
*you're finally seizing the moment. - "seizing the moment"?*
*We've already tried. / Try again?*
Sam bit her lips and capitulated: Hmm. Early last month, we started seeing each other.
Daniel clapped his hands and a victorious smile appeared on his face: I knew it!
Sam: It didn't work.
Daniel's smile faltered: What...? Why?
Sam shrugged and looked away: He broke up a few days ago.
Daniel widened his eyes: Wha... What? (he realized that she had just gone through two breakups in a short time and was worried about her) What an ass. (she gave him a weak little smile at his awkward compassion) I mean... a reason?
Sam swallowed: Me, I guess.
Daniel frowned, not convinced by this answer: What can I do?
Sam: There's nothing more to do, he doesn't want to talk about it.
Daniel nodded: Talk. (He considered this option) Okay. I can try to get him to talk.
Sam shook her head: Forget it, Daniel.
Daniel: Come on, he's not very smart. I'm sure he's just intimidated because you're so much smarter than he is.
They both winced at the same time: he for having said that before and she for finding it rude. He frowned, understanding what she was saying about the echoes. She hadn't experienced these situations, it had all been in her head via a message from Sha'are before her death or through Shifu. So she was telling the truth... What if... What if she wasn't the only one affected by this... madness? he worried.
Daniel pulled himself together: I mean... (clears his throat) I'm glad to know you're finally seizing the moment.
Sam, in disbelief: "seizing the moment"?
Daniel: Yes, I mean it's-it's-it's new. You stop ignoring your feelings for him. You've changed. (She shook her head and he frowned, concerned) Did I say something wrong?
Sam: No, no. It's... Eurrrh... Those damn echoes.
Daniel grimaced and repeated to himself: I... I'll do my research.
She nodded, smiled shyly at him, and looked back into the rest of her now cold coffee.
Sam hesitated: Would talking really fix anything? We've already tried. (she looked at him, intimidated) What do you think?
Daniel nodded: Try again?
Sam, falsely jaded: Very helpful.
Daniel raised his eyebrows and looked at her with an amused expression: Ah. Impressive. (she blew her nose and nodded. He looked at the clock and froze) Huuu! (he stood up) Sorry. I'm late for an appointment.
Echo:
*Rehearsal with Daniel arriving late to the appointment with Sam and making himself late for the next one*
*Two paragraphs earlier, Daniel already tells Sam "Did I say something wrong?" and repeats it here*
*Two paragraphs earlier, Daniel is already telling Sam "I'll do my research." and here he says “I... I'll do my research.”*
*Two paragraphs above, Daniel says “And if you had insisted, maybe... / Because I would have resented you for insisting.” / Why do you insist? / “You insisted that“ / here, Daniel says “I have to learn not to insist.”*
*In my previous paragraph, echo on “reason” / I mean... a reason?*
*What can I do? - There's nothing more to do*
*What...? / Wha... What?*
*he doesn't want to talk about it. / Talk. (He considered this option) Okay. I can try to get him to talk. / Would talking really fix anything?*
*I mean… / Yes, I mean*
*you're finally seizing the moment. - "seizing the moment"?*
*We've already tried. / Try again?*