CW: *dependent personality disorder* *psychophobia* *PTSD*
The boxes and bubble wrap scattered along the hallway of her entrance immediately made him tense. He hated change, and it reminded him of his own situation.
TV set: -arrested. The fourth day of demonstrations ends but the forces of order remain deployed.
Jack grabbed the herbal tea she was handing him: Sorry to keep you waiting. (with a hint of discomfort) Late on the transfer files.
TV set: The curfew was deployed in the cities of Minneapolis, Chicago and Milw-
Sam turned off the tv: Thank you for coming.
Jack: Hum. (she sat down in an armchair and he raised his finger before forgetting his thoughts) Brightman also requested to be transferred to Area 51 (she looked up sharply at him in panic but he didn't notice, settling into the sofa) and will take care of signing your observations and results for Cass'.
Sam pulled herself together but was caught off guard by his precautions: Oh. Great.
Jack questioned her with his eyes, taken of a doubt: She was close to Fraiser, no?
Sam folded a knee against his chest and nodded: Yeah. And Cassie really likes her.
They looked at each other for a few seconds, then looked away and there was silence.
Jack tried: Daniel is very concerned about you.
Sam grinned: I keep turning this around and around... (she blew on her herbal tea. After another silence, she ventured) You came to talk.
Jack grumbled to himself: Oooooh. I'm trying.
Sam, after another silence: Is this the result of a fear of taking your new job?
Jack: Maybe. A little. (He swallowed and added in a whisper) Probably.
Sam tried to play it down: Or is this your way of fighting your own withdrawal?
Jack frowned and decided to change the subject: Do you like the description of your new job?
Sam blew on her cup again: Ooooh but you are not here to talk about that, are you? (He stirred his drink in a new silence) Is that me? Is that you? Is that us? (he remained silent) Listen. Thank you for being patient with me. (she tilted her head and looked at her cup) In all these years and especially in the last few weeks. (she insisted) But I also think I've been pretty patient with you.
Jack winced: I know-I... (there was another silence but she noticed he was really trying to find the right words) You don't feel like...
He fell silent again.
Sam gently, encouragingly: Hmm?
Jack raised his hand limply: Our fights are getting worse and worse, I don't know what to say so as not to stress you out, (she looked away and swallowed) we both have a bad temper and you...
He lowered his head, not knowing what else to say.
The boxes and bubble wrap scattered along the hallway of her entrance immediately made him tense. He hated change, and it reminded him of his own situation.
TV set: -arrested. The fourth day of demonstrations ends but the forces of order remain deployed.
Jack grabbed the herbal tea she was handing him: Sorry to keep you waiting. (with a hint of discomfort) Late on the transfer files.
TV set: The curfew was deployed in the cities of Minneapolis, Chicago and Milw-
Sam turned off the tv: Thank you for coming.
Jack: Hum. (she sat down in an armchair and he raised his finger before forgetting his thoughts) Brightman also requested to be transferred to Area 51 (she looked up sharply at him in panic but he didn't notice, settling into the sofa) and will take care of signing your observations and results for Cass'.
Sam pulled herself together but was caught off guard by his precautions: Oh. Great.
Jack questioned her with his eyes, taken of a doubt: She was close to Fraiser, no?
Sam folded a knee against his chest and nodded: Yeah. And Cassie really likes her.
They looked at each other for a few seconds, then looked away and there was silence.
Jack tried: Daniel is very concerned about you.
Sam grinned: I keep turning this around and around... (she blew on her herbal tea. After another silence, she ventured) You came to talk.
Jack grumbled to himself: Oooooh. I'm trying.
Sam, after another silence: Is this the result of a fear of taking your new job?
Jack: Maybe. A little. (He swallowed and added in a whisper) Probably.
Sam tried to play it down: Or is this your way of fighting your own withdrawal?
Jack frowned and decided to change the subject: Do you like the description of your new job?
Sam blew on her cup again: Ooooh but you are not here to talk about that, are you? (He stirred his drink in a new silence) Is that me? Is that you? Is that us? (he remained silent) Listen. Thank you for being patient with me. (she tilted her head and looked at her cup) In all these years and especially in the last few weeks. (she insisted) But I also think I've been pretty patient with you.
Jack winced: I know-I... (there was another silence but she noticed he was really trying to find the right words) You don't feel like...
He fell silent again.
Sam gently, encouragingly: Hmm?
Jack raised his hand limply: Our fights are getting worse and worse, I don't know what to say so as not to stress you out, (she looked away and swallowed) we both have a bad temper and you...
He lowered his head, not knowing what else to say.
Sam murmured: We're just trying to understand each other...
Jack looked up sharply at her: What?
Sam: What “what”? I'm trying to understand you. You do too, don't you?
Jack finally seemed to understand something: Oh. (he moved his hand) Something Anang said. There is no point in communicating with someone if they don't care, you need understanding.
Sam winced at a flash of Fifth and added apprehensively: You haven't tried to understand me too much these past few days.
Jack looked away: Not to communicate either.
Sam: So what?
Jack gathered his courage: So... Humpf. There are things I can't tell you. (He swallows) One of which you managed to tell me. And it's not about being a "we" or not, just... I have this new feeling of feeling like I'm lying to you and...
Sam frowned, now concerned: What are you talking about?
Echo:
*The previous chapter closes on the echoes “We've already tried. / Try again?” / I'm trying.(x2) / We're just trying*
*In my chapter 13, Anang says to Jack “Communication is useless until you understand.” and then “Last chance to understand.” / There is no point in communicating with someone if they don't care, you need understanding. - You haven't tried to understand me too much these past few days. - Not to communicate either. / We're just trying to understand each other... / I'm trying to understand you*
*What? - What “what”?*
*to talk. / you are not here to talk about that / What are you talking about?*
*Sorry to keep you waiting. / Thank you for being patient with me. / I also think I've been pretty patient with you.*
*Thank you for coming. / You came*
*your new job? (x2)*
*Is that we? / And it's not about being a "we" or not*
* Late on the transfer files. / Brightman also requested to be transferred to Area 51*
*remain deployed. / The curfew was deployed*
Notes:
*It is often said that a person has a "bad temper" because his or her opinions are different from those of others, especially his or her own. This is a way to divert the subject: Instead of talking about the problem, we give an argument that will delegitimize this person to close the subject. It is a bit like tone policing (source)
If this attack targets a woman, it is often to silence her feminist claims. (example: "she is always complaining about the behavior of men, she has a bad temper"). If this attack is aimed at a man, it is often to excuse or minimize his problematic behavior (example on violent men: "Yeah, he gets carried away easily, it's just that he has a bad temper").
Often France is judged for having citizens with a "bad temper" because they are always on strike. If fighting for your rights and social justice is "having a bad temper", and therefore "having an opinion", I personally take it as a compliment.
Notice that in my paragraph, Jack says “we both have a bad temper”*
*Article: Feminism doesn’t need more inspiration—it needs more anger (source)*
*Article: There is nothing sexier than someone who can communicate (source)*
Jack looked up sharply at her: What?
Sam: What “what”? I'm trying to understand you. You do too, don't you?
Jack finally seemed to understand something: Oh. (he moved his hand) Something Anang said. There is no point in communicating with someone if they don't care, you need understanding.
Sam winced at a flash of Fifth and added apprehensively: You haven't tried to understand me too much these past few days.
Jack looked away: Not to communicate either.
Sam: So what?
Jack gathered his courage: So... Humpf. There are things I can't tell you. (He swallows) One of which you managed to tell me. And it's not about being a "we" or not, just... I have this new feeling of feeling like I'm lying to you and...
Sam frowned, now concerned: What are you talking about?
Echo:
*The previous chapter closes on the echoes “We've already tried. / Try again?” / I'm trying.(x2) / We're just trying*
*In my chapter 13, Anang says to Jack “Communication is useless until you understand.” and then “Last chance to understand.” / There is no point in communicating with someone if they don't care, you need understanding. - You haven't tried to understand me too much these past few days. - Not to communicate either. / We're just trying to understand each other... / I'm trying to understand you*
*What? - What “what”?*
*to talk. / you are not here to talk about that / What are you talking about?*
*Sorry to keep you waiting. / Thank you for being patient with me. / I also think I've been pretty patient with you.*
*Thank you for coming. / You came*
*your new job? (x2)*
*Is that we? / And it's not about being a "we" or not*
* Late on the transfer files. / Brightman also requested to be transferred to Area 51*
*remain deployed. / The curfew was deployed*
Notes:
*It is often said that a person has a "bad temper" because his or her opinions are different from those of others, especially his or her own. This is a way to divert the subject: Instead of talking about the problem, we give an argument that will delegitimize this person to close the subject. It is a bit like tone policing (source)
If this attack targets a woman, it is often to silence her feminist claims. (example: "she is always complaining about the behavior of men, she has a bad temper"). If this attack is aimed at a man, it is often to excuse or minimize his problematic behavior (example on violent men: "Yeah, he gets carried away easily, it's just that he has a bad temper").
Often France is judged for having citizens with a "bad temper" because they are always on strike. If fighting for your rights and social justice is "having a bad temper", and therefore "having an opinion", I personally take it as a compliment.
Notice that in my paragraph, Jack says “we both have a bad temper”*
*Article: Feminism doesn’t need more inspiration—it needs more anger (source)*
*Article: There is nothing sexier than someone who can communicate (source)*
CW: *mention of GHB* *mention of sexual abuse* *mention of alcohol* * mention of STDs* * mention of amnesia*
Bell read a report: You had eaten a cake and ended up in a woman's bed, then you caught an STD that made you...
Jack straightened up: Lost a lot of years in a few days, ya.
Bell: I'd like to go back to the first part. You ate...
Jack: Cake. (smiles a little nervously) Only for me.
Bell nodded intensely: And... ?
Jack frowned: And I started to feel strange.
Bell nodded even more exaggeratedly: And... ?
Jack: And I found myself in this woman's bed with no memories. (she gently placed her file in front of her and insisted that he continue his reflection. He questioned her with his eyes) We lose our memory all the time. Ya get used to it.
Bell rested her elbows on the desk and spread her hands in front of her: Put this situation back on Earth. (He frowned again, she tilted her head and grimaced) Replace that cake with say... a woman's drink left unattended for a few seconds in a bar...
Echo:
* And... ?(x2) - And*
*You had eaten a cake / You ate... - Cake. / Replace that cake*
Bell read a report: You had eaten a cake and ended up in a woman's bed, then you caught an STD that made you...
Jack straightened up: Lost a lot of years in a few days, ya.
Bell: I'd like to go back to the first part. You ate...
Jack: Cake. (smiles a little nervously) Only for me.
Bell nodded intensely: And... ?
Jack frowned: And I started to feel strange.
Bell nodded even more exaggeratedly: And... ?
Jack: And I found myself in this woman's bed with no memories. (she gently placed her file in front of her and insisted that he continue his reflection. He questioned her with his eyes) We lose our memory all the time. Ya get used to it.
Bell rested her elbows on the desk and spread her hands in front of her: Put this situation back on Earth. (He frowned again, she tilted her head and grimaced) Replace that cake with say... a woman's drink left unattended for a few seconds in a bar...
Echo:
* And... ?(x2) - And*
*You had eaten a cake / You ate... - Cake. / Replace that cake*
Jack: Do you know what GHB is?
Sam asked him with her eyes: Gamma HydroxyButyric Acid.
Jack: What are the effects of this gamma acid stuff?
Sam: State of drunkenness, euphoria, loss of inhibition and memory. (a hint of suspicion and concern in hervoice) Why?
Jack: Doesn't this remind ya of a mission in our first year? An STD I may have caught?
Sam's eyes widened: Oh boy!
Sam asked him with her eyes: Gamma HydroxyButyric Acid.
Jack: What are the effects of this gamma acid stuff?
Sam: State of drunkenness, euphoria, loss of inhibition and memory. (a hint of suspicion and concern in hervoice) Why?
Jack: Doesn't this remind ya of a mission in our first year? An STD I may have caught?
Sam's eyes widened: Oh boy!
CW: * mention of Stockholm syndrome*
He stood up abruptly and took a few steps into the room.
Bell: Everything is fine. Everything is fine.
Jack put his hands behind his neck and exclaimed: “Everything is fine”?! (he added sarcastically) I was raped, excuse me for being angry. (he widened his eyes in shock and whispered) Damn, I was raped.
Bell: Okay. Anger is good. What else do you feel?
Jack wondered if he was more upset about the stupid question or the situation: Mostly anger. Some anger too. (louder) Oh! Did I mention anger?!
Bell grimaced: And it's understandable.
Jack quickened his steps: Jeez, I've grown to like this woman too!
Bell, careful Yes... That's something I'd like to discuss with you too. (he questioned her with his eyes) Are you familiar with Stockholm Syndrome?
Echo:
*Everything is fine. Everything is fine. / “Everything is fine”?!*
*excuse me for being angry / Anger is good. / Mostly anger. Some anger too. (louder) Oh! Did I mention anger?!*
*I was raped (x2)*
Notes:
*Remember the paragraph from March 28, Bell and Daniel talk about utopias, Daniel cites Argos as an example and Bell looks away, uncomfortable, but Daniel doesn't see it*
*In episode 108 Brief Candle, Jack says ”I guess it wasn't the cake.” and Sam answers “Maybe it was your physical contact with Kynthia.”
With this line, the fact that she drugged Jack to, from her point of view, propose to him, totally obscures the earthly point of view that she drugged him to rape him.
There is no sentence that returns to the earthly point of view after these lines, thus minimizing the trauma that Jack had, and sending the message to the viewers of the series that it is not serious, it is just a cultural problem... The way the characters react to each other, there is a way that it is not made the connection in their own mission reports, focusing on the STD/nanite contamination. The time when the mission took place probably also plays a role*
*Expressing anger is a healthy thing. It is an emotion like any other, only the management of its resulting actions must be controlled*
*Rape on men is a complex subject and post-traumatic stress disorder may be different than on women (source)*
He stood up abruptly and took a few steps into the room.
Bell: Everything is fine. Everything is fine.
Jack put his hands behind his neck and exclaimed: “Everything is fine”?! (he added sarcastically) I was raped, excuse me for being angry. (he widened his eyes in shock and whispered) Damn, I was raped.
Bell: Okay. Anger is good. What else do you feel?
Jack wondered if he was more upset about the stupid question or the situation: Mostly anger. Some anger too. (louder) Oh! Did I mention anger?!
Bell grimaced: And it's understandable.
Jack quickened his steps: Jeez, I've grown to like this woman too!
Bell, careful Yes... That's something I'd like to discuss with you too. (he questioned her with his eyes) Are you familiar with Stockholm Syndrome?
Echo:
*Everything is fine. Everything is fine. / “Everything is fine”?!*
*excuse me for being angry / Anger is good. / Mostly anger. Some anger too. (louder) Oh! Did I mention anger?!*
*I was raped (x2)*
Notes:
*Remember the paragraph from March 28, Bell and Daniel talk about utopias, Daniel cites Argos as an example and Bell looks away, uncomfortable, but Daniel doesn't see it*
*In episode 108 Brief Candle, Jack says ”I guess it wasn't the cake.” and Sam answers “Maybe it was your physical contact with Kynthia.”
With this line, the fact that she drugged Jack to, from her point of view, propose to him, totally obscures the earthly point of view that she drugged him to rape him.
There is no sentence that returns to the earthly point of view after these lines, thus minimizing the trauma that Jack had, and sending the message to the viewers of the series that it is not serious, it is just a cultural problem... The way the characters react to each other, there is a way that it is not made the connection in their own mission reports, focusing on the STD/nanite contamination. The time when the mission took place probably also plays a role*
*Expressing anger is a healthy thing. It is an emotion like any other, only the management of its resulting actions must be controlled*
*Rape on men is a complex subject and post-traumatic stress disorder may be different than on women (source)*
CW: *mention of sexual assault* *mention of rape* *mention of person under influence*
Sam grimaced: I'm sorry...
Jack: So does Daniel apparently. (he moved his hand) We talked about it. (he perceived her pain and anguish and tried to lighten the atmosphere) To choose, I preferred when it was you who had attacked me.
Sam, unsettled: I beg your pardon?
Jack: In the locker room. Always the first year. With your little tank top.
Sam started to panic again: Oh boy.
Jack shook his head: You were under the influence. (he tried to play it down) I was... flattered.
Sam nervously insisted: It was our first kiss.
Jack thought back to his kiss in the time loops and winced: Yeah. Sorry.
Sam shook her head: No, I mean. I assaulted you. (she insisted) And it could have been worse.
Jack added awkwardly: Good foundations. (he perceived her recalcitrant nervousness and winced) Carter. Who cares? It's the first one ya want to care about that counts.
Sam thought about his words, nodded and added: So... now what?
Echo:
*Oh boy. (x2)*
Notes:
*Yes it would have been rape if he had not managed to hold her down and she would have managed to continue further. Jack tells her "no" and she continues: no respect for her consent. This scene is still a sexual assault even if not voluntary.
You begin to understand why the story of Sam/Jack is written with feet, filled with rape culture... And unfortunately very accepted given the romanticization of this kind of scene, whether by the fans or by the creators of the series. Again, don't worry, my fanfic is a love story, just... It unravels it all*
*“Jack: So does Daniel apparently. (he moved his hand) We talked about it. ” refers to my chapter 13, when Daniel goes to see Jack at his house:
“Daniel scanned his face and realized that he was really close to the edge. He swallowed and remembered all the times he had seen him like this. The last few days had been hard on his friend, the next few would probably be as well, and his refusal to eat was... disturbing. Daniel knew that even if he didn't agree on everything, Jack had the ability to listen, to understand. And that deep down, he agreed with his ideals. Something else disturbed him, he would have bet.
Daniel ventured, quietly: Jack (the soldier looked up at him) What's going on?”
I've created a quid pro quo here for readers who are used to reading Stargate (and other) fan fiction, where the trope of "when two characters pair up, they become one" is used too often. At the first reading of this paragraph, we think that Jack is very bad mainly because of his relationship with Sam. With this paragraph, we understand that he was bad about his appointment with Dr. Williams and about what he had just (again)learned about what he had lived. In fanfics, books, TV series or movies, the pattern of women forgetting their own lives when they are in a relationship is too present, so I wanted to develop it also on the man's side to deconstruct this idea of "erasing fusion relationship "*
Sam grimaced: I'm sorry...
Jack: So does Daniel apparently. (he moved his hand) We talked about it. (he perceived her pain and anguish and tried to lighten the atmosphere) To choose, I preferred when it was you who had attacked me.
Sam, unsettled: I beg your pardon?
Jack: In the locker room. Always the first year. With your little tank top.
Sam started to panic again: Oh boy.
Jack shook his head: You were under the influence. (he tried to play it down) I was... flattered.
Sam nervously insisted: It was our first kiss.
Jack thought back to his kiss in the time loops and winced: Yeah. Sorry.
Sam shook her head: No, I mean. I assaulted you. (she insisted) And it could have been worse.
Jack added awkwardly: Good foundations. (he perceived her recalcitrant nervousness and winced) Carter. Who cares? It's the first one ya want to care about that counts.
Sam thought about his words, nodded and added: So... now what?
Echo:
*Oh boy. (x2)*
Notes:
*Yes it would have been rape if he had not managed to hold her down and she would have managed to continue further. Jack tells her "no" and she continues: no respect for her consent. This scene is still a sexual assault even if not voluntary.
You begin to understand why the story of Sam/Jack is written with feet, filled with rape culture... And unfortunately very accepted given the romanticization of this kind of scene, whether by the fans or by the creators of the series. Again, don't worry, my fanfic is a love story, just... It unravels it all*
*“Jack: So does Daniel apparently. (he moved his hand) We talked about it. ” refers to my chapter 13, when Daniel goes to see Jack at his house:
“Daniel scanned his face and realized that he was really close to the edge. He swallowed and remembered all the times he had seen him like this. The last few days had been hard on his friend, the next few would probably be as well, and his refusal to eat was... disturbing. Daniel knew that even if he didn't agree on everything, Jack had the ability to listen, to understand. And that deep down, he agreed with his ideals. Something else disturbed him, he would have bet.
Daniel ventured, quietly: Jack (the soldier looked up at him) What's going on?”
I've created a quid pro quo here for readers who are used to reading Stargate (and other) fan fiction, where the trope of "when two characters pair up, they become one" is used too often. At the first reading of this paragraph, we think that Jack is very bad mainly because of his relationship with Sam. With this paragraph, we understand that he was bad about his appointment with Dr. Williams and about what he had just (again)learned about what he had lived. In fanfics, books, TV series or movies, the pattern of women forgetting their own lives when they are in a relationship is too present, so I wanted to develop it also on the man's side to deconstruct this idea of "erasing fusion relationship "*
CW: * mention of physical anger* *PTSD*
He knocked violently on the shelf and she jumped.
Jack froze as he realized what he had just done: Oh. (he becomes uncomfortable) Sorry.
Bell cleared her throat: Euurrrh. It's got to come out. (Cautiously, she added) Maybe... Maybe you could sit down if you don't mind?
Jack sat back, stunned: Damn. I knew it.
Bell: Internalization is a complex process.
Jack: So... now what?
Bell: Um, even though you don't seem to have established PTSD, it might be worth considering a few more sessions. (he swallowed and looked away. She frowned and insisted) If you don't mind...
Jack tilted his head, nervously: I guess.
Bell: However, if you could pay attention to yourself the next few days... Watch your... (she swallowed and looked furtively at the shelf) Excess of anger, maybe? (she hesitated) Usually anger hides other emotions... Fear, shame, loss of confidence, and guilt. (she moved her hand) Accepting anger is already a good thing.
Echo:
*It's got to come out. / Internalization is a complex process.*
*So... now what? (x2)*
*Maybe... Maybe you / maybe?*
*Excess of anger / Usually anger / Accepting anger*
* if you don't mind? / If you don't mind... *
Notes:
*We come back to the management of our emotions: knocking on a piece of furniture with a person present: no*
*Reminder of my chapter 9:
“Still with his back to her, he knocked brutally on the dresser. She gasped, clenched her teeth and her breathing quickened.
Jack turned slightly toward her and pointed to the dresser with a shake of his head: Sorry.
Sam tempered the hatred in her voice: Don't ever do that again. (He questioned her with his eyes, surprised by her reaction. She pointed to the dresser and glared at him) That.
Jack swallowed and shook his head nervously: Sorry about that.”
Jack relives an echo with Sam, which he already had 3 days before with Bell*
*Accept your anger (source)*
He knocked violently on the shelf and she jumped.
Jack froze as he realized what he had just done: Oh. (he becomes uncomfortable) Sorry.
Bell cleared her throat: Euurrrh. It's got to come out. (Cautiously, she added) Maybe... Maybe you could sit down if you don't mind?
Jack sat back, stunned: Damn. I knew it.
Bell: Internalization is a complex process.
Jack: So... now what?
Bell: Um, even though you don't seem to have established PTSD, it might be worth considering a few more sessions. (he swallowed and looked away. She frowned and insisted) If you don't mind...
Jack tilted his head, nervously: I guess.
Bell: However, if you could pay attention to yourself the next few days... Watch your... (she swallowed and looked furtively at the shelf) Excess of anger, maybe? (she hesitated) Usually anger hides other emotions... Fear, shame, loss of confidence, and guilt. (she moved her hand) Accepting anger is already a good thing.
Echo:
*It's got to come out. / Internalization is a complex process.*
*So... now what? (x2)*
*Maybe... Maybe you / maybe?*
*Excess of anger / Usually anger / Accepting anger*
* if you don't mind? / If you don't mind... *
Notes:
*We come back to the management of our emotions: knocking on a piece of furniture with a person present: no*
*Reminder of my chapter 9:
“Still with his back to her, he knocked brutally on the dresser. She gasped, clenched her teeth and her breathing quickened.
Jack turned slightly toward her and pointed to the dresser with a shake of his head: Sorry.
Sam tempered the hatred in her voice: Don't ever do that again. (He questioned her with his eyes, surprised by her reaction. She pointed to the dresser and glared at him) That.
Jack swallowed and shook his head nervously: Sorry about that.”
Jack relives an echo with Sam, which he already had 3 days before with Bell*
*Accept your anger (source)*
CW: *psychophobia* *reporting of rapes* *reporting of people being passive in the face of violence against others* *traumatic birthdays* *victim blaming*
Jack took a deep breath: After I went nuts? (she frowned and questioned him with her eyes, he raised an arm towards her) The next day I've laid you off, a week later I had Anang and Dr. Dang jailed... Shall I continue? (she opened her mouth, he grimaced and added a notch lower) I called you the night you were laid off so we could talk about it in person. (he swallowed and looked away) It was the anniversary of the day my son died. (she closed her eyes in shock and he winced again) No guilt, please.
Sam opened her eyes again and whispered: You should have told me. (She looked away, uncomfortable) All of it.
Jack shook his head: I couldn't do it. (He gritted his teeth and took a few seconds to regain control) I felt like such an idiot.
Sam frowned, "Idiot”?
Jack: I was abused but I stayed with her. (she tilted her head but didn't mention the fact that he didn't have much choice with the nanites) Those damn nanites freaked me out so much that they took away my years that I totally overlooked this detail. (he muttered Daniel's words and rolled his eyes bitterly) "Poor man".
She bit her lip and thought back to her mocking behavior when she had experienced the situation firsthand. They thought they had always been there for each other...
Sam hesitated: You know why I had such a hard time telling you what happened to me?
Jack was slightly apprehensive: No?
Sam: Melosha. (he swallowed and looked away) You guys stopped me from intervening. (faster) I know I know. There weren't enough of us and we shouldn't interfere in other people's business but... But I don't know...
Jack refrained from retorting that they had potentially saved her from being raped by Turghan: Yah. I know. We had no choice.
Sam: I understand that feeling of helplessness, guilt and ju-ju-judgment. (he looked at her, she swallowed and hesitated) What's done is done. Now, if we don't have the choice of doing something about what happened, I'd like us to... to support each other instead of hiding this kind of thing.
Jack nodded with difficulty: There's something else.
Sam, nervously: What?
Echo:
*In my previous paragraph “Usually anger hides other emotions... Fear, shame, loss of confidence, and guilt.” / I understand that feeling of helplessness, guilt and ju-ju-judgment*
* I felt like such an idiot. - "Idiot”?*
*to do something / this kind of thing. - There's something else*
*We had no choice. / we don't have the choice *
*You guys stopped me from intervening. / we shouldn't interfere *
*I know I know. / but... But I don't know... / I know.*
Notes:
*This paragraph deals again with neutrality, with not acting (or being able to act) in the face of a traumatic event. For Melosha, Daniel's reaction is horrible. One does not give a history lesson on the sexuality of prehistoric men when one sees a rape (limit in his mission report?). This scene is unnecessary, except to unpack this line and bring in the fact that the people of the "Land of Light" make their entrance. There was another way to write this scene, without being problematic by excusing the neutrality/passivity of the spectators (because hey, the people who are victims of this violence already suffer well from the neutrality of the "aggressors' buddies" or other reflections) Again, representations are important*
*When you consider that SG-1 has a "something must be done" writing style, these scenes are poorly written, poorly directed, and hypersensitive to people who have experienced these things in reality.
One of the first things you learn about being an ally in the fight for minority rights is to intervene when something problematic happens. This is going to be in conflict with the "don't interfere in other people's business" that SG-1 advocates a lot, and in the previous chapter I already explained this point with the Ascended beings and the Dalai Lama (the 14th)*
*Men who have been sexually abused are invisible. Stargate could have provided an opportunity to speak out on this issue, but... No. They don't have PTSD and it's a topic not discussed afterwards. Many men give the counter argument "we are raped too" to feminists who fight against sexual violence. The problem with this kind of counter-argument - when the statistics clearly show a SYSTEMIC problem against women - is that instead of joining the fight against patriarchy (and thus all of its violence), these men are just drifting the subject. In the meantime, we don't see many men in feminist conferences or demonstrations against patriarchy and telling their buddies not to behave like that... But... Are very present to remind this argument to the victims or to say "I never did that"... In short, Stargate could have addressed this theme, but no. (source) (source)*
*To go further on traumatic anniversaries (source) (source) (source)*
Jack took a deep breath: After I went nuts? (she frowned and questioned him with her eyes, he raised an arm towards her) The next day I've laid you off, a week later I had Anang and Dr. Dang jailed... Shall I continue? (she opened her mouth, he grimaced and added a notch lower) I called you the night you were laid off so we could talk about it in person. (he swallowed and looked away) It was the anniversary of the day my son died. (she closed her eyes in shock and he winced again) No guilt, please.
Sam opened her eyes again and whispered: You should have told me. (She looked away, uncomfortable) All of it.
Jack shook his head: I couldn't do it. (He gritted his teeth and took a few seconds to regain control) I felt like such an idiot.
Sam frowned, "Idiot”?
Jack: I was abused but I stayed with her. (she tilted her head but didn't mention the fact that he didn't have much choice with the nanites) Those damn nanites freaked me out so much that they took away my years that I totally overlooked this detail. (he muttered Daniel's words and rolled his eyes bitterly) "Poor man".
She bit her lip and thought back to her mocking behavior when she had experienced the situation firsthand. They thought they had always been there for each other...
Sam hesitated: You know why I had such a hard time telling you what happened to me?
Jack was slightly apprehensive: No?
Sam: Melosha. (he swallowed and looked away) You guys stopped me from intervening. (faster) I know I know. There weren't enough of us and we shouldn't interfere in other people's business but... But I don't know...
Jack refrained from retorting that they had potentially saved her from being raped by Turghan: Yah. I know. We had no choice.
Sam: I understand that feeling of helplessness, guilt and ju-ju-judgment. (he looked at her, she swallowed and hesitated) What's done is done. Now, if we don't have the choice of doing something about what happened, I'd like us to... to support each other instead of hiding this kind of thing.
Jack nodded with difficulty: There's something else.
Sam, nervously: What?
Echo:
*In my previous paragraph “Usually anger hides other emotions... Fear, shame, loss of confidence, and guilt.” / I understand that feeling of helplessness, guilt and ju-ju-judgment*
* I felt like such an idiot. - "Idiot”?*
*to do something / this kind of thing. - There's something else*
*We had no choice. / we don't have the choice *
*You guys stopped me from intervening. / we shouldn't interfere *
*I know I know. / but... But I don't know... / I know.*
Notes:
*This paragraph deals again with neutrality, with not acting (or being able to act) in the face of a traumatic event. For Melosha, Daniel's reaction is horrible. One does not give a history lesson on the sexuality of prehistoric men when one sees a rape (limit in his mission report?). This scene is unnecessary, except to unpack this line and bring in the fact that the people of the "Land of Light" make their entrance. There was another way to write this scene, without being problematic by excusing the neutrality/passivity of the spectators (because hey, the people who are victims of this violence already suffer well from the neutrality of the "aggressors' buddies" or other reflections) Again, representations are important*
*When you consider that SG-1 has a "something must be done" writing style, these scenes are poorly written, poorly directed, and hypersensitive to people who have experienced these things in reality.
One of the first things you learn about being an ally in the fight for minority rights is to intervene when something problematic happens. This is going to be in conflict with the "don't interfere in other people's business" that SG-1 advocates a lot, and in the previous chapter I already explained this point with the Ascended beings and the Dalai Lama (the 14th)*
*Men who have been sexually abused are invisible. Stargate could have provided an opportunity to speak out on this issue, but... No. They don't have PTSD and it's a topic not discussed afterwards. Many men give the counter argument "we are raped too" to feminists who fight against sexual violence. The problem with this kind of counter-argument - when the statistics clearly show a SYSTEMIC problem against women - is that instead of joining the fight against patriarchy (and thus all of its violence), these men are just drifting the subject. In the meantime, we don't see many men in feminist conferences or demonstrations against patriarchy and telling their buddies not to behave like that... But... Are very present to remind this argument to the victims or to say "I never did that"... In short, Stargate could have addressed this theme, but no. (source) (source)*
*To go further on traumatic anniversaries (source) (source) (source)*
CW: *alcohol mention* *heterocentric view*
Jack: About kids. I... I think I have one.
Sam broke down: What?
Jack put a hand behind his head: On Edora.
Sam put down her cup: You "think"?
Jack swallowed: Hmm. I don't know. I... I forgot.
Sam got angry and stood up: "Forgot? How can you forget whether you have a child or not?!
Jack grinned and half lied: Hu. I was a little drunk… (she took several steps around the room and thought about Cassie rushing to him hideout instead of asking her for help and shook her head in exasperation) Sorry. That's not entirely true. (she turned to him and he swallowed to admit it) My brain tends to alter certain memories to... To make them more acceptable. (he mumbled to himself) I don't know why.
Sam, more gently: Your brain goes into protection. (He questioned her with his eyes) False memories. (she looked away for a fraction of a second) My brain does that too. (he nodded at the memory of the zatarc test and she continued with determination) She needs you.
Jack, surprised: Hu?
Sam frowned: Maybe that woman lives alone with your child. (Bell's words echoed in her head: "If you want a child, don't wait for a man. They don't wait for us.") Look. I lost my mother early. (he froze and she widened her eyes, remembering that he also) Hu. Sorry. (she picked herself up and concluded) Janet was doing fine, a family doesn't have to consist of a father and a mother.
Jack swallowed, lowered: And you know what I should do?
Sam, with a touch of sarcasm: Get Edora's contact information and go say "hello" to them? (he winced and bowed his head. Emotions overwhelmed her) Damn. We worked for three months to get you back, I spent hours on that particle beam and I... (she was doubtful) You wanted to come back to Earth?
Jack frowned: Yes.
Sam, suspicious: But that's not what you told her.
Jack hesitated to admit it: No. (she gave him an obvious look, he gritted his teeth and as if to justify himself, added) She didn't want to come with.
Sam's face broke down as he finally understood Anang's words during the three of them arguing at her house. She tried to explain to her exactly this behavior that men could have of leaving the whole responsibility to women, putting in priority their lives or their careers
Sam gritted her teeth, trying to keep her composure: It's her planet. (She insisted) It was up to you to stay, or at least to go regularly.
Jack frowned: And you wanted that?
Sam froze and felt the anger rising inside her: I'm talking about them. (she got angry) You left them behind! (She took a few steps around the room to regain her composure. This situation reminded her of Cassie, and she too had left her behind. She breathed out in a whisper) I didn't get anything from you. Not a "thank you for bringing me back". Do you think about what I thought? (She was silent for a moment, lost in thought) And a few months later, you killed this man with the iris. (He swallowed and she spoke softly, emphasizing each word) You had changed. (he frowned) I didn't like the man we had brought back. (he bit his tongue, got up in his turn to take several steps in the room. She exclaimed) To hear you say afterwards that you cared about me and then take the opportunity to kiss me in that loop right afterwards?
Jack began to get angry: I know, I know.
Sam moved her hand in front of her and exclaimed: He must be at least five years old!
Jack, firmly: I'll go.
Sam insisted coldly: Quickly.
Jack became impatient and gritted his teeth: Yah.
Sam raised her voice in frustration at his behavior: Stop being angry!
Jack yelled: I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE WITH ME!
Their breaths heavy, they looked at each other intensely. She shook her head and regained her composure.
Sam frowned: You lie to me too.
Jack raised his eyebrows and stared at her: Excuse me?
Sam: I was here for your so-called "retire". (he grunted and she looked at him in disbelief) Damn it you used her as an excuse?
Jack, nervous, lower: We came up with this plan with Hammond.
Sam raises her eyebrows: This is supposed to reassure me about your moral choices?
Jack growled harshly: You want someone morally ethical? (he yelled) PICK DANIEL!
She widened her eyes and stared at him, definitely incredulous. She turned her back to him to think and control her emotions. She concluded that it was the drop of water, their love relation was irreparable. A flood of sadness overwhelmed her: she didn't want to lose him, even if it meant that they would remain just friends, and thought about how to stop this horrible discussion.
Jack: Thank you for bringing me back. (she froze, still with her back to him) I had... I had... given up. (he winced and bowed his head) Not you. All of you... (she tried to hold back tears, remembering that feeling of hope she'd had with Cassandra and learning that they'd all been waiting. Unfortunately a tear escaped down her cheek, she quickly wiped it away, praying that he hadn't noticed. He finally added) I guess I never wanted to check if I had one or not so I wouldn't have to relive another loss.
She exhaled violently at this admission, not having thought about his point of view, and took a few seconds to gather her thoughts.
Sam quietly, still from behind: I always wanted to be a mother. (he frowned, not seeing the connection with the subject) But my brain has been trying to solve the question of whether I can impose my life on a child for years. To know if he won't resent me for being so absent as my father was… (she closed her eyes, again upset at her own absence from Cassandra) To know if I am ready and able to take care of another living being in addition to myself. (she turned to him) To know... (she pointed at him with an uncertain gesture) To know if it was too early between us, if you want one or not and... And you tell me that you potentially have an abandoned child on the other side of the galaxy. (she looked away for a moment) So yes, I'm a little angry too.
Jack tilted his head and tried to play it down: Eight years. A little early, yah.
She glared at him. How could he joke about this, she wondered, she was taking a step towards him and he was reacting like this? Really?
Sam, bitterly: Yeah, a month is better.
Jack put a hand behind his head: Carter. I want a child with you if you want it too. (she widened her eyes in surprise and he frowned) What?
Sam waved her hands in front of her: You broke up with me after not even a month! (he winced, looked away and grunted) What? You forgot that too? (he looked at her, jaded, she smiled slightly at his reaction and held up a finger) Fairplay.
Jack nodded: Fairplay.
Sam resumed her seriousness: It's just... (she grimaced) Well, after First I thought...
She was silent and gave him a fearful look. He moistened his lips with nervousness and looked away.
Jack took a few steps and leaned against a wall: I've always refused to be like my father and with all this... (he tensed) I'm not sure I'd make such a good father anymore.
Sam felt her heart break into a million pieces: Are you kidding?
Jack gasped: My son? (he moved his hands) I gave up Sara at the worst possible time and I gave up a potentially pregnant woman, um. (he insisted) Good foundations.
Sam took a step towards him: What about Cassie? (he did not answer and looked away to regain control of his emotions) For all these years you have watched over her. (she insisted) Them. Finding the right balance, your place in this disjointed family while remaining in the background. You supported them, you... (she looked away, again ashamed to admit it) You replaced me when I was unable to. (He remained silent. She took a step towards him and added with more conviction) Who did she turn to when she learned that her powers had returned? (she moved her hands in front of him) And you asked Brightman to keep her safe. (he winced and looked at his shoes) You... You are the adult that every child would like to be. (she murmured softly) Don't let your son's accident make you think you're not a good father. (he shook his head and continued to look at the ground, not knowing what to say. She looked at him for a few seconds and resumed normally) Go to Laira, okay?
Jack blew out his breath to relieve the stress and looked up slowly: Okay.
Sam hesitated: Now... Now I'd like us to go back to the original topic. (he swallowed and she noticed that he hadn't looked at her for a while) We would have found solutions. It's a non-problem.
Jack raised his eyebrows and said sarcastically: A "non-problem"?
Sam frowned: Are you listening to me?
Jack grinned and growled softly through his teeth: I was kidding.
He rested his gaze on her to insist that he wasn't lying, but the tension didn't ease. They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds and then she finally looked away, tensed. He swallowed and did the same.
Sam moved her hands in front of her: I accept your life and who you are. I'm trying to understand what's going on in your head. That's all.
She rested her gaze on him. He nodded, then lowered his head, still nervous.
Echo:
*In an earlier paragraph in this chapter, Jack tells Bell “ We lose our memory all the time. Ya get used to it.” / with no memories. / loss of inhibition and memory. / Doesn't this remind ya of a mission in our first year? / I... I forgot. - "Forgot? How can you forget whether you have a child or not?! - I was a little drunk... / You forgot that too?*
*I think I have one. / You "think"? / Do you think about what I thought?*
*In an earlier paragraph in this chapter, Jack says “Good foundations.” to Sam about their relationship and repeats it here about himself*
*I had... I had... given up. / an abandoned child / I gave up Sara at the worst possible time and I gave up a potentially pregnant woman*
*"thank you for bringing me back" / I didn't like the man we had brought back. / Thank you for bringing me back. / her powers had returned?*
*Stop being angry! / I'm a little angry too.*
*your moral choices? / morally ethical?*
*it was too early between us / A little early, yah.*
*if you want one or not and... / I want a child with you if you want it too*
*a month is better. / not even a month!*
*to be like my father / a good father anymore. / a good father.*
*Are you kidding? / I was kidding.*
*okay? - Okay.*
*My brain (x3) / Your brain*
*To know if / To know if I am / To know... To know if it was*
*Now... Now*
* It's a non-problem. - A "non-problem"?*
*Excuse me? / you used her as an excuse?*
Notes:
*From the beginning of this chapter, "understanding" and "communication" are important keywords: I'm trying to understand what's going on in your head.*
*About the “False memories”, I remind you that the episode of SG1 405 "divide or conquer" speaks about that on them two*
*Recalling my chapter 3, Jack tells her “You should know, a part of me is never going to let go of what I left behind.
He frowned at a strange sense of déjà vu. Oula, he recalled, bad déjà vu. A wave of guilt rose in him and he swallowed.
Sam panicked at his expression: I didn't mean to-
Jack shook his head slightly to compose himself:”*
*In my chapter 9, Bell tells Sam “If you want a child, don't wait for a man. They don't wait for us.”*
*In the first paragraph of my first chapter: “Jack lowered his head and felt his heart tighten in his chest at the memory of his own father. He looked at the lighter in his hand for a moment.
Do we necessarily follow in the footsteps of his parents?”*
*”To know if he won't resent me for being so absent as my father was...” Remember that Jacob before Selmak was totally different from the Jacob we knew. We got a glimpse of him, but Sam knew him throughout his childhood and adolescence, when you are learning to become someone. A deceased mother, an authoritarian and absent father... This leaves psychological traces as well, and we can understand a little better where his fear of abandonment and his emotional dependence would come from.*
*Information on the nuclear family (source)*
*Article: Feminism and the Nuclear Family (source)*
*Article: Dismantling Structural Racism and White Nuclear Family Hegemony in the Tax Code (source)*
*"She didn't want to come with." is not a mistake where the "me" would be missing, remember that Jack has this speech impediment*
*Scientific study shows link between childhood abuse and mental health problems (source)*
Jack: About kids. I... I think I have one.
Sam broke down: What?
Jack put a hand behind his head: On Edora.
Sam put down her cup: You "think"?
Jack swallowed: Hmm. I don't know. I... I forgot.
Sam got angry and stood up: "Forgot? How can you forget whether you have a child or not?!
Jack grinned and half lied: Hu. I was a little drunk… (she took several steps around the room and thought about Cassie rushing to him hideout instead of asking her for help and shook her head in exasperation) Sorry. That's not entirely true. (she turned to him and he swallowed to admit it) My brain tends to alter certain memories to... To make them more acceptable. (he mumbled to himself) I don't know why.
Sam, more gently: Your brain goes into protection. (He questioned her with his eyes) False memories. (she looked away for a fraction of a second) My brain does that too. (he nodded at the memory of the zatarc test and she continued with determination) She needs you.
Jack, surprised: Hu?
Sam frowned: Maybe that woman lives alone with your child. (Bell's words echoed in her head: "If you want a child, don't wait for a man. They don't wait for us.") Look. I lost my mother early. (he froze and she widened her eyes, remembering that he also) Hu. Sorry. (she picked herself up and concluded) Janet was doing fine, a family doesn't have to consist of a father and a mother.
Jack swallowed, lowered: And you know what I should do?
Sam, with a touch of sarcasm: Get Edora's contact information and go say "hello" to them? (he winced and bowed his head. Emotions overwhelmed her) Damn. We worked for three months to get you back, I spent hours on that particle beam and I... (she was doubtful) You wanted to come back to Earth?
Jack frowned: Yes.
Sam, suspicious: But that's not what you told her.
Jack hesitated to admit it: No. (she gave him an obvious look, he gritted his teeth and as if to justify himself, added) She didn't want to come with.
Sam's face broke down as he finally understood Anang's words during the three of them arguing at her house. She tried to explain to her exactly this behavior that men could have of leaving the whole responsibility to women, putting in priority their lives or their careers
Sam gritted her teeth, trying to keep her composure: It's her planet. (She insisted) It was up to you to stay, or at least to go regularly.
Jack frowned: And you wanted that?
Sam froze and felt the anger rising inside her: I'm talking about them. (she got angry) You left them behind! (She took a few steps around the room to regain her composure. This situation reminded her of Cassie, and she too had left her behind. She breathed out in a whisper) I didn't get anything from you. Not a "thank you for bringing me back". Do you think about what I thought? (She was silent for a moment, lost in thought) And a few months later, you killed this man with the iris. (He swallowed and she spoke softly, emphasizing each word) You had changed. (he frowned) I didn't like the man we had brought back. (he bit his tongue, got up in his turn to take several steps in the room. She exclaimed) To hear you say afterwards that you cared about me and then take the opportunity to kiss me in that loop right afterwards?
Jack began to get angry: I know, I know.
Sam moved her hand in front of her and exclaimed: He must be at least five years old!
Jack, firmly: I'll go.
Sam insisted coldly: Quickly.
Jack became impatient and gritted his teeth: Yah.
Sam raised her voice in frustration at his behavior: Stop being angry!
Jack yelled: I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE WITH ME!
Their breaths heavy, they looked at each other intensely. She shook her head and regained her composure.
Sam frowned: You lie to me too.
Jack raised his eyebrows and stared at her: Excuse me?
Sam: I was here for your so-called "retire". (he grunted and she looked at him in disbelief) Damn it you used her as an excuse?
Jack, nervous, lower: We came up with this plan with Hammond.
Sam raises her eyebrows: This is supposed to reassure me about your moral choices?
Jack growled harshly: You want someone morally ethical? (he yelled) PICK DANIEL!
She widened her eyes and stared at him, definitely incredulous. She turned her back to him to think and control her emotions. She concluded that it was the drop of water, their love relation was irreparable. A flood of sadness overwhelmed her: she didn't want to lose him, even if it meant that they would remain just friends, and thought about how to stop this horrible discussion.
Jack: Thank you for bringing me back. (she froze, still with her back to him) I had... I had... given up. (he winced and bowed his head) Not you. All of you... (she tried to hold back tears, remembering that feeling of hope she'd had with Cassandra and learning that they'd all been waiting. Unfortunately a tear escaped down her cheek, she quickly wiped it away, praying that he hadn't noticed. He finally added) I guess I never wanted to check if I had one or not so I wouldn't have to relive another loss.
She exhaled violently at this admission, not having thought about his point of view, and took a few seconds to gather her thoughts.
Sam quietly, still from behind: I always wanted to be a mother. (he frowned, not seeing the connection with the subject) But my brain has been trying to solve the question of whether I can impose my life on a child for years. To know if he won't resent me for being so absent as my father was… (she closed her eyes, again upset at her own absence from Cassandra) To know if I am ready and able to take care of another living being in addition to myself. (she turned to him) To know... (she pointed at him with an uncertain gesture) To know if it was too early between us, if you want one or not and... And you tell me that you potentially have an abandoned child on the other side of the galaxy. (she looked away for a moment) So yes, I'm a little angry too.
Jack tilted his head and tried to play it down: Eight years. A little early, yah.
She glared at him. How could he joke about this, she wondered, she was taking a step towards him and he was reacting like this? Really?
Sam, bitterly: Yeah, a month is better.
Jack put a hand behind his head: Carter. I want a child with you if you want it too. (she widened her eyes in surprise and he frowned) What?
Sam waved her hands in front of her: You broke up with me after not even a month! (he winced, looked away and grunted) What? You forgot that too? (he looked at her, jaded, she smiled slightly at his reaction and held up a finger) Fairplay.
Jack nodded: Fairplay.
Sam resumed her seriousness: It's just... (she grimaced) Well, after First I thought...
She was silent and gave him a fearful look. He moistened his lips with nervousness and looked away.
Jack took a few steps and leaned against a wall: I've always refused to be like my father and with all this... (he tensed) I'm not sure I'd make such a good father anymore.
Sam felt her heart break into a million pieces: Are you kidding?
Jack gasped: My son? (he moved his hands) I gave up Sara at the worst possible time and I gave up a potentially pregnant woman, um. (he insisted) Good foundations.
Sam took a step towards him: What about Cassie? (he did not answer and looked away to regain control of his emotions) For all these years you have watched over her. (she insisted) Them. Finding the right balance, your place in this disjointed family while remaining in the background. You supported them, you... (she looked away, again ashamed to admit it) You replaced me when I was unable to. (He remained silent. She took a step towards him and added with more conviction) Who did she turn to when she learned that her powers had returned? (she moved her hands in front of him) And you asked Brightman to keep her safe. (he winced and looked at his shoes) You... You are the adult that every child would like to be. (she murmured softly) Don't let your son's accident make you think you're not a good father. (he shook his head and continued to look at the ground, not knowing what to say. She looked at him for a few seconds and resumed normally) Go to Laira, okay?
Jack blew out his breath to relieve the stress and looked up slowly: Okay.
Sam hesitated: Now... Now I'd like us to go back to the original topic. (he swallowed and she noticed that he hadn't looked at her for a while) We would have found solutions. It's a non-problem.
Jack raised his eyebrows and said sarcastically: A "non-problem"?
Sam frowned: Are you listening to me?
Jack grinned and growled softly through his teeth: I was kidding.
He rested his gaze on her to insist that he wasn't lying, but the tension didn't ease. They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds and then she finally looked away, tensed. He swallowed and did the same.
Sam moved her hands in front of her: I accept your life and who you are. I'm trying to understand what's going on in your head. That's all.
She rested her gaze on him. He nodded, then lowered his head, still nervous.
Echo:
*In an earlier paragraph in this chapter, Jack tells Bell “ We lose our memory all the time. Ya get used to it.” / with no memories. / loss of inhibition and memory. / Doesn't this remind ya of a mission in our first year? / I... I forgot. - "Forgot? How can you forget whether you have a child or not?! - I was a little drunk... / You forgot that too?*
*I think I have one. / You "think"? / Do you think about what I thought?*
*In an earlier paragraph in this chapter, Jack says “Good foundations.” to Sam about their relationship and repeats it here about himself*
*I had... I had... given up. / an abandoned child / I gave up Sara at the worst possible time and I gave up a potentially pregnant woman*
*"thank you for bringing me back" / I didn't like the man we had brought back. / Thank you for bringing me back. / her powers had returned?*
*Stop being angry! / I'm a little angry too.*
*your moral choices? / morally ethical?*
*it was too early between us / A little early, yah.*
*if you want one or not and... / I want a child with you if you want it too*
*a month is better. / not even a month!*
*to be like my father / a good father anymore. / a good father.*
*Are you kidding? / I was kidding.*
*okay? - Okay.*
*My brain (x3) / Your brain*
*To know if / To know if I am / To know... To know if it was*
*Now... Now*
* It's a non-problem. - A "non-problem"?*
*Excuse me? / you used her as an excuse?*
Notes:
*From the beginning of this chapter, "understanding" and "communication" are important keywords: I'm trying to understand what's going on in your head.*
*About the “False memories”, I remind you that the episode of SG1 405 "divide or conquer" speaks about that on them two*
*Recalling my chapter 3, Jack tells her “You should know, a part of me is never going to let go of what I left behind.
He frowned at a strange sense of déjà vu. Oula, he recalled, bad déjà vu. A wave of guilt rose in him and he swallowed.
Sam panicked at his expression: I didn't mean to-
Jack shook his head slightly to compose himself:”*
*In my chapter 9, Bell tells Sam “If you want a child, don't wait for a man. They don't wait for us.”*
*In the first paragraph of my first chapter: “Jack lowered his head and felt his heart tighten in his chest at the memory of his own father. He looked at the lighter in his hand for a moment.
Do we necessarily follow in the footsteps of his parents?”*
*”To know if he won't resent me for being so absent as my father was...” Remember that Jacob before Selmak was totally different from the Jacob we knew. We got a glimpse of him, but Sam knew him throughout his childhood and adolescence, when you are learning to become someone. A deceased mother, an authoritarian and absent father... This leaves psychological traces as well, and we can understand a little better where his fear of abandonment and his emotional dependence would come from.*
*Information on the nuclear family (source)*
*Article: Feminism and the Nuclear Family (source)*
*Article: Dismantling Structural Racism and White Nuclear Family Hegemony in the Tax Code (source)*
*"She didn't want to come with." is not a mistake where the "me" would be missing, remember that Jack has this speech impediment*
*Scientific study shows link between childhood abuse and mental health problems (source)*
CW: *death mention*
Jack: I should never have come to see you alone in this room.
Sam: Which one?
Jack winced: All of them. (she opened her mouth and he tilted his head) Especially in Memphis. I should have gone with Daniel and Teal'c.
Sam apprehended, her voice breaking: What... what do you mean?
Jack gritted his teeth: Exactly what I mean. I took advantage of the situation. (she felt her breathing quicken) You were... Sad. Angry. (He shook his head for words and moved one hand limply) Vulnerable.
Sam, calmly but emotionally: I know about the stages of grief, but can you please stop blaming everything on my dad's death? (she insisted) My mind was made up before that call.
Jack moistened his lips with nervousness and added more softly: Carter, your look has changed. You haven't cried or been bad like this in months... (she tensed and he moved a hand in front of him) Years! You had all this... (he got angry with himself) Guilt over those bugs... (she swallowed and lowered her head. He exclaimed) Selmak! (she closed her eyes to keep from crying and he growled) If we follow your logic your dad is also dead ‘cause of me! (he held up three fingers to her so she would understand what he was getting at but she refused to face him. She shook her head and he added in a breath) Fraiser. (she opened her eyes again without looking up, having thought no one had noticed that she felt partly responsible. He paused for a moment, reluctant to confess the rest) Starting a relationship with you at this point in your life was easy.
Sam raised her head sharply and gritted her teeth: "Easy”? (he winced more, but this time at the thought that he had just set off a bomb) That's... Is that what you think it was for you? “EASY”?!
She stood up, took several energetic steps into the room, grabbing her hair to prevent herself from breaking everything in the room.
Jack continued gently, trying to calm her down, but not without hesitation: You didn't know what you wanted and I... I doubt you even know now.
Sam looked back at him: Was that your plan? To break up with me, wait until I got better, and then try again?
Jack winced: No. I screwed up the only chance I had with ya.
She breathed loudly and took several steps back into the room. Jack, exhausted, let himself slide against the wall and put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. She swallowed at this vision, looked around to think, took her courage and crouched down facing him.
Sam gently brought a hand up to his head: Is that-
Jack with his head still lowered in his hands: Don't... Don't do that.
Sam stood still and raised her eyebrows: "That" what?
Jack moved a hand: Comforting me when I'm an asshole.
She winced, rested her hand on her knee and thought. They had been through this not even a month ago. They had argued about the problematic behaviors he had exhibited, and he had pushed her away when she had tried to comfort him. The problem was, she couldn't help it, it was her thing. She needed to help others.
Sam: I think the world is not just full of simple things or complex things. Some simple things, like how we feel about each other (she quickly added nervously) friendship or call it what you will, (he frowned, his head still hidden in her arms and she resumed more calmly) are in fact much more complex, intertwined with our pasts, our histories, our interpretations, our... manipulations. (He gently raised his head to her and she shrugged slightly) My dad's death just made me realize that lying to the people I care about or to myself might not be the right way. (He closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall) Now I have to try to move on with this.
Echo:
*Once again, guilt: Guilt over those bugs...*
*was easy. - "Easy”? / “EASY”?!*
*Don't... Don't do that. - "That" what? *
*What... what do you mean? - Exactly what I mean. *
*simple things or complex things. Some simple things / are in fact much more complex*
Notes:
*When Sam breaks up with Pete, Pete tells him “I knew from the beginning. Guess I just thought when you said yes that…”, then “I wish I could believe this had something to do with your father. You needed some time to sort things out.”
There are two things wrong with these lines.
The first “I knew from the beginning.”, echoes with “I wish I could believe this had something to do with your father.”. So he suspected that she was forcing herself on him to forget about another. The problem is that he still continued the relationship "from the beginning" and we didn't have the on-screen discussion of "I know, we're talking about it, and I accept that you're trying with me". This sentence gives the impression - with his stalker background - that he knew but did not discuss it with her and just "took advantage" of her emotional weakness.
The second “Guess I just thought when you said yes that…”, comes from rape culture, where women's "no" or "maybe" actually means "yes". Here it is reversed and used against Sam's lies. I remind her that she has her own traumas, that we don't lie without reason, and that as women she has been conditioned to put her desires before those of men. It is very complicated for women to learn to say "no" (and even then, we have to suffer the negotiations of the other...).
So yes, Sam has been wrong since the beginning of their relationship, especially for having lied to her by saying "yes" to forget Jack and to try to cure herself of her trauma of losing the people she loves (cf: her mother via the discussion of her spirit in the form of her dad in 713 "Grace"), but I strongly believe that Pete knew Sam's psychological state and instead of advising him to go to a shrink and help him at the same time, just "took advantage" of it as if there were no worries. He tells him “You needed some time to sort things out.”*
*Here I make Jack say “You didn't know what you wanted and I... I doubt you even know now.” refers to several of my previous chapters (based on his behavior in the canon saga), where he asks several times if she likes this or that, or what she wants, and Sam answers in a confused way "I don't know". He answers her "let's work on it" and repeats several times that they have to go slower, except that she doesn't listen and continues the same pattern: She acts like everything is fine instead of figuring out what her desires are and healing her traumas, thinking that just being with Jack will solve everything. This is a pattern we see a lot in romance and is also related to emotional dependency: The person with this disorder, most often women, throws themselves body and soul into their relationship in order to forget themselves. It is once again an escape technique*
*In my chapter 15, Jack tells him “I shouldn't have come here.” / I should never have come to see you alone in this room.*
*Sam may indeed feel responsible for her dad's death in some way and this is consistent with what he tells him on his deathbed “By all rights, Selmak should have been dead weeks ago. I wouldn't let him go. I thought we needed him, that I needed him to help you stop the Replicators.”. Knowing that she feels responsible for betraying Fifth, and that RepliCarter wiped out the majority of the Goa'uld overlords in just a few weeks... Jacob stopped Selmak from leaving to counter this threat. If it weren't for the whole thing, Jacob could have let Selmak go, and would have gone on with his life.
This is of course only theoretical and I think that the writers did not go that far in their ideas, but when I heard this sentence from Jacob I found it very violent if you take the whole story.*
*On the fact that he is not said anything not to spoil his marriage when she could have enjoyed him to the fullest, okay it is his choice to decide when and how to announce that he is doomed, and the right time, but as said in my previous chapter: “ Listen, I know that it's never a good time for the other person to be separated and I… I'm rather reassured that you did it when I confided in you but I… (her voice broke without her wanting it to) I confided in you.”, as well as in this chapter when Jack tells him: No guilt, please.
Sam opened her eyes again and whispered: You should have told me. (She looked away, uncomfortable) All of it.”*
*Jonas, her ex, responds when she says he knew she would come to see him: “Healer of the emotionally wounded. I was your one failure. The bird with the broken wing that wouldn't heal.”
In my chapter 10, Sam explains to Alexander her failed vocation as a doctor: Sam: I used to take apart every electronic device in the house to understand how it worked. I don't know why, it was something that made me feel better. (she insisted) To understand why and how it worked or the opposite. How I could fix them. (she hesitated) When my mother died, it intensified. (She moved her hand) I needed to... To...
Alexander: Fix the others.
Sam looked at him and nodded: Hmm. And it became... Pathological?”*
*On Fraiser, Daniel says “ It's all because I wanted an aerial survey.” and Sam answers “It took me too long to figure out the probe sent a transmission” (note: once again, writing game with her on time). Sam and Daniel may indirectly blame themselves for Fraiser's death, and theses sentences suggest that*
*Article: Trinity (source)*
*Article Stargate: Janet's Death Stings Now More Than Ever(source)*
Bonus:
*click here*
*click here*
Jack: I should never have come to see you alone in this room.
Sam: Which one?
Jack winced: All of them. (she opened her mouth and he tilted his head) Especially in Memphis. I should have gone with Daniel and Teal'c.
Sam apprehended, her voice breaking: What... what do you mean?
Jack gritted his teeth: Exactly what I mean. I took advantage of the situation. (she felt her breathing quicken) You were... Sad. Angry. (He shook his head for words and moved one hand limply) Vulnerable.
Sam, calmly but emotionally: I know about the stages of grief, but can you please stop blaming everything on my dad's death? (she insisted) My mind was made up before that call.
Jack moistened his lips with nervousness and added more softly: Carter, your look has changed. You haven't cried or been bad like this in months... (she tensed and he moved a hand in front of him) Years! You had all this... (he got angry with himself) Guilt over those bugs... (she swallowed and lowered her head. He exclaimed) Selmak! (she closed her eyes to keep from crying and he growled) If we follow your logic your dad is also dead ‘cause of me! (he held up three fingers to her so she would understand what he was getting at but she refused to face him. She shook her head and he added in a breath) Fraiser. (she opened her eyes again without looking up, having thought no one had noticed that she felt partly responsible. He paused for a moment, reluctant to confess the rest) Starting a relationship with you at this point in your life was easy.
Sam raised her head sharply and gritted her teeth: "Easy”? (he winced more, but this time at the thought that he had just set off a bomb) That's... Is that what you think it was for you? “EASY”?!
She stood up, took several energetic steps into the room, grabbing her hair to prevent herself from breaking everything in the room.
Jack continued gently, trying to calm her down, but not without hesitation: You didn't know what you wanted and I... I doubt you even know now.
Sam looked back at him: Was that your plan? To break up with me, wait until I got better, and then try again?
Jack winced: No. I screwed up the only chance I had with ya.
She breathed loudly and took several steps back into the room. Jack, exhausted, let himself slide against the wall and put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. She swallowed at this vision, looked around to think, took her courage and crouched down facing him.
Sam gently brought a hand up to his head: Is that-
Jack with his head still lowered in his hands: Don't... Don't do that.
Sam stood still and raised her eyebrows: "That" what?
Jack moved a hand: Comforting me when I'm an asshole.
She winced, rested her hand on her knee and thought. They had been through this not even a month ago. They had argued about the problematic behaviors he had exhibited, and he had pushed her away when she had tried to comfort him. The problem was, she couldn't help it, it was her thing. She needed to help others.
Sam: I think the world is not just full of simple things or complex things. Some simple things, like how we feel about each other (she quickly added nervously) friendship or call it what you will, (he frowned, his head still hidden in her arms and she resumed more calmly) are in fact much more complex, intertwined with our pasts, our histories, our interpretations, our... manipulations. (He gently raised his head to her and she shrugged slightly) My dad's death just made me realize that lying to the people I care about or to myself might not be the right way. (He closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall) Now I have to try to move on with this.
Echo:
*Once again, guilt: Guilt over those bugs...*
*was easy. - "Easy”? / “EASY”?!*
*Don't... Don't do that. - "That" what? *
*What... what do you mean? - Exactly what I mean. *
*simple things or complex things. Some simple things / are in fact much more complex*
Notes:
*When Sam breaks up with Pete, Pete tells him “I knew from the beginning. Guess I just thought when you said yes that…”, then “I wish I could believe this had something to do with your father. You needed some time to sort things out.”
There are two things wrong with these lines.
The first “I knew from the beginning.”, echoes with “I wish I could believe this had something to do with your father.”. So he suspected that she was forcing herself on him to forget about another. The problem is that he still continued the relationship "from the beginning" and we didn't have the on-screen discussion of "I know, we're talking about it, and I accept that you're trying with me". This sentence gives the impression - with his stalker background - that he knew but did not discuss it with her and just "took advantage" of her emotional weakness.
The second “Guess I just thought when you said yes that…”, comes from rape culture, where women's "no" or "maybe" actually means "yes". Here it is reversed and used against Sam's lies. I remind her that she has her own traumas, that we don't lie without reason, and that as women she has been conditioned to put her desires before those of men. It is very complicated for women to learn to say "no" (and even then, we have to suffer the negotiations of the other...).
So yes, Sam has been wrong since the beginning of their relationship, especially for having lied to her by saying "yes" to forget Jack and to try to cure herself of her trauma of losing the people she loves (cf: her mother via the discussion of her spirit in the form of her dad in 713 "Grace"), but I strongly believe that Pete knew Sam's psychological state and instead of advising him to go to a shrink and help him at the same time, just "took advantage" of it as if there were no worries. He tells him “You needed some time to sort things out.”*
*Here I make Jack say “You didn't know what you wanted and I... I doubt you even know now.” refers to several of my previous chapters (based on his behavior in the canon saga), where he asks several times if she likes this or that, or what she wants, and Sam answers in a confused way "I don't know". He answers her "let's work on it" and repeats several times that they have to go slower, except that she doesn't listen and continues the same pattern: She acts like everything is fine instead of figuring out what her desires are and healing her traumas, thinking that just being with Jack will solve everything. This is a pattern we see a lot in romance and is also related to emotional dependency: The person with this disorder, most often women, throws themselves body and soul into their relationship in order to forget themselves. It is once again an escape technique*
*In my chapter 15, Jack tells him “I shouldn't have come here.” / I should never have come to see you alone in this room.*
*Sam may indeed feel responsible for her dad's death in some way and this is consistent with what he tells him on his deathbed “By all rights, Selmak should have been dead weeks ago. I wouldn't let him go. I thought we needed him, that I needed him to help you stop the Replicators.”. Knowing that she feels responsible for betraying Fifth, and that RepliCarter wiped out the majority of the Goa'uld overlords in just a few weeks... Jacob stopped Selmak from leaving to counter this threat. If it weren't for the whole thing, Jacob could have let Selmak go, and would have gone on with his life.
This is of course only theoretical and I think that the writers did not go that far in their ideas, but when I heard this sentence from Jacob I found it very violent if you take the whole story.*
*On the fact that he is not said anything not to spoil his marriage when she could have enjoyed him to the fullest, okay it is his choice to decide when and how to announce that he is doomed, and the right time, but as said in my previous chapter: “ Listen, I know that it's never a good time for the other person to be separated and I… I'm rather reassured that you did it when I confided in you but I… (her voice broke without her wanting it to) I confided in you.”, as well as in this chapter when Jack tells him: No guilt, please.
Sam opened her eyes again and whispered: You should have told me. (She looked away, uncomfortable) All of it.”*
*Jonas, her ex, responds when she says he knew she would come to see him: “Healer of the emotionally wounded. I was your one failure. The bird with the broken wing that wouldn't heal.”
In my chapter 10, Sam explains to Alexander her failed vocation as a doctor: Sam: I used to take apart every electronic device in the house to understand how it worked. I don't know why, it was something that made me feel better. (she insisted) To understand why and how it worked or the opposite. How I could fix them. (she hesitated) When my mother died, it intensified. (She moved her hand) I needed to... To...
Alexander: Fix the others.
Sam looked at him and nodded: Hmm. And it became... Pathological?”*
*On Fraiser, Daniel says “ It's all because I wanted an aerial survey.” and Sam answers “It took me too long to figure out the probe sent a transmission” (note: once again, writing game with her on time). Sam and Daniel may indirectly blame themselves for Fraiser's death, and theses sentences suggest that*
*Article: Trinity (source)*
*Article Stargate: Janet's Death Stings Now More Than Ever(source)*
Bonus:
*click here*
*click here*
He remained silent.
Sam: So... What are you afraid of? (he opened his eyes again) Your actions still don't make sense.
Jack: I'm not septic about your echoes, dontcha know?
Sam: Hmm?
Jack shrugged: Something with Daniel and then with you… (he frowned and hesitated in a whisper) Who helped me with ya. (he tilted his head and noted) I feel like I'm living more and more of it lately. (she questioned him with her eyes. He nervously moved his hands and glared at her) You know I love you, right?
She opened her mouth, unprepared for this statement after all this talk.
Sam tried to hold back a broad smile and frowned as best she could: Wow. And I'm the one speeding.
Jack felt nervous to be in front of her and looked slightly at the ceiling: Feeling better?
Sam sat down next to him in the same position as him, with her back against the wall: Well... It depends. (she gave him an obvious look) This is the first time you have told me this explicitly?
Jack lowered his head and smiled his revenge on their "failed first kiss": Yah. (They smiled at each other and then looked away. There was silence for several seconds) You're not going to tell me, are you?
Sam raised her eyebrows: No way. You broke up with me over the phone.
Jack grinned: D'oh! Sorry.
Sam, with a hint of mischief: I can say "Thank you" if it makes you feel better. (he smiled before shaking his head and looking at the ceiling. She regained her seriousness and added lower) But I appreciate your focus and sincerity throughout this conversation.
Jack: Yeah... Don't get used to it.
Echo:
*This is the first time you have told me this explicitly? / You're not going to tell me, are you?*
*Feeling better? / if it makes you feel better*
Notes:
*Replying "I know" to an "I love you" is not romantic (no thanks to Star Wars)... Imagine getting this in response, imagine Sam responding to Cassandra's "I love you" with an "I know" when they were in the bunker -_-
Again, men must learn to express their emotions*
Bonus:
*click here*
Sam: So... What are you afraid of? (he opened his eyes again) Your actions still don't make sense.
Jack: I'm not septic about your echoes, dontcha know?
Sam: Hmm?
Jack shrugged: Something with Daniel and then with you… (he frowned and hesitated in a whisper) Who helped me with ya. (he tilted his head and noted) I feel like I'm living more and more of it lately. (she questioned him with her eyes. He nervously moved his hands and glared at her) You know I love you, right?
She opened her mouth, unprepared for this statement after all this talk.
Sam tried to hold back a broad smile and frowned as best she could: Wow. And I'm the one speeding.
Jack felt nervous to be in front of her and looked slightly at the ceiling: Feeling better?
Sam sat down next to him in the same position as him, with her back against the wall: Well... It depends. (she gave him an obvious look) This is the first time you have told me this explicitly?
Jack lowered his head and smiled his revenge on their "failed first kiss": Yah. (They smiled at each other and then looked away. There was silence for several seconds) You're not going to tell me, are you?
Sam raised her eyebrows: No way. You broke up with me over the phone.
Jack grinned: D'oh! Sorry.
Sam, with a hint of mischief: I can say "Thank you" if it makes you feel better. (he smiled before shaking his head and looking at the ceiling. She regained her seriousness and added lower) But I appreciate your focus and sincerity throughout this conversation.
Jack: Yeah... Don't get used to it.
Echo:
*This is the first time you have told me this explicitly? / You're not going to tell me, are you?*
*Feeling better? / if it makes you feel better*
Notes:
*Replying "I know" to an "I love you" is not romantic (no thanks to Star Wars)... Imagine getting this in response, imagine Sam responding to Cassandra's "I love you" with an "I know" when they were in the bunker -_-
Again, men must learn to express their emotions*
Bonus:
*click here*
She turned her head towards him and silently invited him to continue.
Jack grinned: Okay... I humpf... I am not allowed to tell you the following. (she nodded gently to emphasize that she knew the importance of those words coming out of his mouth) Remember the film crew for this documentary over two years ago? (she nodded and he grinned) You made a strong impression up there.
Sam, surprised: "Strong impression"? I was a nervous wreck ready to explode.
Jack nodded to validate her analysis: Extremely sincere and human. (he raised a finger limply) That's when it all started.
Sam frowned: "All" what?
Jack: Your appearance on the unveiling of the Stargate program to the world and your appearance on television for Colson Industries, when was that?
Sam: A year and a half?
Jack: Don't you see the connection?
Sam looked for what he was implying for a few seconds: These presentations and conferences. (he nodded) And what?
Jack gritted his teeth: I followed orders. (He moved his hand limply) I knew that you would become their puppet.
Sam shook her head: First you asked me, then you corrected you and said it was an order.
Jack, incredulous: What?
Sam shrugged slightly: I understood what was going on.
Jack raised his eyebrows and repeated: What?
Sam: You told me yourself last month that the day you were most proud of me was when I took the lead and no longer needed you. (she giggles and smiles at him) Do you really think I didn't understand?
Jack, stunned: You... understood?
Sam tilted her head, slightly offended: Oh please. We've both been talking in innuendo for years. I understand codes. (she waved her hand uncertainly) Even when you don't even know you're doing it, apparently.
Jack: Apparently.
Sam exclaimed with obviousness: Kinsey? (he understood that she was talking about that handshake on television that almost won him the election) I know that if you had had a choice you would not have ordered that.
Jack remembered his heated discussion with the General Staff: I tried to oppose it...
Sam insisted her obvious air and resumed: Don't worry about that. They just made me jaded about my love of sharing knowledge about science. (he winced and lowered his head. She noticed, frowned and shrugged) I'm focusing on the point that the people participating are here by choice. (she seemed to cringe at the memory of her entrance to the Academy and murmured to herself) Or by default.
Jack grinned: Okay... I humpf... I am not allowed to tell you the following. (she nodded gently to emphasize that she knew the importance of those words coming out of his mouth) Remember the film crew for this documentary over two years ago? (she nodded and he grinned) You made a strong impression up there.
Sam, surprised: "Strong impression"? I was a nervous wreck ready to explode.
Jack nodded to validate her analysis: Extremely sincere and human. (he raised a finger limply) That's when it all started.
Sam frowned: "All" what?
Jack: Your appearance on the unveiling of the Stargate program to the world and your appearance on television for Colson Industries, when was that?
Sam: A year and a half?
Jack: Don't you see the connection?
Sam looked for what he was implying for a few seconds: These presentations and conferences. (he nodded) And what?
Jack gritted his teeth: I followed orders. (He moved his hand limply) I knew that you would become their puppet.
Sam shook her head: First you asked me, then you corrected you and said it was an order.
Jack, incredulous: What?
Sam shrugged slightly: I understood what was going on.
Jack raised his eyebrows and repeated: What?
Sam: You told me yourself last month that the day you were most proud of me was when I took the lead and no longer needed you. (she giggles and smiles at him) Do you really think I didn't understand?
Jack, stunned: You... understood?
Sam tilted her head, slightly offended: Oh please. We've both been talking in innuendo for years. I understand codes. (she waved her hand uncertainly) Even when you don't even know you're doing it, apparently.
Jack: Apparently.
Sam exclaimed with obviousness: Kinsey? (he understood that she was talking about that handshake on television that almost won him the election) I know that if you had had a choice you would not have ordered that.
Jack remembered his heated discussion with the General Staff: I tried to oppose it...
Sam insisted her obvious air and resumed: Don't worry about that. They just made me jaded about my love of sharing knowledge about science. (he winced and lowered his head. She noticed, frowned and shrugged) I'm focusing on the point that the people participating are here by choice. (she seemed to cringe at the memory of her entrance to the Academy and murmured to herself) Or by default.
CW: *xenophobia*
There was silence for a few seconds and she shook her head to compose herself.
Sam: It still doesn't make sense. Why are you reacting like this?
Jack winced and looked ahead: Washington.
Sam: Your new job?
Jack nodded without looking at her: I'm about to start a job that, like you with these presentations and conferences, will be nothing but showcase and advertising for people who don't care to understand anything if it doesn't affect their own interest.
Sam added cynically, sympathetically: A lot of boot licking in perspective.
Jack: This job is just an excuse to try to keep control of this program. As Hammond used to do. (he made an uncertain gesture with his hand and added lower) Honestly, I can turn this around and around, I don't know how I'm going to do it.
Sam put both hands in front of her: Okay, another perspective. (he questioned her with his eyes) This is a golden opportunity to infiltrate the government. (he frowned) Play the role they have decided for you, ask us for help if you need it. (she looked at him) Co-co-counselors? (he smiled at the memory and she tilted her head) And...
Jack, after a few seconds: And?
Sam straightened up: Your style is rather to send them to hell, right? (she waved her hand casually) It's not your responsibility to deal with the mess they get themselves into.
Jack, still not very convinced: Yeah... That's what Hammond told me.
Sam insisted: Force their hand somehow.
Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise: His exact words.
Sam bowed her head and spread her arms slightly: Hey. We had a good mentor.
Jack: I still feel like a puppet.
Sam: Because you are. You'll cut the strings. (she rested her head against the wall) I'll play the part they decided for me.
Jack smiled wryly: So good liar.
Sam stared at him for a few seconds: My question now, because I know you've already thought about this, we already made this plan with Kinsey not even a few months ago (he looked away and smiled slightly that she understood) and that... and that you are pretending to... (she looked at him insistently) To apologize in your own way for not having to ask me to accept being manipulated. (he gave his half-smile and bowed his head, defeated) Why... Why don't you do that, and more importantly, how did our previous relationship have any connection?
Jack hesitated, nervous: I can't stand myself and I'm going to be like them. (she frowned and questioned him with her eyes) I'll have to adapt, shake hands with the devil. (he insisted) Every day.
Sam, pragmatic: Hmm. Even if we can't share our results with the general public yet, many officials agree with the importance of this Program for scientific and technological research purposes.
Jack had a flash of the event, became nervous and repeated: For their own interest. (she tilted her head and he insisted) We gave money and spaceship plans to Russians!
Sam remembered Anang's record of his xenophobia: You know, the Russians themselves are not responsible for having this government. (she insisted that he understand the subtext with Kinsey as mentioned just before) Ours also has its share of corruption.
Jack turned his head sharply toward her and stared: I know that. (She questioned him with her eyes and he raised his eyebrows at her reaction) I have nothing against civilians, Carter. (He insisted) But we work with people appointed by their government.
Sam finally understood his point: Ho.
Jack lowered his head and said: How do you expect me to defend a program like that? All of these missions have traumatized us thousands of times in many ways. And not just our team. (he insisted) All of them.
She rested her gaze before her in search of solutions and the minutes passed.
There was silence for a few seconds and she shook her head to compose herself.
Sam: It still doesn't make sense. Why are you reacting like this?
Jack winced and looked ahead: Washington.
Sam: Your new job?
Jack nodded without looking at her: I'm about to start a job that, like you with these presentations and conferences, will be nothing but showcase and advertising for people who don't care to understand anything if it doesn't affect their own interest.
Sam added cynically, sympathetically: A lot of boot licking in perspective.
Jack: This job is just an excuse to try to keep control of this program. As Hammond used to do. (he made an uncertain gesture with his hand and added lower) Honestly, I can turn this around and around, I don't know how I'm going to do it.
Sam put both hands in front of her: Okay, another perspective. (he questioned her with his eyes) This is a golden opportunity to infiltrate the government. (he frowned) Play the role they have decided for you, ask us for help if you need it. (she looked at him) Co-co-counselors? (he smiled at the memory and she tilted her head) And...
Jack, after a few seconds: And?
Sam straightened up: Your style is rather to send them to hell, right? (she waved her hand casually) It's not your responsibility to deal with the mess they get themselves into.
Jack, still not very convinced: Yeah... That's what Hammond told me.
Sam insisted: Force their hand somehow.
Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise: His exact words.
Sam bowed her head and spread her arms slightly: Hey. We had a good mentor.
Jack: I still feel like a puppet.
Sam: Because you are. You'll cut the strings. (she rested her head against the wall) I'll play the part they decided for me.
Jack smiled wryly: So good liar.
Sam stared at him for a few seconds: My question now, because I know you've already thought about this, we already made this plan with Kinsey not even a few months ago (he looked away and smiled slightly that she understood) and that... and that you are pretending to... (she looked at him insistently) To apologize in your own way for not having to ask me to accept being manipulated. (he gave his half-smile and bowed his head, defeated) Why... Why don't you do that, and more importantly, how did our previous relationship have any connection?
Jack hesitated, nervous: I can't stand myself and I'm going to be like them. (she frowned and questioned him with her eyes) I'll have to adapt, shake hands with the devil. (he insisted) Every day.
Sam, pragmatic: Hmm. Even if we can't share our results with the general public yet, many officials agree with the importance of this Program for scientific and technological research purposes.
Jack had a flash of the event, became nervous and repeated: For their own interest. (she tilted her head and he insisted) We gave money and spaceship plans to Russians!
Sam remembered Anang's record of his xenophobia: You know, the Russians themselves are not responsible for having this government. (she insisted that he understand the subtext with Kinsey as mentioned just before) Ours also has its share of corruption.
Jack turned his head sharply toward her and stared: I know that. (She questioned him with her eyes and he raised his eyebrows at her reaction) I have nothing against civilians, Carter. (He insisted) But we work with people appointed by their government.
Sam finally understood his point: Ho.
Jack lowered his head and said: How do you expect me to defend a program like that? All of these missions have traumatized us thousands of times in many ways. And not just our team. (he insisted) All of them.
She rested her gaze before her in search of solutions and the minutes passed.
Sam slowly turned her head towards him, softly: What could Daniel have told you that you finally decided to tell me all this?
Jack looked ahead: He reminded me that I often sabotage things that are important to me. (He winced and huffed) Including Sara. (Sam's face broke down and he raised his eyebrows) And that if I continued to play dumb, he and Teal'c would kick my ass.
Sam dodged a smile and resumed: Change of strategy, then?
Jack looked at her: I'm trying.
Sam nodded, then moved a hand in her direction: Do that.
Jack: “Do” what?
Sam: Don't try to protect the program. (he looked at her in surprise) The Gate will always be there and they need it for Atlantis' results. (he tilted his head and thought) Try to... Change the government?
He breathed deeply at this unworkable plan, then remembered his first meeting with Dr. Williams. He had told her that he wanted to change things and she had taken his words much more seriously than he thought, and from a broader perspective. In the end, it had been beneficial. They realized that they had a lot more buried trauma than they thought, but... they were going to be able to work on that and make sure they had better follow-up for years to come. The previous team of psychiatrists had never bothered to continually update their skills on advances in psychiatry and... never bothered to thoroughly review over 8 years of report archives. He too would have a fresh eye on what's going on in Washington DC, after all. His position, notoriety, and outspokenness could tip the scales. Get grants to protect future follow-ups and steer the ship to where he wanted, taking the path he wanted. It wasn't such a bad idea, he concluded.
Sam frowned: Did General Hammond tell you who the transfer was from?
Jack: Like the management of the SGC, from the President. (she nodded and looked ahead) And I suspect that the idea for all your public appearances came from him too.
Sam thought: The dates correspond with his arrival at the White House. (He nodded.) What would be his plan?
Jack: Become the Army's capital sympathy spokesmen for a non-civilian-led project in case it gets exposed?
Sam frowned: Hmm.
Jack shrugged slightly: That was my only guess.
Sam: No no, I mean... I know how it works. (she moved her hand) And they cancelled my next conferences.
Jack: Hum?
Sam: It probably has something to do with my change of job. (she tilted her head) And I missed this week's without being able to give much reason other than a complicated adolescence...
Jack raised his eyebrows: Damn.
Sam: I'm not complaining.
Jack: No no, I mean my guess was right. They probably didn't like you taking another job, hiring mostly civilians, away from the gate, and so unpredictably.
Sam: Yeah. I guess so. (She sighed loudly and straightened up, a pain in her butt from her position) Anyway. Ancient history. (she raised her eyebrows perceptively) Hu. He paid for my dad's funeral.
Jack: Consciousness-raising?
Sam corrected him: Manipulation, yeah.
Jack reassured that she understood: Yeah.
Sam looked down at her: Damn, I voted for that guy.
Jack blew his nose, proud of himself: Not me.
Sam: Did you know he was friends with General Hammond years ago?
Jack nodded: Hayes went to the Academy too. (He tilted his head) Politics apparently interested him more.
Sam gave him an obvious look: Apparently.
He turned his head gently towards her, still leaning against the wall. She did the same and they looked at each other for a moment. Then again, she accentuated her glance so that it continues to speak. He grimaced and looked away.
Echo:
*In earlier paragraphs in this chapter, Jack says “I have this new feeling of feeling like I'm lying to you”, then Sam said to him “you lie to me too.“ / here Jack tells him: So good liar.*
*This chapter begins with Sam saying “I keep turning this around and around... “. Here Jack says “ I can turn this around and around”*
*This chapter begins with Sam saying ”Do you like the description of your new job?” / Your new job? / a job / This job / de poste. / another job*
* For their own interest.(x2)*
*You made a strong impression up there. - "Strong impression"?*
*That's when it all started. - "All" what? / I'm about to start*
*Don't you see the connection? / have any connection?*
*I followed orders. / it was an order. / you would not have ordered that. *
*these presentations and conferences. (x2) / my next conferences / your appearance on television*
*apparently. - Apparently. / Politics apparently interested him more. - Apparently. *
*How do you expect me to defend a program like that? / to protect the program.*
*And… - And?*
*you would become their puppet. / I still feel like a puppet. / You'll cut the strings / Play the role they have decided for you / I'll play the part they decided for me. *
*Why... Why *
*Do that. - “Do” what?*
*I'm trying. / Don't try to / Try to... *
*That was my only guess. / my guess was right. / I guess so.*
*A lot of boot licking in perspective. / Okay, another perspective.*
Notes:
*In my chapter 2, Sam tells him “Follow the rules. It doesn't matter how long you've been in school as long as you smile at the reporters.”*
*In my chapter 13, Hammond tells Jack ” The President wants you in Washington.“ / Did General Hammond tell you who the transfer was from?*
*Once again, this chapter revolves around the words "understanding" and "communication": I understood / o you really think I didn't understand? - You... understood? / I understand codes / people who don't care to understand anything*
*The character of President Hayes is very similar to George W Bush. In 1972, Bush was suspended from flying for failing to pass a scheduled physical examination. He was honorably discharged from the Air Force Reserve on November 21, 1974 (source)*
*Information: Women still not nearly as high-profile as men in the press (source)*
*Infographic: Who suffered the most in Stargate? (source)*
*In my chapter 2, Jack tells her “ The President paid.”
(...)
Sam stared at him, surprised: The President?
Jack, a little nervous: Yes. The ceremony, your family's plane tickets, their accommodations, this hotel room, the buffet...
Sam incredulous: Why?
Jack grinned: For saving the world, I guess.
Sam stood dumbfounded*
Jack looked ahead: He reminded me that I often sabotage things that are important to me. (He winced and huffed) Including Sara. (Sam's face broke down and he raised his eyebrows) And that if I continued to play dumb, he and Teal'c would kick my ass.
Sam dodged a smile and resumed: Change of strategy, then?
Jack looked at her: I'm trying.
Sam nodded, then moved a hand in her direction: Do that.
Jack: “Do” what?
Sam: Don't try to protect the program. (he looked at her in surprise) The Gate will always be there and they need it for Atlantis' results. (he tilted his head and thought) Try to... Change the government?
He breathed deeply at this unworkable plan, then remembered his first meeting with Dr. Williams. He had told her that he wanted to change things and she had taken his words much more seriously than he thought, and from a broader perspective. In the end, it had been beneficial. They realized that they had a lot more buried trauma than they thought, but... they were going to be able to work on that and make sure they had better follow-up for years to come. The previous team of psychiatrists had never bothered to continually update their skills on advances in psychiatry and... never bothered to thoroughly review over 8 years of report archives. He too would have a fresh eye on what's going on in Washington DC, after all. His position, notoriety, and outspokenness could tip the scales. Get grants to protect future follow-ups and steer the ship to where he wanted, taking the path he wanted. It wasn't such a bad idea, he concluded.
Sam frowned: Did General Hammond tell you who the transfer was from?
Jack: Like the management of the SGC, from the President. (she nodded and looked ahead) And I suspect that the idea for all your public appearances came from him too.
Sam thought: The dates correspond with his arrival at the White House. (He nodded.) What would be his plan?
Jack: Become the Army's capital sympathy spokesmen for a non-civilian-led project in case it gets exposed?
Sam frowned: Hmm.
Jack shrugged slightly: That was my only guess.
Sam: No no, I mean... I know how it works. (she moved her hand) And they cancelled my next conferences.
Jack: Hum?
Sam: It probably has something to do with my change of job. (she tilted her head) And I missed this week's without being able to give much reason other than a complicated adolescence...
Jack raised his eyebrows: Damn.
Sam: I'm not complaining.
Jack: No no, I mean my guess was right. They probably didn't like you taking another job, hiring mostly civilians, away from the gate, and so unpredictably.
Sam: Yeah. I guess so. (She sighed loudly and straightened up, a pain in her butt from her position) Anyway. Ancient history. (she raised her eyebrows perceptively) Hu. He paid for my dad's funeral.
Jack: Consciousness-raising?
Sam corrected him: Manipulation, yeah.
Jack reassured that she understood: Yeah.
Sam looked down at her: Damn, I voted for that guy.
Jack blew his nose, proud of himself: Not me.
Sam: Did you know he was friends with General Hammond years ago?
Jack nodded: Hayes went to the Academy too. (He tilted his head) Politics apparently interested him more.
Sam gave him an obvious look: Apparently.
He turned his head gently towards her, still leaning against the wall. She did the same and they looked at each other for a moment. Then again, she accentuated her glance so that it continues to speak. He grimaced and looked away.
Echo:
*In earlier paragraphs in this chapter, Jack says “I have this new feeling of feeling like I'm lying to you”, then Sam said to him “you lie to me too.“ / here Jack tells him: So good liar.*
*This chapter begins with Sam saying “I keep turning this around and around... “. Here Jack says “ I can turn this around and around”*
*This chapter begins with Sam saying ”Do you like the description of your new job?” / Your new job? / a job / This job / de poste. / another job*
* For their own interest.(x2)*
*You made a strong impression up there. - "Strong impression"?*
*That's when it all started. - "All" what? / I'm about to start*
*Don't you see the connection? / have any connection?*
*I followed orders. / it was an order. / you would not have ordered that. *
*these presentations and conferences. (x2) / my next conferences / your appearance on television*
*apparently. - Apparently. / Politics apparently interested him more. - Apparently. *
*How do you expect me to defend a program like that? / to protect the program.*
*And… - And?*
*you would become their puppet. / I still feel like a puppet. / You'll cut the strings / Play the role they have decided for you / I'll play the part they decided for me. *
*Why... Why *
*Do that. - “Do” what?*
*I'm trying. / Don't try to / Try to... *
*That was my only guess. / my guess was right. / I guess so.*
*A lot of boot licking in perspective. / Okay, another perspective.*
Notes:
*In my chapter 2, Sam tells him “Follow the rules. It doesn't matter how long you've been in school as long as you smile at the reporters.”*
*In my chapter 13, Hammond tells Jack ” The President wants you in Washington.“ / Did General Hammond tell you who the transfer was from?*
*Once again, this chapter revolves around the words "understanding" and "communication": I understood / o you really think I didn't understand? - You... understood? / I understand codes / people who don't care to understand anything*
*The character of President Hayes is very similar to George W Bush. In 1972, Bush was suspended from flying for failing to pass a scheduled physical examination. He was honorably discharged from the Air Force Reserve on November 21, 1974 (source)*
*Information: Women still not nearly as high-profile as men in the press (source)*
*Infographic: Who suffered the most in Stargate? (source)*
*In my chapter 2, Jack tells her “ The President paid.”
(...)
Sam stared at him, surprised: The President?
Jack, a little nervous: Yes. The ceremony, your family's plane tickets, their accommodations, this hotel room, the buffet...
Sam incredulous: Why?
Jack grinned: For saving the world, I guess.
Sam stood dumbfounded*
Sam tried to play it down: This is far from our last fight, you know?
Jack raised his eyebrows: Darn tootin. (They smiled at each other and then looked away. He moved his hands nervously) You should be with someone as smart as you.
Sam, sarcastically: Like Daniel?
Jack winced: Sorry. (she nodded to let him know she knew he had spoken emotionally and he hesitated) Being with you terrifies me. (she closed her eyes, he winced at her reaction and repeated himself) Sorry. I didn't mean to...
Sam opened her eyes again: That makes two of us.
Jack, confused: Hmm?
Sam, more sharply: Can't you see how nervous I am around you? I get anxious whenever I have to have any interaction with you, especially outside of work.
Jack dumbfounded: What?
Sam tilted her head and moved her hands in front of her: Am I talking too much? (he frowned) Am I bothering him? Am I making a huge mistake? (he frowned but didn't have time to ask her the reason for her concern) Will he understand me? (he grimaced and she insisted) It's not just you, (she spread her arms slightly and added lower) I've been giving people headaches since I was eight.
Jack swallowed at the thought and then was apprehensive: Are you afraid of me?
Sam: Not in the sense that you could consciously hurt me and... (she winced) Physically? (he winced back) More like... (she shook her head) Well. You intimidate me too. (she moved a hand briskly) You know that.
Jack: No.
Sam looked at him: "No”?
Jack raised his eyebrows: You never told me that.
Sam: Oh. (she tilted her head at him with a knowing look) You think it's normal for me to wait for you in the dark in the middle of your living room?
Jack insisted with a shake of his head: Frightening.
Sam smiled slightly, then swallowed, grinned and looked at him: You are the most intimidating person I've ever met. (she insisted with a mischievous little smile that he understand what this has to do with their years of traveling the galaxy) And I've met a lot of them.
Jack raised his eyebrows: Darn tootin. (They smiled at each other and then looked away. He moved his hands nervously) You should be with someone as smart as you.
Sam, sarcastically: Like Daniel?
Jack winced: Sorry. (she nodded to let him know she knew he had spoken emotionally and he hesitated) Being with you terrifies me. (she closed her eyes, he winced at her reaction and repeated himself) Sorry. I didn't mean to...
Sam opened her eyes again: That makes two of us.
Jack, confused: Hmm?
Sam, more sharply: Can't you see how nervous I am around you? I get anxious whenever I have to have any interaction with you, especially outside of work.
Jack dumbfounded: What?
Sam tilted her head and moved her hands in front of her: Am I talking too much? (he frowned) Am I bothering him? Am I making a huge mistake? (he frowned but didn't have time to ask her the reason for her concern) Will he understand me? (he grimaced and she insisted) It's not just you, (she spread her arms slightly and added lower) I've been giving people headaches since I was eight.
Jack swallowed at the thought and then was apprehensive: Are you afraid of me?
Sam: Not in the sense that you could consciously hurt me and... (she winced) Physically? (he winced back) More like... (she shook her head) Well. You intimidate me too. (she moved a hand briskly) You know that.
Jack: No.
Sam looked at him: "No”?
Jack raised his eyebrows: You never told me that.
Sam: Oh. (she tilted her head at him with a knowing look) You think it's normal for me to wait for you in the dark in the middle of your living room?
Jack insisted with a shake of his head: Frightening.
Sam smiled slightly, then swallowed, grinned and looked at him: You are the most intimidating person I've ever met. (she insisted with a mischievous little smile that he understand what this has to do with their years of traveling the galaxy) And I've met a lot of them.
Cw: *racism* *Class discrimination*
Jack, extremely touched: Okay. Eurrrrh. (he cleared his throat and tried to compose himself) That's pretty cool to hear. (she giggles and lowered her head, he winced and began to stammer) E-even though you're um... (she questioned him with her eyes) That we have... 100 IQ points difference?
She raised her eyebrows at the memory of Daniel's words and wondered if he wasn't right when he said he was just intimidated by her intelligence.
Sam: First Scarecrow, (he winced and looked away) this test is based on obsolete and exclusionary criteria. Like the SAT. (he questioned her with his eyes. She tilted her head and rephrased to conclude, not wanting to talk about it) To put it simply, it's not a real tool, it doesn't take into account the social environment for example. (she added quickly) No equal opportunity. (he made a silent "Ha." before looking away, thinking of Anang and his own childhood) Secondly, are we keeping score? You beat me at chess most of the time (she waved her hand) and I suspect you let me win the other times out of pity.
Jack lowered his head and held back a smile: You really suck at this.
Sam: You could be an aerospace teacher if you wanted to or a warfare specialist. (she pointed her finger for emphasis) And that I know you know. Third...is an intelligence compatibility test required to be with you? (she spoke to herself) This is the wrong test.
Jack tilted his head and winced: It's just... (he waved his hand and put his head in his hands) Raaah. Sara used to tell me that too.
Sam: "Tell you" what?
Jack gritted his teeth and looked away: My father. My teachers. (Lowered) What they said about me.
Sam: I love that woman.
They smiled at each other and lost themselves in each other's eyes for a few moments.
Echo:
*In the first paragraph of this chapter, he says “Our fights are getting worse and worse”, here Sam says “This is far from our last fight, you know?”*
*Sorry.(x2)*
*You could be an aerospace teacher / My teachers*
*No. - “No”?*
*compatibility test / This is the wrong test. *
*You intimidate me too. / ou are the most intimidating person*
*Sara used to tell me that too. - "Tell you" what? *
Notes:
*Once again, a writing game about understanding and communication in this chapter with Sam saying “Will he understand me? (he grimaced and she insisted) It's not just you, (she spread her arms slightly and added lower) I've been giving people headaches since I was eight. ”. Many people with learning disabilities have had this feeling of being out of step with others and not being understood all their lives. This can lead to... the desire to isolate oneself from others.*
*In my chapter 5, Jack confesses to her “I started to fail in school. My teachers and my father kept telling me that I was a loser and that I would never succeed in life.”*
*In my chapter 2, Sam tells him “ I've convinced myself for years that you're unattainable ‘cause you're afraid of getting hurt“*
*Arguments between all forms of relationships are positive: it is also communication, we express a problem and a solution can be found through this. We must stop idealizing perfect relationships without arguments. A relationship is two people, not two people who become one.*
*Breaking the cycle of generational trauma (source)*
*Study: Relationship Closeness Inventory: Assessing the closeness of interpersonal relationships (source)*
*Article: Why IQ Tests May not Measure Intelligence (source)*
*Article: The Black-White Test Score Gap: Why It Persists and What Can Be Done (source)*
*Information on the SAT (source)*
*Article: The racist history of the IQ test (source)*
*Scarecrow, in The Wizard of Oz, says he is looking for a brain because he has none (source)*
*A post by Amanda Tapping that works well with the theme of the paragraph (source)*
*Article on the use of the “sorry” (source)*
*I had already touched on this theme in my chapter 7: “She cursed herself for always thinking about Pete, especially at a time like this. “ and it also echoes my previous chapter with condensation. Comparing the person you're in a relationship with to an old relationship is not a negative thing. It's just an observation of the similarities or differences between the two. This can be very healthy if done in a personal (internal) way, for example to understand why we are attracted to some people and not to others, and to know better what we really want or not, in a relationship. This becomes problematic when the goal is to demean one or the other (I'm not talking about abusive behaviors that these people might have, but their personalities, physical traits, etc.), or in a spirit of competition.*
Jack, extremely touched: Okay. Eurrrrh. (he cleared his throat and tried to compose himself) That's pretty cool to hear. (she giggles and lowered her head, he winced and began to stammer) E-even though you're um... (she questioned him with her eyes) That we have... 100 IQ points difference?
She raised her eyebrows at the memory of Daniel's words and wondered if he wasn't right when he said he was just intimidated by her intelligence.
Sam: First Scarecrow, (he winced and looked away) this test is based on obsolete and exclusionary criteria. Like the SAT. (he questioned her with his eyes. She tilted her head and rephrased to conclude, not wanting to talk about it) To put it simply, it's not a real tool, it doesn't take into account the social environment for example. (she added quickly) No equal opportunity. (he made a silent "Ha." before looking away, thinking of Anang and his own childhood) Secondly, are we keeping score? You beat me at chess most of the time (she waved her hand) and I suspect you let me win the other times out of pity.
Jack lowered his head and held back a smile: You really suck at this.
Sam: You could be an aerospace teacher if you wanted to or a warfare specialist. (she pointed her finger for emphasis) And that I know you know. Third...is an intelligence compatibility test required to be with you? (she spoke to herself) This is the wrong test.
Jack tilted his head and winced: It's just... (he waved his hand and put his head in his hands) Raaah. Sara used to tell me that too.
Sam: "Tell you" what?
Jack gritted his teeth and looked away: My father. My teachers. (Lowered) What they said about me.
Sam: I love that woman.
They smiled at each other and lost themselves in each other's eyes for a few moments.
Echo:
*In the first paragraph of this chapter, he says “Our fights are getting worse and worse”, here Sam says “This is far from our last fight, you know?”*
*Sorry.(x2)*
*You could be an aerospace teacher / My teachers*
*No. - “No”?*
*compatibility test / This is the wrong test. *
*You intimidate me too. / ou are the most intimidating person*
*Sara used to tell me that too. - "Tell you" what? *
Notes:
*Once again, a writing game about understanding and communication in this chapter with Sam saying “Will he understand me? (he grimaced and she insisted) It's not just you, (she spread her arms slightly and added lower) I've been giving people headaches since I was eight. ”. Many people with learning disabilities have had this feeling of being out of step with others and not being understood all their lives. This can lead to... the desire to isolate oneself from others.*
*In my chapter 5, Jack confesses to her “I started to fail in school. My teachers and my father kept telling me that I was a loser and that I would never succeed in life.”*
*In my chapter 2, Sam tells him “ I've convinced myself for years that you're unattainable ‘cause you're afraid of getting hurt“*
*Arguments between all forms of relationships are positive: it is also communication, we express a problem and a solution can be found through this. We must stop idealizing perfect relationships without arguments. A relationship is two people, not two people who become one.*
*Breaking the cycle of generational trauma (source)*
*Study: Relationship Closeness Inventory: Assessing the closeness of interpersonal relationships (source)*
*Article: Why IQ Tests May not Measure Intelligence (source)*
*Article: The Black-White Test Score Gap: Why It Persists and What Can Be Done (source)*
*Information on the SAT (source)*
*Article: The racist history of the IQ test (source)*
*Scarecrow, in The Wizard of Oz, says he is looking for a brain because he has none (source)*
*A post by Amanda Tapping that works well with the theme of the paragraph (source)*
*Article on the use of the “sorry” (source)*
*I had already touched on this theme in my chapter 7: “She cursed herself for always thinking about Pete, especially at a time like this. “ and it also echoes my previous chapter with condensation. Comparing the person you're in a relationship with to an old relationship is not a negative thing. It's just an observation of the similarities or differences between the two. This can be very healthy if done in a personal (internal) way, for example to understand why we are attracted to some people and not to others, and to know better what we really want or not, in a relationship. This becomes problematic when the goal is to demean one or the other (I'm not talking about abusive behaviors that these people might have, but their personalities, physical traits, etc.), or in a spirit of competition.*
CW: *mention of death* *depression* *mention of sexual assault*
Sam: We can make it.
Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise: You're the team optimist now?
Sam shrugged a shoulder and tried: I'm trying to tell myself that these fears are just the normal feeling of being vulnerable in a genuine relationship?
Jack dodged a smile: Nice.
Sam tilted her head: It's not really optimism. (he questioned her with his eyes) More like... a hunch.
He did not know how to react to this statement. He looked at her for a moment and then lowered his head.
Jack took a deep breath: When I was promoted to General, I panicked at first. Not that I couldn't handle it. But that I was going to have no meaning in my life.
Sam said quietly: And what is that to you?
Jack looked at her: Like you. All of you.
She felt the tears welling up inside her, thinking again of her father's death, and looked away from minimizing the impact his death had on her life.
Sam: We can make it.
Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise: You're the team optimist now?
Sam shrugged a shoulder and tried: I'm trying to tell myself that these fears are just the normal feeling of being vulnerable in a genuine relationship?
Jack dodged a smile: Nice.
Sam tilted her head: It's not really optimism. (he questioned her with his eyes) More like... a hunch.
He did not know how to react to this statement. He looked at her for a moment and then lowered his head.
Jack took a deep breath: When I was promoted to General, I panicked at first. Not that I couldn't handle it. But that I was going to have no meaning in my life.
Sam said quietly: And what is that to you?
Jack looked at her: Like you. All of you.
She felt the tears welling up inside her, thinking again of her father's death, and looked away from minimizing the impact his death had on her life.
CW: *depression* *drug withdrawal* *stashing* *homophobia*
Jack: You know that first mission to Abydos? The urge to give up? (she nodded, fearful of what was to come) It came back several times after that.
Sam didn't know what to say: Hmm. Did you talk to Dr. Williams about it? (he shook his head and she hesitated) Why?
Jack: Carter. I'm not a good person. I need you all to... to channel that part of me.
Sam, shaking her head: I know you.
Jack raised his eyebrows for emphasis: I know me.
Sam frowned: People change. You changed (she insisted) Daniel changed you. (she moved a hand) Like you changed us.
Jack gritted his teeth: Manipulate.
Sam became impatient: Stop with that! (he rubbed his face, exhausted, and she regained her composure. She hesitated at the man's devastated look and tilted her head) Sometimes you... You lack empathy.
Jack swallows: Tin Woodman?
Sam quibbled but continued: Remember when I told you I wanted everything to be perfect? (He looked at her) I was wrong. "One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply does not exist. Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.”
He remembers Anang also telling him to stop thinking that people judge him on his imperfections.
Jack: Who is it from?
Sam: Hawking. What I mean is that you have your own history, your own wounds. (He laid his head back against the wall. He knew she was referring not only to Charlie but also to all her time in the sarcophagus because of Ba'al) Change is inevitable, it is a universal constant. (she held up a finger) But you can vary a constant, take an intersection, and-
Jack moved his hands uncomfortably: Carter. I'm not following you.
Sam concluded: You're doing what you can to change, (she tilted her head to admit) which is better than most people. (she gently insisted) If not empathy, you have compassion.
He took some time to think about it. He also knew that mistakes did not define a person and that one could learn from them.
Jack, embarrassed: I should never have left you.
Sam tilted her head: I helped a lot.
Jack turned his head to her: We screwed up, didn't we?
Sam tried to play it down: Well... we do that a lot.
Jack: Am I allowed to apologize in advance for my future bullshit?
Sam repeated to herself sarcastically: No way, cheater. (He nodded several times, amused at her repartee) I must not be the only one suffering.
Jack ticked and frowned: You're not supposed to get hurt in any relationship, dontcha know?
Sam insisted with a shake of her head: Then don't leave me behind again.
Jack winced and ventured: Can you... forget?
Sam: Any other hidden surprises?
Jack tried to play it down: I probably forgot about them.
Sam moistened her lips with nervousness and ventured: The rules will be made by two. (She insisted) No hierarchy except at work.
Jack huffed: Deal. (she nodded. He wondered if this also had something to do with Hanson. After all, they were both soldiers and had left him because "he liked control." She saw him lost in thought and questioned him with her eyes. He picked himself up.) So... let's just say that was the end of the first inning?
Sam: How many are there?
Jack raised his eyebrows, suddenly unconvinced of his own proposal: Nine.
Sam nodded emphatically: Sounds reasonable.
Jack dodged a slightly sheepish smile then remembered something: Oh. Daniel said something else.
Sam: Hmm?
Jack tilted his head: He thinks it's normal that we haven't yet managed to find our balance.
Sam thought back to Anang who had said the same thing to her and smiled: Yes, I suppose so. After spending so many years communicating only in code or subtext. (she moved a hand) Daniel is your friend but also your subordinate, he must understand better than anyone. Add to that the law of non-fraternization between us, our fundamentally different characters and personali- (she noticed his confusion) What?
Jack: One of your echoes. That's exactly what he told me earlier. (He raises his eyebrows) His exact words.
Sam tilted her head: Well... You're going to have to accept that you practically put Daniel in your bed. (he froze and then winced at the thought) Anang told me the same thing.
Jack raised his eyebrows: You put her in your bed.
Sam closed her eyes with a smile and breathed: God. (She saw him smiling and pulled herself together so as not to lose too much face) Don't hide anything from me anymore.
Jack turned his head towards her: Honest.
They nodded, smiled and looked at each other for a moment.
Notes:
*”You lack empathy.” / “If not empathy, you have compassion.”
Again we are in my theme for this chapter, understanding and communication.
Empathy is the ability to put oneself in the shoes of the other person in order to understand how they function, their thoughts and emotions. Compassion means feeling the same pain as the other person.
"While empathy functions as a simple mirror of another's emotions, compassion involves a sense of caring, with a willingness to help the person who is suffering." (source)
A psychological study on this subject here (source)*
*There are nine innings in baseball*
*The character of Jack says very often “I don’t care”, which tends to irritate Daniel or his other colleagues.
Carol Gilligan has studied this behavior: "The identity construction of the 'proper boys' would be in opposition to everything that would be considered feminine. The amalgam between sensitivity and femininity is very quickly made. In fact, the most common phrase used by the boys interviewed by the author was : « I don’t care », where the girls show an education focused on the attention and the care of the other: what Gilligan theorizes by the « care ». The patriarchal system makes these behaviors normal and obvious as they are imposed on us in the smallest stages of our social lives. As a result, we often have to choose between two arbitrarily imposed categories, forgetting the different voices that make up our identity." (source)*
*empathy (source)*
*Information on depression and its biased view by society (source)*
*the importance for men (too) to go to therapy (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)*
*Article: Mistakes (source)*
*Reminder of my chapter 10:
“Anang: Maybe you're just trying to find your balance.
Sam played with something on her plate: Maybe.”*
*Video: "I'm in therapy because my boyfriend won't do it" (source)*
*Video: Men in therapy (source)*
Jack: You know that first mission to Abydos? The urge to give up? (she nodded, fearful of what was to come) It came back several times after that.
Sam didn't know what to say: Hmm. Did you talk to Dr. Williams about it? (he shook his head and she hesitated) Why?
Jack: Carter. I'm not a good person. I need you all to... to channel that part of me.
Sam, shaking her head: I know you.
Jack raised his eyebrows for emphasis: I know me.
Sam frowned: People change. You changed (she insisted) Daniel changed you. (she moved a hand) Like you changed us.
Jack gritted his teeth: Manipulate.
Sam became impatient: Stop with that! (he rubbed his face, exhausted, and she regained her composure. She hesitated at the man's devastated look and tilted her head) Sometimes you... You lack empathy.
Jack swallows: Tin Woodman?
Sam quibbled but continued: Remember when I told you I wanted everything to be perfect? (He looked at her) I was wrong. "One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply does not exist. Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.”
He remembers Anang also telling him to stop thinking that people judge him on his imperfections.
Jack: Who is it from?
Sam: Hawking. What I mean is that you have your own history, your own wounds. (He laid his head back against the wall. He knew she was referring not only to Charlie but also to all her time in the sarcophagus because of Ba'al) Change is inevitable, it is a universal constant. (she held up a finger) But you can vary a constant, take an intersection, and-
Jack moved his hands uncomfortably: Carter. I'm not following you.
Sam concluded: You're doing what you can to change, (she tilted her head to admit) which is better than most people. (she gently insisted) If not empathy, you have compassion.
He took some time to think about it. He also knew that mistakes did not define a person and that one could learn from them.
Jack, embarrassed: I should never have left you.
Sam tilted her head: I helped a lot.
Jack turned his head to her: We screwed up, didn't we?
Sam tried to play it down: Well... we do that a lot.
Jack: Am I allowed to apologize in advance for my future bullshit?
Sam repeated to herself sarcastically: No way, cheater. (He nodded several times, amused at her repartee) I must not be the only one suffering.
Jack ticked and frowned: You're not supposed to get hurt in any relationship, dontcha know?
Sam insisted with a shake of her head: Then don't leave me behind again.
Jack winced and ventured: Can you... forget?
Sam: Any other hidden surprises?
Jack tried to play it down: I probably forgot about them.
Sam moistened her lips with nervousness and ventured: The rules will be made by two. (She insisted) No hierarchy except at work.
Jack huffed: Deal. (she nodded. He wondered if this also had something to do with Hanson. After all, they were both soldiers and had left him because "he liked control." She saw him lost in thought and questioned him with her eyes. He picked himself up.) So... let's just say that was the end of the first inning?
Sam: How many are there?
Jack raised his eyebrows, suddenly unconvinced of his own proposal: Nine.
Sam nodded emphatically: Sounds reasonable.
Jack dodged a slightly sheepish smile then remembered something: Oh. Daniel said something else.
Sam: Hmm?
Jack tilted his head: He thinks it's normal that we haven't yet managed to find our balance.
Sam thought back to Anang who had said the same thing to her and smiled: Yes, I suppose so. After spending so many years communicating only in code or subtext. (she moved a hand) Daniel is your friend but also your subordinate, he must understand better than anyone. Add to that the law of non-fraternization between us, our fundamentally different characters and personali- (she noticed his confusion) What?
Jack: One of your echoes. That's exactly what he told me earlier. (He raises his eyebrows) His exact words.
Sam tilted her head: Well... You're going to have to accept that you practically put Daniel in your bed. (he froze and then winced at the thought) Anang told me the same thing.
Jack raised his eyebrows: You put her in your bed.
Sam closed her eyes with a smile and breathed: God. (She saw him smiling and pulled herself together so as not to lose too much face) Don't hide anything from me anymore.
Jack turned his head towards her: Honest.
They nodded, smiled and looked at each other for a moment.
Notes:
*”You lack empathy.” / “If not empathy, you have compassion.”
Again we are in my theme for this chapter, understanding and communication.
Empathy is the ability to put oneself in the shoes of the other person in order to understand how they function, their thoughts and emotions. Compassion means feeling the same pain as the other person.
"While empathy functions as a simple mirror of another's emotions, compassion involves a sense of caring, with a willingness to help the person who is suffering." (source)
A psychological study on this subject here (source)*
*There are nine innings in baseball*
*The character of Jack says very often “I don’t care”, which tends to irritate Daniel or his other colleagues.
Carol Gilligan has studied this behavior: "The identity construction of the 'proper boys' would be in opposition to everything that would be considered feminine. The amalgam between sensitivity and femininity is very quickly made. In fact, the most common phrase used by the boys interviewed by the author was : « I don’t care », where the girls show an education focused on the attention and the care of the other: what Gilligan theorizes by the « care ». The patriarchal system makes these behaviors normal and obvious as they are imposed on us in the smallest stages of our social lives. As a result, we often have to choose between two arbitrarily imposed categories, forgetting the different voices that make up our identity." (source)*
*empathy (source)*
*Information on depression and its biased view by society (source)*
*the importance for men (too) to go to therapy (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)*
*Article: Mistakes (source)*
*Reminder of my chapter 10:
“Anang: Maybe you're just trying to find your balance.
Sam played with something on her plate: Maybe.”*
*Video: "I'm in therapy because my boyfriend won't do it" (source)*
*Video: Men in therapy (source)*
Jack: But where do you think this is going?
Sam: Hmm?
Jack: Face it. Hotels, motels... (He moved his hand, uncomfortable with the memory of Kerry) Hiding. (He tilted his head) Me there and you...
Sam lowered her head: There.
Jack looked at her: Okay Sam. Let's stop keeping score of who has to carry the most guilt for a moment. (She looked up at him) Nevada or Colorado Springs, it's the same thing. That's not my point.
Sam: So what?
Jack put his head on the wall: So you should just... think about it. I don't want to be the person that keeps ya from having a normal life. (she questioned him with her eyes and he moved his hand again) To go to a restaurant, cinema, beach? (she looked ahead nervously) Or here, just don't have this sword of doom hanging over us just by telling our friends. (he moved his hand again) Unless-
Sam: Don't talk to me about quitting or retiring. (he emphasized his look) I don't care about having a "normal" relationship. Our lives are not normal. (she moved her hand in front of her) And your new job is too important.
Jack accepted her arguments but winced just after: We need to slow down. (she swallowed and looked away again, he straightened up and moved slightly, also starting to feel pain in his buttocks from his position) Listen, I... I need time to adjust to new situations like this. I-
Sam nodded nervously: No, I understand completely. (He stared at her with a frown, she grinned and added lower) Sorry.
Jack: I'm just saying, to put the odds in our favor-
Sam: I know. You're right.
Jack winced nervously: I was with someone, you were about to get married-
Sam, quietly: I know.
Jack moved a hand: A third person after a few weeks-
Sam insisted that he stop this subject: I know.
He gritted his teeth, unable to make himself understood - and listened -, just trying to explain to her that they potentially hadn't grieved the loss of their previous relationships, nor had they worked on what was wrong in their own lives in order to get some perspective on it.
Silence.
Jack moistened his lips: Let's work on that, okay?
She turned her head toward him and nodded, ashamed to be so dependent, she who was usually so careful. She frowned at the thought and stared at him, wondering if he wasn't definitely doing this only for her because he knew she always needed more time. He questioned her with his eyes at her change of expression.
Sam looked at her watch to change the subject: It's late. (he frowned at this new leak, she looked at him and pretended it wasn't happening) We can pick up later if you want.
Jack shrugged gently: I'm fine. (She nodded and turned her head away nervously. He insisted) Carter?
Sam shook her head: Nothing. It's not important. (He rested his head against the wall and looked at her, far from being fooled.) I'm wasting your time. (He frowned.) We've talked a lot.
She was silent, grimaced and lowered her head.
Jack added more lowly, lost: What?
Sam swallowed and hesitated: I... I talk a lot to channel my anxieties.
He scanned her face and saw her nervousness. She was afraid to bother him and he was afraid she would get bored with him and be vulnerable. She was facing her fear and he had to make an effort to do the same, knowing full well that he had lost Sara because he hadn't talked to her either.
Jack, firmly: Let's be clear. (she turned her face towards him. He swallowed and regained his courage) Not understanding things makes me anxious. (he insisted) Not hearing you terrifies me.
Sam added quietly, upset by his confession: Okay. (she took a few seconds to compose herself) Look. I know that in the last few weeks I've had… This need to fill my lacks with you. (he swallowed and looked away) I thank you for trying to make me understand. (she grimaced) My dad's death has affected me more than I thought, (she moved her hand limply) Daniel, Teal'c, Cassie... (she moistened her lips with nervousness at the memory of her own mother and whispered) Yeah. I know that. (she turned her head towards him) I was just trying to hold on to what I had left.
Jack thought about her words and then nodded, reassured: You know... I'm kinda glad you're going to this big and honkin' lab. (she questioned him with her eyes and he tilted his head) I feel like I've extinguished the spark in your eyes.
Sam frowned: What are you talking about?
Jack moistened his lips and looked ahead: Your passion for Science.
He swallowed and apprehended her reaction. She opened her mouth and stared at him, surprised by his observation.
Sam: Wars extinguish this spark. (he gently turned his head towards her and she insisted) You are not part of the equation.
She nodded to confirm and he nodded back. They looked at each other for several seconds, their heads each resting against the wall, and smiled shyly, enjoying the fact that their tension was finally over. He couldn't help but look at her lips and she imitated him. They brought their faces together and kissed gently. For comfort, he tried to straighten up but groaned at the pain in one of her knees. She stopped her hold, stood up and stretched her arm to help him.
Jack grumbled at having to lean against the wall too: You should reconsider your taste in old things.
Sam pushed him against the wall: Let me taste again.
She put her two hands around his face and kissed it passionately. He pushed a sigh, she moved away then of some centimeters and put her glance on him. He put a little more time to take again his spirits and to reopen the eyes.
Sam, softly: Are you staying asleep?
He nodded, hypnotized, and still amazed that she wanted him.
Echo:
*This chapter opens with "Or is this your way of fighting your own withdrawal?" / This need to fill my lacks with you.”. This chapter deals with withdrawal / emotional dependence: She needs you / ask us for help if you need it. / I need you all / you need understanding / no longer needed you. / We need to slow down.*
*This chapter also revolves around fear: Is this the result of a fear of taking / Usually anger hides other emotions... Fear, shame, loss of confidence, and guilt. / What are you afraid of? / these fears / Those damn nanites freaked me out so much / Being with you terrifies me. / Are you afraid of me? / Frightening. / how nervous I am / I get anxious*
*In my chapter 6, Jack meets Bell. She is very strong with him until he says “I would like to see change.”. In my chapter 12, Bell retorts to Jack: Bell refrains from rolling her eyes: Oh please. You yourself told me that you wanted to change things.
Jack sarcastically: Not exactly what I was thinking.”
Throughout this chapter, I address the theme of change: You had changed. / your look has changed. / Change of strategy / Change the government? / my change of job. / People change. You changed (she insisted) Daniel changed you (she moved a hand) Like you changed us. / Change is inevitable / You're doing what you can to change*
*In a previous paragraph, Sam says “You left them behind!”, here she says “Then don't leave me behind again.”*
*In a previous paragraph, Sam said “Am I talking too much?“ / We've talked a lot. / I... I talk a lot*
*In a previous paragraph, Jack already said “His exact words.”*
*In an earlier paragraph, Jack admits to having forgotten that he potentially has a child / Can you... forget? / I probably forgot about them.*
*In a previous paragraph, Sam already said “No way.” and repeats it here*
*to channel that part of me. / to channel*
*Once again, guilt: to carry the most guilt *
*I know you. - I know me.*
*I must not be the only one suffering. - You're not supposed to get hurt in any relationship, dontcha know?*
*So what? - So*
*having a normal life. / having a "normal" relationship. Our lives are not normal.*
*Any other hidden surprises? / Don't hide anything from me anymore. / Hiding.*
*Me there and you… - There..*
*I know.(x3)*
* It's late. We can pick up later if you want.*
*is too important. / It's not important.*
*it is a universal constant. / a constant *
*my anxieties. / makes me anxious.*
*You should reconsider your taste in old things. - Let me taste again.*
* you practically put Daniel in your bed. - You put her in your bed.*
* I feel like I've extinguished the spark / Wars extinguish this spark*
Notes:
*In an earlier paragraph in this chapter, Sam says "Secondly, are we keeping score?”. In this paragraph Jack tells her “ Let's stop keeping score“*
*”I'm wasting your time.” refers to my chapter 9:
(TEL) Sam, fearful: I won't waste your time, sir. I-
(TEL) Jack frowned: What? Carter, you're not-”
I remind you that Jack has a line on "waste of time", translation "waste of time" in the canon*
*In my chapter 3, Jack tells her that he will never be mad at her for taking his time because he is always late. He too has a "thing" about time / “ I... I need time”*
*In my chapter 13, Anang says to Jack “The goal is to change offensive behavior, not to be manipulative. (she frowned) And you really think people expect you to be perfect?”*
*In two previous paragraphs, Sam calls Jack “Scarecrow” because he is afraid of his level of intelligence. In this one, Jack asks him if he can identify himself as a “Tin Woodman” (source). In The Wizard of Oz, Scarecrow and Tin Woodman have a philosophical conversation about which is more necessary: the heart or the intellect. Dorothy cannot and does not decide between them because she stays with both of them throughout the story.
In 302 Seth, Jack calls Sam "Dorothy", right after he unintentionally kills her with the goa'uld bracelet. He says precisely “Hail Dorothy.”, when she arrives in the world of Oz, her house accidentally kills the witch and Dorothy finds herself cheered by the villagers “Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!”*
*In an earlier paragraph, Sam said: “Don't worry about that. They just made me jaded about my love of sharing knowledge about science. (he winced and lowered his head. She noticed, frowned”, in this paragraph Jack comes back to science, and his potential fear of having manipulated him into not being as interested in it as he was in the early years (a thread I had opened up beforehand in various places)*
*When she says:
“The rules will be made by two. (She insisted) No hierarchy except at work.
Jack huffed: Deal.”
This is a reminder of my chapter 6, Bell to Jack:
“When women enter the military, they have to change their personality... a little bit to... (she tilted her head) to fit the mold. (...) They shrink to fit.
Jack took in the information: So they....
Bell continued, as he seemed to be struggling to find the words: ... Make a part of themselves disappear in order to survive (a huge cynic crossed her face) in a world of men.
Jack swallowed: Their personality takes?
Bell sank into her seat: Their personalities, their willingness to fight for their individual rights, their personal desires, (she moved a hand) a little bit of everything really.”
Jack can understand that it's twice she's gotten mad at him via the rows in a "lack" situation (via the "light" in episode 418 The Light, then a symptom of discontinuation when he arrives in Reno and is forced to reframe it). He wonders if it's not his "real" personality that takes over in the end*
*”Remember when I told you I wanted everything to be perfect?” refers to my chapter 2:
Mark ne lui prêta aucune attention: You were the perfect little girl, the favorite!
Then my chapter 3:
Sam: I... I wanted everything to be perfect.
Jack: Was it imperfect?
Then my chapter 4:
Jack: Okay. Perfect, right?
Sam looked at him with a blasé air, almost offended look: You idiot.”*
*Stashing is the act of hiding one's love relationship from those around one. It is in particular what Jack did with Kerry. Remember, when Sam runs into Kerry at Jack's house, Kerry answers “Jack didn't want anyone at the SGC to know about... us.”.She says well “Jack”. She doesn't say "WE didn't want anyone at the SGC to know about us.".
When she goes into his office, she switches to "we" with: "We can still work together, can't we? I'd hate to have to ask for reassignment. This is really important to me. We agreed this would never affect the job. - We did"
So she accepted (it's not said if it's reluctantly or not), it remains stashing. This is not about rushing things, and wanting to introduce the person at all costs in the first few days of the relationship. It's also not like Sam's behavior of not liking romantic displays at work.
Remember my chapter 3:
Sam: Daniel? Teal'c?
He froze at her rather awkward choice of topic of conversation. He worried again about the young woman's possibly very disturbed mental state for bringing this up so prematurely. He put down the cereal packet, dipped his spoon into his bowl and wondered about the potential mismatch in their relationship experiences.
Sam, nervous of his silence: I'll feel like I'm lying to them (she tilted her head) even if it's by omission. But... you're right.
He nodded, but couldn't help wondering if she was referring to his hidden relationship with his ex”
I created several times the fact that Sam is the feeling of not knowing how to manage his relationships, including love, compared to Jack, but I also put forward the problematic sides that Jack does (without him realizing it, again we were all raised in this patriarchal society).
Why do some people stashing? Some have a fear of commitment, some do not assume their partner, some have an image of "single" to maintain (being free in the eyes of a certain blonde scientist woman ... for example) ...
The psychological consequences for the partner are severe on his or her self-confidence.
Remember my chapter 2:
“Jack as if nothing had happened: She broke up.
(...)
Sam: Sorry. You... Ugh. You want to talk about it?
Jack tilted his head without looking at her: Let's just say she understood when she saw my reactions to you.“
And from my chapter 12:
“Kerry: It's not like he cheated on me and you didn't know. I think he was trying to move on and... (she looked around for courage) Well, I promised myself I wouldn't be a second choice anymore. ”
Understanding now the idea of stashing, I find Kerry's decision very healthy for herself. And for all the people in the case of stashing: you deserve better!
Mind you, I'm talking about heterosexual relationships. In non-heterosexual relationships, the social and political framework comes into play. (source) (source) (source)*
*Remember that he abandoned Laira. In the episode of Citzen Joe, season 8, we don't learn more about her condition or if he went to see her. It's a bit disturbing as a behavior towards women*
*Being in a relationship with an anxious person (source) (source)*
*Important reminder that you are not and will never be a burden (source)*
*This chapter opens with a video montage showing the times when O'neill exposes the fact that he is not the type to give long speeches, closes with a montage showing the times when Carter needs to talk, and the two montages echo each other with the fact of being patient with each other to better understand each other*
Sam: Hmm?
Jack: Face it. Hotels, motels... (He moved his hand, uncomfortable with the memory of Kerry) Hiding. (He tilted his head) Me there and you...
Sam lowered her head: There.
Jack looked at her: Okay Sam. Let's stop keeping score of who has to carry the most guilt for a moment. (She looked up at him) Nevada or Colorado Springs, it's the same thing. That's not my point.
Sam: So what?
Jack put his head on the wall: So you should just... think about it. I don't want to be the person that keeps ya from having a normal life. (she questioned him with her eyes and he moved his hand again) To go to a restaurant, cinema, beach? (she looked ahead nervously) Or here, just don't have this sword of doom hanging over us just by telling our friends. (he moved his hand again) Unless-
Sam: Don't talk to me about quitting or retiring. (he emphasized his look) I don't care about having a "normal" relationship. Our lives are not normal. (she moved her hand in front of her) And your new job is too important.
Jack accepted her arguments but winced just after: We need to slow down. (she swallowed and looked away again, he straightened up and moved slightly, also starting to feel pain in his buttocks from his position) Listen, I... I need time to adjust to new situations like this. I-
Sam nodded nervously: No, I understand completely. (He stared at her with a frown, she grinned and added lower) Sorry.
Jack: I'm just saying, to put the odds in our favor-
Sam: I know. You're right.
Jack winced nervously: I was with someone, you were about to get married-
Sam, quietly: I know.
Jack moved a hand: A third person after a few weeks-
Sam insisted that he stop this subject: I know.
He gritted his teeth, unable to make himself understood - and listened -, just trying to explain to her that they potentially hadn't grieved the loss of their previous relationships, nor had they worked on what was wrong in their own lives in order to get some perspective on it.
Silence.
Jack moistened his lips: Let's work on that, okay?
She turned her head toward him and nodded, ashamed to be so dependent, she who was usually so careful. She frowned at the thought and stared at him, wondering if he wasn't definitely doing this only for her because he knew she always needed more time. He questioned her with his eyes at her change of expression.
Sam looked at her watch to change the subject: It's late. (he frowned at this new leak, she looked at him and pretended it wasn't happening) We can pick up later if you want.
Jack shrugged gently: I'm fine. (She nodded and turned her head away nervously. He insisted) Carter?
Sam shook her head: Nothing. It's not important. (He rested his head against the wall and looked at her, far from being fooled.) I'm wasting your time. (He frowned.) We've talked a lot.
She was silent, grimaced and lowered her head.
Jack added more lowly, lost: What?
Sam swallowed and hesitated: I... I talk a lot to channel my anxieties.
He scanned her face and saw her nervousness. She was afraid to bother him and he was afraid she would get bored with him and be vulnerable. She was facing her fear and he had to make an effort to do the same, knowing full well that he had lost Sara because he hadn't talked to her either.
Jack, firmly: Let's be clear. (she turned her face towards him. He swallowed and regained his courage) Not understanding things makes me anxious. (he insisted) Not hearing you terrifies me.
Sam added quietly, upset by his confession: Okay. (she took a few seconds to compose herself) Look. I know that in the last few weeks I've had… This need to fill my lacks with you. (he swallowed and looked away) I thank you for trying to make me understand. (she grimaced) My dad's death has affected me more than I thought, (she moved her hand limply) Daniel, Teal'c, Cassie... (she moistened her lips with nervousness at the memory of her own mother and whispered) Yeah. I know that. (she turned her head towards him) I was just trying to hold on to what I had left.
Jack thought about her words and then nodded, reassured: You know... I'm kinda glad you're going to this big and honkin' lab. (she questioned him with her eyes and he tilted his head) I feel like I've extinguished the spark in your eyes.
Sam frowned: What are you talking about?
Jack moistened his lips and looked ahead: Your passion for Science.
He swallowed and apprehended her reaction. She opened her mouth and stared at him, surprised by his observation.
Sam: Wars extinguish this spark. (he gently turned his head towards her and she insisted) You are not part of the equation.
She nodded to confirm and he nodded back. They looked at each other for several seconds, their heads each resting against the wall, and smiled shyly, enjoying the fact that their tension was finally over. He couldn't help but look at her lips and she imitated him. They brought their faces together and kissed gently. For comfort, he tried to straighten up but groaned at the pain in one of her knees. She stopped her hold, stood up and stretched her arm to help him.
Jack grumbled at having to lean against the wall too: You should reconsider your taste in old things.
Sam pushed him against the wall: Let me taste again.
She put her two hands around his face and kissed it passionately. He pushed a sigh, she moved away then of some centimeters and put her glance on him. He put a little more time to take again his spirits and to reopen the eyes.
Sam, softly: Are you staying asleep?
He nodded, hypnotized, and still amazed that she wanted him.
Echo:
*This chapter opens with "Or is this your way of fighting your own withdrawal?" / This need to fill my lacks with you.”. This chapter deals with withdrawal / emotional dependence: She needs you / ask us for help if you need it. / I need you all / you need understanding / no longer needed you. / We need to slow down.*
*This chapter also revolves around fear: Is this the result of a fear of taking / Usually anger hides other emotions... Fear, shame, loss of confidence, and guilt. / What are you afraid of? / these fears / Those damn nanites freaked me out so much / Being with you terrifies me. / Are you afraid of me? / Frightening. / how nervous I am / I get anxious*
*In my chapter 6, Jack meets Bell. She is very strong with him until he says “I would like to see change.”. In my chapter 12, Bell retorts to Jack: Bell refrains from rolling her eyes: Oh please. You yourself told me that you wanted to change things.
Jack sarcastically: Not exactly what I was thinking.”
Throughout this chapter, I address the theme of change: You had changed. / your look has changed. / Change of strategy / Change the government? / my change of job. / People change. You changed (she insisted) Daniel changed you (she moved a hand) Like you changed us. / Change is inevitable / You're doing what you can to change*
*In a previous paragraph, Sam says “You left them behind!”, here she says “Then don't leave me behind again.”*
*In a previous paragraph, Sam said “Am I talking too much?“ / We've talked a lot. / I... I talk a lot*
*In a previous paragraph, Jack already said “His exact words.”*
*In an earlier paragraph, Jack admits to having forgotten that he potentially has a child / Can you... forget? / I probably forgot about them.*
*In a previous paragraph, Sam already said “No way.” and repeats it here*
*to channel that part of me. / to channel*
*Once again, guilt: to carry the most guilt *
*I know you. - I know me.*
*I must not be the only one suffering. - You're not supposed to get hurt in any relationship, dontcha know?*
*So what? - So*
*having a normal life. / having a "normal" relationship. Our lives are not normal.*
*Any other hidden surprises? / Don't hide anything from me anymore. / Hiding.*
*Me there and you… - There..*
*I know.(x3)*
* It's late. We can pick up later if you want.*
*is too important. / It's not important.*
*it is a universal constant. / a constant *
*my anxieties. / makes me anxious.*
*You should reconsider your taste in old things. - Let me taste again.*
* you practically put Daniel in your bed. - You put her in your bed.*
* I feel like I've extinguished the spark / Wars extinguish this spark*
Notes:
*In an earlier paragraph in this chapter, Sam says "Secondly, are we keeping score?”. In this paragraph Jack tells her “ Let's stop keeping score“*
*”I'm wasting your time.” refers to my chapter 9:
(TEL) Sam, fearful: I won't waste your time, sir. I-
(TEL) Jack frowned: What? Carter, you're not-”
I remind you that Jack has a line on "waste of time", translation "waste of time" in the canon*
*In my chapter 3, Jack tells her that he will never be mad at her for taking his time because he is always late. He too has a "thing" about time / “ I... I need time”*
*In my chapter 13, Anang says to Jack “The goal is to change offensive behavior, not to be manipulative. (she frowned) And you really think people expect you to be perfect?”*
*In two previous paragraphs, Sam calls Jack “Scarecrow” because he is afraid of his level of intelligence. In this one, Jack asks him if he can identify himself as a “Tin Woodman” (source). In The Wizard of Oz, Scarecrow and Tin Woodman have a philosophical conversation about which is more necessary: the heart or the intellect. Dorothy cannot and does not decide between them because she stays with both of them throughout the story.
In 302 Seth, Jack calls Sam "Dorothy", right after he unintentionally kills her with the goa'uld bracelet. He says precisely “Hail Dorothy.”, when she arrives in the world of Oz, her house accidentally kills the witch and Dorothy finds herself cheered by the villagers “Hail to Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!”*
*In an earlier paragraph, Sam said: “Don't worry about that. They just made me jaded about my love of sharing knowledge about science. (he winced and lowered his head. She noticed, frowned”, in this paragraph Jack comes back to science, and his potential fear of having manipulated him into not being as interested in it as he was in the early years (a thread I had opened up beforehand in various places)*
*When she says:
“The rules will be made by two. (She insisted) No hierarchy except at work.
Jack huffed: Deal.”
This is a reminder of my chapter 6, Bell to Jack:
“When women enter the military, they have to change their personality... a little bit to... (she tilted her head) to fit the mold. (...) They shrink to fit.
Jack took in the information: So they....
Bell continued, as he seemed to be struggling to find the words: ... Make a part of themselves disappear in order to survive (a huge cynic crossed her face) in a world of men.
Jack swallowed: Their personality takes?
Bell sank into her seat: Their personalities, their willingness to fight for their individual rights, their personal desires, (she moved a hand) a little bit of everything really.”
Jack can understand that it's twice she's gotten mad at him via the rows in a "lack" situation (via the "light" in episode 418 The Light, then a symptom of discontinuation when he arrives in Reno and is forced to reframe it). He wonders if it's not his "real" personality that takes over in the end*
*”Remember when I told you I wanted everything to be perfect?” refers to my chapter 2:
Mark ne lui prêta aucune attention: You were the perfect little girl, the favorite!
Then my chapter 3:
Sam: I... I wanted everything to be perfect.
Jack: Was it imperfect?
Then my chapter 4:
Jack: Okay. Perfect, right?
Sam looked at him with a blasé air, almost offended look: You idiot.”*
*Stashing is the act of hiding one's love relationship from those around one. It is in particular what Jack did with Kerry. Remember, when Sam runs into Kerry at Jack's house, Kerry answers “Jack didn't want anyone at the SGC to know about... us.”.She says well “Jack”. She doesn't say "WE didn't want anyone at the SGC to know about us.".
When she goes into his office, she switches to "we" with: "We can still work together, can't we? I'd hate to have to ask for reassignment. This is really important to me. We agreed this would never affect the job. - We did"
So she accepted (it's not said if it's reluctantly or not), it remains stashing. This is not about rushing things, and wanting to introduce the person at all costs in the first few days of the relationship. It's also not like Sam's behavior of not liking romantic displays at work.
Remember my chapter 3:
Sam: Daniel? Teal'c?
He froze at her rather awkward choice of topic of conversation. He worried again about the young woman's possibly very disturbed mental state for bringing this up so prematurely. He put down the cereal packet, dipped his spoon into his bowl and wondered about the potential mismatch in their relationship experiences.
Sam, nervous of his silence: I'll feel like I'm lying to them (she tilted her head) even if it's by omission. But... you're right.
He nodded, but couldn't help wondering if she was referring to his hidden relationship with his ex”
I created several times the fact that Sam is the feeling of not knowing how to manage his relationships, including love, compared to Jack, but I also put forward the problematic sides that Jack does (without him realizing it, again we were all raised in this patriarchal society).
Why do some people stashing? Some have a fear of commitment, some do not assume their partner, some have an image of "single" to maintain (being free in the eyes of a certain blonde scientist woman ... for example) ...
The psychological consequences for the partner are severe on his or her self-confidence.
Remember my chapter 2:
“Jack as if nothing had happened: She broke up.
(...)
Sam: Sorry. You... Ugh. You want to talk about it?
Jack tilted his head without looking at her: Let's just say she understood when she saw my reactions to you.“
And from my chapter 12:
“Kerry: It's not like he cheated on me and you didn't know. I think he was trying to move on and... (she looked around for courage) Well, I promised myself I wouldn't be a second choice anymore. ”
Understanding now the idea of stashing, I find Kerry's decision very healthy for herself. And for all the people in the case of stashing: you deserve better!
Mind you, I'm talking about heterosexual relationships. In non-heterosexual relationships, the social and political framework comes into play. (source) (source) (source)*
*Remember that he abandoned Laira. In the episode of Citzen Joe, season 8, we don't learn more about her condition or if he went to see her. It's a bit disturbing as a behavior towards women*
*Being in a relationship with an anxious person (source) (source)*
*Important reminder that you are not and will never be a burden (source)*
*This chapter opens with a video montage showing the times when O'neill exposes the fact that he is not the type to give long speeches, closes with a montage showing the times when Carter needs to talk, and the two montages echo each other with the fact of being patient with each other to better understand each other*