TW: *mention of punitive rape* *mention of harassment* *mention of racism*
CW: *mention of post-traumatic stress disorder* *mention of rape* *mention of death threats*
He found some time to continue his research between meetings:
CW: *mention of post-traumatic stress disorder* *mention of rape* *mention of death threats*
He found some time to continue his research between meetings:
The symptoms of PTSD caused by sexual violence are diverse and multiple. The most common ones are: anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks, fear of being touched, risk-taking behaviors, emotional dependence, depression, suicidal urges, eating disorders, amnesia, feelings of guilt and shame, dissociation, hypervigilance, sleep disturbances, addiction, social phobia, and many others.
And many others, he thought, as if that wasn't enough. He reread the symptoms several times to try to identify when she might have shown signs of these disorders but seemed lost, not being a doctor or a shrink. He searched the internet using the following keywords: "rape PTSD specialist USA".
The name Bell G.J. Williams came up frequently and he focused on her. A professor and doctor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, she had written many books on the subject, including a dissertation that seemed too complicated for her intellectual level, but had apparently become a reference in the field of psychiatry.
She is a black American woman in her thirties. There were photos of demonstrations, especially against racism. He got lost for several minutes in his research, especially in what seemed to be her personal blog. He came across a series of examples of comments she was receiving. He despaired in advance of this new fashion of egocentric influencers showing off the praise they could receive in this virtual world, but quickly frowned. It was a phenomenal amount of hate mail, death threats or punitive rapes that she received regularly because of her work. He read several of them and wondered what kind of world he was living in.
He left the page for the University of Chicago website. He picked up the phone and asked if a Bell G.J. Williams was still working there and if she was available for an appointment in the next few days. He was told that she was no longer taking appointments but that she did teach classes every day of the week. He thanked the person for the information and hung up. He bought a round-trip ticket from Duluth to Chicago to try his luck.
Notes:
*The name Bell and this character is based on Bell hooks. (source)*
*When I wrote the character of Bell, I imagined her played by Viola Davis (source) (source)*
*The threats mentioned above are common on the internet when we speak out against discrimination, especially when we ourselves are concerned by this discrimination, and when we "accumulate" it.*
*If you analyze the list of PTSD of sexual violence, you understand why I wrote about the fact that Carter's character could be a victim of it. Many times (we'll see in future videos) these reflexes have been shown on screen*
The name Bell G.J. Williams came up frequently and he focused on her. A professor and doctor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, she had written many books on the subject, including a dissertation that seemed too complicated for her intellectual level, but had apparently become a reference in the field of psychiatry.
She is a black American woman in her thirties. There were photos of demonstrations, especially against racism. He got lost for several minutes in his research, especially in what seemed to be her personal blog. He came across a series of examples of comments she was receiving. He despaired in advance of this new fashion of egocentric influencers showing off the praise they could receive in this virtual world, but quickly frowned. It was a phenomenal amount of hate mail, death threats or punitive rapes that she received regularly because of her work. He read several of them and wondered what kind of world he was living in.
He left the page for the University of Chicago website. He picked up the phone and asked if a Bell G.J. Williams was still working there and if she was available for an appointment in the next few days. He was told that she was no longer taking appointments but that she did teach classes every day of the week. He thanked the person for the information and hung up. He bought a round-trip ticket from Duluth to Chicago to try his luck.
Notes:
*The name Bell and this character is based on Bell hooks. (source)*
*When I wrote the character of Bell, I imagined her played by Viola Davis (source) (source)*
*The threats mentioned above are common on the internet when we speak out against discrimination, especially when we ourselves are concerned by this discrimination, and when we "accumulate" it.*
*If you analyze the list of PTSD of sexual violence, you understand why I wrote about the fact that Carter's character could be a victim of it. Many times (we'll see in future videos) these reflexes have been shown on screen*
She stirred in her sleep. He emerged, turned on the small bedside lamp and noticed the sweat and confusion on her face, apparently unable to shake off a nightmare. He looked for a way to wake her up more sympathetically than usual and without getting kicked or bitten. He had no memory of such crises during their common offworld missions and wondered if she was pretending to be asleep even if it meant putting herself in danger in the field or if it was more recent. However, her colleagues had not told her about any of their concerns. However, the fact that she was an inveterate liar was an important factor. She squirmed again and came to her senses.
Jack quietly: Carter? Carter?
Without an answer, he stood up and turned on all the lights in the room.
Sam calmed down, then frowned and put a hand over her eyes and moaned: Aouuuh... (she sat up with difficulty, her hand still hiding the most blinding light in the room, her mouth pasty) What time is it?
Jack turned off the big light and got back into bed: You can sleep. You had a nightmare.
Sam rubbed her eyes to wake up: Ho?
Jack lay back down and faced her: Do you want to talk about it?
Sam lay down and imitated him: Hmm. I don't remember.
Cautiously, he stroked her temple with his fingertips. She smiled at the touch, then realized that she had sweated and slowly moved away, trying to hide her discomfort.
Jack, gently, having seen her react: We can space out our dates. (she frowned and questioned him with her eyes. He shrugged a shoulder) Maybe you need some peace and quiet, your own bed... Less snoring. (she smiled and shook her head negatively) Or to think? Until we stabilize.
Sam looked away, nervous: It's not that. (He questioned her with his eyes and she hesitated) Nothing. It's this damn conference.
Jack frowned: Hmm? At the Academy? (she swallowed and remained silent) What happened?
Sam took a deep breath and got angry with herself: Nothing. It's not that.
Jack: I thought you liked to do this there?
Sam closed her eyes to calm down: Yes... No... It's not that. (She opened her eyes again, hesitated and added more quietly) Let's talk about it later, okay?
He tried to read her, but she avoided his gaze, still nervous.
Jack quietly, lowered his voice: Ok. But I think we still need to space out our dates.
Echo:
*Nothing*
*spacing our dates*
*It's not that.*
Notes:
*I put in a video passage from season 10 episode 6 when the timeline of the story takes place at the end of season 8. In this passage, we know that Hammond was still a general at the SGC so it's a flashback. I took the liberty of putting it in our timeline. And yes, O'Neill snores haha, that's a detail I would have liked to see in other fanfics. This brings us back to the problem of the idealization of O'Neill's character in fanfics when he is human in the saga.*
*If you look closely at the first scene of the video, when O'neill wakes up Rothman, Carter next to him wakes up and then is startled because he was startled. It's not a nice wake up either haha*
Jack quietly: Carter? Carter?
Without an answer, he stood up and turned on all the lights in the room.
Sam calmed down, then frowned and put a hand over her eyes and moaned: Aouuuh... (she sat up with difficulty, her hand still hiding the most blinding light in the room, her mouth pasty) What time is it?
Jack turned off the big light and got back into bed: You can sleep. You had a nightmare.
Sam rubbed her eyes to wake up: Ho?
Jack lay back down and faced her: Do you want to talk about it?
Sam lay down and imitated him: Hmm. I don't remember.
Cautiously, he stroked her temple with his fingertips. She smiled at the touch, then realized that she had sweated and slowly moved away, trying to hide her discomfort.
Jack, gently, having seen her react: We can space out our dates. (she frowned and questioned him with her eyes. He shrugged a shoulder) Maybe you need some peace and quiet, your own bed... Less snoring. (she smiled and shook her head negatively) Or to think? Until we stabilize.
Sam looked away, nervous: It's not that. (He questioned her with his eyes and she hesitated) Nothing. It's this damn conference.
Jack frowned: Hmm? At the Academy? (she swallowed and remained silent) What happened?
Sam took a deep breath and got angry with herself: Nothing. It's not that.
Jack: I thought you liked to do this there?
Sam closed her eyes to calm down: Yes... No... It's not that. (She opened her eyes again, hesitated and added more quietly) Let's talk about it later, okay?
He tried to read her, but she avoided his gaze, still nervous.
Jack quietly, lowered his voice: Ok. But I think we still need to space out our dates.
Echo:
*Nothing*
*spacing our dates*
*It's not that.*
Notes:
*I put in a video passage from season 10 episode 6 when the timeline of the story takes place at the end of season 8. In this passage, we know that Hammond was still a general at the SGC so it's a flashback. I took the liberty of putting it in our timeline. And yes, O'Neill snores haha, that's a detail I would have liked to see in other fanfics. This brings us back to the problem of the idealization of O'Neill's character in fanfics when he is human in the saga.*
*If you look closely at the first scene of the video, when O'neill wakes up Rothman, Carter next to him wakes up and then is startled because he was startled. It's not a nice wake up either haha*
(Text message) Sam took out a prepaid phone and wrote a text message: Super 8 Motel on 25 in an hour?
(Text message) Jack: It was agreed that you sleep alone tonight.
(Text message) Sam: You agreed. I didn't agree to anything like that.
(Text message) Jack blew his nose and leaned against the wall of his hallway: Is this a good idea? (Sam winced and bit her lip nervously, wondering what she could possibly say to that but another text followed) I mean, I'm fine with it. But you?
(Text message) Sam: Be on time.
(Text message) Jack: Bring a shirt.
(Text message) Jack: It was agreed that you sleep alone tonight.
(Text message) Sam: You agreed. I didn't agree to anything like that.
(Text message) Jack blew his nose and leaned against the wall of his hallway: Is this a good idea? (Sam winced and bit her lip nervously, wondering what she could possibly say to that but another text followed) I mean, I'm fine with it. But you?
(Text message) Sam: Be on time.
(Text message) Jack: Bring a shirt.
Daniel knocked on the door, entered before he heard the answer, and found Teal'c blowing out the candles in his meditation.
Daniel: Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting?
Teal'c blew out another candle: No, Daniel Jackson. My mind needed some serenity.
Daniel crossed his arms: What about the future of your nation?
Teal'c nodded: Indeed.
Daniel: Well, I think my mind could use some serenity too.
Teal'c extinguished another flame: Is something troubling you?
Daniel became nervous and readjusted his glasses: Sam. (he tilted his head at the memory of Jacob's funeral and Teal'c scanned his face) I... I have a strange feeling that I have forgotten something important. About her past. I can't remember it.
The two men looked at each other, and then Teal'c resumed his lights out. Daniel winced with nervousness, grabbed a still-lit candle to help his friend and got lost in the glow for a moment.
Teal'c worried about his behavior: I hope your thoughts come back soon. (Daniel nodded and blew out the candle. A flash of memory froze him for several seconds and confusion overcame his face) Daniel Jackson?
Daniel emerged, horrified: Oh my God.
Echo:
*My mind needed serenity / My mind could use some serenity too*
*about the future / About her past*
Notes: *The two scenes in episode 8x16 "Reckoning" when RepliCarter gets into Daniel's mind and pretends to be Oma, if you pay attention to the sets, you'll notice that at the beginning of his torture the candles are lit and at the end they are extinguished. This detail is accentuated by Daniel repeating Oma's sentence about the candles and which RepliCarter did not understand the meaning*
*Remember too when Sam drinks that drink in my first chapter on Chalcis: "She decided to turn her attention to the flame of an apparently extremely interesting candle." and "A wind rose, extinguished the candles and blew her blond hair. Daniel frowned and looked around for the source of the breeze.”*
Daniel: Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting?
Teal'c blew out another candle: No, Daniel Jackson. My mind needed some serenity.
Daniel crossed his arms: What about the future of your nation?
Teal'c nodded: Indeed.
Daniel: Well, I think my mind could use some serenity too.
Teal'c extinguished another flame: Is something troubling you?
Daniel became nervous and readjusted his glasses: Sam. (he tilted his head at the memory of Jacob's funeral and Teal'c scanned his face) I... I have a strange feeling that I have forgotten something important. About her past. I can't remember it.
The two men looked at each other, and then Teal'c resumed his lights out. Daniel winced with nervousness, grabbed a still-lit candle to help his friend and got lost in the glow for a moment.
Teal'c worried about his behavior: I hope your thoughts come back soon. (Daniel nodded and blew out the candle. A flash of memory froze him for several seconds and confusion overcame his face) Daniel Jackson?
Daniel emerged, horrified: Oh my God.
Echo:
*My mind needed serenity / My mind could use some serenity too*
*about the future / About her past*
Notes: *The two scenes in episode 8x16 "Reckoning" when RepliCarter gets into Daniel's mind and pretends to be Oma, if you pay attention to the sets, you'll notice that at the beginning of his torture the candles are lit and at the end they are extinguished. This detail is accentuated by Daniel repeating Oma's sentence about the candles and which RepliCarter did not understand the meaning*
*Remember too when Sam drinks that drink in my first chapter on Chalcis: "She decided to turn her attention to the flame of an apparently extremely interesting candle." and "A wind rose, extinguished the candles and blew her blond hair. Daniel frowned and looked around for the source of the breeze.”*
She slid the folder of their research onto the table and he reached for it, gently touching her hand.
Sam pretended that nothing happened so that he would understand that she was not "okay" in public: We did a complete satellite scan of the Giza Plateau looking for an energy signature identical to the one emitted by the ZPM we found near Taonas.
Jack: And?
Sam nodded: We found it.
Jack raised his eyebrows: Nice. Repatriation?
Daniel: It's coming tomorrow.
Jack: Excellent.
Daniel pointed to a scanner in the report: The archaeologists on site found this.
Jack frowned and took the sheet: What am I looking at?
Daniel: A 5000 year old jar with... (Jack tilted his head as he tilted the scanner) A camera inside.
Jack looked up at him: Hmm. That's new.
Daniel: And what might be on it might be interesting.
Jack after a few seconds of silence: Anything else? (SG-1 remained silent, he stood up, took the file and went back to his office) I don't want any more briefings like this, kids.
Notes:
*remember the timeline changed with the season 8 finale*
*These are the archaeologists of the University of Chicago who find the vase and the character of Doctor Williams Bell work there*
Sam pretended that nothing happened so that he would understand that she was not "okay" in public: We did a complete satellite scan of the Giza Plateau looking for an energy signature identical to the one emitted by the ZPM we found near Taonas.
Jack: And?
Sam nodded: We found it.
Jack raised his eyebrows: Nice. Repatriation?
Daniel: It's coming tomorrow.
Jack: Excellent.
Daniel pointed to a scanner in the report: The archaeologists on site found this.
Jack frowned and took the sheet: What am I looking at?
Daniel: A 5000 year old jar with... (Jack tilted his head as he tilted the scanner) A camera inside.
Jack looked up at him: Hmm. That's new.
Daniel: And what might be on it might be interesting.
Jack after a few seconds of silence: Anything else? (SG-1 remained silent, he stood up, took the file and went back to his office) I don't want any more briefings like this, kids.
Notes:
*remember the timeline changed with the season 8 finale*
*These are the archaeologists of the University of Chicago who find the vase and the character of Doctor Williams Bell work there*
CW: *mention of murder/execution* *mention of manipulation* *mention of sexual violence*
Daniel found her working: Are you okay?
Sam frowned, puzzled by his question: Yeah?
Daniel rested his elbows on the counter, facing her: I've made some progress on our discussion from three days ago. (she questioned him with her eyes) In the briefing room. You know with your evil double.
Sam looked away, then back to her work: Ah?
Daniel winced with apprehension: It took me a while to figure out how her mind worked there. I think that's why the... the bits of memory are coming back to me so... so disjointed.
Sam stopped biting her lip and looked at him: She showed you Fifth forcing her to kill you, Sergeant Siler and General O'Neill, didn't she?
Daniel froze: What? (he frowned and stared at her) No? (she shook her head and resumed her experiment. He stayed a few seconds scrutinizing her expressions and then resumed) I-I have doubts about what she let me perceive from her (he corrected himself) your... (he gave her a few knowing looks and hesitated) Um... your tendency...
Sam raised her eyebrows, confused: What?
Daniel uncomfortably: You know. (she frowned, questioned him with her eyes and he ventured) Your tendency to lie.
Sam tensed: Daniel-
Daniel straightened up: What I'm trying to tell you is that I've felt things about you that I shouldn't have. But... (he frowned) But I don't know if it's a manipulation on her part or... (he grimaced) A re-creation set up by that... Evil double? Or or or... Memories of my previous ascensi-
Sam cut him off nervously: What kind of things?
Daniel swallowed: Actually it's... Hmm. The same thing but several times. Different. (she frowned) A stronger memory maybe? Of discomfort. (she started to lose her patience. Daniel winced and spoke quickly, nervously) Something to do with a mentor, a teacher, I don't know. Of-of-of Disgust. (Sam's face broke down) Like the ones you told me about between Jolinar and Bynarr... Kind of?
She closed her eyes and lowered her head.
Daniel found her working: Are you okay?
Sam frowned, puzzled by his question: Yeah?
Daniel rested his elbows on the counter, facing her: I've made some progress on our discussion from three days ago. (she questioned him with her eyes) In the briefing room. You know with your evil double.
Sam looked away, then back to her work: Ah?
Daniel winced with apprehension: It took me a while to figure out how her mind worked there. I think that's why the... the bits of memory are coming back to me so... so disjointed.
Sam stopped biting her lip and looked at him: She showed you Fifth forcing her to kill you, Sergeant Siler and General O'Neill, didn't she?
Daniel froze: What? (he frowned and stared at her) No? (she shook her head and resumed her experiment. He stayed a few seconds scrutinizing her expressions and then resumed) I-I have doubts about what she let me perceive from her (he corrected himself) your... (he gave her a few knowing looks and hesitated) Um... your tendency...
Sam raised her eyebrows, confused: What?
Daniel uncomfortably: You know. (she frowned, questioned him with her eyes and he ventured) Your tendency to lie.
Sam tensed: Daniel-
Daniel straightened up: What I'm trying to tell you is that I've felt things about you that I shouldn't have. But... (he frowned) But I don't know if it's a manipulation on her part or... (he grimaced) A re-creation set up by that... Evil double? Or or or... Memories of my previous ascensi-
Sam cut him off nervously: What kind of things?
Daniel swallowed: Actually it's... Hmm. The same thing but several times. Different. (she frowned) A stronger memory maybe? Of discomfort. (she started to lose her patience. Daniel winced and spoke quickly, nervously) Something to do with a mentor, a teacher, I don't know. Of-of-of Disgust. (Sam's face broke down) Like the ones you told me about between Jolinar and Bynarr... Kind of?
She closed her eyes and lowered her head.
Her own voice echoed in her head: What's wrong with you? Can't you refrain from prying into my life without asking me first? In the name of my own safety? My well-being? My health?
He had confirmation that this was real and froze in shock.
Sam looked away and added coldly: I don't want to talk about it.
Daniel: Sam, I-
Sam curtly: No.
Daniel approached her: Just know that I'm here. And-
Sam abruptly stood up and stared at him, annoyed: Stop it Daniel. (She gritted her teeth) In fact, we're done.
For a split second, he was stunned to hear RepliCarter's words coming out of her mouth, the opposite words. She approached him, ready to come to blows if he didn't leave immediately. He gasped slightly in surprise and remembered what she had just told him about RepliCarter carrying out Fifth's orders and killing him and the others. He headed for the exit and wondered if he had done the right thing in coming to tell her. He had never seen her get so angry at him, in fact, the last time he'd seen such hatred in her eyes, it was in RepliCarter's eyes.
Echo:
*Evil double*
*your tendency*
*Kind of?*
Notes:
*In 6x02, she gets up from the infirmary's bed to silence Mckay, ready to hit him*
*Consent doesn't just apply to sex (source)*
Sam looked away and added coldly: I don't want to talk about it.
Daniel: Sam, I-
Sam curtly: No.
Daniel approached her: Just know that I'm here. And-
Sam abruptly stood up and stared at him, annoyed: Stop it Daniel. (She gritted her teeth) In fact, we're done.
For a split second, he was stunned to hear RepliCarter's words coming out of her mouth, the opposite words. She approached him, ready to come to blows if he didn't leave immediately. He gasped slightly in surprise and remembered what she had just told him about RepliCarter carrying out Fifth's orders and killing him and the others. He headed for the exit and wondered if he had done the right thing in coming to tell her. He had never seen her get so angry at him, in fact, the last time he'd seen such hatred in her eyes, it was in RepliCarter's eyes.
Echo:
*Evil double*
*your tendency*
*Kind of?*
Notes:
*In 6x02, she gets up from the infirmary's bed to silence Mckay, ready to hit him*
*Consent doesn't just apply to sex (source)*
CW: *mention of war* *mention of emotional manipulation* *mention of stalkerism* *mention of death* *mention of blood* *ableism* *mention of religion*
In pajamas under the sheets, their feet intertwined as they talked.
Sam: 1234? (He squinted at her, falsely offended) Come on, give me a hint.
Jack: Okay. It means something. (She gave him a blasé look for this vague clue and he moved his hand in the air) With the letters.
Sam made a silent "Ha" and thought: 3414?
Jack thought about what she was implying: No.
Sam: 2337?
Jack frowned and after a moment: No.
Sam: 8868?
Jack, after a few seconds: No. (More sharply) This has nothing to do with fishing!
Sam squinted at him: 8699?
Jack imitated her: What is it?
Sam stopped herself from laughing: "Code"?
Jack looked at her: You're gonna hurt my feelings. (she moistened her lips and thought) Stop it, you'll never find it.
Sam: 8859? (she translated to satisfy her curiosity more quickly) "Cake"?
Jack: No. You'll never find it, I tell ya.
Sam: Don't tell me it's 5885, sir? (He froze and she straightened up with a big smile) Oh my God!
Jack, offended: Okay. I don't like your game.
Sam chuckled: You can't put your first name in code for your phone, ,it's too easy!
Jack: ‘cause my birth date is better?
They laughed and looked at each other for a moment, enjoying the moment. He caressed her forearm and played with her fingers. She dodged a smile and imitated him. She became slightly intimidated by his glance posed on her and sought a subject of conversation.
Sam touched his wrist: Where did your bracelet come from?
It was a series of small wooden beads that he had worn for years, even on missions.
Jack: "Free Tibet" campaign? (she raised her eyebrows in surprise. He took a bead between his fingers) It's Tibetan.
She nodded and looked away at the memory of the combat bracelet she had exchanged with her estranged father and felt the emotion rise in her. He guessed it and placed a kiss on her fingers. She half-opened her mouth, troubled.
Jack, quietly: What?
Sam: Nothing, it's just... It's strange to start a relationship with you.
Jack: All these hotel rooms we're going to get to visit?
Sam: Um, It's okay. (He continued to question her with his eyes to see if she was lying) Neutral ground. And we've traveled a lot already. (He dodged a slight smile and she resumed in a more serious tone) We've known each other for years, but we don't really know each other.
Jack a little confused: Is that good or...?
Sam, a touch of mischief in her voice: Hmm. You know how I need to think. Give me a few more years.
Jack blew his nose, then suggested a new game: "Question and answer"?
Sam shook her head almost undetectably: I don't want to force you to talk.
Jack played with his fingers in turn to reassure her: Go ahead. (she seemed to get nervous. He turned his whole body towards her, slowly) What?
Sam: Hmm. We did the same thing with my ex. Talk about our lives, like this, to get to know each other better.
Jack: Shanahan? (she nodded) And?
Sam grinned: It didn't end well. He left angry because I couldn't talk about my work.
Jack: Oh. Well.... We won't have that problem. (she remained silent. He took a deep breath and raised his free hand to the ceiling) Any trump card?
Sam turned to him: No justification? (he nodded, she added more softly) We won't look for any additional information in our personal files?
Jack closed his eyes: Sorry about that. (He opened his eyes again and saw her smiling at him. He insisted seriously) Yes. (She got serious at the man's expression, nodded and thought of a question) Okay. I have one. An important one. (Sam's face froze with apprehension) Which side of the bed do you normally sleep on? (she hid her face for a fraction of a second to giggle silently and the military man continued as seriously as ever) I'm not kidding.
Sam, looking at him with a smile, softly: I'm on the wrong side?
Jack: Yeah.
She stood up, straddled him, forcing him to lie on his back and put her face very close to his.
Sam, with a mischievous look in her eyes: Like someone who was about to die?
They looked at each other for a few seconds and he brushed a strand of her hair out of her eyes. They smiled at each other, then juggled their gazes between their lips and eyes, and fought the urge to throw themselves at each other. She straightened up before their dangerous game got out of hand and collapsed on the other side.
Jack turned to the good side: Better. But that doesn't answer my question.
Sam stared at him: The truth?
Jack: Yeah.
Sam insisted: In the middle. (He blew his nose, she took the same serious tone he had taken) I'm not kidding.
Jack laughed back: And you take the whole comforter?
Sam pointed a finger at him: That's two questions. (she put her finger down) I don't often get cold.
Jack smiled gently: Good. Good team.
Sam, after thinking for a few seconds: Why did you join the Air Force?
Jack exhaled deeply and echoed Sam's words: The truth? (she nodded. He hesitated) My mother was Irish.
Sam: And your father American.
Jack nodded: He went back and forth in the early months of their relationship. She got pregnant. The back and forth became less frequent. (she frowned, he saw it and added) His work apparently. (he searched his memory) Something in industrial patents? (she nodded, inviting him to continue) It was the 1950s, with the Korean War, the U.S. had a booming economy in many sectors.
Sam remembered her History and Economics class: As opposed to Ireland, where industrialization came a decade later.
Jack nodded: Hmm. I don't know if you know but the Irish were discriminated against quite a bit.
Sam: Anti-Irish sentiment, yeah.
Jack, slightly surprised that she knew: Yeah. My mother ended up moving to the States. (she smiled slightly, understanding. He took a deep breath, swallowed and took a deep breath) My father wasn’t what ya'd call... a good person. (Sam's smile gradually disappeared, he looked away) She took his anger and frustrations. (she widened her eyes, he stopped for a moment and grimaced) Anyway. One argument too many. My mother was on the ground, covered in blood. (she closed her eyes for a moment) I wanted to step in but um... 'just a kid against an adult.
Sam opened her eyes again: My God.
Jack swallowed and took a few seconds to control himself: She died in the hospital a few hours later. (he looked away) I was at her bedside. The case was ruled an accident. I started to fail in school. My teachers and my father kept telling me that I was a loser and that I would never succeed in life. I had all this anger inside of me and... And I started taking the hits myself.
She froze in shock and remained silent for fear he would stop talking, but the man's face lit up.
Jack: I used to go to my grandfather's house as often as possible but he was too old to take care of me every day. One day I saw this ad for hiring. They would take anyone, without any level of education (more vividly) They even paid the transportation to the Academy, the registration fees... Everything! (more calmly) My grandfather agreed to sign the papers, I took my mother's last name and that allowed me to leave. The Army gave me a family, that stability I needed. That... Opportunity to not be myself but to be part of something bigger. More... important. (enthusiastically) And flying, God, it made me feel alive!
He fell silent, having finished his story.
Sam quietly: That's horrible.
Jack smiles nervously: "Momma, momma, can't you see what the Air Force did to me?"
Sam: I wonder how many people were hired like that. Picking up young people who need help. (he froze at this point and she emerged) Um. You answered my next question about your childhood.
Jack: So I get two questions.
Sam squinted: You trying to cheat again?
Jack: D'oh! (he smiled) A hard one? (she nodded) One of your fantasies.
Sam swung her head back and smiled: Pervert!
Jack, proud of his question: Not especially about me. (she closed her eyes and bit her tongue) You have to, after that.
Sam looked at him mischievously: Okay. You won't be able to find it in my files anyway. (He looked at her, jaded. She smiled at his reaction and paused briefly) It's not a fantasy, it's more like... Curiosity? (He looked at her, curious in his turn) I've never tried it with .... Well... another... (she didn't finish her sentence but tilted her head a few times and he understood what she meant. She cleared her throat nervously) Hmm.
Jack surprised: Oh? (he smiled) Not even a little experience in the Academy dorms?
Sam's face broke down, he widened his eyes, realizing that he had just potentially said something very stupid. She swallowed and closed her eyes for a few seconds, ready to pull out one of her "trump card".
Jack: Okay. Forget it.
Her brain was firing on all cylinders: Someone from the academy? That was twice she'd felt bad talking about it, it couldn't be a coincidence. In the dormitories? A classmate?
Jack quickly changed the subject: Hey. (she looked at him, a little apprehensive) I knew it. I'm entitled to another question. (she questioned him with her eyes) At Rya'c's wedding.
Sam frowned: What?
Jack: Dear, I caught you ogling a young blonde in the hallways.
Sam remembered: Oh yes. (he smiled, she looked at him blasé) That was you, dear.
Jack tilted his head: Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. (He pointed at her) You started it.
Sam: What are you talking about? (Seeing that he didn't let go, she looked away a little embarrassed) Yes well. Their outfit was very...
Jack: Hot.
Sam: Hell yeah.
They laughed quietly for a few seconds.
Jack searched his memory: What was the name of the girl in the van in 1969 with-
Sam: Jenny.
Jack: Yeah. (He looked at her, and his tone was full of innuendo) We can agree that she liked you a lot and that-
Sam nodded to confirm his impressions: I think she liked everyone, yeah.
They laughed again.
Sam got serious again and whispered: I... I did my research on Michael. (She tilted her head nervously) When we came back.
Jack apprehended: And?
Sam swallowed and grimaced: He didn't come back.
Jack, after a moment: Yeah. That war was another piece of crap.
She stared at him for a moment, surprised at his answer. That day, though, she had felt that he wanted to tell Michael that it was his duty as an American to respect the call. Although she had to intervene so as not to change the course of history, she remembered his emphatic tone. That and his position on Tibet were strange. The man was full of contradictions.
Jack caught her gaze, softly: What?
Sam shook her head: Nothing.
Jack recognized the lie but didn't want to embarrass her: Your turn.
Sam grimaced: Have you seen your father again?
Jack: No. (he shrugged) I heard about his death a few years ago. (he looked away and winced slightly) I've often wished it, actually.
Sam quietly: Sorry.
Jack frowned: Why do you keep apologizing?
Sam stared at him: Hmm. Apologies are good, aren't they?
Jack tilted his head: Only when you're responsible.
She swallowed, looked away for a while, then looked back into his eyes. The man was still waiting for an answer.
Sam, even lower: Trump card.
Jack nodded, and then lowered his voice: Tell me about your brother.
Sam tried to avoid the subject as well: It's not even a question.
Jack held up a hand to reassure her: It's not required.
Sam grinned: I thought that changed when dad made peace with him but... Hmm. He always put us in competition. That I signed up for the Air Force and he didn't, I think that was his biggest disappointment with him. Mark couldn't stand it. (she grimaced) My breaking up with Pete didn't help matters much- (she exclaimed) Oh my God!
Jack surprised at her change of tone: What?
Sam panicked: Who paid for the break door he kicked in the hotel? It wasn't the President, was it?
Jack blew his nose: Um, I think so. (She widened her eyes) Hey, he didn't complain. Not sure if he looks at the details of his bills himself.
Sam, embarrassed: Damn. He does that all the time.
Jack frowned, confused: The President?
Sam: No, no, my brother. One time, I was what, 15? He broke down my bedroom door because I invited my boyfriend in.
Jack widened his eyes at the first part of his sentence, then tilted his head and started to smile at the second part: "Boyfriend"?
Sam, a little offended: Why are you so surprised? (she frowned) I've already been engaged. (she insisted) Twice.
Jack blew his nose, then recovered, realizing he had offended her: So what? Your brother?
Sam: I think he's also mad at me for being so easy in school when he...
Jack: ...is normal?
Sam smiled: What normal is normal now?
Jack: Thanks, Teal'c.
Sam got serious: Mark doesn't know about the program.
Jack nodded slowly: I know.
Sam looked away: I... I know I should talk to him about it. (she swallowed) Thanks for the permission, but I... I don't know.
Jack: Um. The family is allowed to know in the event of a death, but it's not required.
Sam: I know, I know. But I owe him the truth. Dad would have wanted it. (she grimaced) It's just...
Jack: You're afraid it will make him more jealous.
Sam looked at him and nodded slowly: Hmm. And that he'll be even more mad at me for not convincing dad to ask for them first. (He nodded, she looked away again and huffed) My parents were Catholic, did you know that?
Jack: I remember you had your dog tags changed.
Sam nodded: Hm. (she winced) Fighting false gods... Dad never told me about it but I think he stopped believing in it when he joined the Tok'ra. (he swallowed) I... (she looked away) I think I used to believe in it without questioning it, but that hope has faded. (he stared at her, she pulled herself together) Mark still is. (she tilted her head) Another thing our father only did with his daughter.
Jack winced: I understand.
Sam hesitated: And Sara?
Jack: Oh Sara... (the man's face froze and a veil of sadness enveloped his eyes. To Sam's astonishment, this emotion was quickly replaced by a bright expression on the military man's face) I knew her when I first came to Colorado. (He looked up at the ceiling, lost in his memories) Sara always saw people for who they were. (He turned his head towards her at the memory of a detail) I see her twice a year. Once per anniversary. (she nodded and understood that it was anniversaries of birth and death. That's why he didn't want to answer at the time. She restrained herself strongly from apologizing again. He dodged that smile) She had this magical thing. (she questioned him with her eyes) Every time I was on a mission for a while, the moment I lost hope I would get one of her letters.
Sam smiled softly, reassured: Your turn.
Jack: Aren't you afraid of getting bored with'? (She stared at him without understanding his question. This was the second time he'd brought it up, she reminded herself, it must be something important to him) I mean, I'm not that complex. (She widened her eyes. He saw her change of expression and straightened slightly) What?
Sam straightened up too: What did you say?
Jack caught himself: It's okay to be complex, Carter. I like your... you.
Sam came to her senses: Um, nothing. Sorry. (she frowned) Deja vu. (she swallowed) And no, I'm not afraid to be "bored with you". (she smiled at him) I already told you that I was the one who was panicking about thinking too much.
Jack nodded and smiled: Hum That's true. (he tilted his head) But I'm not listening to you so...
Sam smiled wryly and then changed the subject: Are you angry with me for never accepting your invitations? (he questioned her with his eyes, she grinned) Fishing?
Jack: Are you kidding? I'm a red flag. (she froze and he pulled himself together) I felt like I was being too pushy. So I stopped. (he tilted his head) Which made me feel better. (to himself) Not that much power over you.
Sam didn't hear the end of his monologue and added sharply: Why didn't you call me back?
Jack, confused: When?
Sam looked away: You were telling me about your world-famous omelet. I'm still waiting for your call. (bitterly) And apparently the omelet was for someone else.
He understood that she was jealous. He had promised to call her back but had totally forgotten about it with thatbarber and meeting Kerry.
Jack swallowed and answered softly: You were engaged.
She clenched her teeth and came to rest her back against the headboard of the bed. She looked worried and avoided his gaze. He winced and thought of a way to defuse the situation. He took a long breath and imitated her position.
Jack, as quietly as possible: Okay. Any other points you would like to talk?
Sam, almost coldly: What points?
Jack raised an arm toward her and gestured uncertainly: Why didn't we get together before, for starters? (she glanced at him, not convinced that this was the best idea he had) I don't like resentment, Carter.
Sam rolled her eyes and became impatient: I don't like fighting, (she imitated him) Sir.
She frowned at her own reaction. Usually she tended to crush in relationships, shy away from conflict and take the pain. Why was it different with him? Was she trying to prove her strength to him? Was it because of the hierarchy between them? He noticed her inner struggle, without understanding what she could be thinking and winced. He had noticed her imitation and wondered if this was another way he could influence or manipulate her. He swallowed at the thought and wondered why she was so angry right now.
Sam pulled herself together, filled with guilt and nervousness: Sorry. I... (still confused, she added lower) I don't know what's wrong with me.
Jack tilted his head: No, no. It's all right. It's all right I... I... (he waited a few seconds and then offered again) Trump card?
Sam, after several seconds of silence: Okay. (she winced) Are you angry at me for asking you to… To blend with this Tok'ra ‘cause you... Hmm...
Jack: Ba'al?
Sam nodded and looked away: Hmm.
Jack stared at her then sharply: Oh for crying out loud, Carter. ‘feel guilty about this too?
Sam turned her face to him: What?
Jack moved his hands in front of him: It's not your fault what happened to me.
Sam tilted her head, looked ahead, and replied unconvincingly: I know.
Jack put his head against the headboard: You always do this.
Sam frowned and looked at him: Hmm?
Jack: Taking the blame when it's not yours. (she winced and he insisted) No I don't blame you.
Sam looked ahead, not convinced by this answer but continued: Okay. I have another one.
Jack ironically: Oh?
She gave him a blasé look, he blew out his nose and waved his hand to say she could continue.
Sam: When you had the library of the Ancients in your brain on that ship, you told me you knew what I was going to tell you back home before Teal'c and Daniel arrived.
Jack frowned: Yeah?
Sam shook her head in disbelief and exclaimed: Why didn't you try anything afterwards?
Jack cleared his throat, puzzled: Eurh. You were a couple.
Sam frowned: But not engaged.
Jack doubly perplexed: Wait... Wouldn't that have stopped you?
Sam winced and looked away: Forget it.
He frowned and stared at her. Was she lying?
Jack, quietly: And... I wasn't going to take advantage of the fact that you're not doing well after the death of your best friend, Carter. (she looked away, he thought of Jacob and felt uncomfortable) Look... I panicked.
Sam surprised: "Panicked"? (she frowned) About you shaping me to finally get your way?
Jack nodded and looked away: You had almost turned the page, I wasn't going to ask you to stop moving forward.
Sam stared at him and then thought of another question: What did Daniel tell you when he ascended?
Jack looked at her: Hmm?
Sam shrugged: What? Nothing special?
Jack shrugged too: Nothing.
Sam: You know you're a bad liar?
Jack, sarcastically: That's right, I forget you're a specialist.
Sam: What?
He remained silent but she insisted on an answer. He swallowed and they stared at each other in silence.
Jack moistened his lips in nervousness and looked away: Okay okay. He told me that everything's gonna be fine, and I had to trust him on this. (she stared at him, then nodded, forcing herself to smile and looked away. He frowned at her reaction) What?
Sam shook her head: Nothing.
He stared at her. Another lie, he thought.
Silence.
Sam nervously, softly: Your scars on your back. Where do they come from?
Jack, equally low: The scratches?
Sam nodded: I saw them years ago, I never dared ask you.
Jack dodged a smile: Wannna make me some new ones?
Sam got in on the act: Can I?
Jack tilted his head slightly: Ya sure you betcha. (she smiled) Abydos. A guard of Ra.
Sam nodded, then hesitated: Are you angry at me for not inviting you to my wedding? (He froze and she tried to keep her defensive tone to a minimum) I didn't want a big ceremony. I only invited dad, Mark and his fam-
Jack shook his head and raised a hand slightly to stop her from justifying herself: I was surprised, yes. (She looked away.) That you didn't invite Teal'c, Daniel and Cass even more so. (She realized that he must have discussed it with them, swallowed and still refused to look at him. He saw her nervousness and thought about the fact that she was trying to see him outside the base during this period but hiding some information from him. Decidedly a complex woman, he thought) But I know you don't like to mix your personal and professional life. (she glanced at him, fearful. He tilted his head and thought about their relationship) Which I understand.
Sam moistened her lips with nervousness and finally nodded: Okay.
Jack: Any other questions? (she shook her head) I have one more.
Sam apprehended: Hmm?
Jack: Do you want to come fishing with? (she blew out her nose, reassured that he was able to lighten the mood. He continued seriously) What? Trump card?
She smiled broadly and kissed him.
Echo:
*for years / Give me a few more years*
*An important one. / More... important.*
*Is that good or...? / Good. Good team / a good person / Apologies are good*
*It's not required*
*visit / traveled*
*phone code*
*dear*
*but that hope has faded / the moment I lost hope*
* I've already been engaged. / You were engaged / But not engaged.*
*I'm not kidding / Are you kidding?*
*...is normal? / How normal is normal now?*
*you'll never find it*
*,it's too easy! / complex*
*The truth?*
*Boyfriend*
*nothing*
*apologizing / Apologies*
*He left angry because I couldn't talk about my work. /Are you angry with me*
*Which side of the bed do you normally sleep on? / I'm on the wrong side?*
*Nothing special? / I forget you're a specialist.*
*Forget it*
*Taking the blame / I don't blame you. *
*It's strange to start a relationship with you. / Why didn't we get together before, for starters?*
*Any other points / What points?*
*jealousy*
*My breaking up / the break door / He broke down my bedroom door*
*I'm afraid you'll get bored with'. (chapter 3) / Aren't you afraid of getting bored with'? / “bored with you”*
*When we came back. /He didn't come back.*
*panicked*
Notes:
*If you didn't get the story about Jack's phone code. It was the old keypads on the old cell phones. The pin code was usually 4 digits long. So you have "3414” for FISH, "2337" for BEER, "8868” for TUNA, because Jack loves tuna, "8699” for CODE, "8859 for CAKE and "5885” for JACK*
*this paragraph opens and closes on the theme of fishing*
*In season 10, we know that Carter's password for a personnel file is "fishing." That's why I imagined this discussion. You'd never think she'd have a "simple" password since she's "complex."*
*on Carter's military dog tags, it says "RC" for "Roman Catholic." In an interview, Amanda Tapping explained that she thought her character was Catholic in the early seasons but changed her beliefs because of the Goa'uld posing as False Gods. In SG-1 10x12, Carter explains to Cameron when she thinks she's going to die "I spent my entire life dedicated to science. Spent the last ten years, trying to convince people they believed in false gods. I don't feel like science is gonna help me. Right now, I'm just hoping somewhere one of those gods...”*
*In SG-1 10x13, Alternative Mckay assumes that Carter is a lesbian and she answers that no. Being bisexual or "bicurious" is not being a lesbian, this remains consistent with the canon saga, but more importantly, we will see another important detail later*
*The bracelet that O'neill wears continuously is this one. The characters are too small to identify them correctly. It is thus an invention of my part*
*"Do you want to come fishing with?": The Minnesota way of asking, ‘Do you want to come fishing with me?’"*
*"Mark still is." (implied, Catholic). When Sam calls Mark to tell him his father has died in my chapter 2, it says this:
(TEL) Mark took a deep breath: Yeah... With Mom?
(TEL) Sam: That's what he asked.
(TEL) Mark: Yeah. (a touch of bitterness in his voice) No religious ceremony.
(TEL) Sam winced slightly: Yeah.”*
*Meme: “Nice guy” (source)*
In pajamas under the sheets, their feet intertwined as they talked.
Sam: 1234? (He squinted at her, falsely offended) Come on, give me a hint.
Jack: Okay. It means something. (She gave him a blasé look for this vague clue and he moved his hand in the air) With the letters.
Sam made a silent "Ha" and thought: 3414?
Jack thought about what she was implying: No.
Sam: 2337?
Jack frowned and after a moment: No.
Sam: 8868?
Jack, after a few seconds: No. (More sharply) This has nothing to do with fishing!
Sam squinted at him: 8699?
Jack imitated her: What is it?
Sam stopped herself from laughing: "Code"?
Jack looked at her: You're gonna hurt my feelings. (she moistened her lips and thought) Stop it, you'll never find it.
Sam: 8859? (she translated to satisfy her curiosity more quickly) "Cake"?
Jack: No. You'll never find it, I tell ya.
Sam: Don't tell me it's 5885, sir? (He froze and she straightened up with a big smile) Oh my God!
Jack, offended: Okay. I don't like your game.
Sam chuckled: You can't put your first name in code for your phone, ,it's too easy!
Jack: ‘cause my birth date is better?
They laughed and looked at each other for a moment, enjoying the moment. He caressed her forearm and played with her fingers. She dodged a smile and imitated him. She became slightly intimidated by his glance posed on her and sought a subject of conversation.
Sam touched his wrist: Where did your bracelet come from?
It was a series of small wooden beads that he had worn for years, even on missions.
Jack: "Free Tibet" campaign? (she raised her eyebrows in surprise. He took a bead between his fingers) It's Tibetan.
She nodded and looked away at the memory of the combat bracelet she had exchanged with her estranged father and felt the emotion rise in her. He guessed it and placed a kiss on her fingers. She half-opened her mouth, troubled.
Jack, quietly: What?
Sam: Nothing, it's just... It's strange to start a relationship with you.
Jack: All these hotel rooms we're going to get to visit?
Sam: Um, It's okay. (He continued to question her with his eyes to see if she was lying) Neutral ground. And we've traveled a lot already. (He dodged a slight smile and she resumed in a more serious tone) We've known each other for years, but we don't really know each other.
Jack a little confused: Is that good or...?
Sam, a touch of mischief in her voice: Hmm. You know how I need to think. Give me a few more years.
Jack blew his nose, then suggested a new game: "Question and answer"?
Sam shook her head almost undetectably: I don't want to force you to talk.
Jack played with his fingers in turn to reassure her: Go ahead. (she seemed to get nervous. He turned his whole body towards her, slowly) What?
Sam: Hmm. We did the same thing with my ex. Talk about our lives, like this, to get to know each other better.
Jack: Shanahan? (she nodded) And?
Sam grinned: It didn't end well. He left angry because I couldn't talk about my work.
Jack: Oh. Well.... We won't have that problem. (she remained silent. He took a deep breath and raised his free hand to the ceiling) Any trump card?
Sam turned to him: No justification? (he nodded, she added more softly) We won't look for any additional information in our personal files?
Jack closed his eyes: Sorry about that. (He opened his eyes again and saw her smiling at him. He insisted seriously) Yes. (She got serious at the man's expression, nodded and thought of a question) Okay. I have one. An important one. (Sam's face froze with apprehension) Which side of the bed do you normally sleep on? (she hid her face for a fraction of a second to giggle silently and the military man continued as seriously as ever) I'm not kidding.
Sam, looking at him with a smile, softly: I'm on the wrong side?
Jack: Yeah.
She stood up, straddled him, forcing him to lie on his back and put her face very close to his.
Sam, with a mischievous look in her eyes: Like someone who was about to die?
They looked at each other for a few seconds and he brushed a strand of her hair out of her eyes. They smiled at each other, then juggled their gazes between their lips and eyes, and fought the urge to throw themselves at each other. She straightened up before their dangerous game got out of hand and collapsed on the other side.
Jack turned to the good side: Better. But that doesn't answer my question.
Sam stared at him: The truth?
Jack: Yeah.
Sam insisted: In the middle. (He blew his nose, she took the same serious tone he had taken) I'm not kidding.
Jack laughed back: And you take the whole comforter?
Sam pointed a finger at him: That's two questions. (she put her finger down) I don't often get cold.
Jack smiled gently: Good. Good team.
Sam, after thinking for a few seconds: Why did you join the Air Force?
Jack exhaled deeply and echoed Sam's words: The truth? (she nodded. He hesitated) My mother was Irish.
Sam: And your father American.
Jack nodded: He went back and forth in the early months of their relationship. She got pregnant. The back and forth became less frequent. (she frowned, he saw it and added) His work apparently. (he searched his memory) Something in industrial patents? (she nodded, inviting him to continue) It was the 1950s, with the Korean War, the U.S. had a booming economy in many sectors.
Sam remembered her History and Economics class: As opposed to Ireland, where industrialization came a decade later.
Jack nodded: Hmm. I don't know if you know but the Irish were discriminated against quite a bit.
Sam: Anti-Irish sentiment, yeah.
Jack, slightly surprised that she knew: Yeah. My mother ended up moving to the States. (she smiled slightly, understanding. He took a deep breath, swallowed and took a deep breath) My father wasn’t what ya'd call... a good person. (Sam's smile gradually disappeared, he looked away) She took his anger and frustrations. (she widened her eyes, he stopped for a moment and grimaced) Anyway. One argument too many. My mother was on the ground, covered in blood. (she closed her eyes for a moment) I wanted to step in but um... 'just a kid against an adult.
Sam opened her eyes again: My God.
Jack swallowed and took a few seconds to control himself: She died in the hospital a few hours later. (he looked away) I was at her bedside. The case was ruled an accident. I started to fail in school. My teachers and my father kept telling me that I was a loser and that I would never succeed in life. I had all this anger inside of me and... And I started taking the hits myself.
She froze in shock and remained silent for fear he would stop talking, but the man's face lit up.
Jack: I used to go to my grandfather's house as often as possible but he was too old to take care of me every day. One day I saw this ad for hiring. They would take anyone, without any level of education (more vividly) They even paid the transportation to the Academy, the registration fees... Everything! (more calmly) My grandfather agreed to sign the papers, I took my mother's last name and that allowed me to leave. The Army gave me a family, that stability I needed. That... Opportunity to not be myself but to be part of something bigger. More... important. (enthusiastically) And flying, God, it made me feel alive!
He fell silent, having finished his story.
Sam quietly: That's horrible.
Jack smiles nervously: "Momma, momma, can't you see what the Air Force did to me?"
Sam: I wonder how many people were hired like that. Picking up young people who need help. (he froze at this point and she emerged) Um. You answered my next question about your childhood.
Jack: So I get two questions.
Sam squinted: You trying to cheat again?
Jack: D'oh! (he smiled) A hard one? (she nodded) One of your fantasies.
Sam swung her head back and smiled: Pervert!
Jack, proud of his question: Not especially about me. (she closed her eyes and bit her tongue) You have to, after that.
Sam looked at him mischievously: Okay. You won't be able to find it in my files anyway. (He looked at her, jaded. She smiled at his reaction and paused briefly) It's not a fantasy, it's more like... Curiosity? (He looked at her, curious in his turn) I've never tried it with .... Well... another... (she didn't finish her sentence but tilted her head a few times and he understood what she meant. She cleared her throat nervously) Hmm.
Jack surprised: Oh? (he smiled) Not even a little experience in the Academy dorms?
Sam's face broke down, he widened his eyes, realizing that he had just potentially said something very stupid. She swallowed and closed her eyes for a few seconds, ready to pull out one of her "trump card".
Jack: Okay. Forget it.
Her brain was firing on all cylinders: Someone from the academy? That was twice she'd felt bad talking about it, it couldn't be a coincidence. In the dormitories? A classmate?
Jack quickly changed the subject: Hey. (she looked at him, a little apprehensive) I knew it. I'm entitled to another question. (she questioned him with her eyes) At Rya'c's wedding.
Sam frowned: What?
Jack: Dear, I caught you ogling a young blonde in the hallways.
Sam remembered: Oh yes. (he smiled, she looked at him blasé) That was you, dear.
Jack tilted his head: Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. (He pointed at her) You started it.
Sam: What are you talking about? (Seeing that he didn't let go, she looked away a little embarrassed) Yes well. Their outfit was very...
Jack: Hot.
Sam: Hell yeah.
They laughed quietly for a few seconds.
Jack searched his memory: What was the name of the girl in the van in 1969 with-
Sam: Jenny.
Jack: Yeah. (He looked at her, and his tone was full of innuendo) We can agree that she liked you a lot and that-
Sam nodded to confirm his impressions: I think she liked everyone, yeah.
They laughed again.
Sam got serious again and whispered: I... I did my research on Michael. (She tilted her head nervously) When we came back.
Jack apprehended: And?
Sam swallowed and grimaced: He didn't come back.
Jack, after a moment: Yeah. That war was another piece of crap.
She stared at him for a moment, surprised at his answer. That day, though, she had felt that he wanted to tell Michael that it was his duty as an American to respect the call. Although she had to intervene so as not to change the course of history, she remembered his emphatic tone. That and his position on Tibet were strange. The man was full of contradictions.
Jack caught her gaze, softly: What?
Sam shook her head: Nothing.
Jack recognized the lie but didn't want to embarrass her: Your turn.
Sam grimaced: Have you seen your father again?
Jack: No. (he shrugged) I heard about his death a few years ago. (he looked away and winced slightly) I've often wished it, actually.
Sam quietly: Sorry.
Jack frowned: Why do you keep apologizing?
Sam stared at him: Hmm. Apologies are good, aren't they?
Jack tilted his head: Only when you're responsible.
She swallowed, looked away for a while, then looked back into his eyes. The man was still waiting for an answer.
Sam, even lower: Trump card.
Jack nodded, and then lowered his voice: Tell me about your brother.
Sam tried to avoid the subject as well: It's not even a question.
Jack held up a hand to reassure her: It's not required.
Sam grinned: I thought that changed when dad made peace with him but... Hmm. He always put us in competition. That I signed up for the Air Force and he didn't, I think that was his biggest disappointment with him. Mark couldn't stand it. (she grimaced) My breaking up with Pete didn't help matters much- (she exclaimed) Oh my God!
Jack surprised at her change of tone: What?
Sam panicked: Who paid for the break door he kicked in the hotel? It wasn't the President, was it?
Jack blew his nose: Um, I think so. (She widened her eyes) Hey, he didn't complain. Not sure if he looks at the details of his bills himself.
Sam, embarrassed: Damn. He does that all the time.
Jack frowned, confused: The President?
Sam: No, no, my brother. One time, I was what, 15? He broke down my bedroom door because I invited my boyfriend in.
Jack widened his eyes at the first part of his sentence, then tilted his head and started to smile at the second part: "Boyfriend"?
Sam, a little offended: Why are you so surprised? (she frowned) I've already been engaged. (she insisted) Twice.
Jack blew his nose, then recovered, realizing he had offended her: So what? Your brother?
Sam: I think he's also mad at me for being so easy in school when he...
Jack: ...is normal?
Sam smiled: What normal is normal now?
Jack: Thanks, Teal'c.
Sam got serious: Mark doesn't know about the program.
Jack nodded slowly: I know.
Sam looked away: I... I know I should talk to him about it. (she swallowed) Thanks for the permission, but I... I don't know.
Jack: Um. The family is allowed to know in the event of a death, but it's not required.
Sam: I know, I know. But I owe him the truth. Dad would have wanted it. (she grimaced) It's just...
Jack: You're afraid it will make him more jealous.
Sam looked at him and nodded slowly: Hmm. And that he'll be even more mad at me for not convincing dad to ask for them first. (He nodded, she looked away again and huffed) My parents were Catholic, did you know that?
Jack: I remember you had your dog tags changed.
Sam nodded: Hm. (she winced) Fighting false gods... Dad never told me about it but I think he stopped believing in it when he joined the Tok'ra. (he swallowed) I... (she looked away) I think I used to believe in it without questioning it, but that hope has faded. (he stared at her, she pulled herself together) Mark still is. (she tilted her head) Another thing our father only did with his daughter.
Jack winced: I understand.
Sam hesitated: And Sara?
Jack: Oh Sara... (the man's face froze and a veil of sadness enveloped his eyes. To Sam's astonishment, this emotion was quickly replaced by a bright expression on the military man's face) I knew her when I first came to Colorado. (He looked up at the ceiling, lost in his memories) Sara always saw people for who they were. (He turned his head towards her at the memory of a detail) I see her twice a year. Once per anniversary. (she nodded and understood that it was anniversaries of birth and death. That's why he didn't want to answer at the time. She restrained herself strongly from apologizing again. He dodged that smile) She had this magical thing. (she questioned him with her eyes) Every time I was on a mission for a while, the moment I lost hope I would get one of her letters.
Sam smiled softly, reassured: Your turn.
Jack: Aren't you afraid of getting bored with'? (She stared at him without understanding his question. This was the second time he'd brought it up, she reminded herself, it must be something important to him) I mean, I'm not that complex. (She widened her eyes. He saw her change of expression and straightened slightly) What?
Sam straightened up too: What did you say?
Jack caught himself: It's okay to be complex, Carter. I like your... you.
Sam came to her senses: Um, nothing. Sorry. (she frowned) Deja vu. (she swallowed) And no, I'm not afraid to be "bored with you". (she smiled at him) I already told you that I was the one who was panicking about thinking too much.
Jack nodded and smiled: Hum That's true. (he tilted his head) But I'm not listening to you so...
Sam smiled wryly and then changed the subject: Are you angry with me for never accepting your invitations? (he questioned her with his eyes, she grinned) Fishing?
Jack: Are you kidding? I'm a red flag. (she froze and he pulled himself together) I felt like I was being too pushy. So I stopped. (he tilted his head) Which made me feel better. (to himself) Not that much power over you.
Sam didn't hear the end of his monologue and added sharply: Why didn't you call me back?
Jack, confused: When?
Sam looked away: You were telling me about your world-famous omelet. I'm still waiting for your call. (bitterly) And apparently the omelet was for someone else.
He understood that she was jealous. He had promised to call her back but had totally forgotten about it with thatbarber and meeting Kerry.
Jack swallowed and answered softly: You were engaged.
She clenched her teeth and came to rest her back against the headboard of the bed. She looked worried and avoided his gaze. He winced and thought of a way to defuse the situation. He took a long breath and imitated her position.
Jack, as quietly as possible: Okay. Any other points you would like to talk?
Sam, almost coldly: What points?
Jack raised an arm toward her and gestured uncertainly: Why didn't we get together before, for starters? (she glanced at him, not convinced that this was the best idea he had) I don't like resentment, Carter.
Sam rolled her eyes and became impatient: I don't like fighting, (she imitated him) Sir.
She frowned at her own reaction. Usually she tended to crush in relationships, shy away from conflict and take the pain. Why was it different with him? Was she trying to prove her strength to him? Was it because of the hierarchy between them? He noticed her inner struggle, without understanding what she could be thinking and winced. He had noticed her imitation and wondered if this was another way he could influence or manipulate her. He swallowed at the thought and wondered why she was so angry right now.
Sam pulled herself together, filled with guilt and nervousness: Sorry. I... (still confused, she added lower) I don't know what's wrong with me.
Jack tilted his head: No, no. It's all right. It's all right I... I... (he waited a few seconds and then offered again) Trump card?
Sam, after several seconds of silence: Okay. (she winced) Are you angry at me for asking you to… To blend with this Tok'ra ‘cause you... Hmm...
Jack: Ba'al?
Sam nodded and looked away: Hmm.
Jack stared at her then sharply: Oh for crying out loud, Carter. ‘feel guilty about this too?
Sam turned her face to him: What?
Jack moved his hands in front of him: It's not your fault what happened to me.
Sam tilted her head, looked ahead, and replied unconvincingly: I know.
Jack put his head against the headboard: You always do this.
Sam frowned and looked at him: Hmm?
Jack: Taking the blame when it's not yours. (she winced and he insisted) No I don't blame you.
Sam looked ahead, not convinced by this answer but continued: Okay. I have another one.
Jack ironically: Oh?
She gave him a blasé look, he blew out his nose and waved his hand to say she could continue.
Sam: When you had the library of the Ancients in your brain on that ship, you told me you knew what I was going to tell you back home before Teal'c and Daniel arrived.
Jack frowned: Yeah?
Sam shook her head in disbelief and exclaimed: Why didn't you try anything afterwards?
Jack cleared his throat, puzzled: Eurh. You were a couple.
Sam frowned: But not engaged.
Jack doubly perplexed: Wait... Wouldn't that have stopped you?
Sam winced and looked away: Forget it.
He frowned and stared at her. Was she lying?
Jack, quietly: And... I wasn't going to take advantage of the fact that you're not doing well after the death of your best friend, Carter. (she looked away, he thought of Jacob and felt uncomfortable) Look... I panicked.
Sam surprised: "Panicked"? (she frowned) About you shaping me to finally get your way?
Jack nodded and looked away: You had almost turned the page, I wasn't going to ask you to stop moving forward.
Sam stared at him and then thought of another question: What did Daniel tell you when he ascended?
Jack looked at her: Hmm?
Sam shrugged: What? Nothing special?
Jack shrugged too: Nothing.
Sam: You know you're a bad liar?
Jack, sarcastically: That's right, I forget you're a specialist.
Sam: What?
He remained silent but she insisted on an answer. He swallowed and they stared at each other in silence.
Jack moistened his lips in nervousness and looked away: Okay okay. He told me that everything's gonna be fine, and I had to trust him on this. (she stared at him, then nodded, forcing herself to smile and looked away. He frowned at her reaction) What?
Sam shook her head: Nothing.
He stared at her. Another lie, he thought.
Silence.
Sam nervously, softly: Your scars on your back. Where do they come from?
Jack, equally low: The scratches?
Sam nodded: I saw them years ago, I never dared ask you.
Jack dodged a smile: Wannna make me some new ones?
Sam got in on the act: Can I?
Jack tilted his head slightly: Ya sure you betcha. (she smiled) Abydos. A guard of Ra.
Sam nodded, then hesitated: Are you angry at me for not inviting you to my wedding? (He froze and she tried to keep her defensive tone to a minimum) I didn't want a big ceremony. I only invited dad, Mark and his fam-
Jack shook his head and raised a hand slightly to stop her from justifying herself: I was surprised, yes. (She looked away.) That you didn't invite Teal'c, Daniel and Cass even more so. (She realized that he must have discussed it with them, swallowed and still refused to look at him. He saw her nervousness and thought about the fact that she was trying to see him outside the base during this period but hiding some information from him. Decidedly a complex woman, he thought) But I know you don't like to mix your personal and professional life. (she glanced at him, fearful. He tilted his head and thought about their relationship) Which I understand.
Sam moistened her lips with nervousness and finally nodded: Okay.
Jack: Any other questions? (she shook her head) I have one more.
Sam apprehended: Hmm?
Jack: Do you want to come fishing with? (she blew out her nose, reassured that he was able to lighten the mood. He continued seriously) What? Trump card?
She smiled broadly and kissed him.
Echo:
*for years / Give me a few more years*
*An important one. / More... important.*
*Is that good or...? / Good. Good team / a good person / Apologies are good*
*It's not required*
*visit / traveled*
*phone code*
*dear*
*but that hope has faded / the moment I lost hope*
* I've already been engaged. / You were engaged / But not engaged.*
*I'm not kidding / Are you kidding?*
*...is normal? / How normal is normal now?*
*you'll never find it*
*,it's too easy! / complex*
*The truth?*
*Boyfriend*
*nothing*
*apologizing / Apologies*
*He left angry because I couldn't talk about my work. /Are you angry with me*
*Which side of the bed do you normally sleep on? / I'm on the wrong side?*
*Nothing special? / I forget you're a specialist.*
*Forget it*
*Taking the blame / I don't blame you. *
*It's strange to start a relationship with you. / Why didn't we get together before, for starters?*
*Any other points / What points?*
*jealousy*
*My breaking up / the break door / He broke down my bedroom door*
*I'm afraid you'll get bored with'. (chapter 3) / Aren't you afraid of getting bored with'? / “bored with you”*
*When we came back. /He didn't come back.*
*panicked*
Notes:
*If you didn't get the story about Jack's phone code. It was the old keypads on the old cell phones. The pin code was usually 4 digits long. So you have "3414” for FISH, "2337" for BEER, "8868” for TUNA, because Jack loves tuna, "8699” for CODE, "8859 for CAKE and "5885” for JACK*
*this paragraph opens and closes on the theme of fishing*
*In season 10, we know that Carter's password for a personnel file is "fishing." That's why I imagined this discussion. You'd never think she'd have a "simple" password since she's "complex."*
*on Carter's military dog tags, it says "RC" for "Roman Catholic." In an interview, Amanda Tapping explained that she thought her character was Catholic in the early seasons but changed her beliefs because of the Goa'uld posing as False Gods. In SG-1 10x12, Carter explains to Cameron when she thinks she's going to die "I spent my entire life dedicated to science. Spent the last ten years, trying to convince people they believed in false gods. I don't feel like science is gonna help me. Right now, I'm just hoping somewhere one of those gods...”*
*In SG-1 10x13, Alternative Mckay assumes that Carter is a lesbian and she answers that no. Being bisexual or "bicurious" is not being a lesbian, this remains consistent with the canon saga, but more importantly, we will see another important detail later*
*The bracelet that O'neill wears continuously is this one. The characters are too small to identify them correctly. It is thus an invention of my part*
*"Do you want to come fishing with?": The Minnesota way of asking, ‘Do you want to come fishing with me?’"*
*"Mark still is." (implied, Catholic). When Sam calls Mark to tell him his father has died in my chapter 2, it says this:
(TEL) Mark took a deep breath: Yeah... With Mom?
(TEL) Sam: That's what he asked.
(TEL) Mark: Yeah. (a touch of bitterness in his voice) No religious ceremony.
(TEL) Sam winced slightly: Yeah.”*
*Meme: “Nice guy” (source)*
Sam and Walter looked at each other for a moment, stunned. The ringing of the phone behind them made them emerge.
Sam stood up and picked up the phone: Carter.
Daniel: Sam, it's Daniel. Can you come to my office? I got the jar and the ZPM and... There's something you need to see. Teal'c and Jack are on their way.
Sam: I'll be right there. (she looked at Walter and smiled slightly, still stunned) I have something to tell you too.
Echo:
*something*
Sam stood up and picked up the phone: Carter.
Daniel: Sam, it's Daniel. Can you come to my office? I got the jar and the ZPM and... There's something you need to see. Teal'c and Jack are on their way.
Sam: I'll be right there. (she looked at Walter and smiled slightly, still stunned) I have something to tell you too.
Echo:
*something*