TIME: Thread / Moebius, Season 8 finale
READING TIME: 20 minutes
GENRE: Drama, Sam/Jack Romance
RELEASE DATE: 04/23/2022
TW: *Abortion*
READING TIME: 20 minutes
GENRE: Drama, Sam/Jack Romance
RELEASE DATE: 04/23/2022
TW: *Abortion*
Choice
It was already very late when she knocked on his office door, still wearing her uniform and carrying a letter in her back pocket.
Jack: Carter? (he looked at his watch) What are you still doing here?
Sam winced slightly: I'm having a hard time leaving. (He questioned her with his eyes, but she decided to dodge the subject and nodded toward his stack of files) You?
Jack turned his attention back to the document in front of him: Late. I'll be several hours. (he added more quietly) No one is waiting for me anyway.
Sam froze, waited a few seconds for him to explain himself and then retorted: Sir?
Jack looked at her: That's better.
He signed the document, closed it and moved on to the next one. She didn't know how to react and felt her anxiety soar.
Sam hesitated: Can I do anything?
Jack looked up at her: I should be asking you. (he raised his eyebrows at her with a shake of his head and then went back to his file) What are you doing here instead of at home?
Sam swallowed and put her hands around his stomach, uncomfortable: I...
He frowned when he didn't hear her continue, saw her posture and decided to stop his work to focus on her. She looked away for a fraction of a second and he questioned her with his eyes.
Sam: Pete's stuff is at my house.
Jack, lost: And that's a problem because...?
Sam juggled her other foot and moistened her lips: I gave him his ring back.
Jack, surprised and a little uncomfortable: Ha. (she looked away and he fiddled with his pen) Are you sleeping badly at the base?
Sam hesitated: No, it's just that...
Jack, even more puzzled: Carter? (lowered) Can I do anything?
Sam: Can I wait for you at home tonight? (After freezing, he raised his eyebrows and insisted on his silent questioning) I need a favor, sir.
He waited for more explanation, but she juggled her other foot again, even more nervous than usual, and he stared at her, skeptical.
Sam cleared her throat and added quietly: It's not what you think, General.
Jack, still confused: Ho? (she looked around again with the feeling of being a moron and he fiddled with his pen between his fingers for a few seconds) Don't break the lock on my front door, my terrace is open. (she turned her head towards him, surprised that he agreed) You know the way.
Sam nodded nervously: Thank you, sir.
She left quickly under the doubting eyes of her superior.
Jack: Carter? (he looked at his watch) What are you still doing here?
Sam winced slightly: I'm having a hard time leaving. (He questioned her with his eyes, but she decided to dodge the subject and nodded toward his stack of files) You?
Jack turned his attention back to the document in front of him: Late. I'll be several hours. (he added more quietly) No one is waiting for me anyway.
Sam froze, waited a few seconds for him to explain himself and then retorted: Sir?
Jack looked at her: That's better.
He signed the document, closed it and moved on to the next one. She didn't know how to react and felt her anxiety soar.
Sam hesitated: Can I do anything?
Jack looked up at her: I should be asking you. (he raised his eyebrows at her with a shake of his head and then went back to his file) What are you doing here instead of at home?
Sam swallowed and put her hands around his stomach, uncomfortable: I...
He frowned when he didn't hear her continue, saw her posture and decided to stop his work to focus on her. She looked away for a fraction of a second and he questioned her with his eyes.
Sam: Pete's stuff is at my house.
Jack, lost: And that's a problem because...?
Sam juggled her other foot and moistened her lips: I gave him his ring back.
Jack, surprised and a little uncomfortable: Ha. (she looked away and he fiddled with his pen) Are you sleeping badly at the base?
Sam hesitated: No, it's just that...
Jack, even more puzzled: Carter? (lowered) Can I do anything?
Sam: Can I wait for you at home tonight? (After freezing, he raised his eyebrows and insisted on his silent questioning) I need a favor, sir.
He waited for more explanation, but she juggled her other foot again, even more nervous than usual, and he stared at her, skeptical.
Sam cleared her throat and added quietly: It's not what you think, General.
Jack, still confused: Ho? (she looked around again with the feeling of being a moron and he fiddled with his pen between his fingers for a few seconds) Don't break the lock on my front door, my terrace is open. (she turned her head towards him, surprised that he agreed) You know the way.
Sam nodded nervously: Thank you, sir.
She left quickly under the doubting eyes of her superior.
*
She entered the house, her cell phone as a flashlight. She dodged the furniture and finally turned on the hallway lights. She put down her backpack, took off her shoes, put her jacket on a hanger, then went to his bedroom. She looked at the empty room for a moment. The bed was unmade and she swallowed at the image of her ex sleeping in it last night. She quickly dismissed the thought, put the sheet and blanket back in place and lay down on it. She grabbed another pillow, hugged it and closed her eyes.
*
He returned home four hours later, exhausted. He found her things in the hallway and looked for her first in the living room. He went to his bedroom, saw the light on and opened the door slowly. He saw her back lying down, grabbed another blanket, put it on her, turned off the light and gently closed the door to let her sleep. He sat down in front of the TV with a beer in his hand. A good hour later, he heard her footsteps in the hallway and turned off the TV.
Sam appeared and stood uncomfortably: Sorry, sir. I fell asleep.
Jack: Ya could have stayed there.
Sam: I'll need to be watched for the next few hours.
Jack noticed that she had her purse in one of her hands: For what?
She pulled out two boxes of medicine and he looked at her, increasingly concerned.
Sam: I'm pregnant.
Jack froze: What?
Sam: Eight weeks.
There was a silence and she looked away, nervous.
Jack, slightly panicked: Ugh. (he cleared his throat) And you... I... (he pulled himself together, a step lower) What?
Sam moistened her lips in nervousness: I couldn't tell Pete. (she looked away) We were using condoms and he offered to stop three months ago and I-
Jack winced: You don't have to explain yourself, Carter.
Sam continued: I was on the pill. (she winced at having to admit her own lie, put on a brave face and tried not to be too defensive) Dr. Brightman and I just forgot that with my trace amounts of protein some of the drugs don't work on me.
Jack, not knowing what to say: Oh.
Sam swallowed and moved the boxes slightly: So it's going to be a little experimental. (there was another silence and she put the medicine back in the bag) Sorry. I shouldn't have told you-
Jack emerged and stood up: No no. Sorry. It's me I... I. (he winced) Sorry. (he moved his hand towards the bag) What should I do?
Sam smiled to reassure him: Forget it, sir. I'll do it at the base as Brightman suggested.
Jack moved his hand again: It's this point I'm stuck on. (she questioned him with her eyes and he frowned) How... How come I didn't know about this?
Sam: The procedure is that a declaration of pregnancy is not required until three months after.
Jack: Oh. (There was another silence and she stared at him, not sure if she should go or stay) So?
Sam pulled herself together and pulled out the medicine: Have you done this before?
Jack gave her an obvious, nervous look: No?
Sam: I've got some painkillers and then we'll have to find the right dosage.
Jack nodded: Tea?
Sam nodded: Thank you.
He rushed to the kitchen, reassured that he could be alone for a while to regain some control of the situation. He wondered why she hadn't asked someone else and remembered that she wasn't the type to have many friends. Cassandra was in her university thousands of miles away,, Teal'c would probably be mute for years after that and Daniel had just been resurrected. There was no need to upset him further. Janet. Janet would have been perfect for this role, he regretted for a moment.
She sat down on the couch and began to prepare the medicine. He returned with two hot cups and sat down beside her.
Sam saw him grab one of the leaflets and start to read it: Eurh. No need, sir. (he questioned her with his eyes) I need you to call Brightman if there are any complications. (he gave her an unreassured look and she looked away for a fraction of a second) I just need the support of a friend.
He opened his mouth at the confirmation of her subordinate's loneliness, nodded after several seconds and she selected several medications from the palm of her hand.
Jack: Are ya sure? (she froze and he widened his eyes at his own behavior) Hmm. Sorry it's not that... I guess you've thought this through and it's none of my business. (he winced and repeated lower) Sorry.
She stared at him for a few seconds, then swallowed the pills with her tea. They smiled nervously at each other and looked away. He took a sip, looking for something to talk about. She rummaged in her bag, took out the letter she had failed to give him in his office and handed it to him. He grabbed it and looked at it.
Sam swallowed: I applied to Area 51. (he froze as he opened the letter) I was accepted. I just need your permission.
Still in shock, he read the letter diagonally through his fingers and frowned.
Jack exclaimed in disbelief: What?!
Sam: It's better this way. (she winced and looked at her cup between her fingers) I don't want to leave the Air Force, I just... (she insisted) I'm having a hard time leaving but I need to leave. (she added more quietly) Do something else. (he stared at her, she tilted her head) Get back into a job I'm passionate about where I don't feel like I'm shooting people every day.
Jack swallowed and looked at his cup: Carter...
Sam almost begged him: Sir, please. (she insisted again) I've made my choice.
He realized she wasn't just talking about her transfer request, she was talking about her decision to terminate the pregnancy, but also about her marriage to Pete.
Jack closed the letter and nodded: I'll take care of it. (she smiled politely in thanks and there was another silence) Hungry? (she shook her head) Tired?
Sam huffed in exhaustion: Yeah.
Jack pointed down the hallway: Go rest.
Sam hesitated and repeated: You have to watch me.
Once in the room, they lay down on the bed. They had slept together side by side on missions for many years, but never in the same bed, let alone his bed. They faced each other, intimidated.
Sam, softly: Thank you, sir.
He smiled slightly and did not need to repeat himself, she knew. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. He looked at her for a moment and finally fell asleep too.
Sam appeared and stood uncomfortably: Sorry, sir. I fell asleep.
Jack: Ya could have stayed there.
Sam: I'll need to be watched for the next few hours.
Jack noticed that she had her purse in one of her hands: For what?
She pulled out two boxes of medicine and he looked at her, increasingly concerned.
Sam: I'm pregnant.
Jack froze: What?
Sam: Eight weeks.
There was a silence and she looked away, nervous.
Jack, slightly panicked: Ugh. (he cleared his throat) And you... I... (he pulled himself together, a step lower) What?
Sam moistened her lips in nervousness: I couldn't tell Pete. (she looked away) We were using condoms and he offered to stop three months ago and I-
Jack winced: You don't have to explain yourself, Carter.
Sam continued: I was on the pill. (she winced at having to admit her own lie, put on a brave face and tried not to be too defensive) Dr. Brightman and I just forgot that with my trace amounts of protein some of the drugs don't work on me.
Jack, not knowing what to say: Oh.
Sam swallowed and moved the boxes slightly: So it's going to be a little experimental. (there was another silence and she put the medicine back in the bag) Sorry. I shouldn't have told you-
Jack emerged and stood up: No no. Sorry. It's me I... I. (he winced) Sorry. (he moved his hand towards the bag) What should I do?
Sam smiled to reassure him: Forget it, sir. I'll do it at the base as Brightman suggested.
Jack moved his hand again: It's this point I'm stuck on. (she questioned him with her eyes and he frowned) How... How come I didn't know about this?
Sam: The procedure is that a declaration of pregnancy is not required until three months after.
Jack: Oh. (There was another silence and she stared at him, not sure if she should go or stay) So?
Sam pulled herself together and pulled out the medicine: Have you done this before?
Jack gave her an obvious, nervous look: No?
Sam: I've got some painkillers and then we'll have to find the right dosage.
Jack nodded: Tea?
Sam nodded: Thank you.
He rushed to the kitchen, reassured that he could be alone for a while to regain some control of the situation. He wondered why she hadn't asked someone else and remembered that she wasn't the type to have many friends. Cassandra was in her university thousands of miles away,, Teal'c would probably be mute for years after that and Daniel had just been resurrected. There was no need to upset him further. Janet. Janet would have been perfect for this role, he regretted for a moment.
She sat down on the couch and began to prepare the medicine. He returned with two hot cups and sat down beside her.
Sam saw him grab one of the leaflets and start to read it: Eurh. No need, sir. (he questioned her with his eyes) I need you to call Brightman if there are any complications. (he gave her an unreassured look and she looked away for a fraction of a second) I just need the support of a friend.
He opened his mouth at the confirmation of her subordinate's loneliness, nodded after several seconds and she selected several medications from the palm of her hand.
Jack: Are ya sure? (she froze and he widened his eyes at his own behavior) Hmm. Sorry it's not that... I guess you've thought this through and it's none of my business. (he winced and repeated lower) Sorry.
She stared at him for a few seconds, then swallowed the pills with her tea. They smiled nervously at each other and looked away. He took a sip, looking for something to talk about. She rummaged in her bag, took out the letter she had failed to give him in his office and handed it to him. He grabbed it and looked at it.
Sam swallowed: I applied to Area 51. (he froze as he opened the letter) I was accepted. I just need your permission.
Still in shock, he read the letter diagonally through his fingers and frowned.
Jack exclaimed in disbelief: What?!
Sam: It's better this way. (she winced and looked at her cup between her fingers) I don't want to leave the Air Force, I just... (she insisted) I'm having a hard time leaving but I need to leave. (she added more quietly) Do something else. (he stared at her, she tilted her head) Get back into a job I'm passionate about where I don't feel like I'm shooting people every day.
Jack swallowed and looked at his cup: Carter...
Sam almost begged him: Sir, please. (she insisted again) I've made my choice.
He realized she wasn't just talking about her transfer request, she was talking about her decision to terminate the pregnancy, but also about her marriage to Pete.
Jack closed the letter and nodded: I'll take care of it. (she smiled politely in thanks and there was another silence) Hungry? (she shook her head) Tired?
Sam huffed in exhaustion: Yeah.
Jack pointed down the hallway: Go rest.
Sam hesitated and repeated: You have to watch me.
Once in the room, they lay down on the bed. They had slept together side by side on missions for many years, but never in the same bed, let alone his bed. They faced each other, intimidated.
Sam, softly: Thank you, sir.
He smiled slightly and did not need to repeat himself, she knew. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. He looked at her for a moment and finally fell asleep too.
*
Three hours later, she squirmed several times. He emerged and saw a slight grimace of pain on her face.
Jack sat up, concerned: Carter?
Sam put her hands on her lower abdomen and kept her eyes closed: Dosage problem, nothing serious. I'll take some more painkillers.
Jack stood up: I'll go.
He returned with the two boxes and a large glass back. She turned on the light on the bedside table and sat up. She selected the medicines and swallowed them. She smiled her thanks and handed them back to him.
Jack placed them on the bedside table and stared at her: Are you alright?
Sam closed her eyes and replied with a touch of sarcasm: Great. (she opened her eyes again, saw his concern and shook her head) I'm fine. (she moved her hand to where he had fallen asleep earlier so that he could settle down again) Talk to me, please. (she closed her eyes again and stroked her belly to try to ease the pain) Take my mind off it.
He sat back and winced as he hesitated to broach a subject, but when he saw her closed eyes, he gathered his courage.
Jack: I've been transferred to Washington.
Sam opened her eyes again: What?
She turned her head towards him and almost forgot the pain.
Jack: In a month to prepare the transition. The President wants me to replace Hammond. (he tilted his head) He's retiring.
Sam stared at him: You hate this city.
Jack shrugged and smiled nervously: It's not like I have a choice.
She swallowed, looked ahead and resumed her caresses on her belly.
Jack added more lowly: Could I have done something? (she questioned him with her eyes, he swallowed) For both of us?
Sam hesitated: Do you think it's too late?
Jack: I... No. It's just... (He shrugged a shoulder and looked away, uncomfortable) I wonder why now.
Sam took a moment to herself, fearful: You know how I think too much? (he nodded and she smiled nervously) I think too much because I've had bad experiences. (she added lower) Maybe we have a choice now.
After a few seconds of hesitation, he moved closer and raised an arm towards her to invite her to snuggle against him. She put her back on his shoulder and her head against his, leaning on the headboard.
Jack: You know that… On my own, I'm a bad experience.
She giggled and squeezed his forearm, he placed a kiss in her hair then stroked her head. She closed her eyes and continued her movements on his lower abdomen.
Jack sat up, concerned: Carter?
Sam put her hands on her lower abdomen and kept her eyes closed: Dosage problem, nothing serious. I'll take some more painkillers.
Jack stood up: I'll go.
He returned with the two boxes and a large glass back. She turned on the light on the bedside table and sat up. She selected the medicines and swallowed them. She smiled her thanks and handed them back to him.
Jack placed them on the bedside table and stared at her: Are you alright?
Sam closed her eyes and replied with a touch of sarcasm: Great. (she opened her eyes again, saw his concern and shook her head) I'm fine. (she moved her hand to where he had fallen asleep earlier so that he could settle down again) Talk to me, please. (she closed her eyes again and stroked her belly to try to ease the pain) Take my mind off it.
He sat back and winced as he hesitated to broach a subject, but when he saw her closed eyes, he gathered his courage.
Jack: I've been transferred to Washington.
Sam opened her eyes again: What?
She turned her head towards him and almost forgot the pain.
Jack: In a month to prepare the transition. The President wants me to replace Hammond. (he tilted his head) He's retiring.
Sam stared at him: You hate this city.
Jack shrugged and smiled nervously: It's not like I have a choice.
She swallowed, looked ahead and resumed her caresses on her belly.
Jack added more lowly: Could I have done something? (she questioned him with her eyes, he swallowed) For both of us?
Sam hesitated: Do you think it's too late?
Jack: I... No. It's just... (He shrugged a shoulder and looked away, uncomfortable) I wonder why now.
Sam took a moment to herself, fearful: You know how I think too much? (he nodded and she smiled nervously) I think too much because I've had bad experiences. (she added lower) Maybe we have a choice now.
After a few seconds of hesitation, he moved closer and raised an arm towards her to invite her to snuggle against him. She put her back on his shoulder and her head against his, leaning on the headboard.
Jack: You know that… On my own, I'm a bad experience.
She giggled and squeezed his forearm, he placed a kiss in her hair then stroked her head. She closed her eyes and continued her movements on his lower abdomen.
*
They had fallen back asleep in this position. She woke up with an urge to urinate and got up discreetly. Once on the toilet she felt a strange impression, a noise was made in the bowl and she understood that it was finished. She panicked slightly because she hadn't brought her backpack with her protective gear and heard a knock at that very moment.
Jack: Is everything okay?
Sam, uncomfortable: Eurh. (she cleared her throat) Can you bring me my bag please?
Jack, after a moment: I have it.
She retrieved it through the opening. She put on protection and went back into the room. He questioned her with his eyes, worried.
Sam nodded: We can sleep well now. (she grabbed her phone and dialed a message) I'll tell Brightman, she was worried.
She then put her phone away and he gently approached her. He invited her in and she gladly snuggled into his arms. He cradled her for a moment and stroked the back of her head again.
Sam: Can we all go fishing together before we leave here?
Jack smiles: I'll take care of it.
Jack: Is everything okay?
Sam, uncomfortable: Eurh. (she cleared her throat) Can you bring me my bag please?
Jack, after a moment: I have it.
She retrieved it through the opening. She put on protection and went back into the room. He questioned her with his eyes, worried.
Sam nodded: We can sleep well now. (she grabbed her phone and dialed a message) I'll tell Brightman, she was worried.
She then put her phone away and he gently approached her. He invited her in and she gladly snuggled into his arms. He cradled her for a moment and stroked the back of her head again.
Sam: Can we all go fishing together before we leave here?
Jack smiles: I'll take care of it.
*
NOTES: I wanted to write this fanfic because of current events. Abortion rights in the US are in danger. Your body, your choice. You don't get to impose your choices on another person's body. I therefore played on the duality of the choices and proposals, notably on the fact that some were personal and a third person did not have to go back on them.
- In France, before the legalization of abortion by the Veil law, some women used coat hangers and knitting needles to perform clandestine abortions. This practice is still common in countries that do not allow abortion. The hanger has become a symbol of the fight for the right to access abortion, which is why I had Carter put her jacket on a hanger when she arrived Jack's home.
SOURCES:
- (now) https://www.nytimes.com/article/abortion-laws-us.html
- (2005, temporality of the fanfic) https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/psrh/2008/abortion-united-states-incidence-and-access-services-2005
REPEATED WORDS AND PHRASES:
*”What are you still doing here?” / “What are you doing here instead of at home?”*
*”I'm having a hard time leaving.” / ”I'm having a hard time leaving but I need to leave”*
*”No one is waiting for me anyway.” / “Can I wait for you at home tonight?”*
*”That's better.” / “ It's better this way.”*
*”Can I do anything?”*
*"I need a favor, sir." / "No need, sir." / "I need you to call Brightman" / "I just need the support of a friend."*
*You know how I think too much?” / “I think too much”*
*”I've made my choice.” / ”It's not like I have a choice.” / ”I think we have a choice now.”*
*”I'll need to be watched for the next few hours.” / “You have to watch me.”*
*”I've had bad experiences.” / “I'm a bad experience.”*
*"I'll take care of it."*
- In France, before the legalization of abortion by the Veil law, some women used coat hangers and knitting needles to perform clandestine abortions. This practice is still common in countries that do not allow abortion. The hanger has become a symbol of the fight for the right to access abortion, which is why I had Carter put her jacket on a hanger when she arrived Jack's home.
SOURCES:
- (now) https://www.nytimes.com/article/abortion-laws-us.html
- (2005, temporality of the fanfic) https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/psrh/2008/abortion-united-states-incidence-and-access-services-2005
REPEATED WORDS AND PHRASES:
*”What are you still doing here?” / “What are you doing here instead of at home?”*
*”I'm having a hard time leaving.” / ”I'm having a hard time leaving but I need to leave”*
*”No one is waiting for me anyway.” / “Can I wait for you at home tonight?”*
*”That's better.” / “ It's better this way.”*
*”Can I do anything?”*
*"I need a favor, sir." / "No need, sir." / "I need you to call Brightman" / "I just need the support of a friend."*
*You know how I think too much?” / “I think too much”*
*”I've made my choice.” / ”It's not like I have a choice.” / ”I think we have a choice now.”*
*”I'll need to be watched for the next few hours.” / “You have to watch me.”*
*”I've had bad experiences.” / “I'm a bad experience.”*
*"I'll take care of it."*