Sweaty and exhausted from her cardio workout, she put her towel over her shoulder and was about to leave when Teal'c and Jack entered the room.
Jack handed the gloves to Teal'c: Come on Carter, let's go.
Sam froze: Eww. Sir I just-
Jack: No argument. Let's go.
And on top of that she was hot. She couldn't take off her top without revealing her bandages, having only a bra underneath. She supports her glance to make him understand that it was necessary that it returns on his decision, but the man did not seem of it. She put her things back on the bench, put on the gloves and stood in a defensive position in front of Teal'c.
Echo:
*let's go*
Jack handed the gloves to Teal'c: Come on Carter, let's go.
Sam froze: Eww. Sir I just-
Jack: No argument. Let's go.
And on top of that she was hot. She couldn't take off her top without revealing her bandages, having only a bra underneath. She supports her glance to make him understand that it was necessary that it returns on his decision, but the man did not seem of it. She put her things back on the bench, put on the gloves and stood in a defensive position in front of Teal'c.
Echo:
*let's go*
She knocked on the door.
Jack looked up from his computer: Carter?
Sam stepped forward: General, I have a request.
Jack: A request?
She placed a green button on his desk and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. He moistened his lips and looked up at her. She bit her lip nervously, waiting for his answer. He reached for his letter opener, pulled the button out of one of the front pockets of his green jacket, wrestled with the threads and exchanged his button for hers.
Sam grabbed the other one: Good night, sir.
She left the office, he sank into his chair and fiddled with the object between his fingers.
Jack smiled softly and whispered: Good night, Sam.
Echo:
*a request*
*Good night*
Jack looked up from his computer: Carter?
Sam stepped forward: General, I have a request.
Jack: A request?
She placed a green button on his desk and he raised his eyebrows in surprise. He moistened his lips and looked up at her. She bit her lip nervously, waiting for his answer. He reached for his letter opener, pulled the button out of one of the front pockets of his green jacket, wrestled with the threads and exchanged his button for hers.
Sam grabbed the other one: Good night, sir.
She left the office, he sank into his chair and fiddled with the object between his fingers.
Jack smiled softly and whispered: Good night, Sam.
Echo:
*a request*
*Good night*
CW: *anxiety attack mention*
How did it get so bad so quickly? The man with his back to the bathroom door kept repeating this question to himself. One minute she was drowning her brain with information about how the jammers worked, and the next minute she had dropped the devices and taken refuge without explanation in the small room. He abandoned his requests to open the door and took several steps into the room. On the other side, she was trying to calm the last remnants of her new anxiety attack. Two in the same day, that was new. She had managed to lock herself in just before he was struck by the situation and fortunately, she repeated to herself, he had not seen her bandages. The last tremors finally ceased and she passed some water on her face. She went out timidly and prepared herself to receive an umpteenth moral or speech of concern towards her, but the man seemed instead to be thinking calmly, leaning against a wall.
Sam: Sorry.
Jack shook his head: Stop apologizing, Carter. (He remembered that she had used her "trump card" when he had asked her why she was always apologizing and winced. She sat down on the bed, facing him) I don't care about your crises. You're not the only one who has them. (she swallowed and he took a few seconds to gather his thoughts) That's not the point. (she looked up at him, fearful) I need to talk to you about something.
Sam tried to play it down: Well. That's the reason for my double training earlier.
Sam's face broke down at the silence and the man's still extremely serious expression.
Jack, quietly: There are some things we need to clear up. (She questioned him with her eyes, he frowned and then resumed) No. I need to clear up with ya.
Sam added just as low, nervously: What's going on?
Echo:
*There are some things we need to clear up. / I need to clear up with ya*
*paragraph before "requests" / He abandoned his requests to open the door*
How did it get so bad so quickly? The man with his back to the bathroom door kept repeating this question to himself. One minute she was drowning her brain with information about how the jammers worked, and the next minute she had dropped the devices and taken refuge without explanation in the small room. He abandoned his requests to open the door and took several steps into the room. On the other side, she was trying to calm the last remnants of her new anxiety attack. Two in the same day, that was new. She had managed to lock herself in just before he was struck by the situation and fortunately, she repeated to herself, he had not seen her bandages. The last tremors finally ceased and she passed some water on her face. She went out timidly and prepared herself to receive an umpteenth moral or speech of concern towards her, but the man seemed instead to be thinking calmly, leaning against a wall.
Sam: Sorry.
Jack shook his head: Stop apologizing, Carter. (He remembered that she had used her "trump card" when he had asked her why she was always apologizing and winced. She sat down on the bed, facing him) I don't care about your crises. You're not the only one who has them. (she swallowed and he took a few seconds to gather his thoughts) That's not the point. (she looked up at him, fearful) I need to talk to you about something.
Sam tried to play it down: Well. That's the reason for my double training earlier.
Sam's face broke down at the silence and the man's still extremely serious expression.
Jack, quietly: There are some things we need to clear up. (She questioned him with her eyes, he frowned and then resumed) No. I need to clear up with ya.
Sam added just as low, nervously: What's going on?
Echo:
*There are some things we need to clear up. / I need to clear up with ya*
*paragraph before "requests" / He abandoned his requests to open the door*
CW: *mention of drugs* *mention of sexual assault* *mention of rape* *mention of rape culture*
Bell: You told me about a woman when we first met. (Alexander looked at Bell and then at Jack. Jack nodded and swallowed) Tell me about her.
Silence.
Alexander: Are you worried about her?
Jack grimaced: I'm not supposed to talk about it. (to Bell) You told me it was her story.
Bell nodded and smiled slightly that he had learned his lesson: Right. Now we're not going to tell who it is, and (she looked at Alexander) I can ask Dr. Dang to leave if you prefer.
Jack shook his head and looked at him, nervous: She was raped. (Alexander winced and looked at him, sorry) She's always tense. Always in control of things. She's... she's only recently started to enjoy life.
Alexander: Like a person who has been sexually abused and is constantly hypervigilant without knowing why because she has internalized her trauma?
Jack, embarrassed: I hadn't thought of it that way... What can I do?
Bell: Give her time. Don't blame her for any... extreme behavior she may exhibit. (he nodded and looked away) And if she's being followed, we'll deal with it.
He looked at her and she smiled at him. He smiled back politely.
Jack, after a short silence: I finished your book.
Bell smiled: So? (he winced and she giggled) Yes, the truth bothers.
Jack raised his hand: Um, no, it's not that. That was... very informative, thank you.
Bell frowned: So… what? (he looked away and became nervous) You can go ahead, we won't be offended if you say something problematic, as long as you try to understand and don't do it again.
Jack huffed: I think I sexually abused a woman.
Alexander abruptly raised his head towards him.
Bell, after a short, bitter silence: You... "think"?
Jack grimaced and lowered his head: I kissed her, without asking, by surprise, and... she doesn't remember.
Alexander: Drugs?
Jack shook his head: Time loop. (they questioned him with their eyes) I've experienced things, I remember them, but they never happened to other people.
Bell recapped for understanding: You're telling me that you sexually abused a woman, that you remember it, it happened for you, but it was erased for her?
Jack nodded: Something like that. (He winced and lowered his head) I didn't understand it until recently. (he moved his hand slightly) With your book.
Bell looked away for a moment and thought: Okay. Have you talked to her about it?
Jack: No... (he swallowed and looked at them) Do I have to?
She waddled her head to weigh the pros and cons. She looked to Alexander for help, but his colleague seemed just as lost.
Alexander: Normally the way to proceed in case of aggression is to think of the victim first, not what the aggressor might feel. Except that in this case...
Jack raised his eyebrows in resignation: No victim in reality.
Alexander nodded and looked at Bell: Only an aggressor.
She shook her head at the thought. Jack smiled slightly at no longer feeling like the only one lost in this situation. She saw his reaction and frowned.
Jack picked himself up: What do I do?
Bell: Well... (she fell silent and thought again) Eurh.
Jack felt compelled to insist: It's... (he looked away) Hmm... That woman...
Alexander snapped: The same one you were worried about?
Jack swallowed, nodded and lowered his head. Alexander winced and looked at Bell who was tilting his head.
Bell after a moment, in a somewhat dry tone: Okay. What do you think? (he looked at her) What do you really think? (he shrugged and started to open his mouth but she became impatient) If you tell us about it, you know the answer.
Jack stared at them, then frowned and nervously moistened his lips. She was right, and he nodded.
Bell took a deep breath: Many men can engage in this kind of behavior, more or less serious but equally problematic. Not all men, but enough that women are mostly their victims. (she moistened her lips with nervousness and gritted her teeth as she looked at him) This is our reality. (he shook his head, uncomfortable) If you care about this woman, you have to tell her. Even if it means accepting the consequences.
Alexander: Take your responsibility.
Jack nodded again and looked at the ground. Alexander and Bell glanced at each other.
Bell added in a definite dry tone: If not... Well, you don't deserve her.
Echo:
*a woman(x3) / That woman... / that women / If you care about this woman*
*Many men / Not all men*
*Are you worried about her? / The same one you were worried about?*
* something problematic/ but equally problematic*
*I think / You... "think"? / What do you think? / What do you really think?*
*What can I do? / What do I do?*
*the victim first / No victim in reality. / mostly their victims*
*not what the aggressor might feel / Only an aggressor*
*I finished your book. / With your book.*
*No victim in reality. / What do you really think? / This is our reality*
*You told me about / You told me it was / I'm not supposed to talk about it. / Have you talked to her about it? / If you tell us about it*
Notes:
*Warning. I know I'm touching on a mythical scene here, but note: I'm deciphering in this fanfic scenes written and directed by men, with a rape culture (systemic point of view) less well understood than at present. I remind you that one can like a work by seeing its defects. Certainly the context of the time is important, but just think about the implications for the viewers of having this kind of representation (source)*
*Article: Not all men (source)*
Bell: You told me about a woman when we first met. (Alexander looked at Bell and then at Jack. Jack nodded and swallowed) Tell me about her.
Silence.
Alexander: Are you worried about her?
Jack grimaced: I'm not supposed to talk about it. (to Bell) You told me it was her story.
Bell nodded and smiled slightly that he had learned his lesson: Right. Now we're not going to tell who it is, and (she looked at Alexander) I can ask Dr. Dang to leave if you prefer.
Jack shook his head and looked at him, nervous: She was raped. (Alexander winced and looked at him, sorry) She's always tense. Always in control of things. She's... she's only recently started to enjoy life.
Alexander: Like a person who has been sexually abused and is constantly hypervigilant without knowing why because she has internalized her trauma?
Jack, embarrassed: I hadn't thought of it that way... What can I do?
Bell: Give her time. Don't blame her for any... extreme behavior she may exhibit. (he nodded and looked away) And if she's being followed, we'll deal with it.
He looked at her and she smiled at him. He smiled back politely.
Jack, after a short silence: I finished your book.
Bell smiled: So? (he winced and she giggled) Yes, the truth bothers.
Jack raised his hand: Um, no, it's not that. That was... very informative, thank you.
Bell frowned: So… what? (he looked away and became nervous) You can go ahead, we won't be offended if you say something problematic, as long as you try to understand and don't do it again.
Jack huffed: I think I sexually abused a woman.
Alexander abruptly raised his head towards him.
Bell, after a short, bitter silence: You... "think"?
Jack grimaced and lowered his head: I kissed her, without asking, by surprise, and... she doesn't remember.
Alexander: Drugs?
Jack shook his head: Time loop. (they questioned him with their eyes) I've experienced things, I remember them, but they never happened to other people.
Bell recapped for understanding: You're telling me that you sexually abused a woman, that you remember it, it happened for you, but it was erased for her?
Jack nodded: Something like that. (He winced and lowered his head) I didn't understand it until recently. (he moved his hand slightly) With your book.
Bell looked away for a moment and thought: Okay. Have you talked to her about it?
Jack: No... (he swallowed and looked at them) Do I have to?
She waddled her head to weigh the pros and cons. She looked to Alexander for help, but his colleague seemed just as lost.
Alexander: Normally the way to proceed in case of aggression is to think of the victim first, not what the aggressor might feel. Except that in this case...
Jack raised his eyebrows in resignation: No victim in reality.
Alexander nodded and looked at Bell: Only an aggressor.
She shook her head at the thought. Jack smiled slightly at no longer feeling like the only one lost in this situation. She saw his reaction and frowned.
Jack picked himself up: What do I do?
Bell: Well... (she fell silent and thought again) Eurh.
Jack felt compelled to insist: It's... (he looked away) Hmm... That woman...
Alexander snapped: The same one you were worried about?
Jack swallowed, nodded and lowered his head. Alexander winced and looked at Bell who was tilting his head.
Bell after a moment, in a somewhat dry tone: Okay. What do you think? (he looked at her) What do you really think? (he shrugged and started to open his mouth but she became impatient) If you tell us about it, you know the answer.
Jack stared at them, then frowned and nervously moistened his lips. She was right, and he nodded.
Bell took a deep breath: Many men can engage in this kind of behavior, more or less serious but equally problematic. Not all men, but enough that women are mostly their victims. (she moistened her lips with nervousness and gritted her teeth as she looked at him) This is our reality. (he shook his head, uncomfortable) If you care about this woman, you have to tell her. Even if it means accepting the consequences.
Alexander: Take your responsibility.
Jack nodded again and looked at the ground. Alexander and Bell glanced at each other.
Bell added in a definite dry tone: If not... Well, you don't deserve her.
Echo:
*a woman(x3) / That woman... / that women / If you care about this woman*
*Many men / Not all men*
*Are you worried about her? / The same one you were worried about?*
* something problematic/ but equally problematic*
*I think / You... "think"? / What do you think? / What do you really think?*
*What can I do? / What do I do?*
*the victim first / No victim in reality. / mostly their victims*
*not what the aggressor might feel / Only an aggressor*
*I finished your book. / With your book.*
*No victim in reality. / What do you really think? / This is our reality*
*You told me about / You told me it was / I'm not supposed to talk about it. / Have you talked to her about it? / If you tell us about it*
Notes:
*Warning. I know I'm touching on a mythical scene here, but note: I'm deciphering in this fanfic scenes written and directed by men, with a rape culture (systemic point of view) less well understood than at present. I remind you that one can like a work by seeing its defects. Certainly the context of the time is important, but just think about the implications for the viewers of having this kind of representation (source)*
*Article: Not all men (source)*
“you don't deserve her.”
The chilling words of Dr. Williams had been echoing against the walls of her skull since yesterday. Sure Sam had made it clear to her in a huff that she didn't accept the "deserve" argument when he was in that hotel room in Memphis, but... She hadn't had all the information. The new problem was that they had promised to try to be honest with each other, and this "bombshell" was far too important under the circumstances. With this new crisis, fate dictated her decision.
Jack: Several years ago, T and I got trapped in this time loop.
Sam nodded: Yes, at least three months. We never knew exactly.
Jack became more and more nervous: Daniel had told us something about... about opportunities without consequences.
Silence.
Sam frowned: What did you do?
Jack: Several years ago, T and I got trapped in this time loop.
Sam nodded: Yes, at least three months. We never knew exactly.
Jack became more and more nervous: Daniel had told us something about... about opportunities without consequences.
Silence.
Sam frowned: What did you do?
CW: *mention sexual assault* *mention masturbation* *mention intimate partner violence* *mention genocide* *rape culture* *internalized sexism* *mention murder* *mention prison* *mention Nazism* *mention psychophobia*
Jack, uncomfortable: I handed in my resignation and kissed you.
Sam froze: What?
Jack grinned: Sorry. I never should have-
Sam: You resigned? (he froze and looked at her. A smile appeared on Sam's face, happy to have cleared up a misunderstanding) Daniel's question. You were recalling that memory! (he took a few steps to relieve the stress and she giggled) Oh boy. That was your smile at the briefing, wasn't it?
Still with his back to her, he knocked brutally on the dresser. She gasped, clenched her teeth and her breathing quickened.
Jack turned slightly toward her and pointed to the dresser with a shake of his head: Sorry.
Sam tempered the hatred in her voice: Don't ever do that again. (He questioned her with his eyes, surprised by her reaction. She pointed to the dresser and glared at him) That.
Jack swallowed and shook his head nervously: Sorry about that.
They took the time to calm down on both sides. He took a few steps again, she closed her eyes and tried to erase the images of Hanson that had appeared before her eyes. Flashbacks of scenes of violence come back to her mind. That sensation of sharp pain after a blow in her belly, that taste of blood in her mouth, the screams, the insults... She focused on the fact that she too had violently kicked the wall with her foot in his presence in that hotel room in Memphis. An outburst of anger, she told herself, happens to everyone. But this was the second time he had done this, having hit the wall with his fist in that other hotel room just before she told him about her rape. He'd just done it again, and she'd promised herself years ago that she wouldn't go through that again with a man. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, opened her eyes again and found it very bad.
Sam whispered: What's going on?
Jack put his hands behind his neck: My father (she froze, closed her eyes and moistened her lips with nervousness at the memory of this detail. He shook his head, faced her and leaned against a wall) Put the situation in perspective. It wasn't that funny.
Sam hesitated, lowered her voice: Did you hurt me?
Jack released his pressure on her neck and rubbed his face: No... I mean, ya. (He pulled his hands away from her face and looked at her) Carter, you made it clear that nothing would happen between us.
Sam froze and understood his torment: Oh.
Jack winced: I felt rejected. (he looked away) I was refusing your refusal. (he looked at her and spoke quickly) I was crazy about you, I'd rather die than lose you. (she swallowed and lowered her head) The fact that you confirmed that you too would... (he put his hands back on her face and turned away from her with a grunt) Raaaaah!
Silence.
Sam repeated: ‘you resigned?
He shook his head and gave her a knowing look. She nodded but understood in reverse: She was sticking to the fact that he had made this decision only during the time loops, while he tried to reframe her on the fact that this was not the most important part of the situation... After all, he had checked the time on his watch to be really sure he had no consequences.
Sam, after taking a few minutes to gather her thoughts: Okay. Um. (still confused) I... (she saw the nervousness on his face) What?
Jack winced: The other time. It wasn't our first... Well.... (mumbling) Not for you, anyway.
Sam froze again and thought of her alternative double: Huuuu.
Jack gritted his teeth: And worse, I just found out a few days ago that it was a sexual assault.
Sam looked up sharply at him: What? (she frowned) Wait. What exactly happened?
Jack: That's the definition! (he listed the information with his fingers) You had issued a clear refusal. (he touched a second finger) I acted without asking you first if you had changed your mind. (he touched a third finger) By surprise. (another finger) You are being morally challenged because I am your superior. (She tilted her head and told him with a look that he had resigned, he tilted his head and looked at her with a knowing look again -the two of them still not understanding their quid pro quo- and she winced. He touched a fourth finger and hesitated, not knowing how to explain this point) And... And maybe we should add a line in the rules of procedure about the problems of relativity whatchamacallit.
She opened her mouth slightly, still in shock from his pamphlet. He huffed loudly and started walking around the room again to calm himself down.
Sam: Did I like it or not?
Jack: Let's just say that after the surprise, yes, you participated quickly.
Sam: Well? (he turned to her to question her with his eyes. She shrugged and looked back at him) What?
Jack became impatient: Carter...
Sam stood up: Yes yes, I understand your problem. But what do you want us to do about it? What's done is done. (she moved a hand) Well, on your side. (she insisted) And that's in the past. You're blaming yourself for something you did to me that I didn't experience. I don't know what I can say to you.
Silence.
Sam tilted her head: You're the one who's talking to me about it after all. (He questioned her with his eyes, she rephrased) What do you want from me?
Jack shook his head and looked away: Nothing... I don't know. (he looked at her) I did wrong.
Sam tried to encourage him to keep talking: Yeah?
Silence.
Sam froze and hesitated: You... You're really telling me everything right now? (he questioned her with his eyes) What? You're going to say that you never lied to me?
He winced and she insisted on her main question with her eyes.
Jack insisted: I didn't do anything else.
Sam : But you thought about it? (he swallowed and nodded) And there were no other loops?
Jack grunted to validate her suspicions: Yeah. That was the last one.
She swallowed, closed her eyes and imagined a lot of possible scenarios if it hadn't been the case, knowing this man's ability to handle his personal frustrations.
Sam finally understood her nervousness and spoke more quietly: And... You blame yourself after what I told you about me.
Jack stared at her and nodded: I can't continue a relationship with you without having apologized to you. (she nodded and looked away. He tilted his head, remembering a detail) Uh. I did that in front of everyone, too. (she questioned him with her eyes and he moved his hand limply) Hammond, Walter...
He knew she didn't like signs of affection at work, he definitely hadn't thought about the consequences. If the loop had been broken then, and given what he had been able to understand, he knew now that it would have been complicated for her in terms of her professional perception afterwards. She swallowed, shook her head nervously and looked away again.
Silence.
Jack put a hand back on the back of his neck: And before that... That look... That look you gave me in the departure lounge when you came back from that mission.
Sam frowned: What are you talking about?
Jack became impatient, in a firm tone: That guy. With the iris.
Sam: Alar? From Euronda?
Jack nodded: Your look. That hatred. That... deception... (He closed his eyes, a shiver ran through him) Damn.
She got no explanation that day, or the next, no justification. Nothing. He had no excuse.
Sam swallowed and spoke softly: The right to life is a basic human right.
Jack: I know.
Sam began to speak more sharply: You didn't have to kill him like that. (She winced and resumed her calm tone) I know where you stand on the death penalty, but you didn't have to take that right yourself.
Jack gritted his teeth: I know, I know.
Sam insisted: There were alternatives. Life imprisonment. (more sharply) Or a prisoner of war until the other people of Euronda show up! (sarcastically) You want other ideas?
Jack got angry: I know, okay? (harshly) And you know what? If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it again. (Sam's face broke down) That guy was a fucking Nazi, he-
Sam, as strong as he is: I know that, but we could have gotten information to fight the Goa'uld and-
Jack: I don't care what we could have gotten out of him! (he insisted with hatred) A Nazi!
She tilted her head to indicate that she accepted his argument but tried to make him understand her point of view. She took a few seconds to regain her composure.
Sam insisted much more gently: It's a life. We're no better off if-
Jack flew into a rage: But that's not the worst part! The worst part is that I understood that I could go this far with you in control, even if I took the right to kill a man, in front of you.
She closed her eyes and he tried to calm down.
Sam hesitated: And... And you did it again. (He questioned her with his eyes, she looked away and swallowed) With the Enkarans.
He swallowed his saliva with difficulty, nodded and looked away. That had been the last straw for her and a memory hit her.
Sam to herself: Damn. I cut my hair when I got back from that mission.
Jack, lost: Uh?
Sam: I never made the connection. It's coming back to me. (she looked at him and saw that he was questioning her with his eyes, she winced again) You had invited me fishing twice before this. (he swallowed) I wanted to put some distance between us. (she shook her head slightly) This mission. This decision. You pushed the button while Daniel-
Jack couldn't take it anymore: Yeah. You confirmed your decision to me on the next mission. (she swallowed and looked away) So no. It wasn't fun. It wasn't... nothing. I took advantage of the situation to take away that... (he frowned and gritted his teeth) Frustration.
Silence.
Sam quietly: It's good that you realized that. (she stuttered) I-I-I don't know what else to say.
Jack shrugged a shoulder: Nothing.
Sam nodded again and smiled politely: Thank you for telling me.
Jack, sternly: Don't thank me for it, please.
Silence.
Sam swallows: Okay. We're good with that. I just have one more thing to clear up. (He waved his hand to indicate that he was listening to her, not without apprehension) How could you kiss her? (He frowned) In front of me too!
Jack ventured: Who?
Sam: Isn't it enough to know that we were engaged in another reality?
He gritted his teeth and looked away. He was really having trouble dealing with a jealous Carter... but then a Carter jealous of another Carter? He didn't dare admit to her that they were married to each other in this reality.
Jack hesitated: Carter... That day I just wanted to realize a... fantasy.
Sam chuckled nervously: A "fantasy"? (he shrugged. She added wryly) Great. Thanks for her... And me.
Jack: Our hierarchical links forbid us-
Sam pointed her finger at him: Don't give me that excuse. (she spread her arms, sharply) You just figured there would be no consequences with her. Great opportunity to fulfill another (she insisted) 'fantasy'!
Jack became angry: What if the roles had been reversed?
Sam rolled her eyes and got angry: You can remake the world with "what ifs"! You knew I wasn't handling the situation well.
Jack: Stop it! I asked you how you were doing. (He insisted) You told me off.
Sam boiled over: What? You needed an answer in a second? Wasn't I allowed to take a step back from the situation? Or did you have to have absolute control over that too? (he raised a hand towards her ready to speak but changed his mind and she froze) What were you going to say?
Jack: Nothing.
Sam repeated herself: What were you going to say?
Jack ranted: You were annoying me with your "sir"!
Sam widened her eyes and exclaimed: What?!
Jack turned slightly, put his hands back on the back of his neck and muttered with his eyes closed: Nothing. Forget it.
Sam took a step toward him:: Oh no-no-no. This is too important, point of no return reached. (he found himself facing her and swallowed, feeling like a kid about to be teased) I was "annoying you"? Do I have to remind you how many times you called me "Sam" and reframed me at the slightest (she insisted) "Jack"?
Jack cursed himself and remembered that their conversation at the Memphis hotel had started over an argument about their first names: No.
Sam pointed her finger at him triumphantly: Ha!
Jack burst out: What would you have done? (she frowned, trying to figure out what he was talking about) Have the unbidden opportunity to kiss my double, huh?
Sam gritted her teeth: That's the difference between you and me. I'll have assessed the risks.
Jack's eyes widened: Would you have asked me first?
Sam: Of course! (she gestured sharply with her arm in his direction) Or I wouldn't have kissed him.
Jack's face broke down, he was silent and then closed his eyes. Here too he had not respected her consent. How many more times?
Jack: I'm sorry. I didn't think about that at all.
Sam murmured to herself, still angry: Oh, really?
Jack: Really.
Sam, coldly: Do you know how normal people deal with their fantasies? (she insisted) With their hands.
Jack ventured: You mean...?
Sam: How do you think I handled my own frustration? Oh look, Carter doesn't feel anything? (she mumbled at the memory of RepliCarter) I'm not a robot.
Jack continued more calmly: Carter. My greatest fear is to manipulate you and make you do what I want. (She swallowed) The difference between you and me is that you realize it. I live things without realizing the consequences before I live them. And... (He frowned and looked away again) And you can't imagine how much I hate myself.
She raised her eyebrows in surprise and turned her head toward him. He looked bad, extremely bad. She reached out a hand toward him, but he immediately pushed it away and looked at her hard. She winced and lowered her head. This conversation was going in circles. And what was the point of bringing up these memories or looking for the culprit? Why were they bringing up these topics? It was doing more harm than good... she thought. She felt the tears welling up inside her.
Jack grunted: You don't have to comfort me when I've just realized that I've done something horrible to you. I'm sorry. (He insisted) You're the one who needs comfort, apology and... Respect.
He put both hands on his head and turned away from her. His thoughts were hurting his head. He couldn't take it anymore. A tsunami of guilt, shame and self-contempt had just wiped him out. He rested his hands near his body and made several steps in the room to recover his spirits. She looked at him from a distance, totally lost on how to fix things. She frowned as she repeated to herself the last sentence he had just said. Hmm. He is the opposite of Hanson, she thought.
Sam gritted her teeth and tried to regain her composure: Look. About what happened during the time loops, even though I told you before that I didn't want to talk about it anymore-
Jack: Twice.
Sam moistened her lips from his relentlessness but complied: Twice. (she insisted) You can be sure that if you had kissed me out of loops, I would have participated. (he raised his eyebrows at this announcement) Now. You apologized and you showed me respect by explaining it all to me. That's all that matters to me now.
They looked at each other.
Jack: So now what?
Sam: Hmm. Comfort is missing. (He questioned her with his eyes without understanding. She approached him and stared, waiting for him to take her in his arms. The man did not move, incredulous at her behavior. She raised an eyebrow and challenged him.) Would you rather beg me on your knees?
Jack gave her a reproachful look about making fun of his knees: Don't push. (She smiled, pleased that he had finally managed to relax a bit. He hesitated, then spread his arms) Come here.
Echo:
*in the previous paragraph "Even if it means accepting the consequences” / about opportunities without consequences./ You just figured there would be no consequences with her / without realizing the consequences*
*in the previous paragraph "What can I do? / What do I do?" / What did you do?*
*Previous paragraph "She's always tense. Always in control of things." / I could go this far with you in control / Or did you have to have absolute control over that too?*
*Have the unbidden opportunity / Great opportunity*
* in my resignation / You resigned?(x2)*
*I'm sorry.(x2) Sorry. / Sorry about that. / without having apologized to you. / Don't give me that excuse / apology / You apologized.*
*Don't ever do that again. / That. / Sorry about that. / We're good with that.*
*The right to / a basic human right. / you didn't have to take that right yourself / even if I took the right to*
*I was refusing your refusal*
*It wasn't our first... / That was the last one.*
*about the problems / I understand your problem.*
*By surprise / after the surprise*
*That look... That look / Your look.*
*you came back from that mission. / I got back from that mission. / This mission. This decision. /You confirmed your decision to me on the next mission. / I would have respected your decision*
*What were you going to say?(x2)*
*nothing*
*a... fantasy. - A "fantasy"? / 'fantasy'! / with their fantasies?*
*Put the situation in perspective./ I took advantage of the situation to take away that… / I wasn't handling the situation well./ from the situation?*
*that you realize it / without realizing*
*and kissed you. / How could you kiss her? / to kiss my double, huh? /I wouldn't have kissed him. *
*Thank you for telling me. - Don't thank me for it, please. / Thank you for telling me / Thanks for her*
*Oh, really? - Really. *
*You don't have to comfort me / You're the one who needs comfort / Comfort is missing.*
* I would have respected your decision / and... Respect. / You showed me respect*
*You were annoying me with your "sir"! / I was "annoying you"?*
*That's the difference between you and me. / The difference between you and me*
*That hatred. / how much I hate myself.*
*Damn.(x2)*
* In front of me too! / in front of you*
*Frustration. /I handled my own frustration?*
*It wasn't that funny. / It wasn't fun.*
Notes:
*Warning. When Carter says, "Oh look, Carter doesn't feel anything? (she mumbled at the memory of RepliCarter) I'm not a robot.”: Sam is not especially familiar with all spectrums of sexual orientation and doesn't realize that this is not something to say because it can be violent for some people who don't feel sexual attraction or sexual desire*
*In this frame, I try to explain the romanticization of rape culture present in the series. The temporal kiss needs to be resituated in the timeline:
Carter declines Jack's invitation to go fishing in 3x22.
Then she declines again in 4x01.
In 4x05 with the Zatarc test, she tells him that she doesn't want it to come out of this room (implied: we never talk about it again).
In 4x06: Jack is depressed and finds himself living on the same day. He bad, he talks to himself once she leaves:
CARTER I'm going to go run a few simulations.
[She gets up and leaves O'Neill to finish his coffee.]
O'NEILL You run...simulate...let me know how it turns out...keep me posted.
[He puts his cup down.]
O'NEILL Keep me apprised.
[He closes his eyes.]
At the end of episode 4x10, Jack regrets that she calls him by his rank, and she looks at him blankly, confirming his request in 4x05. (knowing that she has no idea that he kissed her in 4x06)
The absence of an explicit "NO" does not mean "YES." It's not an invitation to do something.
Add the fact that he looks at his watch for zero consequences.
Add that he waits until the last moment, without having asked her after resigning "is it okay, can we talk about it?"
Add the over-representation that women's "no" means "yes" in film.
He could have resigned at the beginning of the loops, asked her to talk about it, and accepted her answer whether it was "yes" or "NO," but definitely not done anything until the loops were broken.
And I repeat, legally, the fact that she is liked or not is not the issue. The issue is the representation of this scene in relation to the speculators, who assume it's ok to kiss a woman by surprise, without her consent, when she declined several times before, confirmed her refusal after, and never knew about this kiss/sexual assault. The goal of my work is to highlight the things that are hyper-advanced for the time, but the totally rotten representations that have mindfucked our brains*
*Talking about what's wrong can hurt, but it also serves to put things back on track*
*Video: Apologizing doesn't solve everything. Think ahead (source)*
*Illustration: fragile masculinity (source)*
Sam froze: What?
Jack grinned: Sorry. I never should have-
Sam: You resigned? (he froze and looked at her. A smile appeared on Sam's face, happy to have cleared up a misunderstanding) Daniel's question. You were recalling that memory! (he took a few steps to relieve the stress and she giggled) Oh boy. That was your smile at the briefing, wasn't it?
Still with his back to her, he knocked brutally on the dresser. She gasped, clenched her teeth and her breathing quickened.
Jack turned slightly toward her and pointed to the dresser with a shake of his head: Sorry.
Sam tempered the hatred in her voice: Don't ever do that again. (He questioned her with his eyes, surprised by her reaction. She pointed to the dresser and glared at him) That.
Jack swallowed and shook his head nervously: Sorry about that.
They took the time to calm down on both sides. He took a few steps again, she closed her eyes and tried to erase the images of Hanson that had appeared before her eyes. Flashbacks of scenes of violence come back to her mind. That sensation of sharp pain after a blow in her belly, that taste of blood in her mouth, the screams, the insults... She focused on the fact that she too had violently kicked the wall with her foot in his presence in that hotel room in Memphis. An outburst of anger, she told herself, happens to everyone. But this was the second time he had done this, having hit the wall with his fist in that other hotel room just before she told him about her rape. He'd just done it again, and she'd promised herself years ago that she wouldn't go through that again with a man. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, opened her eyes again and found it very bad.
Sam whispered: What's going on?
Jack put his hands behind his neck: My father (she froze, closed her eyes and moistened her lips with nervousness at the memory of this detail. He shook his head, faced her and leaned against a wall) Put the situation in perspective. It wasn't that funny.
Sam hesitated, lowered her voice: Did you hurt me?
Jack released his pressure on her neck and rubbed his face: No... I mean, ya. (He pulled his hands away from her face and looked at her) Carter, you made it clear that nothing would happen between us.
Sam froze and understood his torment: Oh.
Jack winced: I felt rejected. (he looked away) I was refusing your refusal. (he looked at her and spoke quickly) I was crazy about you, I'd rather die than lose you. (she swallowed and lowered her head) The fact that you confirmed that you too would... (he put his hands back on her face and turned away from her with a grunt) Raaaaah!
Silence.
Sam repeated: ‘you resigned?
He shook his head and gave her a knowing look. She nodded but understood in reverse: She was sticking to the fact that he had made this decision only during the time loops, while he tried to reframe her on the fact that this was not the most important part of the situation... After all, he had checked the time on his watch to be really sure he had no consequences.
Sam, after taking a few minutes to gather her thoughts: Okay. Um. (still confused) I... (she saw the nervousness on his face) What?
Jack winced: The other time. It wasn't our first... Well.... (mumbling) Not for you, anyway.
Sam froze again and thought of her alternative double: Huuuu.
Jack gritted his teeth: And worse, I just found out a few days ago that it was a sexual assault.
Sam looked up sharply at him: What? (she frowned) Wait. What exactly happened?
Jack: That's the definition! (he listed the information with his fingers) You had issued a clear refusal. (he touched a second finger) I acted without asking you first if you had changed your mind. (he touched a third finger) By surprise. (another finger) You are being morally challenged because I am your superior. (She tilted her head and told him with a look that he had resigned, he tilted his head and looked at her with a knowing look again -the two of them still not understanding their quid pro quo- and she winced. He touched a fourth finger and hesitated, not knowing how to explain this point) And... And maybe we should add a line in the rules of procedure about the problems of relativity whatchamacallit.
She opened her mouth slightly, still in shock from his pamphlet. He huffed loudly and started walking around the room again to calm himself down.
Sam: Did I like it or not?
Jack: Let's just say that after the surprise, yes, you participated quickly.
Sam: Well? (he turned to her to question her with his eyes. She shrugged and looked back at him) What?
Jack became impatient: Carter...
Sam stood up: Yes yes, I understand your problem. But what do you want us to do about it? What's done is done. (she moved a hand) Well, on your side. (she insisted) And that's in the past. You're blaming yourself for something you did to me that I didn't experience. I don't know what I can say to you.
Silence.
Sam tilted her head: You're the one who's talking to me about it after all. (He questioned her with his eyes, she rephrased) What do you want from me?
Jack shook his head and looked away: Nothing... I don't know. (he looked at her) I did wrong.
Sam tried to encourage him to keep talking: Yeah?
Silence.
Sam froze and hesitated: You... You're really telling me everything right now? (he questioned her with his eyes) What? You're going to say that you never lied to me?
He winced and she insisted on her main question with her eyes.
Jack insisted: I didn't do anything else.
Sam : But you thought about it? (he swallowed and nodded) And there were no other loops?
Jack grunted to validate her suspicions: Yeah. That was the last one.
She swallowed, closed her eyes and imagined a lot of possible scenarios if it hadn't been the case, knowing this man's ability to handle his personal frustrations.
Sam finally understood her nervousness and spoke more quietly: And... You blame yourself after what I told you about me.
Jack stared at her and nodded: I can't continue a relationship with you without having apologized to you. (she nodded and looked away. He tilted his head, remembering a detail) Uh. I did that in front of everyone, too. (she questioned him with her eyes and he moved his hand limply) Hammond, Walter...
He knew she didn't like signs of affection at work, he definitely hadn't thought about the consequences. If the loop had been broken then, and given what he had been able to understand, he knew now that it would have been complicated for her in terms of her professional perception afterwards. She swallowed, shook her head nervously and looked away again.
Silence.
Jack put a hand back on the back of his neck: And before that... That look... That look you gave me in the departure lounge when you came back from that mission.
Sam frowned: What are you talking about?
Jack became impatient, in a firm tone: That guy. With the iris.
Sam: Alar? From Euronda?
Jack nodded: Your look. That hatred. That... deception... (He closed his eyes, a shiver ran through him) Damn.
She got no explanation that day, or the next, no justification. Nothing. He had no excuse.
Sam swallowed and spoke softly: The right to life is a basic human right.
Jack: I know.
Sam began to speak more sharply: You didn't have to kill him like that. (She winced and resumed her calm tone) I know where you stand on the death penalty, but you didn't have to take that right yourself.
Jack gritted his teeth: I know, I know.
Sam insisted: There were alternatives. Life imprisonment. (more sharply) Or a prisoner of war until the other people of Euronda show up! (sarcastically) You want other ideas?
Jack got angry: I know, okay? (harshly) And you know what? If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it again. (Sam's face broke down) That guy was a fucking Nazi, he-
Sam, as strong as he is: I know that, but we could have gotten information to fight the Goa'uld and-
Jack: I don't care what we could have gotten out of him! (he insisted with hatred) A Nazi!
She tilted her head to indicate that she accepted his argument but tried to make him understand her point of view. She took a few seconds to regain her composure.
Sam insisted much more gently: It's a life. We're no better off if-
Jack flew into a rage: But that's not the worst part! The worst part is that I understood that I could go this far with you in control, even if I took the right to kill a man, in front of you.
She closed her eyes and he tried to calm down.
Sam hesitated: And... And you did it again. (He questioned her with his eyes, she looked away and swallowed) With the Enkarans.
He swallowed his saliva with difficulty, nodded and looked away. That had been the last straw for her and a memory hit her.
Sam to herself: Damn. I cut my hair when I got back from that mission.
Jack, lost: Uh?
Sam: I never made the connection. It's coming back to me. (she looked at him and saw that he was questioning her with his eyes, she winced again) You had invited me fishing twice before this. (he swallowed) I wanted to put some distance between us. (she shook her head slightly) This mission. This decision. You pushed the button while Daniel-
Jack couldn't take it anymore: Yeah. You confirmed your decision to me on the next mission. (she swallowed and looked away) So no. It wasn't fun. It wasn't... nothing. I took advantage of the situation to take away that... (he frowned and gritted his teeth) Frustration.
Silence.
Sam quietly: It's good that you realized that. (she stuttered) I-I-I don't know what else to say.
Jack shrugged a shoulder: Nothing.
Sam nodded again and smiled politely: Thank you for telling me.
Jack, sternly: Don't thank me for it, please.
Silence.
Sam swallows: Okay. We're good with that. I just have one more thing to clear up. (He waved his hand to indicate that he was listening to her, not without apprehension) How could you kiss her? (He frowned) In front of me too!
Jack ventured: Who?
Sam: Isn't it enough to know that we were engaged in another reality?
He gritted his teeth and looked away. He was really having trouble dealing with a jealous Carter... but then a Carter jealous of another Carter? He didn't dare admit to her that they were married to each other in this reality.
Jack hesitated: Carter... That day I just wanted to realize a... fantasy.
Sam chuckled nervously: A "fantasy"? (he shrugged. She added wryly) Great. Thanks for her... And me.
Jack: Our hierarchical links forbid us-
Sam pointed her finger at him: Don't give me that excuse. (she spread her arms, sharply) You just figured there would be no consequences with her. Great opportunity to fulfill another (she insisted) 'fantasy'!
Jack became angry: What if the roles had been reversed?
Sam rolled her eyes and got angry: You can remake the world with "what ifs"! You knew I wasn't handling the situation well.
Jack: Stop it! I asked you how you were doing. (He insisted) You told me off.
Sam boiled over: What? You needed an answer in a second? Wasn't I allowed to take a step back from the situation? Or did you have to have absolute control over that too? (he raised a hand towards her ready to speak but changed his mind and she froze) What were you going to say?
Jack: Nothing.
Sam repeated herself: What were you going to say?
Jack ranted: You were annoying me with your "sir"!
Sam widened her eyes and exclaimed: What?!
Jack turned slightly, put his hands back on the back of his neck and muttered with his eyes closed: Nothing. Forget it.
Sam took a step toward him:: Oh no-no-no. This is too important, point of no return reached. (he found himself facing her and swallowed, feeling like a kid about to be teased) I was "annoying you"? Do I have to remind you how many times you called me "Sam" and reframed me at the slightest (she insisted) "Jack"?
Jack cursed himself and remembered that their conversation at the Memphis hotel had started over an argument about their first names: No.
Sam pointed her finger at him triumphantly: Ha!
Jack burst out: What would you have done? (she frowned, trying to figure out what he was talking about) Have the unbidden opportunity to kiss my double, huh?
Sam gritted her teeth: That's the difference between you and me. I'll have assessed the risks.
Jack's eyes widened: Would you have asked me first?
Sam: Of course! (she gestured sharply with her arm in his direction) Or I wouldn't have kissed him.
Jack's face broke down, he was silent and then closed his eyes. Here too he had not respected her consent. How many more times?
Jack: I'm sorry. I didn't think about that at all.
Sam murmured to herself, still angry: Oh, really?
Jack: Really.
Sam, coldly: Do you know how normal people deal with their fantasies? (she insisted) With their hands.
Jack ventured: You mean...?
Sam: How do you think I handled my own frustration? Oh look, Carter doesn't feel anything? (she mumbled at the memory of RepliCarter) I'm not a robot.
Jack continued more calmly: Carter. My greatest fear is to manipulate you and make you do what I want. (She swallowed) The difference between you and me is that you realize it. I live things without realizing the consequences before I live them. And... (He frowned and looked away again) And you can't imagine how much I hate myself.
She raised her eyebrows in surprise and turned her head toward him. He looked bad, extremely bad. She reached out a hand toward him, but he immediately pushed it away and looked at her hard. She winced and lowered her head. This conversation was going in circles. And what was the point of bringing up these memories or looking for the culprit? Why were they bringing up these topics? It was doing more harm than good... she thought. She felt the tears welling up inside her.
Jack grunted: You don't have to comfort me when I've just realized that I've done something horrible to you. I'm sorry. (He insisted) You're the one who needs comfort, apology and... Respect.
He put both hands on his head and turned away from her. His thoughts were hurting his head. He couldn't take it anymore. A tsunami of guilt, shame and self-contempt had just wiped him out. He rested his hands near his body and made several steps in the room to recover his spirits. She looked at him from a distance, totally lost on how to fix things. She frowned as she repeated to herself the last sentence he had just said. Hmm. He is the opposite of Hanson, she thought.
Sam gritted her teeth and tried to regain her composure: Look. About what happened during the time loops, even though I told you before that I didn't want to talk about it anymore-
Jack: Twice.
Sam moistened her lips from his relentlessness but complied: Twice. (she insisted) You can be sure that if you had kissed me out of loops, I would have participated. (he raised his eyebrows at this announcement) Now. You apologized and you showed me respect by explaining it all to me. That's all that matters to me now.
They looked at each other.
Jack: So now what?
Sam: Hmm. Comfort is missing. (He questioned her with his eyes without understanding. She approached him and stared, waiting for him to take her in his arms. The man did not move, incredulous at her behavior. She raised an eyebrow and challenged him.) Would you rather beg me on your knees?
Jack gave her a reproachful look about making fun of his knees: Don't push. (She smiled, pleased that he had finally managed to relax a bit. He hesitated, then spread his arms) Come here.
Echo:
*in the previous paragraph "Even if it means accepting the consequences” / about opportunities without consequences./ You just figured there would be no consequences with her / without realizing the consequences*
*in the previous paragraph "What can I do? / What do I do?" / What did you do?*
*Previous paragraph "She's always tense. Always in control of things." / I could go this far with you in control / Or did you have to have absolute control over that too?*
*Have the unbidden opportunity / Great opportunity*
* in my resignation / You resigned?(x2)*
*I'm sorry.(x2) Sorry. / Sorry about that. / without having apologized to you. / Don't give me that excuse / apology / You apologized.*
*Don't ever do that again. / That. / Sorry about that. / We're good with that.*
*The right to / a basic human right. / you didn't have to take that right yourself / even if I took the right to*
*I was refusing your refusal*
*It wasn't our first... / That was the last one.*
*about the problems / I understand your problem.*
*By surprise / after the surprise*
*That look... That look / Your look.*
*you came back from that mission. / I got back from that mission. / This mission. This decision. /You confirmed your decision to me on the next mission. / I would have respected your decision*
*What were you going to say?(x2)*
*nothing*
*a... fantasy. - A "fantasy"? / 'fantasy'! / with their fantasies?*
*Put the situation in perspective./ I took advantage of the situation to take away that… / I wasn't handling the situation well./ from the situation?*
*that you realize it / without realizing*
*and kissed you. / How could you kiss her? / to kiss my double, huh? /I wouldn't have kissed him. *
*Thank you for telling me. - Don't thank me for it, please. / Thank you for telling me / Thanks for her*
*Oh, really? - Really. *
*You don't have to comfort me / You're the one who needs comfort / Comfort is missing.*
* I would have respected your decision / and... Respect. / You showed me respect*
*You were annoying me with your "sir"! / I was "annoying you"?*
*That's the difference between you and me. / The difference between you and me*
*That hatred. / how much I hate myself.*
*Damn.(x2)*
* In front of me too! / in front of you*
*Frustration. /I handled my own frustration?*
*It wasn't that funny. / It wasn't fun.*
Notes:
*Warning. When Carter says, "Oh look, Carter doesn't feel anything? (she mumbled at the memory of RepliCarter) I'm not a robot.”: Sam is not especially familiar with all spectrums of sexual orientation and doesn't realize that this is not something to say because it can be violent for some people who don't feel sexual attraction or sexual desire*
*In this frame, I try to explain the romanticization of rape culture present in the series. The temporal kiss needs to be resituated in the timeline:
Carter declines Jack's invitation to go fishing in 3x22.
Then she declines again in 4x01.
In 4x05 with the Zatarc test, she tells him that she doesn't want it to come out of this room (implied: we never talk about it again).
In 4x06: Jack is depressed and finds himself living on the same day. He bad, he talks to himself once she leaves:
CARTER I'm going to go run a few simulations.
[She gets up and leaves O'Neill to finish his coffee.]
O'NEILL You run...simulate...let me know how it turns out...keep me posted.
[He puts his cup down.]
O'NEILL Keep me apprised.
[He closes his eyes.]
At the end of episode 4x10, Jack regrets that she calls him by his rank, and she looks at him blankly, confirming his request in 4x05. (knowing that she has no idea that he kissed her in 4x06)
The absence of an explicit "NO" does not mean "YES." It's not an invitation to do something.
Add the fact that he looks at his watch for zero consequences.
Add that he waits until the last moment, without having asked her after resigning "is it okay, can we talk about it?"
Add the over-representation that women's "no" means "yes" in film.
He could have resigned at the beginning of the loops, asked her to talk about it, and accepted her answer whether it was "yes" or "NO," but definitely not done anything until the loops were broken.
And I repeat, legally, the fact that she is liked or not is not the issue. The issue is the representation of this scene in relation to the speculators, who assume it's ok to kiss a woman by surprise, without her consent, when she declined several times before, confirmed her refusal after, and never knew about this kiss/sexual assault. The goal of my work is to highlight the things that are hyper-advanced for the time, but the totally rotten representations that have mindfucked our brains*
*Talking about what's wrong can hurt, but it also serves to put things back on track*
*Video: Apologizing doesn't solve everything. Think ahead (source)*
*Illustration: fragile masculinity (source)*
CW: *psychophobia* *mention of sexual assault*
From the moment she walked into the room and saw them, she sensed the trap. Jack, Bell and Alexander were waiting for her around the table.
Sam walked towards them with a little more hesitation: You sent for me, sir?
Jack: Carter, sit down.
She sat down in front of the two doctors and smiled politely. He motioned to Bell to begin.
Bell, quietly: Colonel, based on your evaluation, we feel that you would benefit from long-term counseling.
Sam, calmly: I'm fine, really.
Bell: I doubt that.
Sam: Look, I'm sorry I left in a hurry last time. But I assure you that-
Bell: You said you were in favor of the procedure that was put in place. Would you agree that if one of your colleagues needed help, you would encourage them for support?
Sam spoke directly to Jack: I am fit for duty, sir. And given the situation in Atlantis, we're wasting valuable time. These people don't know 10% of what we've been doing here for years. (she looked at the doctors) I suggest you finish reading all the reports before-
Jack, firmly: I advise you to be very careful about the next comment you make.
She took a deep breath and looked away to regain her composure. He motioned to Bell to speak again, rather reassured by the doctors' decision given her response.
Bell, quietly but very uncomfortably: I can't force a person to go to therapy, I can only suggest it and tell you that I think it will help you. (Sam remained silent as Bell opened her file) Over the past few years, you have endured numerous tortures, physical and mental, (Sam sank into her seat and rolled her eyes) abductions, forced medical trials, several deaths of relatives-
Sam: Every time we go through the Stargate it's a calculated risk.
Jack frowned, having heard her say that before: Carter, anyone would have gone crazy long ago.
Bell and Alexander frowned at this remark.
Sam raised her voice: I'm fine!
Jack lowered his head and whispered: Sam.
He winced and looked at her. She gritted her teeth and her breathing quickened. Something had happened and both doctors realized that the person Jack had told Bell about when they first met was Sam. The person Jack had raped and assaulted in these time loops was her. Bell swallowed and closed her eyes to think. One could add this huge trauma to his long list. Alexander thought of a way to calm the situation. Meanwhile, Sam and Jack were glaring at each other. She was furious. How dare he, she repeated over and over in her head, and he was the one talking about a potential fear of control over her, really? And hadn't they discussed the day before that she didn't like the signs of their relationship in the workplace?
Alexander, softly: I also think it would be a good idea to have the hypnosis sessions with Dr. Williams present from now on.
Bell resumed Alexander's tone and negotiated: Just a few sessions.
Sam looked at them: You're asking?
Jack gritted his teeth: Carter.
Alexander confirmed her question: We're asking.
Sam to Alexander and Bell: So I have a choice? (to Jack) I can walk away right now?
Alexander and Bell: Yes.
Jack firmly: No.
The two doctors' faces broke down instantly. Sam's eyes widened at his reaction, then frowned at the memory she had just relieved, but differently. It wasn't him that day. Bell flicked her gaze back and forth between the two soldiers. Sam looked totally lost in thought and Jack seemed to be boiling inside.
Alexander: We'd like you to come with us…
Bell continued his sentence: …But it's up to you.
Sam looked up at them. Good God. She really had been through this before. She looked at each person at the table quickly. Bell saw that Jack was about to explode and ventured to intervene to calm the situation.
Bell swallowed and raised a hand slowly: My Gen-
Jack, in a firm tone: Colonel Carter, due to your psychological evolution I am forced to relieve you from active duty immediately.
Sam, shocked, softly: What?
Alexander growls: đồ ngốc!
Bell swallowed with difficulty and lowered her head.
Jack: Until you decide to take things more seriously. Dr. Williams and Dr. Dang will be responsible for notifying me when they feel you are fit to return to duty. (she gasped with hatred and he stood up) You may continue your work here and you are allowed to sleep off the base, but in the meantime the next SG-1 missions are postponed.
Sam in a calmer tone, controlling herself: General, if I may-
Jack, more and more sternly: No, you may not. And if you insist, I'll confine you to your quarters. Have I made my orders clear, Colonel?
Sam gritted her teeth and tried to channel her rage: Very clear, General. (she stood up) Am I dismissed, General?
He waved his hand and she left. There was a heavy silence in the meeting room.
Bell, cautious: When you gave me the go-ahead not to go back on my instructions, my Gen-
Jack, walking to his desk, annoyed: Well, I'm still waiting for your results. (to himself) We're wasting valuable time.
Echo:
*I'm fine, really. / I'm fine!*
*We're wasting valuable time.*
*General, if I may - No, you may not.*
*Have I made my orders clear, Colonel? - Very clear, General.*
*You're asking? / We're asking.*
*I am fit for duty, sir. / they feel you are fit to return to duty.*
Notes:
*You will understand Jack's behavior later*
*translation of Vietnamese "đồ ngốc": "stupid "*
From the moment she walked into the room and saw them, she sensed the trap. Jack, Bell and Alexander were waiting for her around the table.
Sam walked towards them with a little more hesitation: You sent for me, sir?
Jack: Carter, sit down.
She sat down in front of the two doctors and smiled politely. He motioned to Bell to begin.
Bell, quietly: Colonel, based on your evaluation, we feel that you would benefit from long-term counseling.
Sam, calmly: I'm fine, really.
Bell: I doubt that.
Sam: Look, I'm sorry I left in a hurry last time. But I assure you that-
Bell: You said you were in favor of the procedure that was put in place. Would you agree that if one of your colleagues needed help, you would encourage them for support?
Sam spoke directly to Jack: I am fit for duty, sir. And given the situation in Atlantis, we're wasting valuable time. These people don't know 10% of what we've been doing here for years. (she looked at the doctors) I suggest you finish reading all the reports before-
Jack, firmly: I advise you to be very careful about the next comment you make.
She took a deep breath and looked away to regain her composure. He motioned to Bell to speak again, rather reassured by the doctors' decision given her response.
Bell, quietly but very uncomfortably: I can't force a person to go to therapy, I can only suggest it and tell you that I think it will help you. (Sam remained silent as Bell opened her file) Over the past few years, you have endured numerous tortures, physical and mental, (Sam sank into her seat and rolled her eyes) abductions, forced medical trials, several deaths of relatives-
Sam: Every time we go through the Stargate it's a calculated risk.
Jack frowned, having heard her say that before: Carter, anyone would have gone crazy long ago.
Bell and Alexander frowned at this remark.
Sam raised her voice: I'm fine!
Jack lowered his head and whispered: Sam.
He winced and looked at her. She gritted her teeth and her breathing quickened. Something had happened and both doctors realized that the person Jack had told Bell about when they first met was Sam. The person Jack had raped and assaulted in these time loops was her. Bell swallowed and closed her eyes to think. One could add this huge trauma to his long list. Alexander thought of a way to calm the situation. Meanwhile, Sam and Jack were glaring at each other. She was furious. How dare he, she repeated over and over in her head, and he was the one talking about a potential fear of control over her, really? And hadn't they discussed the day before that she didn't like the signs of their relationship in the workplace?
Alexander, softly: I also think it would be a good idea to have the hypnosis sessions with Dr. Williams present from now on.
Bell resumed Alexander's tone and negotiated: Just a few sessions.
Sam looked at them: You're asking?
Jack gritted his teeth: Carter.
Alexander confirmed her question: We're asking.
Sam to Alexander and Bell: So I have a choice? (to Jack) I can walk away right now?
Alexander and Bell: Yes.
Jack firmly: No.
The two doctors' faces broke down instantly. Sam's eyes widened at his reaction, then frowned at the memory she had just relieved, but differently. It wasn't him that day. Bell flicked her gaze back and forth between the two soldiers. Sam looked totally lost in thought and Jack seemed to be boiling inside.
Alexander: We'd like you to come with us…
Bell continued his sentence: …But it's up to you.
Sam looked up at them. Good God. She really had been through this before. She looked at each person at the table quickly. Bell saw that Jack was about to explode and ventured to intervene to calm the situation.
Bell swallowed and raised a hand slowly: My Gen-
Jack, in a firm tone: Colonel Carter, due to your psychological evolution I am forced to relieve you from active duty immediately.
Sam, shocked, softly: What?
Alexander growls: đồ ngốc!
Bell swallowed with difficulty and lowered her head.
Jack: Until you decide to take things more seriously. Dr. Williams and Dr. Dang will be responsible for notifying me when they feel you are fit to return to duty. (she gasped with hatred and he stood up) You may continue your work here and you are allowed to sleep off the base, but in the meantime the next SG-1 missions are postponed.
Sam in a calmer tone, controlling herself: General, if I may-
Jack, more and more sternly: No, you may not. And if you insist, I'll confine you to your quarters. Have I made my orders clear, Colonel?
Sam gritted her teeth and tried to channel her rage: Very clear, General. (she stood up) Am I dismissed, General?
He waved his hand and she left. There was a heavy silence in the meeting room.
Bell, cautious: When you gave me the go-ahead not to go back on my instructions, my Gen-
Jack, walking to his desk, annoyed: Well, I'm still waiting for your results. (to himself) We're wasting valuable time.
Echo:
*I'm fine, really. / I'm fine!*
*We're wasting valuable time.*
*General, if I may - No, you may not.*
*Have I made my orders clear, Colonel? - Very clear, General.*
*You're asking? / We're asking.*
*I am fit for duty, sir. / they feel you are fit to return to duty.*
Notes:
*You will understand Jack's behavior later*
*translation of Vietnamese "đồ ngốc": "stupid "*
CW: *drug mention* *killing mention*
Alexander saw her and went towards her.
Alexander nodded toward the cameras: Shall we go to the surface for two minutes?
Anang: Okay. (Once outside, he lit a cigarette and she looked at him with a hint of concern, knowing that if he was smoking, it’s because he was tense) What's going on?
Alexander, after taking several puffs: Can you go talk to Colonel Carter?
Anang took the cigarette he was holding out to him and took a drag: What's going on?
Alexander: She's refusing therapy. General O'Neill has laid her off until she accepts. (She winced and handed him the cigarette) Yeah. Apparently she's not responsive at all during the sessions with Bell and I don't think she'll even come to mine at all now. I might have an idea of how to help her.
Anang: Don't worry, I'll take care of it. (He smoked again) Are you okay?
Alexander looked down: I didn't like that order. I don't know if it'll do any good.
Anang shrugged: We'll see.
Alexander nodded and hesitated, nervous: I heard about the killing. Are you okay?
Anang shook her head: I don't want to talk about it.
Echo:
*What's going on?*
*Are you okay?*
*Can you go talk / I don't want to talk about it.*
*She's refusing / she accepts.*
Alexander saw her and went towards her.
Alexander nodded toward the cameras: Shall we go to the surface for two minutes?
Anang: Okay. (Once outside, he lit a cigarette and she looked at him with a hint of concern, knowing that if he was smoking, it’s because he was tense) What's going on?
Alexander, after taking several puffs: Can you go talk to Colonel Carter?
Anang took the cigarette he was holding out to him and took a drag: What's going on?
Alexander: She's refusing therapy. General O'Neill has laid her off until she accepts. (She winced and handed him the cigarette) Yeah. Apparently she's not responsive at all during the sessions with Bell and I don't think she'll even come to mine at all now. I might have an idea of how to help her.
Anang: Don't worry, I'll take care of it. (He smoked again) Are you okay?
Alexander looked down: I didn't like that order. I don't know if it'll do any good.
Anang shrugged: We'll see.
Alexander nodded and hesitated, nervous: I heard about the killing. Are you okay?
Anang shook her head: I don't want to talk about it.
Echo:
*What's going on?*
*Are you okay?*
*Can you go talk / I don't want to talk about it.*
*She's refusing / she accepts.*
CW: *colonization* *death penalty mention* *genocide mention* *racism*
Anang entered the office, froze and looked around: Wow.
Daniel smiled: To what do I owe this pleasure Mrs. Medweganoonind?
Anang: Anang.
Daniel nodded: Anang.
Anang: I'm looking for Colonel Carter.
Daniel: At her lab?
Anang shook her head: I've just come from there.
He picked up the phone and asked if anyone knew where she was.
Daniel, a few seconds later: Okay, thanks. (He hung up) Room B3.
Anang winced: Level...?
Daniel: 19. All these places look the same, it's a bit normal to confuse them. Shall I come with you?
Anang: I'll find it, thanks. (she pointed to the phone) I'll think about it next time.
He smiled gently at her. She took a few steps toward the exit, winced, turned and approached him.
Daniel looked up from his reading of the Ancient database: Hmm?
Anang pointed to all the artifacts on her shelves: Artifacts from your missions?
Daniel smiled: And you haven't seen my apartment.
She winced, he frowned and questioned her with his eyes.
Anang looked at the objects: And... are they useful to you in understanding alien technology, Mister Jones?
Daniel winced slightly at the reference that reminded him of Catherine's death: Oh no, more like the search for understanding of their cultures. Most of them are works of art, like here on Earth. The books are scanned and sent to the archaeological department. Some less important ones are available in the base library. (she frowned and he added cautiously, a nervous smile on his lips) But I sense that wasn't the answer you were expecting.
Anang forced a smile: Are you going to put them in their place afterwards?
Daniel, puzzled: "in their place”?
Anang turned to a shelf and looked at the objects: Where you found them.
Daniel frowned: That's not expected. Many come from worlds where there are no people left. They were left behind or the civilizations died out.
Anang touched the bows hanging on the wall: All of them?
Daniel: Not all of them, no. Forgive me, but what is your point?
Anang turned to him: Looting of indigenous cultures?
Daniel raised his finger to her to argue, but his gaze darted between her and the bows behind her back: You're talking about the works stolen from Earth by the colonists (she nodded). I read an article on the subject recently. This is the concept of "decolonizing arts", right? The descendants steal the works from the museums and return them to the museums in their countries.
Anang smiled wryly: This is not a concept (She put her thumb on her shoulder to point to the bows behind her) And it's not stealing when the object belongs to us.
Daniel tilted his head: Right.
Anang smiled wryly and headed for the exit: Well, I have to-
Daniel: Oh wait, wait! (she turned around but no longer hid her annoyance) You should read the report from PXY- 887. I thought about it the other day when I met you. Given your Indigenous origins, you-
Anang corrected him: "Indigenous" is a term that only we can use. Reappropriation. You should say “Native of what we now call America”.
Daniel, astonished: Ah.
Anang insists: Never “American Indian”.
Daniel remembered something: Turtle Island. (she raised her eyebrows in surprise and he grimaced) I confess that I don't have enough time to catch up on the social advances here. Forgive me.
Anang nodded, walked over to the desk and put her forearms on it: It's normal not to know everything, especially in a society controlled by a handful of people representing only a part of the population. The most important thing is to remember that the subject is not oneself or one's personal comfort, but the search for understanding of the other. Learn to be silent and listen to the victims, to document oneself, to question oneself about the world. Apologies are good, actions are better. (She glared at him) Besides, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Daniel nodded and adjusted his glasses on his nose: PXY- 887. We discover- (he corrected himself) Met (she smiled at him with a hint of irony) a civilization from native peoples of Earth, of what we now call North America to be exact, that coexisted with another alien race.
Anang, surprised, straightened up slightly: Oh?
Daniel: They have evolved enormously in the space of 500 years.
Anang grinned: Hmm. "Evolved”.
Daniel: Hmm?
Anang moved her hand: Personally I don't care if a civilization is considered (she made quotation marks with her fingers) "more evolved" if it continues to have liberticidal laws. (she moved her hand) Death penalty, genocide, oil war...
Daniel nodded: Unfortunately, few people see it that way. (She smiled broadly and ironically) The aliens had taken on the appearance of the beliefs of these people and were posing as their spirits. Like totem animals (she questioned him with her eyes, he moved a hand) Wolf, raven...
Anang's eyes widened: What? That's horrible!
Daniel tilted his head and winced: Maybe, maybe not. The aliens have been protecting them for years. (she rolled her eyes and straightened up, showing her desire to leave this conversation) In the end they decided to keep their true appearances so that they would no longer lie to them and continue living in harmony with them.
Anang took a few seconds to think about all this information: PXY-?
Daniel: 887.
Anang nodded and tapped the table: Thank you. (she turned towards the exit) I really need to find Colonel Carter.
Daniel, concerned: Is this related to SG1 being mobilized to the base?
Anang: I don't know about that. I have no authority, I'm just a pain in the ass. (He dodges a smile) Goodbye, Doctor Jackson.
Daniel: Daniel.
Anang: Daniel.
Echo:
*They have evolved enormously / Evolved / more evolved*
*This is the concept of / This is not a concept*
*Maybe, maybe not.*
*The descendants steal / And it's not stealing*
*in their place(x2)*
*Right? / Right.*
*I'll find it, thanks. / Where you found them. / I really need to find *
*when I met you. / We discover- (he corrected himself) Met*
*“Native of what we now call America”. / of what we now call North America to be exact*
*All of them? - Not all of them, no*
*more like the search for understanding of their cultures / the search for understanding of the other*
*It's normal not to know everything / I don't know about that.*
*Pardon me (x2) / Apologies are good*
Notes:
*The word "totem" comes from Ojibwe, which is one of the main languages of the Ojibwe from which Anang is descended*
*the paragraph is constructed like the scene between Weir and Daniel: The paragraph opens with Anang telling Daniel to call him "Anang", closes with Daniel telling him to call him "Daniel ", and it’s about calling such and such an ethnic group*
*I recall that Daniel is an archaeologist, and he insists that the artifacts never be moved before he or his colleagues can study them. That he speaks about this subject, and understands it, is not inconsistent*
*Article: Egypt demands return of Rosetta Stone, work stolen by the British (source)*
*Article: A Paris Museum Has 18,000 Skulls. It’s Reluctant to Say Whose. (source)*
*Video: don't talk to me about decolonization (source)*
Anang entered the office, froze and looked around: Wow.
Daniel smiled: To what do I owe this pleasure Mrs. Medweganoonind?
Anang: Anang.
Daniel nodded: Anang.
Anang: I'm looking for Colonel Carter.
Daniel: At her lab?
Anang shook her head: I've just come from there.
He picked up the phone and asked if anyone knew where she was.
Daniel, a few seconds later: Okay, thanks. (He hung up) Room B3.
Anang winced: Level...?
Daniel: 19. All these places look the same, it's a bit normal to confuse them. Shall I come with you?
Anang: I'll find it, thanks. (she pointed to the phone) I'll think about it next time.
He smiled gently at her. She took a few steps toward the exit, winced, turned and approached him.
Daniel looked up from his reading of the Ancient database: Hmm?
Anang pointed to all the artifacts on her shelves: Artifacts from your missions?
Daniel smiled: And you haven't seen my apartment.
She winced, he frowned and questioned her with his eyes.
Anang looked at the objects: And... are they useful to you in understanding alien technology, Mister Jones?
Daniel winced slightly at the reference that reminded him of Catherine's death: Oh no, more like the search for understanding of their cultures. Most of them are works of art, like here on Earth. The books are scanned and sent to the archaeological department. Some less important ones are available in the base library. (she frowned and he added cautiously, a nervous smile on his lips) But I sense that wasn't the answer you were expecting.
Anang forced a smile: Are you going to put them in their place afterwards?
Daniel, puzzled: "in their place”?
Anang turned to a shelf and looked at the objects: Where you found them.
Daniel frowned: That's not expected. Many come from worlds where there are no people left. They were left behind or the civilizations died out.
Anang touched the bows hanging on the wall: All of them?
Daniel: Not all of them, no. Forgive me, but what is your point?
Anang turned to him: Looting of indigenous cultures?
Daniel raised his finger to her to argue, but his gaze darted between her and the bows behind her back: You're talking about the works stolen from Earth by the colonists (she nodded). I read an article on the subject recently. This is the concept of "decolonizing arts", right? The descendants steal the works from the museums and return them to the museums in their countries.
Anang smiled wryly: This is not a concept (She put her thumb on her shoulder to point to the bows behind her) And it's not stealing when the object belongs to us.
Daniel tilted his head: Right.
Anang smiled wryly and headed for the exit: Well, I have to-
Daniel: Oh wait, wait! (she turned around but no longer hid her annoyance) You should read the report from PXY- 887. I thought about it the other day when I met you. Given your Indigenous origins, you-
Anang corrected him: "Indigenous" is a term that only we can use. Reappropriation. You should say “Native of what we now call America”.
Daniel, astonished: Ah.
Anang insists: Never “American Indian”.
Daniel remembered something: Turtle Island. (she raised her eyebrows in surprise and he grimaced) I confess that I don't have enough time to catch up on the social advances here. Forgive me.
Anang nodded, walked over to the desk and put her forearms on it: It's normal not to know everything, especially in a society controlled by a handful of people representing only a part of the population. The most important thing is to remember that the subject is not oneself or one's personal comfort, but the search for understanding of the other. Learn to be silent and listen to the victims, to document oneself, to question oneself about the world. Apologies are good, actions are better. (She glared at him) Besides, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Daniel nodded and adjusted his glasses on his nose: PXY- 887. We discover- (he corrected himself) Met (she smiled at him with a hint of irony) a civilization from native peoples of Earth, of what we now call North America to be exact, that coexisted with another alien race.
Anang, surprised, straightened up slightly: Oh?
Daniel: They have evolved enormously in the space of 500 years.
Anang grinned: Hmm. "Evolved”.
Daniel: Hmm?
Anang moved her hand: Personally I don't care if a civilization is considered (she made quotation marks with her fingers) "more evolved" if it continues to have liberticidal laws. (she moved her hand) Death penalty, genocide, oil war...
Daniel nodded: Unfortunately, few people see it that way. (She smiled broadly and ironically) The aliens had taken on the appearance of the beliefs of these people and were posing as their spirits. Like totem animals (she questioned him with her eyes, he moved a hand) Wolf, raven...
Anang's eyes widened: What? That's horrible!
Daniel tilted his head and winced: Maybe, maybe not. The aliens have been protecting them for years. (she rolled her eyes and straightened up, showing her desire to leave this conversation) In the end they decided to keep their true appearances so that they would no longer lie to them and continue living in harmony with them.
Anang took a few seconds to think about all this information: PXY-?
Daniel: 887.
Anang nodded and tapped the table: Thank you. (she turned towards the exit) I really need to find Colonel Carter.
Daniel, concerned: Is this related to SG1 being mobilized to the base?
Anang: I don't know about that. I have no authority, I'm just a pain in the ass. (He dodges a smile) Goodbye, Doctor Jackson.
Daniel: Daniel.
Anang: Daniel.
Echo:
*They have evolved enormously / Evolved / more evolved*
*This is the concept of / This is not a concept*
*Maybe, maybe not.*
*The descendants steal / And it's not stealing*
*in their place(x2)*
*Right? / Right.*
*I'll find it, thanks. / Where you found them. / I really need to find *
*when I met you. / We discover- (he corrected himself) Met*
*“Native of what we now call America”. / of what we now call North America to be exact*
*All of them? - Not all of them, no*
*more like the search for understanding of their cultures / the search for understanding of the other*
*It's normal not to know everything / I don't know about that.*
*Pardon me (x2) / Apologies are good*
Notes:
*The word "totem" comes from Ojibwe, which is one of the main languages of the Ojibwe from which Anang is descended*
*the paragraph is constructed like the scene between Weir and Daniel: The paragraph opens with Anang telling Daniel to call him "Anang", closes with Daniel telling him to call him "Daniel ", and it’s about calling such and such an ethnic group*
*I recall that Daniel is an archaeologist, and he insists that the artifacts never be moved before he or his colleagues can study them. That he speaks about this subject, and understands it, is not inconsistent*
*Article: Egypt demands return of Rosetta Stone, work stolen by the British (source)*
*Article: A Paris Museum Has 18,000 Skulls. It’s Reluctant to Say Whose. (source)*
*Video: don't talk to me about decolonization (source)*
She turned into the hallway and saw the elevator doors closing.
Anang ran: Wait wait wait!
The person inside quickly put his hand between the doors: Ouuuchhh!
The doors opened on Siler shaking his hand and Anang entered the cabin.
Anang blurted out: Sorry, sorry.
Siler: It's okay. I'm used to it. (He smiled at her to reassure her and showed her his hand) I'm okay. (She pressed her floor and there was a long silence) Do you know who invented automatic elevator doors?
She closed her eyes.
Echo:
*previous paragraph "Oh wait, wait!"/ Wait wait wait!*
*Sorry, sorry*
*It's okay / I’m okay*
*running gag of the inventor of automatic elevator doors*
Anang ran: Wait wait wait!
The person inside quickly put his hand between the doors: Ouuuchhh!
The doors opened on Siler shaking his hand and Anang entered the cabin.
Anang blurted out: Sorry, sorry.
Siler: It's okay. I'm used to it. (He smiled at her to reassure her and showed her his hand) I'm okay. (She pressed her floor and there was a long silence) Do you know who invented automatic elevator doors?
She closed her eyes.
Echo:
*previous paragraph "Oh wait, wait!"/ Wait wait wait!*
*Sorry, sorry*
*It's okay / I’m okay*
*running gag of the inventor of automatic elevator doors*
CW: *gun* *racism* *colonial adoption*
The military was testing a new small-caliber for the P90, not yet on the market.
Anang, between two shots: I hear you must have had a hard time adopting the new procedure?
Sam: Who sent you?
Anang frowned: Does it matter? (Sam resumed firing. Anang cringed at the deafening sound of the shots in this enclosed space and tried to make herself heard) Can you stop, please? (Sam put the gun down hard on the table and glared at her. Anang lost patience) If that wasn't clear enough, we're here to help.
Sam tensed: I don't need help.
Anang: What? Trying to prove you're the strongest? Good for ya, you are.
Sam, her eyes full of fury: I advise you not to-
Anang: You believe that your traumas are proof that there is something wrong with you. This isn’t true for two reasons: First, these things were done to you. It is not your fault. Second, your past, your broken parts if you will, are beautiful. It's what made you a worthy and compassionate person.
Sam froze, surprised at the turn of this conversation: I... I....
Anang: Xander has been there in some very dark times in my life. I was adopted, you know? (Sam shook her head shyly) I was not abandoned as I was led to believe. (she insisted) I was kidnapped.
Sam frowned: What?
Anang: I don't even know if my parents are still alive. (she moved her hand nervously) You have such an idealized view of adoption. (with sarcasm) That my new parents were so good to take me in! My biological parents must not have liked me or they would never have abandoned me. But at the same time, seeing how I am and who I am, I must have deserved it. My fault, isn't it? (she looked away for a moment and tried to calm her ragged breathing) Later, Xander helped me, he taught me to accept where I come from and who I am. That the pain I've experienced is not normal. You can trust him. (Sam swallowed and looked away, then thought it was rude to confide so much, and forced her gaze back into her) Xander trusts Bell, so I trust her. (she headed for the door) Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Trust us.
Echo:
*between shots / at the deafening sound of the shots / small-caliber*
*You believe that… / as I was led to believe*
* we're here to help. -bI don't need help. / Xander helped me / Asking for help*
*You can trust him. / Xander trusts Bell, so I trust her. / Trust us.*
*You are the strongest? / is not a sign of weakness*
*It is not your fault / My fault, isn't it?*
* seeing how I am and who I am / where I come from and who I am.*
* I was not abandoned / they would never have abandoned me.*
*Once again, I play on the word "deserve "*
*In one of the previous paragraphs, Bell says "You said you were in favor of the procedure that was put in place. " / I hear you must have had a hard time adopting the new procedure?*
*hard time adopting / I was adopted, you know? / You have such an idealized view of adoption.*
Notes:
*Video: Example of illegal adoption and racism (source)*
*Information on P90 cartridges (source)*
*Activist account: Changing adoption (source)*
*Article: The realities of raising a child of a different race (source)*
*Article: 9 reasons why the (international) transracial adoption system should be abolished (source)*
*Article: Why Race and Politics Play Major Roles in Transracial Adoptions (source)*
The military was testing a new small-caliber for the P90, not yet on the market.
Anang, between two shots: I hear you must have had a hard time adopting the new procedure?
Sam: Who sent you?
Anang frowned: Does it matter? (Sam resumed firing. Anang cringed at the deafening sound of the shots in this enclosed space and tried to make herself heard) Can you stop, please? (Sam put the gun down hard on the table and glared at her. Anang lost patience) If that wasn't clear enough, we're here to help.
Sam tensed: I don't need help.
Anang: What? Trying to prove you're the strongest? Good for ya, you are.
Sam, her eyes full of fury: I advise you not to-
Anang: You believe that your traumas are proof that there is something wrong with you. This isn’t true for two reasons: First, these things were done to you. It is not your fault. Second, your past, your broken parts if you will, are beautiful. It's what made you a worthy and compassionate person.
Sam froze, surprised at the turn of this conversation: I... I....
Anang: Xander has been there in some very dark times in my life. I was adopted, you know? (Sam shook her head shyly) I was not abandoned as I was led to believe. (she insisted) I was kidnapped.
Sam frowned: What?
Anang: I don't even know if my parents are still alive. (she moved her hand nervously) You have such an idealized view of adoption. (with sarcasm) That my new parents were so good to take me in! My biological parents must not have liked me or they would never have abandoned me. But at the same time, seeing how I am and who I am, I must have deserved it. My fault, isn't it? (she looked away for a moment and tried to calm her ragged breathing) Later, Xander helped me, he taught me to accept where I come from and who I am. That the pain I've experienced is not normal. You can trust him. (Sam swallowed and looked away, then thought it was rude to confide so much, and forced her gaze back into her) Xander trusts Bell, so I trust her. (she headed for the door) Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Trust us.
Echo:
*between shots / at the deafening sound of the shots / small-caliber*
*You believe that… / as I was led to believe*
* we're here to help. -bI don't need help. / Xander helped me / Asking for help*
*You can trust him. / Xander trusts Bell, so I trust her. / Trust us.*
*You are the strongest? / is not a sign of weakness*
*It is not your fault / My fault, isn't it?*
* seeing how I am and who I am / where I come from and who I am.*
* I was not abandoned / they would never have abandoned me.*
*Once again, I play on the word "deserve "*
*In one of the previous paragraphs, Bell says "You said you were in favor of the procedure that was put in place. " / I hear you must have had a hard time adopting the new procedure?*
*hard time adopting / I was adopted, you know? / You have such an idealized view of adoption.*
Notes:
*Video: Example of illegal adoption and racism (source)*
*Information on P90 cartridges (source)*
*Activist account: Changing adoption (source)*
*Article: The realities of raising a child of a different race (source)*
*Article: 9 reasons why the (international) transracial adoption system should be abolished (source)*
*Article: Why Race and Politics Play Major Roles in Transracial Adoptions (source)*
CW: *no consent*
(Text message) Jack: Can we talk? (his phone rang in his hands and he picked it up) Hey.
(TEL) Sam: Hey.
(TEL) Jack, cautious: Can we talk (he insisted) in person?
(TEL) Sam, fearful: I won't waste your time, sir. I-
(TEL) Jack frowned: What? Carter, you're not-
(TEL) Sam: I... You didn't have to hire extra staff for me. (she insisted but her voice remained fragile) I never asked you to do that.
(TEL) Jack hesitated and repeated to himself: I am responsible for you.
(TEL) Sam gritted her teeth in his paternalistic way and held back tears of anger and sadness: Stop. Please stop. Stop going through my confidential files and stop ordering me to do something I don't want to do. Stop promising to wait until I'm ready for something like this when you-
She fell silent, unable to continue without crying, and she gasped for air. He winced to feel her on the verge of tears but also from her point of view.
(TEL) Jack tried to calm her down and whispered: I'm doing what I can to help you.
(TEL) Sam: I know but... I never asked you to do that. Good night, sir.
She hung up with a heavy heart and he respected her wish to get away from him, as she did so often.
Echo:
*Can we talk?(x2)*
*stop*
*to do something / for something like this *
*I never asked you to do that. *
*in an earlier paragraph, Alexander tells Jack "Take your responsibility."*
Notes:
*In my chapter 7, Sam at the Academy gets this warning via the board of directors "General: But for that, you'll have to stop wasting our precious time, Cadet."
In my chapter 9, when O'neill lays her off, there is an echo in that "we're wasting valuable time" paragraph.
In this paragraph, Sam tells him "I won't waste your time / promising to wait*
*Remember that Carter's character is written as if she always needs more time. This is certainly a running gag in the show, but it can also be a trauma. Accepting that you need help is a complicated step in psychology. Besides, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved*
*If Fifth tried to make her believe when he was in her mind pretending to be Pete, that she had a nervous breakdown, it's something that scares her. He manipulates her that way. She also had a fearful behavior of being thought “crazy” for working too hard in the episode with Orlin in season 5*
*This paragraph serves to make my point about who pays for the care of the victims: Jack is right to have hired additional staff for all the people on the base who would need it, he is responsible through his position as General and it should not be the victims who pay for their therapy, but the people responsible directly or indirectly for their trauma. Unfortunately in our reality, this is not.*
*Video: Therapies are very expensive (source)*
(Text message) Jack: Can we talk? (his phone rang in his hands and he picked it up) Hey.
(TEL) Sam: Hey.
(TEL) Jack, cautious: Can we talk (he insisted) in person?
(TEL) Sam, fearful: I won't waste your time, sir. I-
(TEL) Jack frowned: What? Carter, you're not-
(TEL) Sam: I... You didn't have to hire extra staff for me. (she insisted but her voice remained fragile) I never asked you to do that.
(TEL) Jack hesitated and repeated to himself: I am responsible for you.
(TEL) Sam gritted her teeth in his paternalistic way and held back tears of anger and sadness: Stop. Please stop. Stop going through my confidential files and stop ordering me to do something I don't want to do. Stop promising to wait until I'm ready for something like this when you-
She fell silent, unable to continue without crying, and she gasped for air. He winced to feel her on the verge of tears but also from her point of view.
(TEL) Jack tried to calm her down and whispered: I'm doing what I can to help you.
(TEL) Sam: I know but... I never asked you to do that. Good night, sir.
She hung up with a heavy heart and he respected her wish to get away from him, as she did so often.
Echo:
*Can we talk?(x2)*
*stop*
*to do something / for something like this *
*I never asked you to do that. *
*in an earlier paragraph, Alexander tells Jack "Take your responsibility."*
Notes:
*In my chapter 7, Sam at the Academy gets this warning via the board of directors "General: But for that, you'll have to stop wasting our precious time, Cadet."
In my chapter 9, when O'neill lays her off, there is an echo in that "we're wasting valuable time" paragraph.
In this paragraph, Sam tells him "I won't waste your time / promising to wait*
*Remember that Carter's character is written as if she always needs more time. This is certainly a running gag in the show, but it can also be a trauma. Accepting that you need help is a complicated step in psychology. Besides, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved*
*If Fifth tried to make her believe when he was in her mind pretending to be Pete, that she had a nervous breakdown, it's something that scares her. He manipulates her that way. She also had a fearful behavior of being thought “crazy” for working too hard in the episode with Orlin in season 5*
*This paragraph serves to make my point about who pays for the care of the victims: Jack is right to have hired additional staff for all the people on the base who would need it, he is responsible through his position as General and it should not be the victims who pay for their therapy, but the people responsible directly or indirectly for their trauma. Unfortunately in our reality, this is not.*
*Video: Therapies are very expensive (source)*
CW: *sexism* *racism* *mention of motherhood* *mention of torture* *mention of sexual violence* *mention of manipulation* *mention of stalking*
Bell: About our last session, Colonel Carter, I’m sorr-
Sam shook her head: I'm the one who's sorry.
Bell nodded: I apologize too. I know how hard it is to be a woman, especially in a man's world.
Sam smiled wryly, remembering that echo: "A man's world"?
Bell: Yes?
Sam, surprised and slightly annoyed: You think the Air Force is exclusively for men?
Bell frowned: I didn't say that. The majority of people are men. (She insisted) Your superiors are all men. Haven't you noticed that?
Sam tilted her head: Dr. Weir ran this base for a few weeks, she's now the head of Atlantis.
Bell's head in her file: A civilian. "A few weeks." Now in another galaxy. (she looked at her and a wry smile crossed her face) Nice example, isn't it? Women in the U.S. military last year made up 14.6 percent of the active duty force. (she tilted her head) Men and women combined, 64% are white. (she looked at her) You want the percentage of black women?
Sam swallowed and shook her head. Bell looked at the statistics for a moment. Sam looked away, lost in thought. She knew the doctor was right.
Bell seemed to pick up on something, looked at her and asked more quietly: If you don't want to answer my next question, it's okay. (Sam questioned her with her eyes, so Bell added more quietly) Do you want children? (Sam widened her eyes, slightly caught off guard, swallowed and nodded) Okay. (She looked at the file on her left for a fraction of a second and then rested her gaze on the file in her hands) If we take last year's data, the number of 36-year-old men in the Air Force having their first child is 103. (She tilted her head) The number of women is 17.
Sam broke down: Yes they... (she cleared her throat and pulled herself together) Eurhm. They have children when they are younger.
Bell: Ummm... You can have kids long after 40, you know? (Sam nodded and Bell picked up the file again) Let's take the highest number then. (She searched for a moment and then found the information) 20 years old. (Sam swallowed) The number of 20 year old women in the Air Force having their first child is 296 compared to... (she looked up at her) 625 for the men.
Sam looked away for a fraction of a second, then back at her: Why are you telling me this?
Bell moistened her lips and spoke softly: If you want a child, don't wait for a man. (Sam raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth slightly. Bell moved her hand and closed the file) They don't wait for us. Have you had any anxiety attacks, signs of depression or outbursts of anger lately? (Sam swallowed, remained silent and looked down. Bell deduced that she really didn't want to answer those kinds of questions) Tell me about your relationship with your father.
Sam shrugged: There's nothing to tell. He's dead.
Bell: You told us when we met that he wanted a son? (Sam nodded, asking why it mattered at all) You joined the Air Force because of him?
Sam glared at her, starting to get tired of bringing it up again: The Air Force is my whole life. I wouldn't be here without it. And you wouldn't be here without it.
Bell smiled gently: Yes, I know that. And thank you for risking your lives for us, you and your colleagues. (The soldier questioned her sincerity and took a deep breath to calm herself. Bell looked for a handwritten note in a file and read it briefly in her head) I'd like us to go back to the replicators if you don't mind.
Sam gritted her teeth: What about them?
Bell read her notes: Your team discovered a robot named Reece. She had the ability to create replicators herself. She considered them as her toys. (Bell looked up at her for confirmation, then back to her notes) You then met a "man" named Fifth. (She asked Sam again to confirm, and he nodded) He began to have feelings for you and a year ago locked you in a virtual world... an ideal reality and took on the appearance of your ex-boyfriend. (She looked up at Sam, nodded again, starting to get really nervous.) Then he created a duplicate of you, which he modulated to his liking. (Bell put down his notes and stared at her) So they have the same pattern.
Sam frowned: What pattern?
Bell raised her eyebrows: They like toys. (Sam opened her mouth slightly at this statement. Bell reread her notes) Reece created her toys, Fifth played with you in a dollhouse, then seeing his toy resist his whims, decided to create another more docile toy. Fifth and RepliCarter were creating billions of replicators in parallel, doing their will. (She put her notes down) It's a control thing to sum up.
Sam swallowed, then finally nodded.
Silence.
Bell winced at her silence, and continued: I'd like to go over what Fifth did to you.
Sam: Yes?
Bell: Physical and mental torture according to your report. (she tried) Was there anything else?
Sam frowned and looked at her questioningly: "Anything else"?
Bell shrugged: It was a teenager in love with you, frustrated that you abandoned him, someone who wanted to control you, who recreated a robot in your image. Maybe he-
Sam gritted her teeth: No sexual abuse, if that's what you're thinking.
Bell nodded slightly: Well... yes. That was my thought. (She smiled gently at him.) I'm reassured that it wasn't.
Bell wrote notes on her index cards. Sam frowned at the memory.
Sam quietly, confused: Or...
Bell looked up sharply at her and encouraged her to continue: "Or..."?
Sam whispered: I don't know.
Bell stared at her and added as softly as possible: You don't know?
Sam grinned: I... I don't think so. I woke up in a nightie in a bed. Pete... (she caught herself) Fifth was implying that we had spent the night together. (quickly) He didn't give me those images.
Bell: In this simulation?
Sam nodded: Yeah. (She shook her head) I don't think he would have done that.
Bell winced and thought for a moment: Would you agree to a hypnosis session in search of buried memories? (Sam swallowed and shook her head. Bell shook hers) Do you still feel under his influence?
Sam froze: I... I was never under his influence. (Bell stared at her and tilted her head, unconvinced. Sam frowned aher reaction) I'm trained for this.
Bell: You trusted this RepliCarter very quickly. (Sam swallowed) Have you been afraid to trust others since?
Sam rolled her eyes: No.
Bell: Yet you don't trust me. (Sam remained silent, almost challenging her with her eyes but trying to repeat Anang's words to herself) And you trust yourself? After all this?
Sam: I am fine.
Bell: I mean... (she moved her hand) She looked like you and not just physically. (the soldier swallowed and looked away. The doctor noted that this was also a sensitive subject for her and tried one last time) Do you blame yourself because RepliCarter and Fifth wiped out the goa'uld overlords in a few weeks while we were at war with them for over 8 years? (Sam moistened her lips with nervousness, looked away. Bell picked up the file) Okay, let's talk about something else. I read that your ex-boyfriend spied on you early in your relationship (she moved a hand in front of her) and then got the clearances on the secrecy of the program.
Sam grimaced: He apologized for that.
Bell: Hmm. (She turned several pages of her file and stopped when she found what she was looking for) A higher being named Orlin broke into your home? (Sam swallowed, realizing she was making an Orlin/Pete connection and remained silent. Bell turned a page.) And this Jonas Hanson?
Sam tensed and took a deep breath: What about him?
Bell put the file down: So you have a pattern that has been building for years.
Sam frowned at the repetition: What pattern?
Bell looked at her puzzled that she hadn't figured it out on her own: You're running into men who are trying to control you.
Sam half-opened her mouth in shock. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. Bell realized she had hit the nail on the head and winced slightly.
Bell scribbled a few words on her folder: We'll work on that if you don't mind. Just remember it's not your fault. (she looked up at her) I'd like to get back to that Hanson. (Sam opened her eyes again but refused to look the Doctor in the eye. Bell sensed that something was wrong) Did you meet him at the Academy? (Sam was silent) Can you tell me why you broke off your engagement with him too? (Sam remained silent) Look, really, it's not a punishment and I know the process can be very painful for some patients. Believe me, I know. Remember the scary things that can bring back traumas in everyday life... But if you don't get them out, they will always be there and your health depends on it. (Sam remained silent) All right. I'll leave you for today. I'm not a fan of non-consent, even if it's an order from your hierarchy. (She smiled gently to encourage her) We're expecting you and Dr. Dang this afternoon.
Sam got up and left.
Echo:
*in a man's world. - "A man's world"?*
*men / women*
*toys / played*
*So they have the same pattern. - What pattern? / So you have a pattern / What pattern?*
* It's a control thing to sum up. / who wanted to control you / who are trying to control you.*
*Do you still feel under his influence? - I... I was never under his influence.*
*You trusted this RepliCarter very quickly. / Have you been afraid to trust others since? / Yet you don't trust me. / And you trust yourself?*
*I don't know. / You don't know?*
*who recreated a robot in your image. / He didn't give me those images.*
*What about them? / What about him?*
*anything else? - "Anything else"?*
Notes:
*In the 2010 episode, Joe has no business demanding that Carter not participate in the plan, much less demanding it of O'neill. He is no longer his superior, he no longer has orders to give him. This conversation proves once again that Carter has a hard time not letting the men she has feelings for have control over her own life choices*
*In the episode 2x03, Linea warns the men of the prison that Sam cannot be "taken", and insisted to Vishnor, a physically repulsive man. This kind of representation on television and in the cinema has favored the rape culture, thinking the collective imagination that the people who are victims of rape do not know their victims, but they are mostly people of the environment. I put this reference in video to be able to put this in note but also to put forward the glance of Sam when Linea says to him that she knows what it is to be a woman in this environment. Sam looks troubled, which is perfect for my plot*
*Video: short passage from an interview with Emma Watson on the importance of inclusion (source)*
Bell: About our last session, Colonel Carter, I’m sorr-
Sam shook her head: I'm the one who's sorry.
Bell nodded: I apologize too. I know how hard it is to be a woman, especially in a man's world.
Sam smiled wryly, remembering that echo: "A man's world"?
Bell: Yes?
Sam, surprised and slightly annoyed: You think the Air Force is exclusively for men?
Bell frowned: I didn't say that. The majority of people are men. (She insisted) Your superiors are all men. Haven't you noticed that?
Sam tilted her head: Dr. Weir ran this base for a few weeks, she's now the head of Atlantis.
Bell's head in her file: A civilian. "A few weeks." Now in another galaxy. (she looked at her and a wry smile crossed her face) Nice example, isn't it? Women in the U.S. military last year made up 14.6 percent of the active duty force. (she tilted her head) Men and women combined, 64% are white. (she looked at her) You want the percentage of black women?
Sam swallowed and shook her head. Bell looked at the statistics for a moment. Sam looked away, lost in thought. She knew the doctor was right.
Bell seemed to pick up on something, looked at her and asked more quietly: If you don't want to answer my next question, it's okay. (Sam questioned her with her eyes, so Bell added more quietly) Do you want children? (Sam widened her eyes, slightly caught off guard, swallowed and nodded) Okay. (She looked at the file on her left for a fraction of a second and then rested her gaze on the file in her hands) If we take last year's data, the number of 36-year-old men in the Air Force having their first child is 103. (She tilted her head) The number of women is 17.
Sam broke down: Yes they... (she cleared her throat and pulled herself together) Eurhm. They have children when they are younger.
Bell: Ummm... You can have kids long after 40, you know? (Sam nodded and Bell picked up the file again) Let's take the highest number then. (She searched for a moment and then found the information) 20 years old. (Sam swallowed) The number of 20 year old women in the Air Force having their first child is 296 compared to... (she looked up at her) 625 for the men.
Sam looked away for a fraction of a second, then back at her: Why are you telling me this?
Bell moistened her lips and spoke softly: If you want a child, don't wait for a man. (Sam raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth slightly. Bell moved her hand and closed the file) They don't wait for us. Have you had any anxiety attacks, signs of depression or outbursts of anger lately? (Sam swallowed, remained silent and looked down. Bell deduced that she really didn't want to answer those kinds of questions) Tell me about your relationship with your father.
Sam shrugged: There's nothing to tell. He's dead.
Bell: You told us when we met that he wanted a son? (Sam nodded, asking why it mattered at all) You joined the Air Force because of him?
Sam glared at her, starting to get tired of bringing it up again: The Air Force is my whole life. I wouldn't be here without it. And you wouldn't be here without it.
Bell smiled gently: Yes, I know that. And thank you for risking your lives for us, you and your colleagues. (The soldier questioned her sincerity and took a deep breath to calm herself. Bell looked for a handwritten note in a file and read it briefly in her head) I'd like us to go back to the replicators if you don't mind.
Sam gritted her teeth: What about them?
Bell read her notes: Your team discovered a robot named Reece. She had the ability to create replicators herself. She considered them as her toys. (Bell looked up at her for confirmation, then back to her notes) You then met a "man" named Fifth. (She asked Sam again to confirm, and he nodded) He began to have feelings for you and a year ago locked you in a virtual world... an ideal reality and took on the appearance of your ex-boyfriend. (She looked up at Sam, nodded again, starting to get really nervous.) Then he created a duplicate of you, which he modulated to his liking. (Bell put down his notes and stared at her) So they have the same pattern.
Sam frowned: What pattern?
Bell raised her eyebrows: They like toys. (Sam opened her mouth slightly at this statement. Bell reread her notes) Reece created her toys, Fifth played with you in a dollhouse, then seeing his toy resist his whims, decided to create another more docile toy. Fifth and RepliCarter were creating billions of replicators in parallel, doing their will. (She put her notes down) It's a control thing to sum up.
Sam swallowed, then finally nodded.
Silence.
Bell winced at her silence, and continued: I'd like to go over what Fifth did to you.
Sam: Yes?
Bell: Physical and mental torture according to your report. (she tried) Was there anything else?
Sam frowned and looked at her questioningly: "Anything else"?
Bell shrugged: It was a teenager in love with you, frustrated that you abandoned him, someone who wanted to control you, who recreated a robot in your image. Maybe he-
Sam gritted her teeth: No sexual abuse, if that's what you're thinking.
Bell nodded slightly: Well... yes. That was my thought. (She smiled gently at him.) I'm reassured that it wasn't.
Bell wrote notes on her index cards. Sam frowned at the memory.
Sam quietly, confused: Or...
Bell looked up sharply at her and encouraged her to continue: "Or..."?
Sam whispered: I don't know.
Bell stared at her and added as softly as possible: You don't know?
Sam grinned: I... I don't think so. I woke up in a nightie in a bed. Pete... (she caught herself) Fifth was implying that we had spent the night together. (quickly) He didn't give me those images.
Bell: In this simulation?
Sam nodded: Yeah. (She shook her head) I don't think he would have done that.
Bell winced and thought for a moment: Would you agree to a hypnosis session in search of buried memories? (Sam swallowed and shook her head. Bell shook hers) Do you still feel under his influence?
Sam froze: I... I was never under his influence. (Bell stared at her and tilted her head, unconvinced. Sam frowned aher reaction) I'm trained for this.
Bell: You trusted this RepliCarter very quickly. (Sam swallowed) Have you been afraid to trust others since?
Sam rolled her eyes: No.
Bell: Yet you don't trust me. (Sam remained silent, almost challenging her with her eyes but trying to repeat Anang's words to herself) And you trust yourself? After all this?
Sam: I am fine.
Bell: I mean... (she moved her hand) She looked like you and not just physically. (the soldier swallowed and looked away. The doctor noted that this was also a sensitive subject for her and tried one last time) Do you blame yourself because RepliCarter and Fifth wiped out the goa'uld overlords in a few weeks while we were at war with them for over 8 years? (Sam moistened her lips with nervousness, looked away. Bell picked up the file) Okay, let's talk about something else. I read that your ex-boyfriend spied on you early in your relationship (she moved a hand in front of her) and then got the clearances on the secrecy of the program.
Sam grimaced: He apologized for that.
Bell: Hmm. (She turned several pages of her file and stopped when she found what she was looking for) A higher being named Orlin broke into your home? (Sam swallowed, realizing she was making an Orlin/Pete connection and remained silent. Bell turned a page.) And this Jonas Hanson?
Sam tensed and took a deep breath: What about him?
Bell put the file down: So you have a pattern that has been building for years.
Sam frowned at the repetition: What pattern?
Bell looked at her puzzled that she hadn't figured it out on her own: You're running into men who are trying to control you.
Sam half-opened her mouth in shock. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. Bell realized she had hit the nail on the head and winced slightly.
Bell scribbled a few words on her folder: We'll work on that if you don't mind. Just remember it's not your fault. (she looked up at her) I'd like to get back to that Hanson. (Sam opened her eyes again but refused to look the Doctor in the eye. Bell sensed that something was wrong) Did you meet him at the Academy? (Sam was silent) Can you tell me why you broke off your engagement with him too? (Sam remained silent) Look, really, it's not a punishment and I know the process can be very painful for some patients. Believe me, I know. Remember the scary things that can bring back traumas in everyday life... But if you don't get them out, they will always be there and your health depends on it. (Sam remained silent) All right. I'll leave you for today. I'm not a fan of non-consent, even if it's an order from your hierarchy. (She smiled gently to encourage her) We're expecting you and Dr. Dang this afternoon.
Sam got up and left.
Echo:
*in a man's world. - "A man's world"?*
*men / women*
*toys / played*
*So they have the same pattern. - What pattern? / So you have a pattern / What pattern?*
* It's a control thing to sum up. / who wanted to control you / who are trying to control you.*
*Do you still feel under his influence? - I... I was never under his influence.*
*You trusted this RepliCarter very quickly. / Have you been afraid to trust others since? / Yet you don't trust me. / And you trust yourself?*
*I don't know. / You don't know?*
*who recreated a robot in your image. / He didn't give me those images.*
*What about them? / What about him?*
*anything else? - "Anything else"?*
Notes:
*In the 2010 episode, Joe has no business demanding that Carter not participate in the plan, much less demanding it of O'neill. He is no longer his superior, he no longer has orders to give him. This conversation proves once again that Carter has a hard time not letting the men she has feelings for have control over her own life choices*
*In the episode 2x03, Linea warns the men of the prison that Sam cannot be "taken", and insisted to Vishnor, a physically repulsive man. This kind of representation on television and in the cinema has favored the rape culture, thinking the collective imagination that the people who are victims of rape do not know their victims, but they are mostly people of the environment. I put this reference in video to be able to put this in note but also to put forward the glance of Sam when Linea says to him that she knows what it is to be a woman in this environment. Sam looks troubled, which is perfect for my plot*
*Video: short passage from an interview with Emma Watson on the importance of inclusion (source)*
CW: *spasmophilia* *Haphephobia* *needle and blood collection mention* *electrode mention* *Eating disorders mention* *self-mutilation mention*
Alexander: May I look at your forearms, please?
She removed her jacket, folded her sleeves and left her arms hanging in the air. He removed the bandages and examined the wounds, then rummaged in a drawer behind him.
Bell knocked and entered the room: Hey.
Alexander: We've been waiting for you.
Sam smiled politely and looked away, embarrassed that she was discovering her lacerations. Then she turned her head towards her, wondering if Alexander had told her, but from the way the Doctor was looking at them, he must have been respecting medical confidentiality. Bell smiled at Sam as if nothing had happened and sat down a little ways away. Alexander put some ointment on her wounds and she flinched slightly, surprised at the cold cream on her skin. She frowned, wondering why he was so careful to take care of such details. It's nothing serious after all, why was he wasting time on it, she wondered? She had seen others. She remained silent, happy to be able to waste a little time on their session.
Alexander closed the tube: Good. (he handed her the ointment) Ideally, every hour. (She took the tube without saying anything and he sat down in front of her on a stool with wheels) Can we start? (she gave him a resigned look and he swallowed) Lie down.
He motioned to his colleague to continue and set up his equipment.
Bell approached: I'm going to recite some words to you. You will try to record the first thing you perceive. Ready?
Sam closed her eyes: Yeah.
They had to stop the experiment after about ten minutes. The monitor blinked intensely and her body showed signs of acute nervousness. She squirmed on the bed, her fists clenched and sweat beaded on her forehead. He stood up and changed the setting on the machine. She suddenly opened her eyes, took a deep breath, sat up and looked around in panic.
Alexander checked her vitals: It's okay. Slowly. It's okay.
Bell took her hand to help her calm down: You want to tell us about it? What did you see?
Sam grunted and took her hand back, realizing that she had taken it and had no desire for physical contact from anyone. He removed her vital signs patches.
Bell stood up, to Sam: Sorry. I can't put you through this.
Alexander, surprised: What are you doing?
Bell walked towards the exit, to Alexander: This is not a good idea, it's too much to ask.
She left the room and left them alone. Sam put her legs out but felt her head spinning and closed her eyes for a moment.
Alexander: Watch out for dizziness. Wait a few minutes before getting up. (she nodded, eyes still closed) Can I take a blood sample like last time? (he added quickly) You can refuse.
She nodded, finally opened her eyes, and he moved to her side.
Sam, quietly: I don't want any trouble.
Alexander poked her: You won't. (He winced and tilted his head) You look like you're having problems right now, but I assure you, it's okay. (She raised her eyebrows, unconvinced, and looked at the blood sample he was taking. He blew his nose) You keep your sense of humor. (He finished his sample, then took her vitals with his stethoscope.) Well. You can go. Get some rest. I'll think of another (he repeated himself to insist that this would be the third test) another technique. No exercise before a real meal. (She realized that he had guessed that she had skipped lunch and winced. He saw her reaction and frowned. It wasn't the first time she had reacted like that) Weight is not an indicator of health. (she froze and looked at him, slightly fearful. He moved his hand) No one can tell if someone is healthy or not by their weight.
He smiled gently at her, she smiled back, a little uncomfortably.
Echo:
*It's okay. (x3)*
Notes:
*Article: The American Medical Association is no longer recommending the use of BMI (body mass index) as a measure of health and weight (source)*
Alexander: May I look at your forearms, please?
She removed her jacket, folded her sleeves and left her arms hanging in the air. He removed the bandages and examined the wounds, then rummaged in a drawer behind him.
Bell knocked and entered the room: Hey.
Alexander: We've been waiting for you.
Sam smiled politely and looked away, embarrassed that she was discovering her lacerations. Then she turned her head towards her, wondering if Alexander had told her, but from the way the Doctor was looking at them, he must have been respecting medical confidentiality. Bell smiled at Sam as if nothing had happened and sat down a little ways away. Alexander put some ointment on her wounds and she flinched slightly, surprised at the cold cream on her skin. She frowned, wondering why he was so careful to take care of such details. It's nothing serious after all, why was he wasting time on it, she wondered? She had seen others. She remained silent, happy to be able to waste a little time on their session.
Alexander closed the tube: Good. (he handed her the ointment) Ideally, every hour. (She took the tube without saying anything and he sat down in front of her on a stool with wheels) Can we start? (she gave him a resigned look and he swallowed) Lie down.
He motioned to his colleague to continue and set up his equipment.
Bell approached: I'm going to recite some words to you. You will try to record the first thing you perceive. Ready?
Sam closed her eyes: Yeah.
They had to stop the experiment after about ten minutes. The monitor blinked intensely and her body showed signs of acute nervousness. She squirmed on the bed, her fists clenched and sweat beaded on her forehead. He stood up and changed the setting on the machine. She suddenly opened her eyes, took a deep breath, sat up and looked around in panic.
Alexander checked her vitals: It's okay. Slowly. It's okay.
Bell took her hand to help her calm down: You want to tell us about it? What did you see?
Sam grunted and took her hand back, realizing that she had taken it and had no desire for physical contact from anyone. He removed her vital signs patches.
Bell stood up, to Sam: Sorry. I can't put you through this.
Alexander, surprised: What are you doing?
Bell walked towards the exit, to Alexander: This is not a good idea, it's too much to ask.
She left the room and left them alone. Sam put her legs out but felt her head spinning and closed her eyes for a moment.
Alexander: Watch out for dizziness. Wait a few minutes before getting up. (she nodded, eyes still closed) Can I take a blood sample like last time? (he added quickly) You can refuse.
She nodded, finally opened her eyes, and he moved to her side.
Sam, quietly: I don't want any trouble.
Alexander poked her: You won't. (He winced and tilted his head) You look like you're having problems right now, but I assure you, it's okay. (She raised her eyebrows, unconvinced, and looked at the blood sample he was taking. He blew his nose) You keep your sense of humor. (He finished his sample, then took her vitals with his stethoscope.) Well. You can go. Get some rest. I'll think of another (he repeated himself to insist that this would be the third test) another technique. No exercise before a real meal. (She realized that he had guessed that she had skipped lunch and winced. He saw her reaction and frowned. It wasn't the first time she had reacted like that) Weight is not an indicator of health. (she froze and looked at him, slightly fearful. He moved his hand) No one can tell if someone is healthy or not by their weight.
He smiled gently at her, she smiled back, a little uncomfortably.
Echo:
*It's okay. (x3)*
Notes:
*Article: The American Medical Association is no longer recommending the use of BMI (body mass index) as a measure of health and weight (source)*